Copycat MIL

[Anonymous]

MIL seems to be in competition with her daughter and myself. She will copy everything SIL cooks and everything I buy and cook. It’s a bit annoying.

[Anonymous]

Seems like a minor thing that she’s imitating you.

[Anonymous]

Maybe she thinks it's a way to connect with you both by showing how much she likes/approves of the choices you make.

[Anonymous]

In other words, she is trying out your recipes and that annoys you?

[Anonymous]

How does the MIL know EVERYTHING you buy and cook? Does she live with you? Quit talking .

[Anonymous]

Sounds like admiration. So what, it’s not like there’s actually a competition.

[Anonymous]

Do you mean she replicates meals when your families get together, or what? Why does it bother you that she gets her ideas from you?

[Anonymous]

My MIL makes elaborate meals and sets a fancy table.

When I was a newlywed, I’d compliment her and she’d respond, “it’s all so easy - *you* could do this!”

So OP, your recipes are SO simple and easy EVEN your MIL can replicate it all!

[Anonymous]

Wait, what?

Let's review. Let's say SIL makes something as familiar as butternut squash soup. Let's say she found the recipe on a millions-of-readers popular website like AllRecipes.com, or a millions-of-readers magazine like Bon Appetit. There is nothing "unique" about making a popular food or a recipe from a popular outlet.

Let's say MIL "copies" you buy buying a popular and well-reviewed product such as D'Artagnan Truffle Butter from Wegman's. As in you read about it from Ina Garten, you went to a store, and you picked it up from a case. There is nothing "unique" about you buying an ingredient recommended by a popular foodie carried in a large chain store.

You're the kind who buys clothing from Nordstrom or Ann Taylor and thinks that you are "unique" in doing so. You're buying off the rack. You saw the sweater on a style blog. You aren't unique!

Now, if MIL is a New Jersey resident with an Irish background who started making the old-world Polish recipe that your Babcia literally brought over on the boat, that would be one thing. But that's not what you're talking about here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait, what?

Let's review. Let's say SIL makes something as familiar as butternut squash soup. Let's say she found the recipe on a millions-of-readers popular website like AllRecipes.com, or a millions-of-readers magazine like Bon Appetit. There is nothing "unique" about making a popular food or a recipe from a popular outlet.

Let's say MIL "copies" you buy buying a popular and well-reviewed product such as D'Artagnan Truffle Butter from Wegman's. As in you read about it from Ina Garten, you went to a store, and you picked it up from a case. There is nothing "unique" about you buying an ingredient recommended by a popular foodie carried in a large chain store.

You're the kind who buys clothing from Nordstrom or Ann Taylor and thinks that you are "unique" in doing so. You're buying off the rack. You saw the sweater on a style blog. You aren't unique!

Now, if MIL is a New Jersey resident with an Irish background who started making the old-world Polish recipe that your Babcia literally brought over on the boat, that would be one thing. But that's not what you're talking about here.

This. What a dumb thing to be annoyed by. My mom and I share recipes all the time; it's a normal thing that people do. Maybe your MIL likes trying new recipes. Maybe she also copies things her friends cook, too. Honestly, I think you're looking for ways to be offended.

[Anonymous]

OP, my MIL is like this. If we go out for a meal, she will wait to see what I order and order the same thing. She doesn't buy the same clothing that I wear, but if she sees me wearing scarves she will start wearing them in the same way. She noticed me wearing cross body bags so now she wears cross body bags. She has bought similar coats and jeans and shoes. She has even picked up some of my hobbies.

I'm going to be honest -- it's annoying. I feel very "watched" and there is something extremely unsettling at watching someone in your family just kind of adopt your whole style or mimic your life. But I've also realized it is entirely driven by her own insecurity and I feel pretty bad for her. I think she is older and was unsettled when I joined the family because I am obviously much younger. Plus I live in a big city and am fairly fashionable, and I think she felt very small town by comparison. Which I feel awful about! I don't want her to feel like my way is "right", because there is nothing wrong with her life or the way she dressed before she met me.

