I can never be genuinely nice to a guy without him or others thinking that I am interested
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Anonymous
| It's driving me nuts. For a starters I am a lesbian(somewhat femme presenting), so I am not interested in men AT ALL. I started a new job and there is a guy who is more extroverted than myself who I tend to talk to often, mostly because he talks a lot. I am an introvert and I definitely have easier conversations with extroverts since they keep the conversation going so to speak. Also, he seems to talking about many things that I enjoy like sports and many of the women on my team aren't into that. Anyway, a female coworker asked if I liked this guy and I was shocked! She said you're so nice to him and you two talk a lot. I mentioned that I'm just making conversation and we literally sit next to one another, so of course we talk a lot. Plus I am a nice person without any ulterior motives. There is no reason for me not to be. This literally happens with many guys who I connect with in a professional situation. In my last job, a coworker thought I was flirting with a (married) guy because I said that he looks nice with glasses(I wear them as well)! I don't understand. I feel like I should avoid men altogether. |
Anonymous
|
I suspect you are giving mixed signals. It's possible to subtly let people know you're not available and it sounds like you may not know how to do that. Maybe ask some friends for feedback.
To be honest, I hated guys like that (I'm a straight female) back when I was young and dating. They think they're not giving mixed signals but they are. Drove me nuts. |
Anonymous
|
OP here.
Being nice and friendly is a mixed signal? If I kept to myself and didn't engage in conversation with people, then I'd be considered mean. Can't win for losing. |
Anonymous
| There is a way of seeming warm and friendly but with the relationship side closed off. Avoid any hint of flirting. Think of it like a coworker relationship at first. |
Anonymous
| Maybe wear a thumb ring. |
Anonymous
I definitely think of my Male coworkers as just that and especially men in general. Outside of a professional context, I don't associate with men outside of the LGBT community because they seem to think I'm interested even after I mention that I am a lesbian. |
Anonymous
| Let people know you're gay. End of problem. |
Anonymous
| Tell one person in your office you are gay. Word will find its way around the office quickly. Keep being nice, sweet, and interesting. |
Anonymous
That's not unfortunately. I have posted pictures of my Partners on social media and I've had to block guys because they still try to approach me. Also my partners are obviously lesbian. So coming out is not and end all |
Anonymous
|
Yeah but your examples weren’t about guys coming on to you misconstruing your niceness for interest.
No in both examples your complaint was of coworkers thinking you were interested in a guy. If this is about your fears of what those other chatty bitches in the bathroom are saying about you F*** THEM. Those ugly jealous wenches aren’t worth stressing over. |
Anonymous
| Try dressing more modestly. |
Anonymous
I definitely do. I don't wear dresses at all. I wear shirts with jeans, no heels. Mostly flats and sneakers. I've never not dressed modestly/professionally in the workplace. Think blazer with jeans or a dressy top and dress pants with flats |
Anonymous
Ugh. Are we back to the early Kavanaugh days? |
Anonymous
I've never had a guy come on to me at work, but once I left the job yes. I mentioned that I am very gay and he still attempted to pursue me. I definitely looked at him in a different light after that |
Anonymous
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Avoid engaging with prolonged conversations with people, that aren'r elated to work.
Do not make comments on personal appearance. Tends to solve this problem. |