Is is awful to not care about nieces and nephews?

[Anonymous]

Normally I would say this is completely DH's responsibility but I step in a blue moon to acknowledge a niece or nephew's large event like a graduation (not birthdays or holidays) because DH would forget and we still have to see these people at weddings and funerals.

[Anonymous]

OP, do you hope that your siblings and in-laws remember your child's birthday? If your siblings have no children, will you be sorry that your child has no cousin experiences?

You can develop relationships with the kids without attending every child's party.

[Anonymous]

I consider my dh’s nieces as my nieces. But he only has one brother and that brother only has 2 girls. My only brother also has 2 kids. 4 kids is not that hard to keep track of in terms of birthdays etc. I love them all very much.

[Anonymous]

None of my husband’s 9 siblings send dd a hs graduation card, so apparently no!

[Anonymous]

*sent

[Anonymous]

No I you are not awful. Live your life and don’t worry about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No, it's not awful at all. You must, of course, remain polite and civil but you get to choose the level at which you engage. Of course, there will be some doofus who will tell you that 'they're family!' and expect you to treat them as your own children. Yet, as long as you are fine with your DH's family treating your kids with the same distance you treat theirs, no problem! You have permission!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t care less about DH sibling’s kids. Sorry, not sorry. I too could go the rest of my life without seeing them and be fine with it. I also assume DH feels the same about my family, I expect as much and as just fine with it. Truth be told, I tolerate my nieces and nephew, that’s the extent. I save my energy and love for my own kids.

Would you take them in if any of them were going to foster care?

No! And should not be guilted or expected to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t care less about DH sibling’s kids. Sorry, not sorry. I too could go the rest of my life without seeing them and be fine with it. I also assume DH feels the same about my family, I expect as much and as just fine with it. Truth be told, I tolerate my nieces and nephew, that’s the extent. I save my energy and love for my own kids.

I think a lot of aunts/uncles feel this way, honestly. As an adult, I found out the hard way that my aunts (mom's sisters) that I grew up around, didn't really care about me and my sisters. My mom died five years ago, and of the five remaining sisters, only one has bothered to check in on me and my kids.

Same thing happened after my ex-husband died. His sister has barely checked on our kids. I think where there is envy or rivalry amongst siblings it impacts the relationship with the offspring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t care less about DH sibling’s kids. Sorry, not sorry. I too could go the rest of my life without seeing them and be fine with it. I also assume DH feels the same about my family, I expect as much and as just fine with it. Truth be told, I tolerate my nieces and nephew, that’s the extent. I save my energy and love for my own kids.

Would you take them in if any of them were going to foster care?

No! And should not be guilted or expected to.

Geez, so you would send children into foster care over taking them in? You clearly have deep-rooted issues with the family that extend beyond a general disinterest in the kids.

[Anonymous]

They are his siblings's kids. Hence you don't see them as yours. I do all the right things for my DH's siblings kids, hence my nieces and nephews, but as we all live in different states, that is showing up for a visit and a graduation ceremony and a party. Can't say that I am caring and engaged. But, SIL's are not either in my kids. I do think if we all lived closer that might be a different thing. My SIL does care for my kids, but they are her brother's kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I couldn’t care less about DH sibling’s kids. Sorry, not sorry. I too could go the rest of my life without seeing them and be fine with it. I also assume DH feels the same about my family, I expect as much and as just fine with it. Truth be told, I tolerate my nieces and nephew, that’s the extent. I save my energy and love for my own kids.

Would you take them in if any of them were going to foster care?

No! And should not be guilted or expected to.

Wow. I’m childfree and basically dread being around kids, but I’d totally take in my sister in law’s kids if she and her husband both died. That’s your family, you know.

[Anonymous]

Don’t think your nieces and nephews don’t notice this. They will and they’ll call you out on it

[Anonymous]

OP, you are not awful.

I used to dote on my nieces and nephews. Everything I did, I was told was wrong. I brought them all gifts when I visited, and was told they were the wrong gifts. Then later I was told that I should “just give them money.” There are seven of them. I’m not a bank. I don’t do gifts anymore.

I will say that as the oldest ones have started middle and high school, they are now on Instagram and I follow them. It’s a nice way to be supportive and keep up with them without having it constantly mediated by their (demanding) parents. I love seeing my niece’s art projects and my nephews biking videos. I feel like this is a way to have a relationship with them that isn’t centered around gift-giving, which seemed to be all my siblings ever care about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Don’t think your nieces and nephews don’t notice this. They will and they’ll call you out on it

I never did. My father's siblings weren't involved with us at all. We'd see their families occasionally but no gifts, no birthday parties, etc. It was normal for us. My mom's family, OTOH, were very involved. We learned early on that different people do different things and were taught not to judge, especially if no one was 'wronged'.