How are you supporting your teen if an only child / singleton?

[Anonymous]

Not sure where to place this post, but DD is an 8th grader and very lonely. Pre-COVID, and most of COVID, she did fine with art, music & art as an introverted, creative, gifted kid. But social isolation is taking its toll. I’m squarely high risk with health issues since infancy. We’ve basically had to become hermits with the way people refuse to wear masks. How are you supporting your only children? What would you do? (And please don’t tell me to risk my life because my spouse vetoed this notion early on in the pandemic saying she needed two parents, not one—and he does not want to lose me). Before the trolls start typing, please stop and consider that these literally are life and death decisions with no easy answers for anyone on this planet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not sure where to place this post, but DD is an 8th grader and very lonely. Pre-COVID, and most of COVID, she did fine with art, music & art as an introverted, creative, gifted kid. But social isolation is taking its toll. I’m squarely high risk with health issues since infancy. We’ve basically had to become hermits with the way people refuse to wear masks. How are you supporting your only children? What would you do? (And please don’t tell me to risk my life because my spouse vetoed this notion early on in the pandemic saying she needed two parents, not one—and he does not want to lose me). Before the trolls start typing, please stop and consider that these literally are life and death decisions with no easy answers for anyone on this planet.

Has she said she’s lonely (sad, isolated) or is she content being alone? She will probably be busier once online school starts.

[Anonymous]

She’s sad because she can’t hug her friends. She likes her books but Zoom school is not the same, especially at an age when 13 yo’s are trying to find themselves. She had a lot friends in theater at school, and sat at the drama/nerd kid lunch table, but recording solo scripts for a Zoom play lacks the social interaction.

[Anonymous]

Can she have friends over outside? 6 feet away. That’s what my singleton 6th grader does. We haven’t had anyone inside the house but my daughter sees friends a few times a week.

[Anonymous]

School starts soon - even if its online that will help. Familiar faces, a lot more structure etc. I think a lot of kids are in the same situation, whether they're only children or not.

[Anonymous]

You need to self-quarantine in a room or two of your house so that your dd can go on with her life (responsibly). There’s no reason for you all to “become hermits.” You’re putting a lot of pressure on this kid if you’re telling her that any one of you leaving the house literally puts the life of her parent at risk.

[Anonymous]

Why cant she go for a walk with a friend outside? They could both wear masks if you feel that this is too risky?

[Anonymous]

I agree this is a lot to ask your child. Don’t do XYZ or you will kill mom. Wow.

I would let her meet friends outside for the next few months until it gets cold.

[Anonymous]

We are in exactly the same situation except that our DD also worries a lot about my dying on top of the loneliness. And she is also a theater kid, which means that in person activities are cancelled anyway for the foreseeable future, We do go out with masks to the store because I am very careful, but I worry about having friends over because frankly they are just not very responsible at this age. BUT I have loosened up. It is a balance. It has to be. I let friends come to the house and hang out outside. They can eat together outside, They can even watch a movie or something like that inside with masks and the windows open. I agree that you need to research what is safe and then help your child plan get-togethers that are safe. You can also talk to the parents of your child's friends so they understand how important it is that their children behave responsibly when they are at your house. (I have, and they understand.) I still don't let our DD go to other people's houses because I can't monitor that.

[Anonymous]

I have an only child but he is a boy. I think it has been easier for boys since they talk a lot while playing video games. He has gotten together with a friend or two outside. They walked around the neighborhood and ate lunch outside. Try that.

[Anonymous]

PPs don't you dare judge OP on what has obviously been a very difficult and agonizing decision. You know nothing about her condition and the risk coronavirus poses. There are multiple families I know who lost more than one loved on.

I'm sorry for what your daughter is going through, OP. I know some people have one friend over a time and they sit outside and talk from 6-10 feet away on chairs or go on bike rides. Is that an option?

I don't know how she is with online clubs but with school starting up some school clubs will meet virtually. I know it's not the same but it's something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:She’s sad because she can’t hug her friends. She likes her books but Zoom school is not the same, especially at an age when 13 yo’s are trying to find themselves. She had a lot friends in theater at school, and sat at the drama/nerd kid lunch table, but recording solo scripts for a Zoom play lacks the social interaction.

Drill down on this. Does she miss physical touch? Or does she miss seeing her friends? If her friend would wear a mask, I would let them meet up to play tennis.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I agree this is a lot to ask your child. Don’t do XYZ or you will kill mom. Wow.

I would let her meet friends outside for the next few months until it gets cold.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:PPs don't you dare judge OP on what has obviously been a very difficult and agonizing decision. You know nothing about her condition and the risk coronavirus poses. There are multiple families I know who lost more than one loved on.

I'm sorry for what your daughter is going through, OP. I know some people have one friend over a time and they sit outside and talk from 6-10 feet away on chairs or go on bike rides. Is that an option?

I don't know how she is with online clubs but with school starting up some school clubs will meet virtually. I know it's not the same but it's something.

How is anyone judging? As far as I can see everyone has offered a suggestion.

[Anonymous]

OP here. I’ll ignore the judging and defer to my immunologist, licensed to prescribe medicine. I try to see friends masked & 6 ft apart but they know my hospitalization history and are mostly afraid to visit outdoors. Teen wants to hug her friends. She does take walks and one or two occasionally visit out back, but it’s different. I still would like ideas for what I’m not doing that I could be. (And I’ll ignore the judgers). My goal is to help my kid. Me being locked in a room does not help our family of 3.