DE for 3rd child

[Anonymous]

We have two kids (9 and 6) and have for a long time wanted a third. The first two were conceived using fertility treatments - IUI was enough for the first and did IVF for the second. We tried to have a third using frozen embryos and all three failed. We are now considering moving to DE because I am old (42). Is this crazy?

[Anonymous]

Why do you want another child?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why do you want another child?

Valid question and one I've been grappling with myself. My husband and I always planned for 3 and still feel it would be great for our family. We love the idea of a big family and more siblings for our kids. We can handle it financially but we know we're only getting older so we need to act soon.

[Anonymous]

I don't think we can answer this for you.

For me, personally, I would not do it. DE for a first child, or subsequent kids, makes sense to me. They'd all have similar origin stories that way.

But try to put yourself in the shoes of the DE 3rd child with two older siblings (7+ years) who are full genetic siblings, and you are not. It could be just fine! But it could also introduce more family strife than you realize now. Of course with any 3 kids, this is true. But the genetic component can not be ignored. You can't hide it, the kids will have to know.

[Anonymous]

Not crazy, but your kids should be told the truth. The difference in genetic origins would not concern me as much. That issue would arise even if you were to adopt more children.

[Anonymous]

not crazy - if you want another and can afford it then go for it. OUr third was born via a surro. her story is different but she is still our child same as your third would be. Also... while it seems like a big deal now... it is unlikely to be a big deal once the child is born - really no one cares where the kid came from. It's a child and you are the parent. i don concur that the kids know their genetic make up sort of asap while it's a no big deal conversation.

[Anonymous]

I have 2 and want a 3rd and am currently trying after a loss, so I can sorta relate.

I wouldn't personally, for the genetic differences between siblings reasons mentioned already. But I don't think you're crazy if you do it anyway.

[Anonymous]

Our second is a DE kid. Especially if you go frozen it can be quick. No regrets. If you want three go for it and soon. 42 or 43 is fine in this area.

[Anonymous]

Hard no for me personally. I would feel obligated to tell the child due to unknown medical history and so would not.

[Anonymous]

It is not unknown. You get documentation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hard no for me personally. I would feel obligated to tell the child due to unknown medical history and so would not.

yes - you should tell the kid the story - but it is just a tiny piece at the beginning and does not negate anything about who the parents are. If it is in your heart - they go for it. It is still your child- DE or not DE.

[Anonymous]

Hard pass.

[Anonymous]

How would you feel if your child searches for her biological mother when she’s older?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It is not unknown. You get documentation.

Not enough documentation that I would be comfortable lying or hiding the DE fact. That child would know they are not genetically the same as the other two. It's not like adoption, I think it has harder consequences for the child as they grow up.

"Oh right, I don't like those things because I'm not totally in this family" Whether that thought is right or wrong it could fester. Especially in a young adult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How would you feel if your child searches for her biological mother when she’s older?

S/he will have our full support.
Parent of DE child.