Would you tell a vegetarian relative that your MIL has been sneaking meat into their food?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I would. Definitely.

Absolutely! What a terrible person!

[Anonymous]

OP here. I told DH to tell his brother and let his brother tell his wife. DH spoke to his brother and his brother does not want to tell his wife. BIL is afraid that if he tells his wife then his mother will out him for continuing to sneak meat. Whenever BIL goes to his parents house without SIL, he will eat meat. Yes, the guy is having an affair with a roast He will also drink a milk shake with a straw while he is there without her.

Straws are a whole other thing with her. Whenever we are at a restaurant with everyone, SIL will make a point of telling the waiter to NOT bring anyone straws. The first time this happened is started a 10 minute debate between FIL/MIL and SIL. FIL/MIL had never heard that straws are bad. FIL wanted a straw and then demanded a straw. Our kids chimed in asking whether they could have straws. SIL responded before I could and told them no-which was rude. FIL snapped that she had no right to deny him or his grandchildren straws and by god damn it they were having straws. SIL got up and left. BIL had to follow. My DH was in the bathroom for this and missed the whole thing. To be fair to SIL, I think she got up and left because FIL was so loud and angry and less about diving on the straw hill. To be to fair to FIL, SIL was very rude and overly bossy about the straw thing.

SIL is not a vegetarian for religious or health reasons. She is very open that she is a vegetarian for environmental reasons. I don't think MIL would do this if she had allergies. We have an extended relative with GF intolerance and MIL is very good in coming up with GF alternatives. MIL is proud of her GF recipes and has shared them with others for this relative .I'm not saying that I agree with what MIL is doing to SIL but I don't think she is a danger to others who have physical reasons for avoiding certain foods.

MIL just thinks that SIL's reasons are not valid. SIL will not ride in a SUV. If we are all going somewhere together, she will not get into MIL/FIL's big SUV or our smaller SUV. She will insist that she and her husband drive separately in their electric car. To MIL this is stupid because everyone can't fit in their electric car and since we are driving the SUV anyways, how does it help the environment for SIL to be riding separately in an electric car?

I try to be a nice person and have never been annoyed at anyone for having special food requests. Our family does do our part for the environment. We turn lights out, always recycle, I cook more from scratch than buying lots of processed or packaged foods, we compost, we plant trees, and I don't buy straws for home so I am not anti-environmental. `I will fully admit though that my weaknesses are being a coward where interpersonal drama is involved and guilt. So now I am between both. I feel I have done my duty in having DH tell his brother but since his brother will not say anything now I will have to sit through every future family meal knowing that MIL is lying to SIL or dealing with the wrath of both of them.

While it isn't the most popular opinion, I think I will just go with the MYOB posters and not say anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hmmmm. I told my SIL who was a vegetarian back then, when she came to visit my mom and grandma, who made her dishes but with broth and such. She didn't care at all. For example separate dish made with rice filing only, but cooked with meat, she said it was fine. Broths in mashed potatoes, she was fine. She was fine with it all. She is generally a nice person who doesn't' make a fuss. For all I know, you would be creating WWII or this is how some vegetarians are.

We had a vegetarian neighbor who didn’t mind when her veggie burgers were put on the grill after the regular burgers because then they had more flavor. It sounds like OP’s SIL is way less laid back than either your friend or my neighbor, especially if she’s so controlling with her husband.

It's not about "being laid back." There are degrees to vegetarianism as there are for any other sort of dietary restriction. I'm a vegetarian for health and fitness reasons so I don't care if my food has been cooked animal fat or broth. But I do know many ethical and religious vegetarians who do not consume any products that would require an animal being slaughtered. They wouldn't eat something had been cooked with animal fat or broth. That doesn't make them any more "fussier" than me or "not nice" people because they are stricter in their vegetarianism.

SIL should able to make that choice for herself. Maybe she will care, she won't. But we don't know because MIL has taken that choice from her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I told DH to tell his brother and let his brother tell his wife. DH spoke to his brother and his brother does not want to tell his wife. BIL is afraid that if he tells his wife then his mother will out him for continuing to sneak meat. Whenever BIL goes to his parents house without SIL, he will eat meat. Yes, the guy is having an affair with a roast He will also drink a milk shake with a straw while he is there without her.

