Splitting the bill with family

[Anonymous]

My family and DH's family are both more inclined to have people fighting over the bill.

FIL gets upset if anyone else pays while DH and his siblings all have managed to sneak a bill on occasion and then the other siblings all try to slip them cash to make it more fair (or these days just Venmo). In my family my parents appreciate that I'll usually get the bill since they're on a more fixed income and my sister and I usually just split and try to be fair though we're both happy to treat the other on occasion.

American, British, Italian and Czech backgrounds - and no, no one thinks that the older or more financially successful (or male!) siblings are expected to treat others - but siblings are also generous with each other and no one tries to take advantage.

[Anonymous]

We get separate checks. But, with my nieces and nephews on my side, I always pay for them. We don't on my spouse's side, but I think that is because we eat out with them a lot.

[Anonymous]

I'm a fairly attractive woman, so when people expect me to foot the bill, I flirt a little with the waiter but leave their phone number on the receipt.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a fairly attractive woman, so when people expect me to foot the bill, I flirt a little with the waiter but leave their phone number on the receipt.

What does this even mean???

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a fairly attractive woman, so when people expect me to foot the bill, I flirt a little with the waiter but leave their phone number on the receipt.

What does this even mean???

Maybe she means that she flirts with the waiter, but leaves her companion's number on the receipt? Not sure, but she seems to think it's payback for being expected to pay.

[Anonymous]

I’m from an Asian background and my sibling and I usually split the bill to cover our parents. My in-laws’ side is white and they (with the exception of my spouse) expect their parents to pay for everyone. My spouse usually helps out surreptitiously. One of his siblings makes it a practice to leave conveniently before the check arrives.

[Anonymous]

I'm Asian and my older brother usually jumps to pay. He's always been very generous and I don't take it for granted. I try to get the bill and once in a while, he'll let me pay.

When we dined with our parents, we'd pay. This had become the norm once we graduated and got jobs.

DH is white and his family would ask for separate checks. When it's just his parents and us, we always pay b/c we like to treat them. When it's with his siblings and parents, every nuclear family unit gets a separate check.

[Anonymous]

Short answer, it all depends on your family culture.

Long answer....I'm asian also and I think the customs can depend largely on what part of Asia you come from. My chinese friends always go dutch. My korean friends - it's a mix - if it's your birthday, the birthday girl or guy may pay for everyone, if there's someone who's older, they might pay, or you might just all split the bill. There's often a fight over the check.

As for family - my DH and his family are white. His parents ALWAYS pay. We've tried to pay many times unsuccessfully, and a couple of times we have even sneakily paid the bill - and FIL got really angry with us. Like for real, he was furious and sulked all day. Other siblings have never attempted to pay for the bill.

My family, we almost always pay for my parents, unless it's as a birthday gift for us. I also usually pay for my younger siblings and their SOs. Sometimes they've insisted on paying, and we let them, and also they are generous with us in other ways, so it all evens out.

[Anonymous]

I'm Asian, we spilt the bill among siblings, as we are all adults with paying jobs. We pay for our parents.
Honestly, we make the most salary among my siblings, so I tend to offer to pay more (I'm middle child), but they reciprocate in their own ways.

[Anonymous]

We rotate but no one is ordering anything significant. I would when you sit down ask for separate checks.

[Anonymous]

We try not to eat out with family because the bill thing is such a big deal with them. They see it as either a power play if we want to pay some or all or a burden if they think we expect them to pay it. It's too confusing to figure out where the parents or ILs are coming from.

[Anonymous]

My parents always insist on paying for everyone when we go out. With my brother we usually take turns picking up the check, but no one is keeping close tabs. We don’t order excessive alcohol or expensive dishes so it all evens out.

[Anonymous]

I’m Asian, as is my DH, and we’re not from the same Asian country. It’s true there is *generally* the expectation that the head of the family (older male) will pay, or the oldest male sibling. Of course there are exceptions, and perhaps in the US, some Asians don’t do this anymore.

[Anonymous]

I am white and the youngest (and poorest) of three siblings.

I dont expect my siblings to pay for me. I remember my sibling did one time, when she was visiting me in college. Rather, her Asian AMerican boyfriend paid and when I offered to help he did make a reference to me being the younger sibling.

I think it's normal to pay for younger siblings are broke students but once you are all adults who have working for a while, no, i would not expect the older sibling to pay. Weird.

Most of the time when I go out with family my father winds up paying the bill. I dont have kids and each of my siblings have three to four AND they make more money than my dad has so I find that annoying but it is what it is. I think they should be more insistent about paying the bill

[Anonymous]

Just like with our friends we just split the bill. It’s not rocket science!