Granger Smith's 3-year old dies in pool accident

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I honestly don’t understand how this happens. I’m a nanny and work 12-16hrs a day and I’m always behind the kids like a helicopter. Whenever I see YouTube videos of kids covered in flour or painting on the walls, I don’t understand how that happens- unless you’re lazy and not following your kids around? I’ve been a nanny for 22 years and I’ve never had a broken bone or major fall or big mess, because I’m always supervising the kids. If I had my own, I’d be doing the same. It’s lazy parenting.

You never went to the bathroom without them? Or had to take an important phone call? Or ran outside to get the mail. I suspect you have left them unattended for short amounts of time and just got lucky. Most parents do the best they can. Sometimes you don’t realize a dangerous situation until something happens. Sometimes luck is just not with you. Whatever happened that day, you can be sure those parents regret every second of it and wish for for a do over more than anything else.

+1
The smugness of some here is sickening.

And we all should be grateful for the near misses, the accidents somehow avoided, the days when our lives weren’t upended by a choice we made. You can sit here and judge this family, but I instead just try to be grateful that so far, luck has been with me and we have been spared this terrible result. No one deserves for this to happen and the smugness exhibited here does not actually insulate your children from potential harm.

+1 more

Smug nanny, you really need to check your perception on reality, because these kinds of tragedies can and do happen in seconds, and it’s not always due to neglect or whatever you want to frame it as.

I’m a bit of a helicopter (okay, by DCUM standards, a smothering helicopter). DD, now 2.5, is pretty much in my direct reach or line of sight at all times. I can probably count the number of times I’ve been in the bathroom alone since her birth if I think about it hard enough.

We were at a friend’s house for the evening, and as it often happens, the men settled in one room, and the women in another. The rooms were separated by one stair rise into another room. The kids, of similar age and older, were going in between the two rooms. DD was in the room with me, went to see DH, came back less than 30 seconds later in an absolute blood bath. She had tripped somewhere along the path, and seriously bit her lip and damaged two teeth. I guess I could have followed her back and forth the hundred times that she went, like all the kids were doing, but the house was child proofed and you really can’t be there all the time. 30 seconds is all it took, and in that 30, she had been with DH some of it. There were more than 15 adults around between the three rooms, none of us drinking more than a single glass of wine or beer, and everyone (including the host’s parents) keeping an eye out for all the kids in general.

This past weekend, a friend had her 4 year old out on her bike in their driveway. I wasn’t there, but know enough that she is VERY cautious and would have been within arms reach. As it was, her daughter fell, knocked out several teeth requiring emergency surgery, and despite correct use of a helmet, a head injury was suspected (more due to the jaw impact).

Cautiousness and smugness doesn’t out bid the laws of physics, luck, and physiology of the human body.

I feel for this family. Her comments about being child free for her honeymoon are now going to be misrepresented. Her ability to care for a child while her husband travels will come into question. But let’s be honest : what parent doesn’t revel to be by themselves once in a while, and how many posts do we see on this board alone about parents who even have to do ONE night or week of bedtime alone feeling overwhelmed and challenged? If she didn’t work on her abs, every magazine and blog would be calling her out for letting herself go, next time she walks the red carpet with her husband.

We should be supporting Heringa her time of grief, but instead everyone is going to take her down for being the partner of a celebrity, and it’s sickening.

+1 Not sure why smug nanny is working 12-16 hours a day regularly, that isn't a good practice standard here in the US, but nannying for a set period of hours a day is different from parenting where you're on duty 24 hours a day. Stuff happens. There but for the grace of god go I.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Horrible tragedy.

We have a pool with a locking automatic cover. The key to unlock it is kept in a place out of reach of children.

I think this is the only precaution that would make me feel safe with a pool and young children. Along with an alarmed gate.

We don't know any details about this tragedy but I do think, even with every precaution, these kinds of accidents can happen very fast. I'm so sad for this family, can't imagine the kind of pain they're in right now.

We had this. I still worried about someone leaving the cover off. Or a malfunction. Or a child slipping through somehow. Or drowning during a party or while people were over. That is when these things happen.

Our cover is strong enough that even an adult can walk on it without breaking (but it may stress the mounting hardware so not recommended). We've had kids here for non-pool birthday parties accidentally walk across it when playing outside and it holds up fine. Our rule is the pool cover is always on unless one of us is there observing and/or swimming. Pool parties are tricky -- we close it up as soon as people are out of the pool eating, so no kid can wander over while we're eating.

