Should I get back together with him?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been saying my boyfriend for a little over a year. I recently ended it with him because I felt like I was not getting the commitment I want and need. I was very open about wanting to settle down and have a family within the next couple of years. We had many talks about this throughout our relationship. I told him I had a timeline and that I wanted to be engaged by 1 year. I normally would let the relationship develop naturally but I’m 35 and do not have time to wait.

I broke up with him yesterday at his place. I told him I love him and I’m in love with him but I just can’t stay in a relationship that is not headed in the direction I want. He was stunned and said that he loved me and that he didn’t want to break up. I left. Today he has called me all day and sent me texts saying he loves me and doesn’t want to lose me. He had been looking at rings and he had planned to propose later this year. I want to believe him but I don’t know if he is only saying this to win me back. I love him and it was so hard to breakup with him, but I don’t want him to think me getting back together means he can have me without marriage. I feel I need a stronger commitment like an engagement to get back together. I don’t want him to feel forced into. I want him to ask me because he wants to marry me, not because he feels he will lose me. I don’t know if I should get back together and tell him I need a commitment or move on.

[Anonymous]

I mean how much dating Of other men do you want to do during a pandemic anyway? I feel like the pandemic changes the whole “don’t want to waste time” dynamic a little. If you were single, would you be dating vigorously? I’d be scared to.

Do you want to marry him?

I’d give him another chance.

[Anonymous]

What other things has he done besides not buying a ring that indicate he doesn’t want a commitment? If it’s just the ring, give him another shot, but if there’s more than that, move on.

I wouldn’t accept him back just because of COVId like Pp suggested. COVID is temporary, but who you marry will impact your life forever. It’s fine to date right now.

[Anonymous]

I think I would just move on. You don't sound very excited aout him, you just seem anoyed he didn't fit into your schedule. I understand getting nervous at 35, but you don't want to rush it, or just get a ring so you can have the marriage and the baby, only to be divorcing by the time the kid is 3.

I would see other people and see what happens.

[Anonymous]

Wait! Smoke.him.out. then say “Yes!”

[Anonymous]

You say you had many talks about marriage during your relationship. What was his position on getting married? How old is he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait! Smoke.him.out. then say “Yes!”

Is it really worth it though? Playing cat and mouse? Just seems like a stressful way to live.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You say you had many talks about marriage during your relationship. What was his position on getting married? How old is he?

OP here. We have at least a dozen conversations about marriage and he always said he wants to get married. We have been dating since May 2019. He is 37.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What other things has he done besides not buying a ring that indicate he doesn’t want a commitment? If it’s just the ring, give him another shot, but if there’s more than that, move on.

I wouldn’t accept him back just because of COVId like Pp suggested. COVID is temporary, but who you marry will impact your life forever. It’s fine to date right now.

OP here. Nothing besides that. He has been great. We have had at least a dozen talks about getting married and nothing has happened. I started to feel like I was in a relationship that would never turn into marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think I would just move on. You don't sound very excited aout him, you just seem anoyed he didn't fit into your schedule. I understand getting nervous at 35, but you don't want to rush it, or just get a ring so you can have the marriage and the baby, only to be divorcing by the time the kid is 3.

I would see other people and see what happens.

OP here. I’m very into. I’m in love with him but I’m also not going to stay in a relationship that never turns into anything else. I know many women who have stayed with the idea that they would eventually get married and it never happened. I was upfront many times that I’m looking for marriage.

[Anonymous]

If you love him and he was already looking at rings, you would be stupid to let him go. He already says he is going to propose. I do not think you make any sense. I do not think you should have broken up. You have barely been dating a year. Agree when you want to get engaged. It does not have to be today. If you are not ok with that, honestly I do not think marriage is going to go well for you—to anyone.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wait! Smoke.him.out. then say “Yes!”

+1. When he asks you to come back it will be as his wife. Hold steady.

[Anonymous]

Why not just get married? My DH and I dated on and off for years, broke up and when we got back together for the last time just agfeeent and got married. You know when your both on the same page and if your older you don’t need a diamond to show it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not just get married? My DH and I dated on and off for years, broke up and when we got back together for the last time just agfeeent and got married. You know when your both on the same page and if your older you don’t need a diamond to show it.

I should add we’ve been happily married for over 20 yrs, successful kids. Don’t let formality get in the way. If you both want marriage the proposal, ring etc will mean nothing g

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What other things has he done besides not buying a ring that indicate he doesn’t want a commitment? If it’s just the ring, give him another shot, but if there’s more than that, move on.

I wouldn’t accept him back just because of COVId like Pp suggested. COVID is temporary, but who you marry will impact your life forever. It’s fine to date right now.

OP here. Nothing besides that. He has been great. We have had at least a dozen talks about getting married and nothing has happened. I started to feel like I was in a relationship that would never turn into marriage.

So it sounds like you guys may be miscommunicated? He’s been ring shopping. Do you not believe him when he says that? Don’t move in together unless he proposes. Give him another month or so of dating and see if he produces a ring.