I also think sometimes she is trying to impress me, or even to adopt something similar so we have something to talk about. Is she going about it the right way? No, not really. But I do recognize the underlying feelings.

Anyway, maybe throw her a bone now and then. If my MIL compliments me on something I'm wearing, sometimes we'll give her the same item for a birthday or holiday gift. And be gracious if you can. When she wears clothes that match yours or makes the same dishes, compliment them and say stuff like "Oh yes, that's very much my taste too." She is likely just looking for a way to feel closer to you and her daughter, or to feel younger in general, and she's just going about it in a kind of obvious, awkward way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wait, what?

Let's review. Let's say SIL makes something as familiar as butternut squash soup. Let's say she found the recipe on a millions-of-readers popular website like AllRecipes.com, or a millions-of-readers magazine like Bon Appetit. There is nothing "unique" about making a popular food or a recipe from a popular outlet.

Let's say MIL "copies" you buy buying a popular and well-reviewed product such as D'Artagnan Truffle Butter from Wegman's. As in you read about it from Ina Garten, you went to a store, and you picked it up from a case. There is nothing "unique" about you buying an ingredient recommended by a popular foodie carried in a large chain store.

You're the kind who buys clothing from Nordstrom or Ann Taylor and thinks that you are "unique" in doing so. You're buying off the rack. You saw the sweater on a style blog. You aren't unique!

Now, if MIL is a New Jersey resident with an Irish background who started making the old-world Polish recipe that your Babcia literally brought over on the boat, that would be one thing. But that's not what you're talking about here.

This. What a dumb thing to be annoyed by. My mom and I share recipes all the time; it's a normal thing that people do. Maybe your MIL likes trying new recipes. Maybe she also copies things her friends cook, too. Honestly, I think you're looking for ways to be offended.

+1

How do you think "family" recipes get started? I never cooked pecan pie until I had my MILs. I merged my family recipe and my MIL's recipe for dressing at Thanksgiving. I happily hand over the Bon Appetit or Epicurious recipe I used if I am asked.

Sounds like your MIL likes to cook, and she likes what you and your SIL cook. That's crazy to be annoyed by.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, my MIL is like this. If we go out for a meal, she will wait to see what I order and order the same thing. She doesn't buy the same clothing that I wear, but if she sees me wearing scarves she will start wearing them in the same way. She noticed me wearing cross body bags so now she wears cross body bags. She has bought similar coats and jeans and shoes. She has even picked up some of my hobbies.

I'm going to be honest -- it's annoying. I feel very "watched" and there is something extremely unsettling at watching someone in your family just kind of adopt your whole style or mimic your life. But I've also realized it is entirely driven by her own insecurity and I feel pretty bad for her. I think she is older and was unsettled when I joined the family because I am obviously much younger. Plus I live in a big city and am fairly fashionable, and I think she felt very small town by comparison. Which I feel awful about! I don't want her to feel like my way is "right", because there is nothing wrong with her life or the way she dressed before she met me.

I also think sometimes she is trying to impress me, or even to adopt something similar so we have something to talk about. Is she going about it the right way? No, not really. But I do recognize the underlying feelings.

Anyway, maybe throw her a bone now and then. If my MIL compliments me on something I'm wearing, sometimes we'll give her the same item for a birthday or holiday gift. And be gracious if you can. When she wears clothes that match yours or makes the same dishes, compliment them and say stuff like "Oh yes, that's very much my taste too." She is likely just looking for a way to feel closer to you and her daughter, or to feel younger in general, and she's just going about it in a kind of obvious, awkward way.

Oohhhhh, cross-body bags?! Now she's really stepping on your unique toes.

Or maybe she saw it, thought "hey, that looks practical because then you don't have to worry about setting your bag down," and picked up a freaking POPULAR AND FUNCTIONAL STYLE OF BAG. Like, maybe get a little annoyed if she bought the same bag, but even then, you aren't the only Basic Beeyotch out there to shop at Kate Spade or TJ Maxx or even Chanel.

Get.
Over.
Yourself.

[Anonymous]

OP, was this post bait for the DIL-hater? It worked.

[Anonymous]

Hey OP, your MIL found this thread.