I'm tired of hearing people saying that they "sacrifice" to send their kids to private school.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I tend to agree with OP on this one. Sending your child to private school is a luxury. Those who view it as a necessity in this area, I believe, are fooling themselves. The DC suburbs are full of great schools in both MD and VA in areas that don't require a million dollar mortgage to move. Some simply believe that private school is better...period. I tend to disagree, but I'm a product of NoVa public school and am happy and successful (and quite wealthy - at least wealthy enough to easily send my kids to private school if I wanted to). Plus, I value the public school system and the diversity it brings.

I'm not saying that sending your child to private school is wrong, but I agree with OP - it is a choice. And while some may in fact "sacrifice" to send their kid to private school, the self-righteousness of those who view it as the ultimate sacrifice, which should be viewed as more virtuous and selfless than what others are doing, is just too much. Many private school posters on this site have in fact stated that those who *can* afford to send their kids to private, but choose public, are doing a disservice to our children.

So if you want to send your kid to private school, fine. And while you can complain on here about all the "sacrifices" you are making to do so, don't expect all of us to have much sympathy for you. Your money, your choices. But nobody really thinks you deserve the award for most "altruistic parent of the year" or anything.



I am tired of repeatedly reading the comment that the suburban schools are "great". My child has been in and out of FCPS twice. Both schools had sparkling reputations. Come to find out they were NOT great. Some of you might appreciate a half assed curriculum and 50 kids to a class in high school, but that is not what I call great.

Is private school a true sacrifice, no. But it does require prioritizing our budget and we are fine with that.
Anonymous
It's not a sacrifice if you have enough money left over for the other things you want. Which depends on (a) how much money you have and (b) what other things you want.

Whether other people will think you are making a sacrifice will depend on (a) how much money you have left over (judging, perhaps on their assessment of your standard of living) and (b) what they think about the other things you want and don't/can't have.

Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:

Would you mind posting a link to this article? I looked and couldn't find it.


http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2010/03/23/AR2010032304037_pf.html
Anonymous
One of the definitions of "sacrifice" is to "do without" and another is "the surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim".

So yes it is appropriate to say that some people"sacrifice" to afford private school. In my opinion, anytime you have give up one thing to pay for something else that you wouldn't be able to afford (or would be stretched to afford) that's a financial sacrifice.
Anonymous
I, as a parent, would love to send my child to private school, but I can't, because I can't afford to. Yes, If my living expenses (housing, bills, groceries) were under 1k, maybe.
I don't even have the luxury for it to even be a "sacrifice," because I don't have, but the necessities, to make it so.
So, I do the best I can. I do research on the best ways to educate, raise my child along with a mom's intuition.
I have friends who grew up with nothing and are smart and sucessful and I have friends who grew up with everything and they are smart and successful...
Sometimes, it's just the cards you're dealt.

Anonymous
That sounds nice pp. You're right...people can be successful coming from different backgrounds.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:Certainly, we all make choices, and I tend to agree that private school is a choice or a want, not a necessity. It is coveted like any other luxury item- and justified under the guise that our children will be at a significant disadvantage if we do not give them this opportunity.


My DS was shut out of K. It was devastating at the time - my stomach was in knots as I prayed to get off the wait lists (which did not happen). To make a long story short - public school was probably a blessing in disguise. DS thrived, was happy, there were many nice families and the teachers were excellent. We went on fantastic vacations we never would have been able to afford. We saved money for the future and for college.

Looking back, it would have been insane to kill ourselves to send him to private. 5 years later, DH was partner making 3x what he did when DH was in K and I returned to consulting work. Now we can afford private no problem, and when we moved them in 2nd and 4th we had lots of choices, including 2 big 4. Both kids were prepared academically and had no trouble adjusting all. I'm glad we were shut out - it would have been very stressful to be a part of the private school culture of beautiful Cleveland Park Homes, Country Club birthday parties, vacation homes, designer clothes, big bucks auctions and over the top vacations making 250,000 per year. Yes, we could have paid for school on that salary, but we would not have been able to save any money and we would have been living way above our means - just like if we bought we could not afford using a sub prime loan.


Could I have your life? We made all the mistakes you avoided....
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I, as a parent, would love to send my child to private school, but I can't, because I can't afford to. Yes, If my living expenses (housing, bills, groceries) were under 1k, maybe.
I don't even have the luxury for it to even be a "sacrifice," because I don't have, but the necessities, to make it so.
So, I do the best I can. I do research on the best ways to educate, raise my child along with a mom's intuition.
I have friends who grew up with nothing and are smart and sucessful and I have friends who grew up with everything and they are smart and successful...
Sometimes, it's just the cards you're dealt.



