I'm tired of hearing people saying that they "sacrifice" to send their kids to private school.

[Anonymous]

"I don't think Privates are better at publics at stopping bullying, educating outstanding students, or providing outdoor time (my child at a public gets THREE recesses a day in kindergarten). Perhaps some privates have smaller class sizes -- I'll give you that. "

I am the PP who listed these as possible reasons for choosing private school, in response to someone (you?) asking what it could possibly mean that public school wasn't working. I never claimed that ALL privates are better than ALL publics in ALL these dimensions ALL the time. I merely, in response to that query, answered and gave the examples of some people I know (cousin, next-door neighbor, childhood friend, church acquaintance) for whom public was not working for their child for the various reasons I stated. For them, the public did not work, and private does work. No one was making a blanket statement, but the person (you?) who had asked seemed ridiculously baffled as to why anyone, anywhere, might suggest that public was not serving her child well.

[Anonymous]

Yes, in lots of cases, I do know better than the dictionary and I pity the writer or editor who doesn't. Dictionary definitions are really minimalist standards and can lead to poor writing if relied upon by people who don't have a more nuanced sense of diction and connotation. For example, think about the kind of errors that non-native speakers make when their guide to the language is a bilingual dictionary rather than more extensive exposure to usage (either literary or conversational).

That said, this is a case where you seem to have difficulty interpreting a dictionary definition. The use of the terms "valued" (i.e. by someone or something) and "considered" both suggest that what constitutes a sacrifice is defined subjectively. So when people say "I made a sacrifice" what they mean is "I gave up something I wanted in order to have/get something I valued more." But what constitutes a sacrifice varies -- depending on what the individual wants, has to give up, and values, as well as on things like theories of causality (back to the dead chickens, LOL!).

[Anonymous]

You really should pay more attention to your grammar and spelling--some of your mistakes cannot simply be explained away as being "bad typing". It's annoying to the rest of us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:To Parents of Private School children posting on this Thread:

Let it go. Certain people have always seen the value in a private school education and there is a term that those people often use: NOKD(not our kind, dear). Its the perfect phrase in this case. People who argue ferociously against private school have a chip on their shoulder or, just dont get it. You can not change that. You are doing the best thing for your child and nothing else matters. Be glad these people dont get it (or are NOKD) and use the public schools. You dont have to deal with them in your child's school. That, in and of it self, is an excellent reason to be grateful that you do get it and just ignor those who dont. Move on, its not worth your time to argue with these folks.

Seriously, do you really want to convince them that private school is better? Because, if you do, they may decide to apply their child and get accpeted and then you have to deal with them on a daily basis. Ugh.

Dear Hostile One,

Hopefully, for the $30K you pay for tuition, your child will have access to teachers who know how to spell, who understand the rules related to contractions, and who know how to spot a fragment and comma splice.

Oh, and please explain how you "apply" your child? Your usage here is a bit unclear and may be misunderstood by other NOKDs.

Sincerely,
an NOKD public school teacher

Not hostile and not a bad writier or speller but am not a good typist and I just dont really give a darn when on this forum. Its not like I am writing a legal brief or thank you letter. Those of you who take time out to criticize writing and spelling on forums are so silly - if you really are that obsessed with how your post looks that you go back over every word of it to spell check and edit must have a lot of time on your hands. If its that importnat to you maybe you should petition Mr Steele to add a spell check feature.

[Anonymous]

22:38 You said it.

But what constitutes a sacrifice varies -- depending on what the individual wants, has to give up, and values, as well as on things like theories of causality (back to the dead chickens, LOL!).

That's it exactly. The meaning varies by the USER. My sacrifice would not be your sacrifice. (And this does not depart from the dictionary definition.) How anyone could object to this description, this usage in this context, is beyond me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:9:38 If? You know better than the dictionary! Actually when something is understood to be relative, you usually don't have this judgment associated with absolutes. The judgment suggests people don't understand relativity.

Ethics transcends dictionary definitions.

[Anonymous]

Ethics aren't at stake here -- basically, it's just bitching rights (or maybe rites?). One person says I consider what I've done a sacrifice. Another person says "You call THAT a sacrifice -- that isn't a sacrifice -- that's being in a really privileged position." To which the first person's response is "for me, that's a sacrifice and you can't say it isn't." And P2 shakes her head thinking "some people are so ENTITLED!" While P1 thinks "some people are so JUDGMENTAL!" Each is entitled to her own opinion (including of the other). And it's not an argument that can be settled by appeal to the dictionary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ethics aren't at stake here -- basically, it's just bitching rights (or maybe rites?). One person says I consider what I've done a sacrifice. Another person says "You call THAT a sacrifice -- that isn't a sacrifice -- that's being in a really privileged position." To which the first person's response is "for me, that's a sacrifice and you can't say it isn't." And P2 shakes her head thinking "some people are so ENTITLED!" While P1 thinks "some people are so JUDGMENTAL!" Each is entitled to her own opinion (including of the other). And it's not an argument that can be settled by appeal to the dictionary.

