Can you come back from lost love?

Well, I'd say no to the first two. I do have a commitment to trying to have life together. I'm not sure if DH is committed. He says he's leaving a lot, but comes back. He grew up around this dynamic. I find it really frustrating.

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09/11/2020 14:26

Subject: Can you come back from lost love?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:DH and I don't love each other anymore. We are "in love" and we done have general love. Is this something a marriage can come back from?

I don’t know about coming back, but I do know welcoming love in your life is a lot easier if you have somewhere to go that is better than before. Purpose is a good motivator for hope, which is often critical for change. When you agree on a shared vision and both hope for it, you can both be a catalyst for change.

But, free will. You know how it goes.

(PS: sometimes, this is the reason that children are born into toxic marriages; the vision of a family well-intentioned but misguided attempt to answer the wrong problem)

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09/11/2020 14:34

Subject: Can you come back from lost love?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like each other? Do you respect each other? Are you committed to a life together?

No

Well, I'd say no to the first two. I do have a commitment to trying to have life together. I'm not sure if DH is committed. He says he's leaving a lot, but comes back. He grew up around this dynamic. I find it really frustrating.

That is incredibly frustrating and I imagine emotionally exhausting.

A friend of ours is married to a DW who yells at him to "move out" and threatens divorce every time they have the smallest disagreement. She did that before they were married and now they're in it with two little kids. At this point I think he's numb to it. In my armchair opinion she has repressed childhood abandonment issues and past relationship trauma that she hasn't resolved and basically refuses to address. You say your DH grew up in that dynamic. Has he ever been to therapy to discuss this history?

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09/11/2020 14:46

Subject: Can you come back from lost love?

quote

Anonymous

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like each other? Do you respect each other? Are you committed to a life together?

No

Well, I'd say no to the first two. I do have a commitment to trying to have life together. I'm not sure if DH is committed. He says he's leaving a lot, but comes back. He grew up around this dynamic. I find it really frustrating.

That is incredibly frustrating and I imagine emotionally exhausting.

A friend of ours is married to a DW who yells at him to "move out" and threatens divorce every time they have the smallest disagreement. She did that before they were married and now they're in it with two little kids. At this point I think he's numb to it. In my armchair opinion she has repressed childhood abandonment issues and past relationship trauma that she hasn't resolved and basically refuses to address. You say your DH grew up in that dynamic. Has he ever been to therapy to discuss this history?

He's been to therapy before. He doesn't go regularly enough to make progress. He also often doesn't do the therapy. I just don't know if this comes with marriage and something to put up with. It's hard because the majority of the time I bring up an issue, he just shuts down and starts yelling and stomps off. It's hard to ever resolve any issues. I'm left feeling abandoned because essentially it just silences me. He has a lot of good qualities as well, but this poor quality causes a lot of turmoil.