Splitting the bill with family

[Anonymous]

If you go out for a meal with your siblings, do you split the bill/go dutch? My family does not, and especially because I am the older sibling, I more often than not pay for meals out with my sibling. But with my BIL, despite the fact that he is 12 yrs older than my spouse, if we go out to dinner with them, he always says, let's split. More frequent then not, he also orders bottles of wine for the table (which he drinks the majority of and we have just one glass) and then expects us to split the bill with him. My spouse refuses to say anything. And I am appalled that an elder brother would never offer to cover the meal with his younger sibling.

Wondering if - others split meals costs with family? And do others feel that older siblings should be offering to pay for meals, at least sometimes! My BIL has NEVER paid for a single meal of ours.

[Anonymous]

We take turns. One time they invited me to a Cirque show, and we met up for lunch beforehand. I paid for lunch and they paid for my show.

[Anonymous]

My family splits the bill (each family pays for what their family orders, not split equally).

My husband's family, everyone tries to take the check, they sneak around to try to get it. It annoys the hell out of me, feels like a power play and I'd rather we just take turns.

No, older siblings don't automatically or usually pay for their younger siblings. That's ridiculous once everyone is in adult. I'm not the older, but I don't want to be treated like the baby in the family when I'm grown and employed.

Since you know what your BIL does, don't go out to eat with him if you don't like it, or establish up front how it will be.

[Anonymous]

I can’t stand when we go out with younger family members (or older) and they expect DH to pay. You should always offer to pay your own way and not expect others to pay. It’s very rude to order drinks or wine when the other family doesn’t then ask to split the bill.

[Anonymous]

OP here, I'm of asian background, and I wonder if that comes into it. Did anyone that reply come from an asian background and agree that older siblings shouldn't pay some of the time? I'm not saying all of the time and I agree, it annoys me when my younger sibling expects me to pay. But on the other hand, my BIL has NEVER paid for us, once. Which is think is incredibly rude as a family member, and as a much older brother.

[Anonymous]

When the BIL suggests you split the bill, tell the waitress you want separate checks. Repeat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I'm of asian background, and I wonder if that comes into it. Did anyone that reply come from an asian background and agree that older siblings shouldn't pay some of the time? I'm not saying all of the time and I agree, it annoys me when my younger sibling expects me to pay. But on the other hand, my BIL has NEVER paid for us, once. Which is think is incredibly rude as a family member, and as a much older brother.

Oh my god, I'm white and even I know that TOTALLY makes a difference! You should have mentioned that originally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When the BIL suggests you split the bill, tell the waitress you want separate checks. Repeat.

Actually, I started to just pay for all of it. One breakfast meal we had was $80. Just $80 and he wanted to split it. I said I'd pay for it, and he was gleeful about it. Cheap ass.

[Anonymous]

My Asian FIL makes my husband (the eldest son) pay the bill. It's a point of pride for him to get treated out by his son.

My husband, in turn, forces his baby brother to sometimes pay the bill for the same reason. He'll gently rib him about his success and tell him to pick it up. maybe once every 3 times.

I'm white and I think parents should always pay so I find it a little odd but whatever. We can easily afford it, which I think is the whole point. My in-laws love to the bask in the glow of having raised high income kids.

[Anonymous]

I am appalled that the oldest is expected to pay. Only cheap younger siblings say that. We go dutch every time.

[Anonymous]

My family has pathology about money and if you are stuck with the bill, you are the shmuck. It is so weird , but it comes from my mother and my DH always points out how dysfunctional it is. I agree. That being said, my sister who is loaded will go to dinner with us and my DH and I don't drink, but her and her husband will order several bottles of wine and then split the bill. I don't say anything, but am fuming inside

[Anonymous]

Op, don't you know these people well enough to speak up?

[Anonymous]

Honestly these issues make me really dislike going out to dinner with any type of group. Unless its someone I know I have a good back and forth with on paying. Everyone else, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My Asian FIL makes my husband (the eldest son) pay the bill. It's a point of pride for him to get treated out by his son.

My husband, in turn, forces his baby brother to sometimes pay the bill for the same reason. He'll gently rib him about his success and tell him to pick it up. maybe once every 3 times.

I'm white and I think parents should always pay so I find it a little odd but whatever. We can easily afford it, which I think is the whole point. My in-laws love to the bask in the glow of having raised high income kids.

There is a big cultural difference in what whites and asians think their parents owe them.

[Anonymous]

In DH's family, it's the man, so my DH, even though he's the youngest. It doesn't help that SIL refuses to work and MIL thinks she's an aristocrat.