Is is awful to not care about nieces and nephews?

[Anonymous]

DH's siblings have so many kids. I don't dislike the kids or their parents, but I could definitely go forever without seeing them. I don't want to waste weekends at their birthday parties, or even keep track of their birthdays (and DH won't). Am I jerk? Should we skip fun things to hang out with them? We have a kid but there's a large age gap so the cousins won't be close anyway.

None of my siblings have kids so I don't have a frame of reference there. I grew up seeing my cousins often but, now that we're adults, we just follow each other on instagram and maybe exchange Christmas cards if we really like each other.
That's the perfect level of interaction for me.

[Anonymous]

In some languages, there different words for nieces and nephews based on whether they are by marriage or by blood. I think it’s normal to not be into your husbands siblings kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:In some languages, there different words for nieces and nephews based on whether they are by marriage or by blood. I think it’s normal to not be into your husbands siblings kids.

I wrote this. And no, it should not be your job to keep track of the birthdays. Your dh should be doing that, it is his side of the family

[Anonymous]

Yup totally normal

Many people may like/love their own kids.

[Anonymous]

Some of my H's nieces are insufferable tools. I'd be glad to never see them again.

[Anonymous]

My husband comes from a big family and it is his job to keep track of his nieces and nephews birthdays.

[Anonymous]

No, it's not awful at all. You must, of course, remain polite and civil but you get to choose the level at which you engage. Of course, there will be some doofus who will tell you that 'they're family!' and expect you to treat them as your own children. Yet, as long as you are fine with your DH's family treating your kids with the same distance you treat theirs, no problem! You have permission!

[Anonymous]

I don't think it's that much effort to do something like this:

early in the year, purchase generic birthday cards for each kid. write a nice message. address them.

put up a birthday calendar. the week before each bday, drop said card in the mail.

Are they local? If so, why not do a group gathering 1-2x a year. A Saturday at a park.

[Anonymous]

If they make an effort with your child, you should theirs. If they make no effort, forget it.

[Anonymous]

I mean, it IS kind of awful. It's not the childrens' fault there are a lot of them.

[Anonymous]

Listen, I get it. I loathe being expected to keep track of all bdays and anniversaries of my DH’s large families. Eventually, I quit and deemed it his responsibility. I give him one reminder and that’s it EXCEPT for the nieces and nephews. They are kids and it’s not their fault he can’t seem to get a damn card and gift in the mail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's that much effort to do something like this:

early in the year, purchase generic birthday cards for each kid. write a nice message. address them.

put up a birthday calendar. the week before each bday, drop said card in the mail.

Are they local? If so, why not do a group gathering 1-2x a year. A Saturday at a park.

I agree that that this is not too much effort for OP's DH to do.

It's too much for OP to do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't think it's that much effort to do something like this:

early in the year, purchase generic birthday cards for each kid. write a nice message. address them.

put up a birthday calendar. the week before each bday, drop said card in the mail.

Are they local? If so, why not do a group gathering 1-2x a year. A Saturday at a park.

I agree that that this is not too much effort for OP's DH to do.

It's too much for OP to do.

Agreed. My kids' have a wonderful relationship with my BIL but of course his wife is less interested. My kids look so much like BIL too and even sometimes share his traits. I find it a little odd your DH isn't stepping up but then again I don't. Men are selfish.

[Anonymous]

I have relationships with my in laws and their children. When the kids' birthdays come around, I am happy to send good wishes. You feel differently, and that is fine.

[Anonymous]

They are only your DH's nieces and nephews so unless you are really close to his siblings then no you probably won't feel anything special for their kids.

It's your DH's family he should be the one keeping track of it all. If he can't be bothered then it seems a little weird that it should be all on you.