If the husbands of some of these entitled women on this thread lose their jobs, I'll bet my ass that their definition of sacrifice changes drastically.

[Anonymous]

I know I am not truly sacrificing, but when EVERYONE around us is going on amazing springbreak trips, etc etc, sometimes it feels like a sacrifice! Private school took all trips off the table...for forever. Here is DC, feels like a lot. Maybe in the rest of the word...not so much. I know that...

[Anonymous]

I will say this...I have a lot more respect for the parents who at least tried public schools for their children. I am a big fan of the public schools, but agree - some kids don't thrive in great public schools that would otherwise thrive in a private school. I get that.

What I don't get are the elistist posters who just assume that all privates are better than all publics and have this NOKD attitude. Yuck is right. I'm sure there are parents with these attitudes at both private and public, but seriously - the superiority of the poster (who sounds like an attorney - and yes, I know b/c I am one) is just shocking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If the husbands of some of these entitled women on this thread lose their jobs, I'll bet my ass that their definition of sacrifice changes drastically.

It must suck to be as hate-filled a person as you are. Here's hoping some major change comes to your life that makes you happier and less interested in wishing others ill.

[Anonymous]

Coming in late, and I haven't read the whole thread.

I live on a limited budget -- not poor, but not rich. I make choices all the time. I go to the grocery store, pick up some mangoes (which are kind of expensive) and then notice that the blackberries look really good, so I put the mangoes back, pick up the blackberries, and stay within my budget.

I tell my kid "you can go to expensive computer camp, and cheap sports camp, or you can go to expensive kayaking camp, and cheap chess camp", and let him choose.

I plan my vacation carefully, -- do I want fewer days in a nicer hotel, or more days in a cheaper hotel?

I decided not to apply to private school for my child this year. I felt like I looked at the "costs" of private school (no money for vacation or my child's favorite sport, an incredily stressful schedule because the ones we liked were pretty far away, lack of diversity in our peer group) vs. the "costs" of public school (more limited sports at school, less individualized attention which means I need to support at home, no religious instruction during the school day) and made a choice, the choice that was right for us. If the costs had been different I might have made a different choice, just like if the mangoes had been on sale I might have gotten them both.

In each of these cases, I gave up one thing for another, but I don't talk about them in terms of sacrifice -- I just made a choice between two things and chose the one I wanted more.

To me "sacrifice" implies that one choice has greater moral weight than the other, and I don't see that here. For us, both choices, private and public had downsides and benefits, I don't fault people who made a different choice, but assume that either they had different resources (maybe more money, or maybe a house closer to the perfect private school for their kid, or a kid whose favorite sport was cheaper than mine, or whatever) or that the public school had more downsides for them.

[Anonymous]

To PP: of course we all make choices. Choice doesn't mean making one choice isn't a sacrifice; one does not preclude the other. Sometimes there really is greater moral weight on one choice or the other. I mean, please, private vs. public for many families is hardly akin to choosing between mangoes or blackberries. For us, our child needed private school for various reasons which I choose not to go into here. We would have MUCH preferred public school but it just didn't work. To pay for private school (we get no aid), we do not go on vacation ever, do not have any creature comforts that many people take for granted (no cable, no cleaning person, no restaurants meals, books only from the library, ten-year-old cars, basic cell phone service, etc., etc.). DH gave up a hobby of us that was moderately expensive so we could apply that money to tuition. There are many other sacrifices we are making as well, but I don't feel like listing them all! I certainly don't go around bemoaning our situation and of course we made this choice, but yes, absolutely we are making many sacrifices so that our child can thrive in school. While I wouldn't personally have put it on moral terms, since you mention it, absolutely we are making a morally superior choice--not compared to parents who use public schools (as I said, we would have preferred to do that too), but compared to the other choice we ourselves could have made: save the tuition and have a much nicer lifestyle at the expense of our oldest child not getting the best possible education for that child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the husbands of some of these entitled women on this thread lose their jobs, I'll bet my ass that their definition of sacrifice changes drastically.

It must suck to be as hate-filled a person as you are. Here's hoping some major change comes to your life that makes you happier and less interested in wishing others ill.

Hey - learn to read, PP. I never "wished" others ill. I created a scenario - a what if.

Obviously I hit a nerve with you. The truth hurts, eh?

[Anonymous]

You're projecting.

[Anonymous]

Yes, PPP has gone off on some wild tangents.