Here here. I get tired of private school people talking as is the people who go to public school don't care about their kids but only care about cars and vacations. We drive a ten year old car, have only one, take one, one week vacation a year, and are going to public so that we can save for college and ...SHOCK, because we think they offer a great education. Both DH and I are actively involved in the school and shockingly, we landed in an amazing kindergarten class this year, with the same ratio as many privates( 24 kids, 3 teachers) and a curriculum that includes spanish, art, music, PE, writing and reading workshops ... and on and on. For those on the fence, I hope you are not paying the 30K a year for the exterior of hte school. Despite some older buildings the DC schools are pretty darn good.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I, as a parent, would love to send my child to private school, but I can't, because I can't afford to. Yes, If my living expenses (housing, bills, groceries) were under 1k, maybe.
I don't even have the luxury for it to even be a "sacrifice," because I don't have, but the necessities, to make it so.
So, I do the best I can. I do research on the best ways to educate, raise my child along with a mom's intuition.
I have friends who grew up with nothing and are smart and sucessful and I have friends who grew up with everything and they are smart and successful...
Sometimes, it's just the cards you're dealt.



Here here. I get tired of private school people talking as is the people who go to public school don't care about their kids but only care about cars and vacations. We drive a ten year old car, have only one, take one, one week vacation a year, and are going to public so that we can save for college and ...SHOCK, because we think they offer a great education. Both DH and I are actively involved in the school and shockingly, we landed in an amazing kindergarten class this year, with the same ratio as many privates( 24 kids, 3 teachers) and a curriculum that includes spanish, art, music, PE, writing and reading workshops ... and on and on. For those on the fence, I hope you are not paying the 30K a year for the exterior of hte school. Despite some older buildings the DC schools are pretty darn good.



Okay so this is the "sacrifice" you have chosen to make for your family. If public schools are for you, great. If not, you have options.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I did sacrifice to get my kids into private school.

There were dead chickens all over the floor.


not a Christian-based school, correct?
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:I think she's just crabby because her kid didn't get in.


Such an old and tired response

Anonymous
I think private school is a great option if you can afford it and still have the things that are important to you in life. I can also completely understand how it is "sacrifice" in the morally superior sense for parents of limited means to contribute what they can to pay the difference between financial aid and the tuition bill to get their kids a superior education. That is because as a pp pointed out, it is not a small expense to move.

Most people, however, that do not qualify for financial aid and can find a way to afford private school likely also have the means to move to a decent school district but choose not to, so the defense that their local school is crappy is BS. It may be the right thing to do in such circumstances to send your child to a private school, but there is nothing morally superior about it, it is simply a choice. Some of them also already live in decent school districts but want to give their child "the best" and so they choose to give up vacations, not save for retirement, not save for college, etc.

I chose to move to a decent house in a good school district, send my kids to public schools, limit my working hours so I can spend time with them, give them great vacations and extracurriculars, drive them around in well running safe vehicles, save for retirement, and save to send them to the college of their choice down the road, and DH and I also enjoy the occasional dinner out at a great restaurant. While technically we could afford to send our kids to private school if we gave up all of these choices, that would not be a sacrifice, that would be a poor cost benefit analysis for us and I think my children would be worse off living with a couple of grumpy adults that never get to go on vacation and worry about money all the time.

Anonymous
Private is just not inherently better than public. Depends on the kid and depends on the school. I'm amazed at/wonder how many parents spend massive amounts of money out of the hope or fear that if a school is expensive and has an admissions process, then it must be better than a school that is free and open to everyone.
Anonymous
PP here. Maybe that's just a variation on a broader theme -- "sacrifice" often gets valorized regardless of whether it actually produces any net benefit.
Anonymous
Anonymous wrote:

I chose to move to a decent house in a good school district, send my kids to public schools, limit my working hours so I can spend time with them . . .



I did both of those things, too. And, despite those choices, it turned out that my DD was absolutely lost in the public school for three years - regardless of the best efforts of family and teachers. We could move to another public school district, but honestly, the class size and other items that just didn't work well for my daughter would probably be the same in Montgomery Co. as they are in Fairfax. The excellent publics work for many kids, but for some kids, they just don't. Although I've never called it a sacrifice, our family has given up quite a bit of $$ and the things that it buys in order to go to private (where, by the way, this same "lost" kid is now thriving). We do not have new cars, a country club membership, fancy vacations, financial aid. We do have a home that we love, a neighborhood that we love, and happy kids. We also know that we are very, very lucky to be affluent enough to have the choice of going to a private for our DD. Not all of us are in it for the socializing or status. Some of us are truly in it for our kids.
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