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Reasons for medication-free childbirth
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Anonymous
I am so sorry for your friend's experience, that must have been awful. But choosing a natural birth doesn't mean choosing to be unmonitored. I had one birthcenter birth and one home birth, and my midwives and doulas were monitoring my babies the entire time. I suppose if someone was in a hospital and wanted the benefit of that kind of a medical safety net, it would require more self-advocacy to achieve a natural birth. FWIW, I firmly committed to natural births, for many of the reasons mentioned above (benefits for the baby, etc), but also to just see if I could do it. I haven't had the best relationship with my body over the years, and I figured it was a good opportunity to get my mind, body and spirit to work together to achieve this amazing thing. I slogged through two long labors (36 hours and 18 hours), and felt more connected to my body than ever before in my life. Of course it hurt, but the pain didn't last forever, and I used the techniques I learned and leaned on my husband to manage the contractions. I may take heat for saying this, but to the PP who talked about "DCUM bragging rights," you can be damn sure I am proud of myself. In fact, I think I kick ass. It makes me sad that some people would think being proud of having a natural birth would be being "righteous." I'm proud MYSELF for what I did, for making the right choice for me and my family. My birth choices were about me, my baby and my family. I did have something to prove by having natural births, but it was something to prove to myself. It was really hard, and I did it. I think that's something to be proud of. |
Anonymous
| It is why you are "proud" of the natural birth. B/c you think you have accomplished something that those who choose differently have not accomplished. That is what makes you "self-righteous". If you want to brag, you are probably better off doing it here b/c your friends who ended up with a c-section or - heaven's forbid - choose to labor with an epidural, will think you are a bitch for bragging. I get that people who natural labor think they accomplished something amazing, but the flip side is that you all (secretly) think that the rest of us didn't. And that is the part that pisses people off. |
Anonymous
See, to me this is just stupid. I got an epidural with my 1st, and I don't see why I should get pissed off that women who had a natural birth feel like they accomplished something I didn't - they did. I've never run a marathon either, it's just not a goal that is important to me to achieve. But I don't think my friends who have are 'bragging' for feeling proud of that accomplishment. It took hard work and effort, and I'm proud OF them for setting a goal and finishing it. Now, if I had WANTED to run a marathon, had trained and planned for it, and for some reason was unable to finish it, I would hope that my close friends who had been successful would exercise some restraint in talking about it out of sensitivity for my feelings. But sensitivity to my feelings shouldn't take away from their own personal pride in their accomplishment. |
Anonymous
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First birth: at a hospital, combo of epidural, pitocin (7 days late), and forceps delivery. It was a horrible, medication-driven experience that I decided to never voluntarily go through again. Completely sure that the epidural altered my labor as I was 7 cm dilated when I arrived at the hospital. Was given pitocin, the first dosage completely stopped my contractions, fortunately the 2nd dosage restarted them or else I would have received a c-section. Throughout, I felt that my doctors had more control over my body than I did.
Second birth, also 7 days late: Had DS at a birthing center, no meds at all, labored at home for 2 hours, pushed him out 15 minutes after arriving at the center. We took him home 5 hours later. Active labor was a breeze, I was completely relaxed, laughing and talking to my midwives during push out. It was a highly sensual experience that I could mentally, emotionally and physically appreciate. I feel fortunate that I experienced both birthing environments, the difference was night and day. |
Anonymous
i did accomplish something that those who got an epidural did not accomplish. i'm entitled to be proud of what i did, and it has no effect on you. it's really not tough to get. another take: i'm proud of where i am in my career, but that doesn't mean your career sucks or that i think mine is better than yours. all it means is i am proud -- why do you think that means i think less of you? i don't. i'm glad if you're proud of what you did (although given your very defensive tone, i wonder if you are, but whatever), but don't read my pride as disparaging you. |
Anonymous
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I also see no reason why women who want to labor naturally, work hard at it, and pull it off shouldn't be proud.
