Daily commute to Delaware - where to live...?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

js426 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This will be awful for both of you. I don't think it's sustainable long term (although Joe Biden did it for decades in reverse). Maybe DH should rent a studio apartment in Newark and drive up Monday morning and come home Thursday night and work from home on Friday.

This is what my spouse and I do and it's been fine. That commute is not sustainable particularly if there is no telecommute option or no option to work on the train as part of your day.

You and your spouse have been doing DE-DC commute? Would you be able to share more - where do you live (I presume on the MD side?), where in DE do you have to go to, what is your main form of transportation (train?), and what is your work arrangement? Thanks! I know our situation is not ideal nor realistic, but your comment gives me a bit of hope...

PP- no sorry, I meant we do the setup; however ours is a DC to Charlottesville commute. We both work with homes in rural VA and downtown DC. We generally alternate weekends. I have one child (3YO) who goes to day care here and stays with me. It works for us.

PP again - adding that one thing that makes this really easy for us is that neither of us have big daily commutes - we ponied up a bit more money to get a house that was close to daycare and work.

I don't get it - how do you have a DC to Charlottsville commute but live close to daycare and work and not have a big daily commute. I'm missing something.

DP, but I think she's saying they don't live together during the week. One spouse lives in Charlottesville and one lives in DC and they get together on the weekend.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is one of the nuttiest threads I've read in a while.

One of my co-workers does the reverse- commutes from DE to DC. Can't recall which town but this is how he makes it work:

Works from 630am- 3pm (leaves his house at 430am)
Teleworks two days per week
Wife works near where they live in DE
Kids are older- family didn't relocate because they didn't want to pull kids from their schools/friends.

Not even close. My friend worked in a Korean bank in Korea for two years and lived in NY. It had 50 percent WFH so he flew to Korea and back once or twice a month

[Anonymous]

Move to Wilmington. It's actually a nice place to raise a family. It may take you time to get a job but the COL will allow you to have that time. Delaware is insanely cheaper than DC or even Baltimore. My parents moved there from Maryland and will never come back to Maryland. Their property tax is 1/10 of mine.

Lots of people commute from Wilmington to Philly--there should be something you can do there. Or find a remote position. Or maybe something at the University of Delaware or one of the Philly universities.

The commute you describe will be miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

js426 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

js426 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - is this a new job or has he been transferred? Is there any chance he was transferred in an effort to get him to find his way out of the org? If so I would re evaluate any moves.

I think your best options are Baltimore suburb/au pair or he takes the train & keeps a contingency car in DE in case of emergency, last option would be he keeps a midweek apartment and only comes home on weekends.

We are currently doing NY-DC long distance where I do the weekly commute to/from DC Mon-Thursday. He decided to transfer close to DC and Delaware is the closest...

Eventually we both know this will get old, so he would have to find other opportunities (because my job is tied to DC), but for now we wanted to give this DE-DC arrangement a shot.

What's your salary and job field? You mention rent being high in some areas, so I assume your salary is not very high. Could you find a similar salary at a job closer to DE?

I'm in the international development field so no job prospects in DE... My salary is not that high (low 100k) but high enough where I don't want to quit my job

What???????????????????????THERE IS BIG BUSINESS IN DELAWARE. There are chemical companies (big ones), poultry companies, Gore and Assoc, pharmaceutical companies
(big ones)
Mom's neighbor is in charge of international poultry business for one of the poultry companies. He has a $600,000 waterfront house on the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland
and they drive nice rides. Delaware is flush with international business. And yes, poultry from Delaware is exported to countries in Africa.

This isn't international development. International development means working with NGOs (or sometimes for-profit contractors) that implement projects to improve quality of life/reduce poverty etc. in developing countries. Think Save the Children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

js426 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

js426 wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP - is this a new job or has he been transferred? Is there any chance he was transferred in an effort to get him to find his way out of the org? If so I would re evaluate any moves.

I think your best options are Baltimore suburb/au pair or he takes the train & keeps a contingency car in DE in case of emergency, last option would be he keeps a midweek apartment and only comes home on weekends.

We are currently doing NY-DC long distance where I do the weekly commute to/from DC Mon-Thursday. He decided to transfer close to DC and Delaware is the closest...

Eventually we both know this will get old, so he would have to find other opportunities (because my job is tied to DC), but for now we wanted to give this DE-DC arrangement a shot.

