What ugly things do you hide about your marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We don't share a bedroom during the week.

Same here, weekends we do only because we can sleep in. We both sleep better alone

[Anonymous]

The ugliest thing I hide is how infrequently we clean the house. We always put it off and procrastinated but we both also feel shame about having a dirty house. During normal times we’d have people over at least once a week, so floors would get mopped, bathrooms cleaned, rooms dusted, everything. Now we let things go waaaaaaay too long. It’s embarrassing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husbands diagnosed mental illness.

+1 he can’t hide it w friends or extended family when when all vacation. He tries to by “doing more office work” but that looks ridiculous and all his disappearing does too. It’s his parents family secret- most people on the paternal side have it and they hide it (via never doing new things or spending elongated time with others) and never talk about it. Ironically MIl keeps asking how the kids are doing w school, friends or talking as she tries to determine if it passes to girls... (it did to one).

What's the mental illness?

And why is what the MIL does “ironic?”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't hide it now, but when we were first married I didn't know how to fight properly and was very passive aggressive.

Some of you may recall that I am the person who bedazzled the pockets and fly on DH's favorite jeans when I got angry at him.

Now that I have grown up (and we've gone to counseling and I learned how to productively argue) and a lot of time has passed, we can both laugh about it.

I think you handled it swimmingly!

Wow. I wonder if PP is the wife in the thread about the guy who hates how much money/time his wife spends crafting. At least if sh bedazzled his jeans this would make sense!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
That my Aspie husband has no interest in friends or socializing, that he's very self-centered and cares nothing for social niceties.

Obviously my closest friends realize some of this, but none of us explicitly talk about it. What would be the use? He's in his 50s and not going to change.

You married him.

People on the spectrum have learned to hide their condition if possible, especially in high stakes areas like school, career, and dating. Once they get comfortable with the job or lock in a spouse, they get comfortable and revert into their most ASD selves because they feel secure.

Correct. The masking is real. Having 1-2 addictions or special interests is real too. Everything else: doesn’t care. At. All.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husbands diagnosed mental illness.

+1 he can’t hide it w friends or extended family when when all vacation. He tries to by “doing more office work” but that looks ridiculous and all his disappearing does too. It’s his parents family secret- most people on the paternal side have it and they hide it (via never doing new things or spending elongated time with others) and never talk about it. Ironically MIl keeps asking how the kids are doing w school, friends or talking as she tries to determine if it passes to girls... (it did to one).

What's the mental illness?

And why is what the MIL does “ironic?”

Sounds ironic that she keeps the inheritable family mental health secret and then keeps asking around the bush if her grandchildren have the symptoms.
Not having your doctor know the true family health history when there are issues presenting is sad. Common in some cultures (keep it a secret) but sad and harmful.

[Anonymous]

His complete lack of sex drive. Though I think it’s easy to guess we’re not super active in the bedroom dept.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His affair.

+1

The pain is real. I’m sorry.

[Anonymous]

2 affairs that I know of for sure. He’d planned to leave but didn’t. One I’m not sure about. Maybe more but I don’t care anymore. I was too weak or stupid to leave. I blame myself. Has violent temper. Haven’t had sex or slept in same room for 5 years. I have not had an affair at all. I don’t care if he is.
Initially stayed for son but now see similar traits in him and I’m sorry I stayed. I’m an embarrassment to myself and my kids. I feel too old to change anything and so worried about my kids:
Hot mess. I had a great job but had nervous breakdown with all the stress and had to leave and now a SAHM for 5 years.
On the surface we look like a happy family. Wealthy . 3 kids in private school. Huge beautiful house in golden zip code. Very social. Looks like I could just afford to not work ha!

[Anonymous]

How self-centered husband is, how uninvolved a parent he is, how depressed I am. He recently moved out and I am relieved to be able to talk to people about it because now that the kids know our relationship is over, I don’t have to be secretive any longer. The kids are old enough that they started making comments that made it clear that they recognize that dad prioritizes himself over his family.

[Anonymous]

My affair. My husband’s interest in me sexually became non existent after 20 years of marriage but otherwise we co-exist nicely. We have a DADT agreement and it works for me. This is not what I wished for in a marriage but going sex less was not an option.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My affair. My husband’s interest in me sexually became non existent after 20 years of marriage but otherwise we co-exist nicely. We have a DADT agreement and it works for me. This is not what I wished for in a marriage but going sex less was not an option.

Realize a lot of the men you are having sex with do not have that agreement in their marriages and you and your spouse are opening yourselves and family to danger, your kids finding out, etc if a betrayed angry spouse finds out you are screwing her husband. I hope you are keeping it to single people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My affair. My husband’s interest in me sexually became non existent after 20 years of marriage but otherwise we co-exist nicely. We have a DADT agreement and it works for me. This is not what I wished for in a marriage but going sex less was not an option.

Realize a lot of the men you are having sex with do not have that agreement in their marriages and you and your spouse are opening yourselves and family to danger, your kids finding out, etc if a betrayed angry spouse finds out you are screwing her husband. I hope you are keeping it to single people.

Only one AP and he is single. The risk of someone finding out is very low but it is a risk.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:His complete lack of sex drive. Though I think it’s easy to guess we’re not super active in the bedroom dept.

Medical issues or is he getting it elsewhere?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My affair. My husband’s interest in me sexually became non existent after 20 years of marriage but otherwise we co-exist nicely. We have a DADT agreement and it works for me. This is not what I wished for in a marriage but going sex less was not an option.

Realize a lot of the men you are having sex with do not have that agreement in their marriages and you and your spouse are opening yourselves and family to danger, your kids finding out, etc if a betrayed angry spouse finds out you are screwing her husband. I hope you are keeping it to single people.

You have no idea about any of the men she is having sex with. Stop projecting your ideas on her choices.