How are you supporting your teen if an only child / singleton?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll ignore the judging and defer to my immunologist, licensed to prescribe medicine. I try to see friends masked & 6 ft apart but they know my hospitalization history and are mostly afraid to visit outdoors. Teen wants to hug her friends. She does take walks and one or two occasionally visit out back, but it’s different. I still would like ideas for what I’m not doing that I could be. (And I’ll ignore the judgers). My goal is to help my kid. Me being locked in a room does not help our family of 3.

You want to “help your kid” but you are setting up impossible circumstances. Either she endures the loneliness, or you take risk. I don’t see other options. I’m sorry, I know it’s not what you want to hear. It sounds like loneliness is the best of two bad options. You know your situation better than us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll ignore the judging and defer to my immunologist, licensed to prescribe medicine. I try to see friends masked & 6 ft apart but they know my hospitalization history and are mostly afraid to visit outdoors. Teen wants to hug her friends. She does take walks and one or two occasionally visit out back, but it’s different. I still would like ideas for what I’m not doing that I could be. (And I’ll ignore the judgers). My goal is to help my kid. Me being locked in a room does not help our family of 3.

You want to “help your kid” but you are setting up impossible circumstances. Either she endures the loneliness, or you take risk. I don’t see other options. I’m sorry, I know it’s not what you want to hear. It sounds like loneliness is the best of two bad options. You know your situation better than us.

This. But, you don’t want to hear it. So things will stay the same.

[Anonymous]

My DS is only child sort of as his older sibling is away at college

We allow outdoor hang outs on porch and in yard

We require day exercise outside assuming weather permits

We allow video games played with friends on line and social media

School will give something to do

We traveled to see cousins over the summer

We allow golf and tennis

No indoor friends or activies but so far ok

We are worried about winter but maximizing while weather is good

We also watch TV and eat family dinner so we spend some time in house hanging out

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I’ll ignore the judging and defer to my immunologist, licensed to prescribe medicine. I try to see friends masked & 6 ft apart but they know my hospitalization history and are mostly afraid to visit outdoors. Teen wants to hug her friends. She does take walks and one or two occasionally visit out back, but it’s different. I still would like ideas for what I’m not doing that I could be. (And I’ll ignore the judgers). My goal is to help my kid. Me being locked in a room does not help our family of 3.

You want to “help your kid” but you are setting up impossible circumstances. Either she endures the loneliness, or you take risk. I don’t see other options. I’m sorry, I know it’s not what you want to hear. It sounds like loneliness is the best of two bad options. You know your situation better than us.

So it will be better for this kid to socialize for the next six months but potentially have her mother die?

[Anonymous]

We have an only teen child. DC has been hanging out with one friend mostly sometimes in small groups inside, outside and while traveling. Golf, hiking, swimming, being outdoors, at each other’s homes, eating outside, etc. No problems I have a preexisting condition that puts me at high risk. My husband and I made the decision to live our lives as normally as possible while taking precautions. Our child’s physical and mental health are paramount. No problems.

[Anonymous]

PP here with medical condition. The bottom line is that it won't be the same as it was. Our DD has been grateful to see friends outside and inside for a movie with masks, social distancing and windows open, but so many restrictions do remain. And there should be restrictions even for children in a healthy family---that is how we keep the community safe. Our DD is an extrovert and a performer. She wilts without the excitement of putting on a show. I tell her that it is hard, that we will get through it, and that things will return to normal in time. It bugs me so much how poorly the country is handling the virus--the cost is not only lives but the mental health and social development of our kids. But it is what it is, and I can help our child best by trying to keep her positive and grateful for what she has. I remind her that we haven't gotten sick and that we haven't lost our jobs, and while it doesn't make her happy, it does help her keep things in perspective.

[Anonymous]

I would find out if she has any friends who have parents who are also strictly quarantining and you see if you can bring their kid into your actual bubble. No masks, no distancing, but someone you can allow in your home. Another kid that is maybe suffering from the same loneliness.

There is going to have to be some sort of give. The way ppl are living is an unnatural state for most human beings, so there really aren’t any answers on how to change human nature. .

Alternatively, if it’s really that risky for you, you could send her to live with family for awhile, maybe family with similar age cousins in a more open state where she could join some activities. Just for a few months.