Straws are a whole other thing with her. Whenever we are at a restaurant with everyone, SIL will make a point of telling the waiter to NOT bring anyone straws. The first time this happened is started a 10 minute debate between FIL/MIL and SIL. FIL/MIL had never heard that straws are bad. FIL wanted a straw and then demanded a straw. Our kids chimed in asking whether they could have straws. SIL responded before I could and told them no-which was rude. FIL snapped that she had no right to deny him or his grandchildren straws and by god damn it they were having straws. SIL got up and left. BIL had to follow. My DH was in the bathroom for this and missed the whole thing. To be fair to SIL, I think she got up and left because FIL was so loud and angry and less about diving on the straw hill. To be to fair to FIL, SIL was very rude and overly bossy about the straw thing.

SIL is not a vegetarian for religious or health reasons. She is very open that she is a vegetarian for environmental reasons. I don't think MIL would do this if she had allergies. We have an extended relative with GF intolerance and MIL is very good in coming up with GF alternatives. MIL is proud of her GF recipes and has shared them with others for this relative .I'm not saying that I agree with what MIL is doing to SIL but I don't think she is a danger to others who have physical reasons for avoiding certain foods.

MIL just thinks that SIL's reasons are not valid. SIL will not ride in a SUV. If we are all going somewhere together, she will not get into MIL/FIL's big SUV or our smaller SUV. She will insist that she and her husband drive separately in their electric car. To MIL this is stupid because everyone can't fit in their electric car and since we are driving the SUV anyways, how does it help the environment for SIL to be riding separately in an electric car?

I try to be a nice person and have never been annoyed at anyone for having special food requests. Our family does do our part for the environment. We turn lights out, always recycle, I cook more from scratch than buying lots of processed or packaged foods, we compost, we plant trees, and I don't buy straws for home so I am not anti-environmental. `I will fully admit though that my weaknesses are being a coward where interpersonal drama is involved and guilt. So now I am between both. I feel I have done my duty in having DH tell his brother but since his brother will not say anything now I will have to sit through every future family meal knowing that MIL is lying to SIL or dealing with the wrath of both of them.

While it isn't the most popular opinion, I think I will just go with the MYOB posters and not say anything.

Wow. That family is crazy. Your BIL is incapable of standing up to both his wife and mother.

Not telling SIL would weigh on my conscience regardless of how annoying or unpleasant she may be. But you do you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I told DH to tell his brother and let his brother tell his wife. DH spoke to his brother and his brother does not want to tell his wife. BIL is afraid that if he tells his wife then his mother will out him for continuing to sneak meat. Whenever BIL goes to his parents house without SIL, he will eat meat. Yes, the guy is having an affair with a roast He will also drink a milk shake with a straw while he is there without her.

Straws are a whole other thing with her. Whenever we are at a restaurant with everyone, SIL will make a point of telling the waiter to NOT bring anyone straws. The first time this happened is started a 10 minute debate between FIL/MIL and SIL. FIL/MIL had never heard that straws are bad. FIL wanted a straw and then demanded a straw. Our kids chimed in asking whether they could have straws. SIL responded before I could and told them no-which was rude. FIL snapped that she had no right to deny him or his grandchildren straws and by god damn it they were having straws. SIL got up and left. BIL had to follow. My DH was in the bathroom for this and missed the whole thing. To be fair to SIL, I think she got up and left because FIL was so loud and angry and less about diving on the straw hill. To be to fair to FIL, SIL was very rude and overly bossy about the straw thing.

SIL is not a vegetarian for religious or health reasons. She is very open that she is a vegetarian for environmental reasons. I don't think MIL would do this if she had allergies. We have an extended relative with GF intolerance and MIL is very good in coming up with GF alternatives. MIL is proud of her GF recipes and has shared them with others for this relative .I'm not saying that I agree with what MIL is doing to SIL but I don't think she is a danger to others who have physical reasons for avoiding certain foods.

MIL just thinks that SIL's reasons are not valid. SIL will not ride in a SUV. If we are all going somewhere together, she will not get into MIL/FIL's big SUV or our smaller SUV. She will insist that she and her husband drive separately in their electric car. To MIL this is stupid because everyone can't fit in their electric car and since we are driving the SUV anyways, how does it help the environment for SIL to be riding separately in an electric car?

