Copycat MIL

[Anonymous]

This seems like a really odd thing to be annoyed by. I love sharing recipes with my mom, and we’ll often text when we make one recipe that the other sent over. It’s a way to connect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my MIL is like this. If we go out for a meal, she will wait to see what I order and order the same thing. She doesn't buy the same clothing that I wear, but if she sees me wearing scarves she will start wearing them in the same way. She noticed me wearing cross body bags so now she wears cross body bags. She has bought similar coats and jeans and shoes. She has even picked up some of my hobbies.

I'm going to be honest -- it's annoying. I feel very "watched" and there is something extremely unsettling at watching someone in your family just kind of adopt your whole style or mimic your life. But I've also realized it is entirely driven by her own insecurity and I feel pretty bad for her. I think she is older and was unsettled when I joined the family because I am obviously much younger. Plus I live in a big city and am fairly fashionable, and I think she felt very small town by comparison. Which I feel awful about! I don't want her to feel like my way is "right", because there is nothing wrong with her life or the way she dressed before she met me.

I also think sometimes she is trying to impress me, or even to adopt something similar so we have something to talk about. Is she going about it the right way? No, not really. But I do recognize the underlying feelings.

Anyway, maybe throw her a bone now and then. If my MIL compliments me on something I'm wearing, sometimes we'll give her the same item for a birthday or holiday gift. And be gracious if you can. When she wears clothes that match yours or makes the same dishes, compliment them and say stuff like "Oh yes, that's very much my taste too." She is likely just looking for a way to feel closer to you and her daughter, or to feel younger in general, and she's just going about it in a kind of obvious, awkward way.

Oohhhhh, cross-body bags?! Now she's really stepping on your unique toes.

Or maybe she saw it, thought "hey, that looks practical because then you don't have to worry about setting your bag down," and picked up a freaking POPULAR AND FUNCTIONAL STYLE OF BAG. Like, maybe get a little annoyed if she bought the same bag, but even then, you aren't the only Basic Beeyotch out there to shop at Kate Spade or TJ Maxx or even Chanel.

Get.
Over.
Yourself.

I am PP and holy crap this is a lot. I never claimed to be unique, but my MIL unquestionably copies me. Dial it down, lady.

[Anonymous]

This is so strange. My mom, MIL and I talk about recipes we enjoy and share them. If I made something good, why wouldn’t I share my recipe or where I got a special ingredient?

It’s not like they are going to screw me out of a blue ribbon at the county fair. It’s a recipe. You probably all read the same grocery store checkout magazines and watch the same HGTV and Food channel shows.

[Anonymous]

This is so petty. I have real MIL problems, I can't help but 🙄

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, my MIL is like this. If we go out for a meal, she will wait to see what I order and order the same thing. She doesn't buy the same clothing that I wear, but if she sees me wearing scarves she will start wearing them in the same way. She noticed me wearing cross body bags so now she wears cross body bags. She has bought similar coats and jeans and shoes. She has even picked up some of my hobbies.

I'm going to be honest -- it's annoying. I feel very "watched" and there is something extremely unsettling at watching someone in your family just kind of adopt your whole style or mimic your life. But I've also realized it is entirely driven by her own insecurity and I feel pretty bad for her. I think she is older and was unsettled when I joined the family because I am obviously much younger. Plus I live in a big city and am fairly fashionable, and I think she felt very small town by comparison. Which I feel awful about! I don't want her to feel like my way is "right", because there is nothing wrong with her life or the way she dressed before she met me.

I also think sometimes she is trying to impress me, or even to adopt something similar so we have something to talk about. Is she going about it the right way? No, not really. But I do recognize the underlying feelings.

Anyway, maybe throw her a bone now and then. If my MIL compliments me on something I'm wearing, sometimes we'll give her the same item for a birthday or holiday gift. And be gracious if you can. When she wears clothes that match yours or makes the same dishes, compliment them and say stuff like "Oh yes, that's very much my taste too." She is likely just looking for a way to feel closer to you and her daughter, or to feel younger in general, and she's just going about it in a kind of obvious, awkward way.

Oohhhhh, cross-body bags?! Now she's really stepping on your unique toes.

Or maybe she saw it, thought "hey, that looks practical because then you don't have to worry about setting your bag down," and picked up a freaking POPULAR AND FUNCTIONAL STYLE OF BAG. Like, maybe get a little annoyed if she bought the same bag, but even then, you aren't the only Basic Beeyotch out there to shop at Kate Spade or TJ Maxx or even Chanel.