What's your salary and job field? You mention rent being high in some areas, so I assume your salary is not very high. Could you find a similar salary at a job closer to DE?

No advice for OP, but it floors me sometimes when people tell other people "of course theres is a job for you in town X" when they hardly know anything about the field the person they are talking to is in, among other things.

I'm in the international development field so no job prospects in DE... My salary is not that high (low 100k) but high enough where I don't want to quit my job

What???????????????????????THERE IS BIG BUSINESS IN DELAWARE. There are chemical companies (big ones), poultry companies, Gore and Assoc, pharmaceutical companies
(big ones)
Mom's neighbor is in charge of international poultry business for one of the poultry companies. He has a $600,000 waterfront house on the Chesapeake Bay in Maryland
and they drive nice rides. Delaware is flush with international business. And yes, poultry from Delaware is exported to countries in Africa.

This isn't international development. International development means working with NGOs (or sometimes for-profit contractors) that implement projects to improve quality of life/reduce poverty etc. in developing countries. Think Save the Children.

[Anonymous]

So I actually live in DC (16th ST Heights) and commute to Newark on a regular basis. I would strongly suggest a neighborhood near the beltway (and the 95 exchange) to minimize commute. Traffic wise it takes me an hour and 40 minutes each way (unless I stop at Wegmans on Exit 77). It is a long drive, but I make it work. Podcasts, Amazon music, audiobooks do wonders.

A PP mentioned beach traffic and there is literally none on this commute. That's typically on Rt 1 and you'll never cross it unless you've gotten really lost.

You can get snarled up in other situations (accidents, etc) but generally you are going opposite traffic (people typically head towards DC in the AM and away from DC in the PM, opposite you so they're the ones backed up).

Other options include moving to Wilmington and you commuting on Amtrak (tickets aren't terrible if you buy in advance), or look at MARC options near Aberdeen. It's maybe a 15-20 minute drive from there. MARC is cheaper but longer route.

Is he working for the University? A corporation? Any work from home options? (even for 2 days a week).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Delaware (both Newark and Middletown) and currently live in NE DC. Once I turn off my street I'm on E Capitol St/295 and my parents live off 50 in Delaware which means it's about 3-5 turns from my front door to theirs. On a normal Saturday during the winter it takes about 1 hour 30 minutes via the bay bridge. In the summer that can easily be 2+ hours. If it is a Friday it's gonna be over 3 hours. 95 is only slightly better in the summer, but not much. The other thing you have to think about is the cost of tolls. 95 is gonna cost you at least $12 one way so you need to calculate that into the cost of commuting too.

And also the fact that the bay bridge is going to be under constant construction for the foreseeable future.

Why in god's name would they take the Bay Bridge to Newark? It's a straight shot up 95. And if 95 is bad at the tunnel, use 895.

[Anonymous]

js426 wrote:Thank you all for your inputs, I really appreciate it! My job is tied to DC and so is my husband's (at least for now). My work is more flexible though so I'm sure I can work something out there.

We will look into renting-out-a-studio in DE option. Not sure if he would be able to work from home but for now that might be the most viable option :'(

Would none of the neighborhoods really matter then, where we end up living...?

Also if the one-way commute was 2 hours, do you think '1.5-hour Amtrak + 20 minutes of driving' is better than '2 hours or driving'?

1.5 hours of train is if you live in union station

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Delaware (both Newark and Middletown) and currently live in NE DC. Once I turn off my street I'm on E Capitol St/295 and my parents live off 50 in Delaware which means it's about 3-5 turns from my front door to theirs. On a normal Saturday during the winter it takes about 1 hour 30 minutes via the bay bridge. In the summer that can easily be 2+ hours. If it is a Friday it's gonna be over 3 hours. 95 is only slightly better in the summer, but not much. The other thing you have to think about is the cost of tolls. 95 is gonna cost you at least $12 one way so you need to calculate that into the cost of commuting too.

And also the fact that the bay bridge is going to be under constant construction for the foreseeable future.

Why in god's name would they take the Bay Bridge to Newark? It's a straight shot up 95. And if 95 is bad at the tunnel, use 895.