I try to be a nice person and have never been annoyed at anyone for having special food requests. Our family does do our part for the environment. We turn lights out, always recycle, I cook more from scratch than buying lots of processed or packaged foods, we compost, we plant trees, and I don't buy straws for home so I am not anti-environmental. `I will fully admit though that my weaknesses are being a coward where interpersonal drama is involved and guilt. So now I am between both. I feel I have done my duty in having DH tell his brother but since his brother will not say anything now I will have to sit through every future family meal knowing that MIL is lying to SIL or dealing with the wrath of both of them.

While it isn't the most popular opinion, I think I will just go with the MYOB posters and not say anything.

This is just messed up. BIL needs to grow a pair. I really hope these people do not have children.

OP, I think you did the right thing, and should let the chips fall where they may from now on. I'd be more sympathetic to SIL if she wasn't such a self-righteous PITA trying to impose her environmentalism on everyone else.

[Anonymous]

I think you made the right choice OP. If her own husband won't tell her then you don't have to feel bad about it. She sounds truly insufferable. And your MIL might be a sociopath. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


And I can't believe how many people think it's ok to use chicken broth in a dish and then claim it's vegetarian. At least be upfront about it and let people decide if they want to eat it.

How many people? I saw one post from someone who wouldn't think to mention it. I didn't see anyone claim it's fine to use chicken broth and claim it's vegetarian. Did I miss a bunch of people making that claim?

I was the PP who said that and I do not host dinner parties or routinely cook for anyone other than our own family, plus parents, and siblings. None are vegetarian though a few avoid red meat. Even this day and age vegetarians are not that common outside of big cities. (We are not in DC any longer.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just found out that my MIL intentionally sneaks meat products into her "vegetarian" dishes and does not tell SIL about it. She'll tell SIL that she used vegetable broth when she really uses chicken broth. She'll cook things in bacon fat or add some bacon fat for flavor. She isn't sneaking a steak into a smoothie or anything but she's been serving quite a few vegetarian meals with meat products. MIL things being a vegetarian is stupid and she is already being gracious enough to pretend to accommodate SIL.

If I tell SIL, MIL will know it was me. I'm on the fence about whether to say anything or not.

NP here. I wouldn’t lie directly like this, but I use chicken broth in a few no-meat dishes I make and it wouldn’t occur me to warn people it has 1/4 cup of chicken broth in it.

Really? If you were making a meal for people who straight up told you they are vegetarian, it "wouldn't occur to you" to tell them that it has meat in it?

Because it's not meat, no. Some people really don't think of the broth as meat in that sense. [/quote]

you are so clueless. this is plain disrespectful. if someone told you they are vegetarian, you have to give them a warning about "chicken broth".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I told DH to tell his brother and let his brother tell his wife. DH spoke to his brother and his brother does not want to tell his wife. BIL is afraid that if he tells his wife then his mother will out him for continuing to sneak meat. Whenever BIL goes to his parents house without SIL, he will eat meat. Yes, the guy is having an affair with a roast He will also drink a milk shake with a straw while he is there without her.

Straws are a whole other thing with her. Whenever we are at a restaurant with everyone, SIL will make a point of telling the waiter to NOT bring anyone straws. The first time this happened is started a 10 minute debate between FIL/MIL and SIL. FIL/MIL had never heard that straws are bad. FIL wanted a straw and then demanded a straw. Our kids chimed in asking whether they could have straws. SIL responded before I could and told them no-which was rude. FIL snapped that she had no right to deny him or his grandchildren straws and by god damn it they were having straws. SIL got up and left. BIL had to follow. My DH was in the bathroom for this and missed the whole thing. To be fair to SIL, I think she got up and left because FIL was so loud and angry and less about diving on the straw hill. To be to fair to FIL, SIL was very rude and overly bossy about the straw thing.

SIL is not a vegetarian for religious or health reasons. She is very open that she is a vegetarian for environmental reasons. I don't think MIL would do this if she had allergies. We have an extended relative with GF intolerance and MIL is very good in coming up with GF alternatives. MIL is proud of her GF recipes and has shared them with others for this relative .I'm not saying that I agree with what MIL is doing to SIL but I don't think she is a danger to others who have physical reasons for avoiding certain foods.

MIL just thinks that SIL's reasons are not valid. SIL will not ride in a SUV. If we are all going somewhere together, she will not get into MIL/FIL's big SUV or our smaller SUV. She will insist that she and her husband drive separately in their electric car. To MIL this is stupid because everyone can't fit in their electric car and since we are driving the SUV anyways, how does it help the environment for SIL to be riding separately in an electric car?

