Can you come back from lost love?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like each other? Do you respect each other? Are you committed to a life together?

No

Well, I'd say no to the first two. I do have a commitment to trying to have life together. I'm not sure if DH is committed. He says he's leaving a lot, but comes back. He grew up around this dynamic. I find it really frustrating.

That is incredibly frustrating and I imagine emotionally exhausting.

A friend of ours is married to a DW who yells at him to "move out" and threatens divorce every time they have the smallest disagreement. She did that before they were married and now they're in it with two little kids. At this point I think he's numb to it. In my armchair opinion she has repressed childhood abandonment issues and past relationship trauma that she hasn't resolved and basically refuses to address. You say your DH grew up in that dynamic. Has he ever been to therapy to discuss this history?

He's been to therapy before. He doesn't go regularly enough to make progress. He also often doesn't do the therapy. I just don't know if this comes with marriage and something to put up with. It's hard because the majority of the time I bring up an issue, he just shuts down and starts yelling and stomps off. It's hard to ever resolve any issues. I'm left feeling abandoned because essentially it just silences me. He has a lot of good qualities as well, but this poor quality causes a lot of turmoil.

DP, but it sounds like there is co-dependency that needs to be addressed individually, and as a couple. And you have to have a good therapist. There are a lot of crappy therapists out there, but if you search dcum posts you can find good suggestions depending on where you live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you like each other? Do you respect each other? Are you committed to a life together?

No

Well, I'd say no to the first two. I do have a commitment to trying to have life together. I'm not sure if DH is committed. He says he's leaving a lot, but comes back. He grew up around this dynamic. I find it really frustrating.

He cannot change it without help. Also, look up the 4 horsemen. If the respect is gone, it is impossible for love to be there. You are asking the right questions, OP.