Giving your married child a down payment, then divorce

[Anonymous]

How much money are you thinking about gifting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP, please be aware that while these sort of structures can be somewhat common, they come with a lot of judgement from random people and voyeurism that can upset your adult child's life. Be careful. There is a LOT of hate towards those with family money, and any perception of that can have disastrous consequences for their careers, their future children's schooling, etc. You should not help them to purchase a home that they cannot afford without your help. It will backfire in a major way.

I come from a family like this and own a small home (1000 sq feet) in a nice neighborhood. DH has an executive level corporate job and I SH. It has been extremely hard for my children to make friends outside of school, and my oldest is homeschooled because private schools are not realistic for DH and I without major sacrifices in our own savings goals. We have tried private schools with family money and the bullying that my kids had to endure over it was awful. People were always trying to find out if my parents were famous (they are not) and spreading gossip about us, including the school staff. And my ILs have a huge problem with the down payment help that my parents offered. That's been fun. I hear about it every time I visit them, and I don't even know how they know.

This is truly bizarre. We're at an "old money" private school and I can't imagine that anyone knows or cares how we pay for it (answer: financial aid). Certainly not enough to bully our kid! I'm also 100% sure that some of his classmates have Grandma and Grandpa paying for school.... and nobody cares. Why would they? Were your kids talking about how rich their grandparents are? Otherwise I just can't figure out how anyone would know or care.

[Anonymous]

You can give a family loan which has a very low interest rate set by the IRS, around 2%. Instead of them paying the interest you count the dollars as part of an annual gift which has a limit of $14,000. At the end of the loan term - say 10 years - you can either gift the principal or re-do the loan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My parents helped us with a down payment when we were engaged and DH and I had an agreement that if we broke-up and sold the place that I would be paid the amount of my parents gift and then we would split the rest. We just typed up the agreement and both signed it. Years later after we were married my parents helped us with our second home and we didn't think about any of this. In fact to avoid gift tax issues my parent wrote both me and DH separate checks. Of course our marriage is very stable so no real concern.

Lol. Your husband had loaded inlaws. Of course he’s not going anywhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents helped us with a down payment when we were engaged and DH and I had an agreement that if we broke-up and sold the place that I would be paid the amount of my parents gift and then we would split the rest. We just typed up the agreement and both signed it. Years later after we were married my parents helped us with our second home and we didn't think about any of this. In fact to avoid gift tax issues my parent wrote both me and DH separate checks. Of course our marriage is very stable so no real concern.

Lol. Your husband had loaded inlaws. Of course he’s not going anywhere.

You would be surprised how many guys would try to take the money and run, so to speak.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can give a family loan which has a very low interest rate set by the IRS, around 2%. Instead of them paying the interest you count the dollars as part of an annual gift which has a limit of $14,000. At the end of the loan term - say 10 years - you can either gift the principal or re-do the loan.

My IL’s were going to do this but then decided it would just be a very large gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m a divorce lawyer. You’re very smart to consider this. Under DC law, property acquired during the marriage by a gift to one party remains that party’s separate property so long as she can trace it out. That means you can’t say things like, “This is for both of you.” You make it clear it is a gift to just your child. Your kid then doesn’t do anything to make it a gift to the marriage (ex. by writing a note “I know you’re uncomfortable with the fact that my parents gave US the down payment but this house is OURS). Keep good records bc if you die, you’re not around to say what your intentions was with the gift.

Documenting the intention that the gift is for my child
is enough?

Thanks.

Yes, it is about sourcing the $$. It has to have an explicit trail and documention. But why assume....it's work to figure it out in a divorce. Get it in writing.

The above responder is not me (the divorce lawyer), but is correct that you want an explicit trail showing the money can be directly traced from you to your daughter alone AND she keeps it separate until it is used. For example, don’t have her take a check from you and deposit it into a joint account and then have the same money wired to the bank at closing. Although she could still trace the money out, it’s much cleaner if, in addition to documenting that it’s a gift to just her, the money never hits a joint account. You also need to discuss with her what happens upon a sale. If she sells the property or refinances and pulls money out. Without something in writing with her husband, if it’s jointly titled, he’d end up with it all.

Look into filing a gift tax return, which, along with contemporaneous notes between you and your daughter, can confirm the gift was just to her.

So what?

If Mary’s father gifts her $200k that she holds in a separate account but ultimately puts down towards the purchase of a house with her husband Joe, it’s still a joint asset per the title. Presumably joe brings money to the table, too—whether for the down payment or monthly mortgage in the coming years.

With your thinking, every McMansion purchased solely by the breadwinning Alpha male with a SAHM wife is solely his house—and we both know that’s not how the law works when it comes to marital property.

You’re misunderstanding the distinction.