I try to be a nice person and have never been annoyed at anyone for having special food requests. Our family does do our part for the environment. We turn lights out, always recycle, I cook more from scratch than buying lots of processed or packaged foods, we compost, we plant trees, and I don't buy straws for home so I am not anti-environmental. `I will fully admit though that my weaknesses are being a coward where interpersonal drama is involved and guilt. So now I am between both. I feel I have done my duty in having DH tell his brother but since his brother will not say anything now I will have to sit through every future family meal knowing that MIL is lying to SIL or dealing with the wrath of both of them.

While it isn't the most popular opinion, I think I will just go with the MYOB posters and not say anything.

This is just messed up. BIL needs to grow a pair. I really hope these people do not have children.

OP, I think you did the right thing, and should let the chips fall where they may from now on. I'd be more sympathetic to SIL if she wasn't such a self-righteous PITA trying to impose her environmentalism on everyone else.

+1. You put this mess right on DH, and he put it on his brother - where it belongs. His brother gets to decide if and how he wants to implode his family. Your SIL might not know about MIL sneaking in meat products, but she certainly knows the dynamic between herself, her own husband, and his family. Fi she feels this strongly about her spouse being a vegetarian, then she should have married a vegetarian. I don't understand people who are vegetarians for ethical reasons who marry people who eat meat. For the record, what your MIL is doing is heinous. Nothing SIL does takes away from that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I told DH to tell his brother and let his brother tell his wife. DH spoke to his brother and his brother does not want to tell his wife. BIL is afraid that if he tells his wife then his mother will out him for continuing to sneak meat. Whenever BIL goes to his parents house without SIL, he will eat meat. Yes, the guy is having an affair with a roast He will also drink a milk shake with a straw while he is there without her.

Straws are a whole other thing with her. Whenever we are at a restaurant with everyone, SIL will make a point of telling the waiter to NOT bring anyone straws. The first time this happened is started a 10 minute debate between FIL/MIL and SIL. FIL/MIL had never heard that straws are bad. FIL wanted a straw and then demanded a straw. Our kids chimed in asking whether they could have straws. SIL responded before I could and told them no-which was rude. FIL snapped that she had no right to deny him or his grandchildren straws and by god damn it they were having straws. SIL got up and left. BIL had to follow. My DH was in the bathroom for this and missed the whole thing. To be fair to SIL, I think she got up and left because FIL was so loud and angry and less about diving on the straw hill. To be to fair to FIL, SIL was very rude and overly bossy about the straw thing.

SIL is not a vegetarian for religious or health reasons. She is very open that she is a vegetarian for environmental reasons. I don't think MIL would do this if she had allergies. We have an extended relative with GF intolerance and MIL is very good in coming up with GF alternatives. MIL is proud of her GF recipes and has shared them with others for this relative .I'm not saying that I agree with what MIL is doing to SIL but I don't think she is a danger to others who have physical reasons for avoiding certain foods.

MIL just thinks that SIL's reasons are not valid. SIL will not ride in a SUV. If we are all going somewhere together, she will not get into MIL/FIL's big SUV or our smaller SUV. She will insist that she and her husband drive separately in their electric car. To MIL this is stupid because everyone can't fit in their electric car and since we are driving the SUV anyways, how does it help the environment for SIL to be riding separately in an electric car?

I try to be a nice person and have never been annoyed at anyone for having special food requests. Our family does do our part for the environment. We turn lights out, always recycle, I cook more from scratch than buying lots of processed or packaged foods, we compost, we plant trees, and I don't buy straws for home so I am not anti-environmental. `I will fully admit though that my weaknesses are being a coward where interpersonal drama is involved and guilt. So now I am between both. I feel I have done my duty in having DH tell his brother but since his brother will not say anything now I will have to sit through every future family meal knowing that MIL is lying to SIL or dealing with the wrath of both of them.

While it isn't the most popular opinion, I think I will just go with the MYOB posters and not say anything.

Wow. That family is crazy. Your BIL is incapable of standing up to both his wife and mother.

Not telling SIL would weigh on my conscience regardless of how annoying or unpleasant she may be. But you do you.

