Is there a dating market for...

[Anonymous]

early 30s women seeking 40 or 45+ men?

Of course, there are *always* older men pursuing younger women. But I'm not talking 50 year olds with 25 year olds. I'm talking a moderately wide age difference of 10-15, maybe 20 years.

As far as children go, I'd like to have one child, but it is not the end of the world if it doesn't happen. I am a very happy aunt. I could also be a fine stepmom provided that there was no pre-existing drama. Yes I realize those are big "ifs", but my point is having children is not the be-all end-all in what I am looking for in a relationship. I am looking for a life partner first and foremost.

This isn't meant to be a humblebrag about being oh-so-mature compared with men my own age, but I just haven't been able to establish a successful relationship with a man closer in age. Too many compatibility issues, and a lot of it is generational and cultural. Maybe it's because I grew up with older Gen X sisters and identify more with them and their preferences and liked how their relationships panned out, as opposed to the relationships I have had. It's also possibly worth mentioning that I spent the bulk of my 20s living outside the United States. Who knows. All I know is the men I've "clicked" with, who are American, the most have been older. Again, could be a grass is greener thing, but I've often felt a connection with men of this age group who were married or taken or gay or otherwise unavailable (though I did not pursue anything for obvious reasons, more of a "wouldn't it be nice...") Anyways, I could keep fathoming about the reason why, but I'm attracted to and seem to get along better with men in their 40s and early 50s. Judge that how you will. What I'm wondering is what the dating "market" is like, and what the dynamic is like, if there is a different dynamic between say, a 45 y/o man with a 32 y/o woman versus the classic example of the possible "sugar daddy" or older guy with a woman in her early 20s.

[Anonymous]

Sure, of course. Might be a divorced guy though

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sure, of course. Might be a divorced guy though

Divorced men, with or without children, is fine by me. As long as the divorce is clean and over without residual drama.

[Anonymous]

Of course there is.

I don't want to be a jerk, but you do sound immature. Like a high school student trying to justify her relationship with a man in college. I find nothing wrong with age gaps, but your long defense of something you haven't done just sounds sad and try hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course there is.

I don't want to be a jerk, but you do sound immature. Like a high school student trying to justify her relationship with a man in college. I find nothing wrong with age gaps, but your long defense of something you haven't done just sounds sad and try hard.

+ ! The age difference you are discussuing is roughly what I have with my brother, not that huge. I can think of several 30 something and 40 something couples.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Of course there is.

I don't want to be a jerk, but you do sound immature. Like a high school student trying to justify her relationship with a man in college. I find nothing wrong with age gaps, but your long defense of something you haven't done just sounds sad and try hard.

Judge how you may, I was only anticipating inevitable questions as to why I would have this preference. Long and short of it is I haven't really found compatibility with men close in age to me, but have connected better (at least as friends) with men that are older. I don't think of it as a superiority thing, it is what it is. It's not "trying hard", more like "trying something else."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course there is.

I don't want to be a jerk, but you do sound immature. Like a high school student trying to justify her relationship with a man in college. I find nothing wrong with age gaps, but your long defense of something you haven't done just sounds sad and try hard.

Judge how you may, I was only anticipating inevitable questions as to why I would have this preference. Long and short of it is I haven't really found compatibility with men close in age to me, but have connected better (at least as friends) with men that are older. I don't think of it as a superiority thing, it is what it is. It's not "trying hard", more like "trying something else."

You're early 30s though, not 20 something 10-15 years isn't that great of a difference.

[Anonymous]

"I could also be a fine stepmom provided that there was no pre-existing drama."

Statistically, there is no such thing. Second marriages to men with children have an eventual 60-70% failure rate.

There is always drama. If not now, then at some point in the future.

When you marry someone with children you will never be the priority in their life. You must realize that the mother of the kids will always have influence over your husband and will be around for the rest of your life.

Even in the best of circumstances, life changing events can upset the entire dynamic. Including when grandkids come along.

You will never be fully accepted as a stepmom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course there is.

I don't want to be a jerk, but you do sound immature. Like a high school student trying to justify her relationship with a man in college. I find nothing wrong with age gaps, but your long defense of something you haven't done just sounds sad and try hard.

Judge how you may, I was only anticipating inevitable questions as to why I would have this preference. Long and short of it is I haven't really found compatibility with men close in age to me, but have connected better (at least as friends) with men that are older. I don't think of it as a superiority thing, it is what it is. It's not "trying hard", more like "trying something else."

Your response has nothing to do with what I said. Date who you want, but you seem very "off". If I can pick that up from 2 posts, then trust me, any decent guy is picking up the same thing and running. Regardless of his age.

[Anonymous]

Yeah. My husband is 12 years older but I wouldn’t have touched him with a 10 foot pole if there was an ex-wife and kids. Don’t settle for that if you have literally any other choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Of course there is.

I don't want to be a jerk, but you do sound immature. Like a high school student trying to justify her relationship with a man in college. I find nothing wrong with age gaps, but your long defense of something you haven't done just sounds sad and try hard.

Judge how you may, I was only anticipating inevitable questions as to why I would have this preference. Long and short of it is I haven't really found compatibility with men close in age to me, but have connected better (at least as friends) with men that are older. I don't think of it as a superiority thing, it is what it is. It's not "trying hard", more like "trying something else."

Your response has nothing to do with what I said. Date who you want, but you seem very "off". If I can pick that up from 2 posts, then trust me, any decent guy is picking up the same thing and running. Regardless of his age.

If that's your opinion, then fine.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I fit the mold. Want to grab a drink

[Anonymous]

Let’s be real here. Do you have a good career? Are you making a good salary?

Or is it really that you want a guy that is established with $ and owns a home?

You don’t want to work, correct?

[Anonymous]

Now I’m not satin’ she’s a gold digger, but she ain’t mess in’ with no broke ...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yeah. My husband is 12 years older but I wouldn’t have touched him with a 10 foot pole if there was an ex-wife and kids. Don’t settle for that if you have literally any other choice.

I don't know, I judge people individually. One of my good friends is an older man with a girlfriend ten years younger, both of whom are friends with his ex wife. Some people are just fine like that. It matters less if someone is "in the picture" or not, just as long as everyone involved is at peace and grounded in their situation.