If you're from a big family, 4 + kids do you have or want a big family yourself?

[Anonymous]

It seems people from large families either do the same as adults or have significantly less children. My Dad was 1 of 13 , my mom was 1 of 4. Assuming you can emotionally and financially support 4 + kids would you do it?

I'm from a large family the 3rd of 4 kids. I only want 1 kid, My sister has stopped at 2. My brother has zero , and my other sister is debating between 1 and none.

My reasons are I'm starting in my late 30s, I don't think I could handle more than 1 child at this stage in my life. Had I started younger I may have gone for 2. I also don't feel I could effectively parent 3 or more kids. Lastly, though I had an overall positive experience as a child, I do feel I was lost in the shuffle, and don't want to chance repeating that.

My best friend growing up was 1 of 8. She has 5 kids, only 3 of her remaining siblings have children and they have intentionally stopped at 2 each.

[Anonymous]

I grew up 1 out of 5. We are from Eastern Europe and were rather poor. I hated sharing everything with my siblings, not having my own room, wearing hand me down clothes etc. I only have 1 child now since I started rather late- I was 38. I might have maybe 2 children if I started earlier.

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a family of 4 kids. I don’t think that’s really that large of a family at all. We have three, and I would’ve been good with four, but I didn’t start having kids until 31 and #3 was not only really difficult to get pregnant with, she had a traumatic birth and some developmental delays due to that so was a tough baby and toddler. We weren’t even ready to start thinking about another one until she was 3 1/2 and at that point I was 38, knew it’d be hard to get pg again, didn’t want such a large age gap between my kids and frankly didn’t want to risk going thru that again. But if I would’ve been younger, and #3 was “easier” — sure, 4 would’ve been great.

My siblings have four, two, and three.

[Anonymous]

Most big families I know the grown children decided not to have kids at all or have 1-2 kids each only. I can only think of two big families (which I’m defining as 4+ kids) where each grown kid also had a large-ish (in modern day I think 3+ is large) families.

Almost all the families I know now who currently have 4 or more young kids, the parents are from smaller families of origin themselves.

So basically, in my anecdotal experience, most people who grew up in big families go on to have small families (or no families) themselves and most of those who have large families now come from small families themselves. You idealize the type of family you didn’t have yourself...I guess.

[Anonymous]

I grew up as one of four and mostly liked it. The hardest part was not getting as many invites as a family because it was “so many people” to have over. Mostly a lot of great childhood memories and my siblings are close friends to me as adults. I hope to have 4 or 5, so far we have 2 and are currently trying for a 3rd.

[Anonymous]

Six kids in my family. The world was just different then and I think it was much easier to raise a large family then than it is now. Of my siblings, we have two kids (me), two kids, four kids, three kids, one kid, no kids.

[Anonymous]

No, I never wanted a big family for myself. I love my parents and my four siblings but there was never enough time for me (my sisters feel the same way). I’m far, far closer to my oldest sister, 10 years older, than my mother as my sister was the one who really mothered me. Each of my siblings has two children.

[Anonymous]

I’m one of 6 and would probably have a larger family (4-5) if we could afford it. But we can’t! So 2 it is, and I’m happy with that.

[Anonymous]

I had one sibling and I hated it. I now have 7. So it goes the other way too.
My mother had eleven siblings and they all had one or two kids each. Oddly enough they are enamored with my large family.
I do know several moms who grew up in large families and had large families, as did many of their siblings. They are all either catholic or Jewish.

[Anonymous]

My husband and I are both 1 of 4 kids and we’re 100% done at 2.

[Anonymous]

I grew up with 6+ siblings. It was lots of fun and we never knew how poor we were until we grew up and are now privy to more of our parent’s finances. We always had what we needed but not much else. We are all still rather close and reminisce fondly on our childhood.

All of us who are married, have 1 to 5 kids each. I have two and probably would have had at least one more if we had started younger. I’ve chosen a different lifestyle than my parents that doesn’t support a large family. I have noticed that when my kids have a play date or I am babysitting, I naturally fall into a “zone” style of parenting. I’m used to parents being outnumbered by their kids!

[Anonymous]

Mpst of the people I know chose to have the same or more. I know two who had 6 siblings; one has 12 kids, the other has 8. I know a few who had 5 siblings; they have 5-9 kids. Several had 4 siblings, and they all have 4+ kids.

The only people I know who had less decided to have 1 or 2 for financial, health or timing reasons. It wasn’t a desire for a smaller family.

[Anonymous]

Mom 1 of 7. I am 1 of 5 (2 marriages). I have 2. Happy with 2 but if had started younger might have gone for 3.

[Anonymous]

From a family of 9. None of us have that many but we range between 2 and 5 per kid. 9 is just insane in today’s world—my mom agrees. I don’t think any of us intended to have more than 2-3. We are a pretty fertile family so some oops babies in there, including in the original 9.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up as one of four and mostly liked it. The hardest part was not getting as many invites as a family because it was “so many people” to have over. Mostly a lot of great childhood memories and my siblings are close friends to me as adults. I hope to have 4 or 5, so far we have 2 and are currently trying for a 3rd.

Lots of siblings. Think it helps a person understand how to engage with a group. Would have had 3-4, have two kids due to weird, unexpected health issue.