Splitting the bill with family

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Just like with our friends we just split the bill. It’s not rocket science!

You split the bill with your own parents? Do your parents offer to pay it all, or do you offer to pay it all? Why are you splitting with your parents.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is loaded. My father was not. It took years before my father let us pay a bill at dinner. MIL usually sits there and expects us to pay. Last visit, she rejected our restaurant of choice for an expensive steak chain that we have in our city. She pouted when she didn’t like her dessert and ds gave her his which made her happy. She did not reach for the $500 check. Fun times. Dh just shakes his head and is happy he’s able to pay. Took some time to get to that place though.

[Anonymous]

My dad always pays and would be offended if we tried to pay.

[Anonymous]

You tell the wait staff before you order you'd like separate checks.

[Anonymous]

It depends on who makes the most money. Usually the sibling with the most recommends a restaurant the others can’t afford.

[Anonymous]

In my family, we're always fighting to pay the bill first. Usually, happens discretely while "using the restroom." Typical in Chinese families.

[Anonymous]

My (Asian) in-laws insist on paying, though we try, not very successfully, to treat them from time to time. They were very poor when they came to the US, and my FIL in particular is both very generous by nature and proud that he can take all of his children and grandchildren out.

With my (white) parents, sometimes they pay, sometimes we pay, sometimes we split. It just depends on the situation.

With our siblings, we usually split. Nobody's into expensive wine or extravagant specials, so it works out fine. We have more kids, so we make sure the split is proportional to the number of people and we pay more. Sometimes we'll treat, depending on the occasion.

[Anonymous]

Family with just girls, some married and some not. All but one (and parents) very financially stable. Parents typically insist on paying but otherwise we'll take turns or more rarely settle up later. We're all pretty cheap dates though, so it's not usually a big deal.

I personally invented a rule a few years back that nobody under 30 pays after my cousin--who was a student at the time--felt awkward that I was covering dinner for 3 at Ray's Hell Burger. So nieces/nephews/younger cousins never pay.

[Anonymous]

I'm white and know I was caught of guard when FIL (Asian) reserved a table for 12 at a fancier place and invited guests. He then mailed us a letter to invite/inform of this and that we would be paying.

[Anonymous]

I ask for seperate checks because one family always orders lobster and expensive wine which they do not share.

[Anonymous]

We're Greek so every meal ends with DH, FIL, and BIL arguing heatedly over who gets the honor of paying the check. It is grabbed multiple times, money is shoved into pockets only to be taken out and tossed onto the table. After about 10-15 minutes of squabbling, someone gives in and the check is settled. Then the two who didn't get to pay stuff cash into the kids pockets. My kids love it, going out with the family means they return with at least $100 in their pocket. We tip handsomely as all grew up in the restaurant business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am appalled that the oldest is expected to pay. Only cheap younger siblings say that. We go dutch every time.

We split the bill with family or do separate checks if headcount is uneven or one side is not Drinking, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We're Greek so every meal ends with DH, FIL, and BIL arguing heatedly over who gets the honor of paying the check. It is grabbed multiple times, money is shoved into pockets only to be taken out and tossed onto the table. After about 10-15 minutes of squabbling, someone gives in and the check is settled. Then the two who didn't get to pay stuff cash into the kids pockets. My kids love it, going out with the family means they return with at least $100 in their pocket. We tip handsomely as all grew up in the restaurant business.

Same here on the American side do the family, fighting to pay the bill and stuffing money at the wives.

But on the European/Turkish side of the family, the bill comes and it’s silent crickets. They expect the eldest son to pay for everyone. We both work too, and they only thank him.

[Anonymous]

Just a side note - bottle of wine is about 5 glasses. So even if you and your husband each has one, while the BIL has 3, it's not a major injustice to split the bill in the middle. Not a huge difference with the correct 40-60, unless it's a remarkably expensive wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m from an Asian background and my sibling and I usually split the bill to cover our parents. My in-laws’ side is white and they (with the exception of my spouse) expect their parents to pay for everyone. My spouse usually helps out surreptitiously. One of his siblings makes it a practice to leave conveniently before the check arrives.

This is not a white thing! Its an entitled turd thing for sure.

I do let my parents pay sometimes because I know they want to do that, but I definitely try to pick up the bill 75% of the time. They did enough for us!