The marathon analogy is a good one. If someone wants to run a marathon, prepares for it, but gets food poisoning the day before, she won't be able to do it. She's done nothing wrong but she can't do it. Okay. Her friend who does run the marathon should still be proud. A woman who doesn't want to run the marathon at all shouldn't care either. If you don't want to labor in pain, then you shouldn't. If you want to and prepare but something prevents you (back labor, long labor, high blood pressure, medical complications, whatever) then you tried and should be proud of that but there is no reason why the woman who is able to go through with it because circumstances allowed her to put in the effort shouldn't be proud. And of course the same woman might be able to do it with one labor and not another. This applies to all of life. I decided I didn't want to be a partner in a law firm so I left. My friends who wanted to, worked hard, and are proud of getting it aren't "self righteous." I can't imagine going through life with that point of view. |
Anonymous
| Are people who delivered naturally really equating it to training for and running a marathon?? Seriously?? |
Anonymous
| You know what the more appropriate marathon analogy is? All of us are running the marathon. We are ALL preparing for it (pregnancy is preparation, is it not?). And we ALL put in effort. Perhaps the natural laborers put in the *most* effort and maybe get a better time. But we all ran the same marathon and finished just like you did. Now...using the marathon analogy correctly, if somebody who got a better time flaunted it to somebody who did not put in the same level of effort, the way some women flaunt it on here, yes, that makes you a self-righteous bitch. Sorry, but enough with the sugar coating.... |
Anonymous
I do not get this. Why aren't we are putting in effort for different events? Why does giving birth itself have to be the marathon? Having a healthy pregnancy and delivery is a joy, a wonder, a thing to be wished for, but is a c-section something the woman did? I can see being proud of getting through a c-section, healing, and taking care of my baby, but it is pride about a different thing. If I end up with one c-section and one natural labor, I won't think I ran two races in different ways, I'll think I did two entirely different things. And for those who don't want to run the race I want to run, great. I myself would love to run a marathon but have never gotten beyond the half-marathon stage because I'm not a good runner/don't want to put in the time/don't really care enough to do it. I don't begrudge the marathon runner her accomplishment. Did you have a friend who gave birth naturally and then behaved like a bitch? Because none of my friends, most of whom wanted and got epidurals, think I am crazy or bitchy or doing anything to them just because I didn't want an epidural and found the work of labor really rewarding. |
Anonymous
Those of you who got an epidural though -- you're like the "marathon" runner in NYC who took the subway. |
Anonymous
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"Anonymous wrote:
It is why you are "proud" of the natural birth. B/c you think you have accomplished something that those who choose differently have not accomplished. That is what makes you "self-righteous". If you want to brag, you are probably better off doing it here b/c your friends who ended up with a c-section or - heaven's forbid - choose to labor with an epidural, will think you are a bitch for bragging. I get that people who natural labor think they accomplished something amazing, but the flip side is that you all (secretly) think that the rest of us didn't. And that is the part that pisses people off. " I'm not a natural birth mama and I agree with the posters who said the above is a stupid way to look at things. The running a marathon analogy is a good one. Mom's who had a natural birth can be proud and can brag "hey I did it!!". When I ran a half marathon, I was thrilled and told many people who don't run. They all sincerely congratulated me and it never occured to anyone this was a stab that they should have done it too. The women who think it is bitchy to be proud and not hide it are either very insecure in their own choices or overly competitive about parenting. My guess is that they believe that natural birth is better and it somehow shines light on them for not being as good a mother. In their minds you are rubbing their noses in what they perceive as point lost for them on the be the best mama circuit. These are the type of women who take it as threat when someone's child does better than theirs in sports or gets into a school that they didn't or whatever silliness. The moms who don't believe it matters don't react negatively or even give a hoot when someone is proud about their delivery. |
Anonymous
16:28 here. This is funny but totally not fair. People who get epidurals don't sign up for the race. They want to do something else. They want a healthy baby with minimal pain - hardly a crazy desire. Now the one poster who is made about the marathon analogy, she's like a bystander telling the runners they aren't so great, why don't they just go home and stop showing off? |
Anonymous
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I had a drug free childbirth. I've never told anyone (outside of a few family members and my best friend) who didn't specifically ask about my birth. Interestingly, there have been several occasions where this has come up. Here are examples:
Colleague of mine (not a direct coworker) brought up childbirth in a meeting and said "just get me the epidural as soon as possible, right ___(my name)___?" I thought this was odd to bring up. How was I to respond? I ended up making light of it and said "haha, you know, I went drug free, crazy, I know!" (even though I don't think it's crazy at all). She then kept saying how she didn't understand why anybody would want to do this. Another instance. Before I gave birth, and when I was just planning my childbirth, my mother in law (who had no idea what kind of birth I was planning) started telling me "don't let those natural birth loonies get to you. They're flakey! I loved my c-section." How to respond? In this case, my husband responded for me, and said "well, mom, we've got a flake in the family, I guess, because ___ is planning for a drug free birth. I guess two flakes, because I totally support it!" (in her defense, MIL backtracked quickly, at least to my face!  )
Yet another instance. Friend had VERY difficult, medicated childbirth. She said she couldn't believe how hard it was, and started "educating" a bunch of our mutual friends (one of whom was pregnant at the time) on how gruesome it is, how they use forceps, how her labor stopped, etc. She was telling it as if all childbirth was the like that. What should I say? In the end I simply said that not all childbirth was like that and that it sounded like she'd had a particularly rought time. She then went off on me for "judging" her. I hate to say it, but most of the moms who give a crap about what kind of birth someone else had, in my admittedly limited experience, are moms who got the epidural and feel somehow insecure when talking to someone who didn't. I think a lot of times the supposed judgment they feel is completely projected. |
Anonymous
| Wow, ladies what a sad post. I hope this is not what the OP intended, but either way, no matter what your views, it is a tragic spectacle to read. |
Anonymous
Wow, sooo much bitterness  These decisions are ultimately very personal, and obviously opinions differ. Name-calling is pretty harsh, and doesn't do any good except to make you look childish. Everyone, just be happy you each ended up with a healthy baby.
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