[Anonymous]

At this point it’s possible she has lost touch with friends or feels sad just because she may not have anything to talk about with them. She might not know how to explain or express this so she mentions wanting hug them bc she might think that’s what would make them close again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:At this point it’s possible she has lost touch with friends or feels sad just because she may not have anything to talk about with them. She might not know how to explain or express this so she mentions wanting hug them bc she might think that’s what would make them close again.

This is a good point. I’m sure she know plenty of friends who still lived a normal-ish summer. She may feel a divide bc her life is so different. We aren’t as extreme in our house and I see a little of that. She is carrying an immense burden it’s sad.

[Anonymous]

OP again. We’ve tried inviting families into our bubble. I’m not a hermit, but I take precautions like only shopping at TJ’s where they entice masks & distancing. We see two versions of families—those who stay home and those who have F you attitude: “Let the vulnerable & elderly die off.” We are willing to let people in, but can’t seem to find families in the middle. A PP said it succintly, “Is the solution that I die?” My husband has said “no, she needs a mother more than friends and the families who fail to distance & mask is why we can’t have school.” We’ve tried invited friends in the bubble. What else can we do? No cousins for that idea. Sometimes only children are not by choice and there is a family history of infertility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. We’ve tried inviting families into our bubble. I’m not a hermit, but I take precautions like only shopping at TJ’s where they entice masks & distancing. We see two versions of families—those who stay home and those who have F you attitude: “Let the vulnerable & elderly die off.” We are willing to let people in, but can’t seem to find families in the middle. A PP said it succintly, “Is the solution that I die?” My husband has said “no, she needs a mother more than friends and the families who fail to distance & mask is why we can’t have school.” We’ve tried invited friends in the bubble. What else can we do? No cousins for that idea. Sometimes only children are not by choice and there is a family history of infertility.

I don’t know anyone who has a let people die attitude. I suspect you are more conservative than you are admitting. I think we are in the middle but we allow our daughter to go to the homes of two other friends. She has had sleepovers with these friends, been outside, gone to Starbucks etc. We go out and shop at Target, the grocery store other stores with masks etc.

You can decide to keep things as they are and risk your child’s mental health or modify what you are doing. Posting here isn’t likely to fix either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again. We’ve tried inviting families into our bubble. I’m not a hermit, but I take precautions like only shopping at TJ’s where they entice masks & distancing. We see two versions of families—those who stay home and those who have F you attitude: “Let the vulnerable & elderly die off.” We are willing to let people in, but can’t seem to find families in the middle. A PP said it succintly, “Is the solution that I die?” My husband has said “no, she needs a mother more than friends and the families who fail to distance & mask is why we can’t have school.” We’ve tried invited friends in the bubble. What else can we do? No cousins for that idea. Sometimes only children are not by choice and there is a family history of infertility.

I was with you until this post. Most people on this thread have offered up helpful suggestions and you are countering that the solution is that you die?? Also I suspect you haven’t inquired of many families because I know many in the middle of these 2 positions. Regardless it is your daughter who is lonely so she just needs to find a friend or two who will do outdoor distanced activities with her. Even if the other girls are doing more, if your daughter’s Interactions with them are masked, distanced and outdoors (take a walk or bike ride, have a picnic or lunch in the backyard, play tennis) then she should be able to see friends. I, too, have an only child teen and an immune disorder and a heart condition. My teen has a couple of friends who he sees for pizza in the backyard and bike rides and it helps him. He also FaceTimed with friends at lunch and after school today. Your daughter may feel like she can’t d anything and you need to encourage her to invite a friend to do something safe together. It is not an either / or that your daughter sees no one or you die.

[Anonymous]

online video games with friends. my dd is in 8th and has one female and 3 male classmates she plays with regularly.

[Anonymous]

Online gaming and spending lots of time as a family.

[Anonymous]

You might not like this but I think you might need to hear it. It sounds to me like maybe you’ve put a pretty heavy burden on her. There have been several mentions of your death, and discussions about you dying. I think your daughter really probably was less capable of that discussion than you thought she was. The reality is - and I don’t know your condition but generally ppl who need immunologists aren’t the highest Covid risks - your risk of dying is a lot smaller than the weighty tone of your posts. I’m sure she feels that weight.