5YO and 3YO just can’t seem to NOT get in trouble

[Anonymous]

We don’t have many rules - put shoes and clothes on before you go outside (or else they’d be out in their pajamas and underwear), only eating/drinking at the table, no roughhousing or toys on the main level of the house (they have a playroom in the basement and a huge bedroom with a ton of toys in both), and wear your helmet and close toed shoes when you’re riding your bike or scooter - and they for the life of them cannot learn. They’re constantly doing something they’re not supposed to and constantly being punished/reminded/put in time out. Is there something I’m doing wrong?! They need constant attention and are constantly on the go I just can’t keep up.

[Anonymous]

Maybe you need more rules and structure and set them up for success.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don’t have many rules - put shoes and clothes on before you go outside (or else they’d be out in their pajamas and underwear), only eating/drinking at the table, no roughhousing or toys on the main level of the house (they have a playroom in the basement and a huge bedroom with a ton of toys in both), and wear your helmet and close toed shoes when you’re riding your bike or scooter - and they for the life of them cannot learn. They’re constantly doing something they’re not supposed to and constantly being punished/reminded/put in time out. Is there something I’m doing wrong?! They need constant attention and are constantly on the go I just can’t keep up.

Kids have a need to be close to their parents, a rule like this is horrible. I grew up with it, and I can tell you that I knew as a kid that my mom didn't want me around and it hurt. I think that if you make your kids seem welcome in your house, they'd probably treat you better.

[Anonymous]

Slow down their lives, and make them repeat the rules right when they need to apply them. "You want to ride your bike? What is the bike riding rule? Helmet and shoes, right! So go get your shoes and helmet so I can help you put them on."

"Why are you walking away from the table holding a bowl of blueberries? What is the rule about where to eat? At the table, exactly!"

They are small children. They are learning. They are not short adults who you tell something to one time and they nod "Got it" and then apply it forevermore.

[Anonymous]

No discipline is your problem. Children need boundaries so start parenting.

[Anonymous]

You need to pay them more attention.

Make a schedule like a preschool would and follow it.

[Anonymous]

Umm they're 3 and 5. If you expect them to adhere to the rules 100% of the time you are in for a long rough road. Parenting is telling them something 1000 times and hoping the 1001st time it clicks. It sucks but that's your job.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Slow down their lives, and make them repeat the rules right when they need to apply them. "You want to ride your bike? What is the bike riding rule? Helmet and shoes, right! So go get your shoes and helmet so I can help you put them on."

"Why are you walking away from the table holding a bowl of blueberries? What is the rule about where to eat? At the table, exactly!"

They are small children. They are learning. They are not short adults who you tell something to one time and they nod "Got it" and then apply it forevermore.

My parents expected me to be like a short adult who they only had to explain something to once, and would get frustrated and angry when they had to keep explaining rules. It set me up for a lifetime of perfectionism that led to some very dark places. OP, your kids need you to tell them the rules over and over, that's how they learn. Please don't expect them to just get it right all the time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need to pay them more attention.

Make a schedule like a preschool would and follow it.

This x 1000

When the pandemic hit and we were responsible for our 2 year old and 5 year old all day every day, I realized that if my kids behaved at preschool like they did at home, it would be total chaos.

So what does preschool do differently?

Lots of things, but we focused on Habits and routines.

We worked on one thing at a time, and were extremely consistent about it. Like, they walk in the house, take off their shoes, put them in their shoe bins, go straight to the bathroom to wash their hands.

It literally took WEEKS to make that stick. But DH and I "helped" them every time and prevented them from doing anything else before they did it.

So figure out what routines they need, and work on them one at a time. Praise them when they succeed.

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

How are they even getting outside to ride a scooter or bike without your supervision?

[Anonymous]

Why are you punishing and giving timeouts for a 5 year old and 3 year old being forgetful? They are being immature and acting like kids because they ARE immature and kids. Adjust your expectations. If they forget a rule, remind them, help them. Try to set up systems to help them to remember, like helmet on the bike so it can’t be forgotten (but aren’t you with them outside anyway?). Such a weird post.

[Anonymous]

OP, my first thought was that they are supposed to be in the basement or in their rooms while playing -- are they supervised while doing so? Our oldest just turned 6 and our youngest is 3.5. A 3-year-old needs close supervision.

[Anonymous]

You are expecting too much and your kids need closer supervision. Your expectations are not age appropriate. Many of the things you list should be routines (that your kids need help with) and not rules at this age.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t have many rules - put shoes and clothes on before you go outside (or else they’d be out in their pajamas and underwear), only eating/drinking at the table, no roughhousing or toys on the main level of the house (they have a playroom in the basement and a huge bedroom with a ton of toys in both), and wear your helmet and close toed shoes when you’re riding your bike or scooter - and they for the life of them cannot learn. They’re constantly doing something they’re not supposed to and constantly being punished/reminded/put in time out. Is there something I’m doing wrong?! They need constant attention and are constantly on the go I just can’t keep up.

Kids have a need to be close to their parents, a rule like this is horrible. I grew up with it, and I can tell you that I knew as a kid that my mom didn't want me around and it hurt. I think that if you make your kids seem welcome in your house, they'd probably treat you better.

+1 this is an insane rule. My husband thought like this before we had kids. I quickly disposed him of this notion. My kids want to be near me and I don’t want to sit in a cold basement all day so therefore they have a toy chest upstairs. It was more elaborate for a long time when they were little but now it’s one you chest, a book case and some coloring books and crayons. We clean up every night and it isn’t a huge mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We don’t have many rules - put shoes and clothes on before you go outside (or else they’d be out in their pajamas and underwear), only eating/drinking at the table, no roughhousing or toys on the main level of the house (they have a playroom in the basement and a huge bedroom with a ton of toys in both), and wear your helmet and close toed shoes when you’re riding your bike or scooter - and they for the life of them cannot learn. They’re constantly doing something they’re not supposed to and constantly being punished/reminded/put in time out. Is there something I’m doing wrong?! They need constant attention and are constantly on the go I just can’t keep up.

Kids have a need to be close to their parents, a rule like this is horrible. I grew up with it, and I can tell you that I knew as a kid that my mom didn't want me around and it hurt. I think that if you make your kids seem welcome in your house, they'd probably treat you better.

+1 this is an insane rule. My husband thought like this before we had kids. I quickly disposed him of this notion. My kids want to be near me and I don’t want to sit in a cold basement all day so therefore they have a toy chest upstairs. It was more elaborate for a long time when they were little but now it’s one you chest, a book case and some coloring books and crayons. We clean up every night and it isn’t a huge mess.

I disagree. We have the same rule for my same-aged kids. It's not an issue. We have a dog that will chew their toys so they know that anything left on that floor is free game for the dog or trash. They don't remember all the time, but pretty close to it. A quick reminder and they remedy it if it's up there.

Bike and scooter are taken away if they are riding without a helmet. Taken away long enough to be meaningful. Toys left on mail floor go in a bin and can be earned back. Give them more responsibility and consequences. It will be harder on your short term but better long run.