Exactly. Bay bridge makes zero sense and tacks on almost an extra hour each way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Delaware (both Newark and Middletown) and currently live in NE DC. Once I turn off my street I'm on E Capitol St/295 and my parents live off 50 in Delaware which means it's about 3-5 turns from my front door to theirs. On a normal Saturday during the winter it takes about 1 hour 30 minutes via the bay bridge. In the summer that can easily be 2+ hours. If it is a Friday it's gonna be over 3 hours. 95 is only slightly better in the summer, but not much. The other thing you have to think about is the cost of tolls. 95 is gonna cost you at least $12 one way so you need to calculate that into the cost of commuting too.

And also the fact that the bay bridge is going to be under constant construction for the foreseeable future.

Why in god's name would they take the Bay Bridge to Newark? It's a straight shot up 95. And if 95 is bad at the tunnel, use 895.

Exactly. Bay bridge makes zero sense and tacks on almost an extra hour each way.

As I said pages ago, there are definitely people posting here that have no idea where Newark, DE is. Go away, those people.

[Anonymous]

This can't be a serious thread?

No one in their right mind would even attempt to do something like this - I can't imagine why any family would volunteer something where one person was either gone 4-5 days of the week or spending at best 4 hours of the day commuting.

If the money is so good that you can afford to do this or need to do this then one of you can quit your job so you have a functioning family.

[Anonymous]

I seriously think you need to reevaluate what the end goal is here. If there's no bend to one of the jobs, pick the one that has more promise - someone needs to stay home and you need to drastically cut back your lifestyle and just be frugal. The child won't need to be in daycare, which is wiping away a large percentage of the second salary, and you will actually have a home life, which is especially important for that child in the long run. The cost of commuting will, when combined with the day care, erase the second salary. Not to mention your marriage.

Go down to one car. Live in a smaller place. Develop a strict budget. Get yourself established and then maybe find a consulting gig where you can get your toe in the water and work from home, then put the pieces back together slowly. If you were able to do it for that long with one income, and you just went back to work, you know it can be done.

Nothing is worth a 4+ hour daily commute. Let me say it again - NOTHING. Certainly not your marriage and certainly not your child. Simplify and redefine what is really important here.

[Anonymous]

OP, here's the hard truth: there's no way you're going to be able to live anywhere south of Baltimore if you want to make this work. Others have alluded about the terrible traffic from DC to Newark. While taking the MARC from DC to Perryville and keeping a beater car at the station to drive to Newark, the timing of the MARC trains aren't ideal, as there is only one train in the AM that goes from Union Station to Perryville, and it leaves at 6:10 AM. The afternoon schedule is even worse, as the only train from Perryville to DC leaves Perryville at 2:35 PM.

So, here are your best options:


- Live somewhere north of Baltimore with easy access to a MARC station. Aberdeen is likely your best option, but the only issue is that the DC bound trains leave at 6:38 am, and the next one doesn't depart until 8:30 am.

- Live closer to DC, and have your husband live in a studio apartment in Newark during the week. TBH, this is probably the best option from a financial standpoint, as you'd save a ton of money on gas/tolls/car wear and tear, but again, might not be the best option from a marriage POV.

- Move closer to Newark, and try to get a job in that area.

[Anonymous]

I would consider giving Baltimore another look, near one of the train stations (Penn or Camden). In this scenario, you could commute into DC by train and your partner could drive to Newark (where I assume his workplace would have plenty of parking). Near Camden, you could look at Federal Hill near the American Visionary arts museum: https://www.redfin.com/MD/Baltimore/128-W-Lee-St-21201/home/11006389

Or possibly Ridgely's Delight Neighborhood.

Near Penn Station, look at Bolton Hill near the MICA campus: https://www.redfin.com/MD/Baltimore/1512-Bolton-St-21217/home/10880678

It's a really vibrant, underrated city.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'd move to the burbs of Baltimore and get a big house. Hire an au pair. You both leave the house EARLY to get to work. Au pair gets the preschooler off in the morning and covers any emergencies (like kid is sick and you are at the office). This works best if you have some flexibility to WFH either one day a week, or as needed.

But yes, driving so much will really take it's toll on both of you, so that's the downside. I had friends who had a similar set up (one working in DE and one in DC) and they lived in Baltimore. Of course, they didn't have a child when they did this.

An AuPair wont work. OP would commute 2hrs a day. Plus a 40hr work week. That's a bare minimum of 50hrs out of the house assuming no traffic issues or emergencies.