Get.
Over.
Yourself.

I am PP and holy crap this is a lot. I never claimed to be unique, but my MIL unquestionably copies me. Dial it down, lady.

She copies what, exactly? The sweater you bought off the rack hanging next to the other same sweaters at a major mass retailer? The thing you ordered off a menu, which is what eight other patrons are currently enjoying? The cover recipe from Southern Recipe that was literally invented so that other people would make it?

What, exactly have you created or hand-made that was your own original work that she copied? Because otherwise she just bought the same mid-priced mass market stuff that you bought. Like millions of other women in America.

[Anonymous]

NP.

I can see how this can be a bit annoying.

My mom does this:

if she likes something I wear, she says she is going to get the same and gets the same or very similar: t-shirt, scarf, bag, dress, shoes, rainjacket and wears it when we get together; not everything, but the stuff she likes...

Or she liked my sheets or tea mugs and gets the same...

[Anonymous]

Some of you sound like the goth kids and grunge types. We don't want to be part of your preppy establishment with the expected uniform...so we are different and goth. So...we...all look the same. With the goth uniform.

[Anonymous]

There is one poster on here who is hellbent on pointing out how basic everyone is. Calm down. People can say they don't like it when a family member regularly does the same thing they do. They're not confronting the family member, they're here. Damn.

My inlaws visited us shortly after we were married. They went home and MIL immediately changed three things to replicate our design choices. It was weird. I'm not angry about it, but it was weird the degree of details she picked up, said nothing about and then recreated precisely.

If I like something that much, I would comment on it when I notice it.

[Anonymous]

I noticed a similar copycat issue, except it's with my older SIL. SIL is now dressing very similar to me, even down to the coloring and brands. She has adopted our silly birthday traditions. She signs her emails exactly as I do. When she finds out I've picked up a new activity, she does too. Same with signing up activities for her kids.

None of these are, individually, a big deal. But it does make me feel odd, like I'm being unduly watched.

And no, I don't think I'm a special unique snowflake. But the copycat behavior CAN be unsettling. I think that's because outright copying is outside the norm, and also because it's unacknowledged. There's no "Oh, I love that idea!" or "What a great purse! Where did you get it?" and a normal conversation. She just watches and replicates.

[Anonymous]

The highest form of flattery.

[Anonymous]

It could be worse. My MIL will get my recipe, promptly go home and make it and then crow about how much better her version tastes. She always gets annoyed when we don’t take the bait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In other words, she is trying out your recipes and that annoys you?

Nailed it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I noticed a similar copycat issue, except it's with my older SIL. SIL is now dressing very similar to me, even down to the coloring and brands. She has adopted our silly birthday traditions. She signs her emails exactly as I do. When she finds out I've picked up a new activity, she does too. Same with signing up activities for her kids.

None of these are, individually, a big deal. But it does make me feel odd, like I'm being unduly watched.

And no, I don't think I'm a special unique snowflake. But the copycat behavior CAN be unsettling. I think that's because outright copying is outside the norm, and also because it's unacknowledged. There's no "Oh, I love that idea!" or "What a great purse! Where did you get it?" and a normal conversation. She just watches and replicates.

Unless she sighs her emails "May the Goddess Zambrana Hold You in the Most High," what the ever-love are you talking about?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In other words, she is trying out your recipes and that annoys you?

Nailed it.

Right, even if it's "your recipe" for common foods. Like, you didn't invent the concept of Red Velvet cake, even if you make a particularly good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is so strange. My mom, MIL and I talk about recipes we enjoy and share them. If I made something good, why wouldn’t I share my recipe or where I got a special ingredient?

It’s not like they are going to screw me out of a blue ribbon at the county fair. It’s a recipe. You probably all read the same grocery store checkout magazines and watch the same HGTV and Food channel shows.

Generally, I agree with you...except... made the mistake of sharing with MIL after turning down my BIL's wife's request for my family recipe for her "family cookbook". Stupid twat was aware that her mother's entire plan was to sell it on amazon and through her local bookstore and church. Of course nobody was given credit for their recipes or given anything, much less a part of the sales. Then she asked for more recipes for v.2. NOPE.

I only found out afterwards that apparently her mother was specifically targeting my recipes because she (and our MIL) were constantly raving about them. Everyone else I meet I just give the link to my online recipe box and couldn't care less because they aren't trying to profit off them and are just sharing joy with their friends and family.