I’m not the divorce lawyer poster, but the reason a house purchased with the earnings of one spouse earned while theyre married belongs to both the earner and the SAH spouse is because the income earned by either person during marriage is considered joint property. On the other hand, if the money was earned before the marriage or the House was purchased before the marriage, then it stays separate property upon divorce and does not get divided 50-50.

What the divorce lawyer poster is saying is that a portion of the house purchased with a gift to a separate individual stays separate upon divorce as long as the separate nature of the money is traceable.

[Anonymous]

Can you be a co-owner of the house instead, contributing to the purchase? If they split you are entitled to whatever portion of the house, separately from the marital assets.

You can always bequeath your share the house to your child when you die. Or she can buy you out down the line.

[Anonymous]

Hi

Anonymous wrote:How about you match exactly what her parents are chipping in.

Good equitable answer to the divorce dilemma.

I am a parent. When younger, we had no parental help. Still able to buy and sell 4 houses over last twenty years. 3 custom built. We are 42. Entering adulthood, you should pay off any student loans, retirement savings regularly and savings for wedding and house. If not, both you and partner are not ready for life as one. Sometimes gifts comes with opinions or indebtedness feelings. I’d rather be free of that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Also, OP, please be aware that while these sort of structures can be somewhat common, they come with a lot of judgement from random people and voyeurism that can upset your adult child's life. Be careful. There is a LOT of hate towards those with family money, and any perception of that can have disastrous consequences for their careers, their future children's schooling, etc. You should not help them to purchase a home that they cannot afford without your help. It will backfire in a major way.

I come from a family like this and own a small home (1000 sq feet) in a nice neighborhood. DH has an executive level corporate job and I SH. It has been extremely hard for my children to make friends outside of school, and my oldest is homeschooled because private schools are not realistic for DH and I without major sacrifices in our own savings goals. We have tried private schools with family money and the bullying that my kids had to endure over it was awful. People were always trying to find out if my parents were famous (they are not) and spreading gossip about us, including the school staff. And my ILs have a huge problem with the down payment help that my parents offered. That's been fun. I hear about it every time I visit them, and I don't even know how they know.

This is truly bizarre. We're at an "old money" private school and I can't imagine that anyone knows or cares how we pay for it (answer: financial aid). Certainly not enough to bully our kid! I'm also 100% sure that some of his classmates have Grandma and Grandpa paying for school.... and nobody cares. Why would they? Were your kids talking about how rich their grandparents are? Otherwise I just can't figure out how anyone would know or care.

Our experience has been that kids do talk about money in public elementary school. Family money, their own savings, gifts - kids talk. And some do judge. Behavior has to be modeled after what they see in the home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents helped us with a down payment when we were engaged and DH and I had an agreement that if we broke-up and sold the place that I would be paid the amount of my parents gift and then we would split the rest. We just typed up the agreement and both signed it. Years later after we were married my parents helped us with our second home and we didn't think about any of this. In fact to avoid gift tax issues my parent wrote both me and DH separate checks. Of course our marriage is very stable so no real concern.

Lol. Your husband had loaded inlaws. Of course he’s not going anywhere.

You would be surprised how many guys would try to take the money and run, so to speak.

Yes, this is real and no one has resources to give multiple gifts for succeeding homes. Establish a family trust and distribute as needed from there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi

Anonymous wrote:How about you match exactly what her parents are chipping in.

Good equitable answer to the divorce dilemma.

I am a parent. When younger, we had no parental help. Still able to buy and sell 4 houses over last twenty years. 3 custom built. We are 42. Entering adulthood, you should pay off any student loans, retirement savings regularly and savings for wedding and house. If not, both you and partner are not ready for life as one. Sometimes gifts comes with opinions or indebtedness feelings. I’d rather be free of that.

I echo all of this, and will add, don't forget the siblings. If you are going to give to your children, make sure you give to ALL children equally. I mean, at least offer. My MIL gave to one of her sons, didn't tell any of the other siblings until it came up in an extended family meeting with the financial planner. Not cool MIL, not cool. She ended up giving the other siblings an equal check, but not until a lot of eyebrows were raised and questions asked.
I'm sure she had some concocted reason she kept it under the table, maybe she was trying to protect her son's pride, maybe she felt guilty for helping, I don't know. Just make sure it's equitable.

[Anonymous]

Amazing how many people subsidize their kids lifestyle on here. Rough life knowing you always have a bailout coming if you f up

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Amazing how many people subsidize their kids lifestyle on here. Rough life knowing you always have a bailout coming if you f up

Right now millions of Americans are receiving a bail out or a subsidy. Sometimes people do need a helping hand.

[Anonymous]

If my parents or inlaws tried to give a gift with strings attached, we would turn it down. Now if one of us receives a gift with no strings attached, we may very well decide to protect it for that person in case of a divorce. That decision, however, is ours to make as a couple and not our parents to demand.

We will talk to our children when they are adults about the importance of trusting their partners, protecting themselves, and most importantly communicating with their partners. We will then leave decisions up to them.