Sounds like he does not want to mess with crazy. He lives with her, he knows best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you made the right choice OP. If her own husband won't tell her then you don't have to feel bad about it. She sounds truly insufferable. And your MIL might be a sociopath. Good luck!

I don't think you did the right thing OP. You still have an obligation to be honest with your SIL or you are complicit in what is going on. Do you really think that if SIL finds out, she won't be upset with everyone in the scenario who knew she was being mistreated and didn't intervene?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, man, that's a lot of crazy. If you see MIL do this again, I'd say something. Either out loud to MIL or SIL in as lighthearted a manner as possible. If MIL says to shush, I'd say, "no, that's not cool, SIL deserves to know what she's eating." You're welcome to tell her or I will.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I told DH to tell his brother and let his brother tell his wife. DH spoke to his brother and his brother does not want to tell his wife. BIL is afraid that if he tells his wife then his mother will out him for continuing to sneak meat. Whenever BIL goes to his parents house without SIL, he will eat meat. Yes, the guy is having an affair with a roast He will also drink a milk shake with a straw while he is there without her.

Straws are a whole other thing with her. Whenever we are at a restaurant with everyone, SIL will make a point of telling the waiter to NOT bring anyone straws. The first time this happened is started a 10 minute debate between FIL/MIL and SIL. FIL/MIL had never heard that straws are bad. FIL wanted a straw and then demanded a straw. Our kids chimed in asking whether they could have straws. SIL responded before I could and told them no-which was rude. FIL snapped that she had no right to deny him or his grandchildren straws and by god damn it they were having straws. SIL got up and left. BIL had to follow. My DH was in the bathroom for this and missed the whole thing. To be fair to SIL, I think she got up and left because FIL was so loud and angry and less about diving on the straw hill. To be to fair to FIL, SIL was very rude and overly bossy about the straw thing.

SIL is not a vegetarian for religious or health reasons. She is very open that she is a vegetarian for environmental reasons. I don't think MIL would do this if she had allergies. We have an extended relative with GF intolerance and MIL is very good in coming up with GF alternatives. MIL is proud of her GF recipes and has shared them with others for this relative .I'm not saying that I agree with what MIL is doing to SIL but I don't think she is a danger to others who have physical reasons for avoiding certain foods.

MIL just thinks that SIL's reasons are not valid. SIL will not ride in a SUV. If we are all going somewhere together, she will not get into MIL/FIL's big SUV or our smaller SUV. She will insist that she and her husband drive separately in their electric car. To MIL this is stupid because everyone can't fit in their electric car and since we are driving the SUV anyways, how does it help the environment for SIL to be riding separately in an electric car?

I try to be a nice person and have never been annoyed at anyone for having special food requests. Our family does do our part for the environment. We turn lights out, always recycle, I cook more from scratch than buying lots of processed or packaged foods, we compost, we plant trees, and I don't buy straws for home so I am not anti-environmental. `I will fully admit though that my weaknesses are being a coward where interpersonal drama is involved and guilt. So now I am between both. I feel I have done my duty in having DH tell his brother but since his brother will not say anything now I will have to sit through every future family meal knowing that MIL is lying to SIL or dealing with the wrath of both of them.

While it isn't the most popular opinion, I think I will just go with the MYOB posters and not say anything.

Wow. That family is crazy. Your BIL is incapable of standing up to both his wife and mother.

Not telling SIL would weigh on my conscience regardless of how annoying or unpleasant she may be. But you do you.

Sounds like he does not want to mess with crazy. He lives with her, he knows best.

SIL can be crazy as all get out. It still doesn't make continual lying to her by everyone in this family ok.

[Anonymous]

I agree with 11:43. Very awkward position your MIL put you in. I wouldn’t want to be the bearer of this bad news but it’s an ugly thing to do sneaking food like that. Disrespectful.

[Anonymous]

Those of you justifying not telling, or adding "trace" amounts of meat products to vegetarian dishes, are awful, awful people. You do not get to make those sorts of decisions for another person. And it's disrespectful, rude, and you are LYING to someone because . . . . well, it's not clear why you think it is ok.

You SIL made a decision regarding her diet. You don't get to change that for her. PERIOD. You absolutely tell her when something is not vegetarian so she can decide whether she wants to partake or not. And a decent person would not only tell her that, but tell her in advance so she can plan for something as an alternate if there is nothing else available to her.

God, you people are really pieces of work.