That is what we had. I walked across it once to test it and it was fine. I still could not relax. Having a pool is more dangerous than not having a pool. Even if you take all kinds of precautions. For me, it just was not worth it.

It’s fine to say “cover is always on”, but face it: there’s a million and one tiny reasons where that cover may not be on for 30 seconds/ 2 min/ 1/2 hour. One child vomits from drinking too much pool water - you run both your inside without completely latching the gate, and didn’t have time to cover the pool. You’re scooping a dead mouse out, or shocking the pool when your ill friend calls your phone - you run to get it, as you think the kids are playing Jenga in the basement. The pool guy forgot to put it on after checking a possible rip in the liner earlier in the day. Your DH took and early morning swim. When he checked in with you, you were hot on his heels to have a swim before the kids got up. As it was, you never got out to the pool, and he didn’t cover it, having seen you in your swimsuit with a towel.

Ultimately, You, or another adult woke up human today.

[Anonymous]

I feel pretty confident that a small child could not climb over our pool fence or open the gate (even unlocked, their arms wouldn't be long enough to operate the mechanism). We don't have small kids in the house but that gate is always closed when not in use. In fact, the gate is closed when it is in use because it swings shut behind you - it's not something that you really have to think about because it is automatic.

I wonder if the Smiths' pool gate has a similar design or if it was somehow left open allowing the boy access to the pool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one with any decency is going to take that mother down. Those of us who have actually parented small children totally understand how you can not watch them 100% the time. We have ALL looked away at times while our attention was distracted by something else. Every single one of us, including that know it all nanny.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don’t know these people, but anyone losing a child is an experience that I wouldn’t dismiss. God bless them and preserve us.

This. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone. Sometimes the difference between if that mistake dnds in tragedy is a matter of seconds or luck. I think people harshly criticize parents on these cases because it makes them feel superior and safe. It is terrifying to admit we are all susceptible to a terrible tragedy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I feel pretty confident that a small child could not climb over our pool fence or open the gate (even unlocked, their arms wouldn't be long enough to operate the mechanism). We don't have small kids in the house but that gate is always closed when not in use. In fact, the gate is closed when it is in use because it swings shut behind you - it's not something that you really have to think about because it is automatic.

I wonder if the Smiths' pool gate has a similar design or if it was somehow left open allowing the boy access to the pool.

Spoken by someone who downst have small kids in the house.

I admit, I’m a 40 + year old mother to a toddler. I am constantly in awe of what my less than three year old can do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel pretty confident that a small child could not climb over our pool fence or open the gate (even unlocked, their arms wouldn't be long enough to operate the mechanism). We don't have small kids in the house but that gate is always closed when not in use. In fact, the gate is closed when it is in use because it swings shut behind you - it's not something that you really have to think about because it is automatic.

I wonder if the Smiths' pool gate has a similar design or if it was somehow left open allowing the boy access to the pool.

Spoken by someone who downst have small kids in the house.

I admit, I’m a 40 + year old mother to a toddler. I am constantly in awe of what my less than three year old can do.

This, when kids are little you have. I don't get all the excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel pretty confident that a small child could not climb over our pool fence or open the gate (even unlocked, their arms wouldn't be long enough to operate the mechanism). We don't have small kids in the house but that gate is always closed when not in use. In fact, the gate is closed when it is in use because it swings shut behind you - it's not something that you really have to think about because it is automatic.

I wonder if the Smiths' pool gate has a similar design or if it was somehow left open allowing the boy access to the pool.

Spoken by someone who downst have small kids in the house.

I admit, I’m a 40 + year old mother to a toddler. I am constantly in awe of what my less than three year old can do.

+1 My 2 year old just scaled the top of a 12 foot play structure marked for ages 5+. Kids can do a lot of things, particularly when they see older kids do them first.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not dismissing the loss of a sweet child, but it boggles my mind that celebs (although I have no idea who these people are) with all of their money and high-end things don't have practical pool perimeter safe-guards.

+1, this is the second time this has happened. They are very comfortable so there is no excuse not to have multiple safety features in place as well as alarms on the doors. Something to be said about a smaller house when kids are young where you can keep track of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any uglier trait than filling in smug judgment where your heartfelt sympathy is supposed to be?

The only person who deserves sympathy is the child who this lazy narcissist and her loser husband let drown because they needed to show off with a house pool. Go cry elsewhere.

You are insane. Personally, I think it is crazy to have a pool at your house if you have small children. But these parents deserve sympathy. No one deserves to lose a child this way. You are missing some kind of empathy gene.

Its not insane. You pay for swim lessons, have a gate, have a pool cover and alarms on the door. Plus, you supervise your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any uglier trait than filling in smug judgment where your heartfelt sympathy is supposed to be?

The only person who deserves sympathy is the child who this lazy narcissist and her loser husband let drown because they needed to show off with a house pool. Go cry elsewhere.

You are insane. Personally, I think it is crazy to have a pool at your house if you have small children. But these parents deserve sympathy. No one deserves to lose a child this way. You are missing some kind of empathy gene.

Its not insane. You pay for swim lessons, have a gate, have a pool cover and alarms on the door. Plus, you supervise your kids.

You’re missing the point. You can plan ahead and minimize risk, but the risk will never be zero, even if you do all the things right.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I feel pretty confident that a small child could not climb over our pool fence or open the gate (even unlocked, their arms wouldn't be long enough to operate the mechanism). We don't have small kids in the house but that gate is always closed when not in use. In fact, the gate is closed when it is in use because it swings shut behind you - it's not something that you really have to think about because it is automatic.

I wonder if the Smiths' pool gate has a similar design or if it was somehow left open allowing the boy access to the pool.

Spoken by someone who downst have small kids in the house.

I admit, I’m a 40 + year old mother to a toddler. I am constantly in awe of what my less than three year old can do.

I have two teenage boys one of which was climbing by 11 months old - caught him balancing on top of the back of the couch directly in front of a glass table and I also caught him on our dining room table reaching for our chandelier. I am all too familiar with what a small child can do.

Scaling our fence may not be impossible but it isn't something that a kid is going to do in a couple of minutes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any uglier trait than filling in smug judgment where your heartfelt sympathy is supposed to be?

The only person who deserves sympathy is the child who this lazy narcissist and her loser husband let drown because they needed to show off with a house pool. Go cry elsewhere.

You are insane. Personally, I think it is crazy to have a pool at your house if you have small children. But these parents deserve sympathy. No one deserves to lose a child this way. You are missing some kind of empathy gene.

Its not insane. You pay for swim lessons, have a gate, have a pool cover and alarms on the door. Plus, you supervise your kids.

You’re missing the point. You can plan ahead and minimize risk, but the risk will never be zero, even if you do all the things right.

But even in a home w/o a pool there is a risk of drowning. Kids drown in bathtubs and have been known to drown in toilets and even buckets of water. They've also been known to drown in plastic backyard pools - the parents think they've emptied them but one good storm can fill them deep enough for a baby to drown in.

Most of the time when little kids drown, it's because there are few, if any, barriers between the child and the body of water.

[Anonymous]

Every parent has had momentary lapses or mistakes that could easily have resulted in a child’s death in slightly different circumstances. We all have forgotten to buckle the car seat once or let go of their hand in a parking lot and they darted or watched them tumble down stairs and NOT land wrong on their neck or spine. I don’t ever tell myself I’m a superior parent when stuff like this happens to others. I thank god that all my small lapses and missteps didn’t have the same tragic results.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is there any uglier trait than filling in smug judgment where your heartfelt sympathy is supposed to be?

The only person who deserves sympathy is the child who this lazy narcissist and her loser husband let drown because they needed to show off with a house pool. Go cry elsewhere.

You are insane. Personally, I think it is crazy to have a pool at your house if you have small children. But these parents deserve sympathy. No one deserves to lose a child this way. You are missing some kind of empathy gene.

Its not insane. You pay for swim lessons, have a gate, have a pool cover and alarms on the door. Plus, you supervise your kids.

You’re missing the point. You can plan ahead and minimize risk, but the risk will never be zero, even if you do all the things right.

But even in a home w/o a pool there is a risk of drowning. Kids drown in bathtubs and have been known to drown in toilets and even buckets of water. They've also been known to drown in plastic backyard pools - the parents think they've emptied them but one good storm can fill them deep enough for a baby to drown in.

Most of the time when little kids drown, it's because there are few, if any, barriers between the child and the body of water.

Key point bolded.