No one eats in this house

[Anonymous]

I simply cannot fathom this. My (Jewish) family is ALWAYS eating. There is an excess of food at all times. In fact, you feel guilty if you’re not eating-you’ll hear about it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m Indian so it’s rare to have this problem as people keep feeding you or at least leave all kinds of food out so people can help themselves. Where I have run into this problem with Indian family is those who are ridiculously frugal. I’m sure they don’t want to host bc it costs money but it’s a culture where it’s hugely insulting to ask people to stay in a hotel esp when you have a mansion that could house guests for a weekend. Yet you can see their entire weekend is spent adding up - how much is this costing me. These are the types that have a closed kitchen so you can’t help yourself, they won’t offer breakfast until 11, for that breakfast they will offer you 1 piece of toast and give you the stink eye if you want a second slice, and then saw - wow breakfast was so late, no need for lunch. And they take offense at everything - if you bring home snacks for all to share or order up a few pizzas for everyone at 2 pm - you (and every relative of yours) are told - oh you don’t like me food, you don’t like how we’re hosting?! What gets me is that these are the types who are always worth several million dollars, requisite McMansion in Jersey, 2 Mercedes in the driveway and yet they can’t say - ok we have 5 visitors for 2 days, let’s add $500 to this week’s grocery/eating out budget.

I'm the starving in Suffolk Indian and have a super cheap uncle and cousin too. Incidentally they're worth at least 5-7 million but do things like buy one pizza for 15 people. I call my cousin out on it and it's very satisfying. It usually works too, but sometimes he will dig his heels in. He's much better now tho as his kids won't let him get away with it anymore.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:The Italian mother in me is horrified to hear that people are hungry.

Are all these people not feeding you nordic Europeans? Irish?

I can't imagine having guests in your house, and not offering them a staggering amount of food.

If you don't have a ton of leftovers after Christmas that means you didn't do it right.

Italians are the best hosts! Out of all the European cultures here in America Italians are the only ones who actually feed people and are hospitable to guests. It is definitely a quality that other white folks lack. There have been numerous threads on DCUM about white people in the northeast not feeding guests. Why do people invite people over their homes and refuse to feed them? In my culture its considered rude to not provide meals for house guests. It will hurt me to know that a person is starving at my house.

Have you ever been to the South? You're not going hungry at a Southern home.

Agree with this! It’s unthinkable for a Southern host not to have plenty of good and drink out for guests IME. We always tell guests to help themselves and offer food and drinks regularly. We don’t each much ourselves - in case y’all think we’re huge - it’s just good manners to make sure people have what they need and don’t have to ask! I was raised that you have to be thinking about the comfort of your guests regularly. By the same token, making sure the parents to their liking, they’re warm or cool enough, have the linens, other things they need, etc. If I was at home didn’t extend me the same courtesy, I’d respect the houses rules of course, but you better believe I’d be out getting food if my family was hungry!

Thanks for schooling us on Southern hospitality. Of course, this hospitality only was extended to white people, right? I'm so over the Southern hospitality schtick. Yes, you had plenty of cheese straws to pass around, but you also had some strange fruit hanging in your trees...

Get bent, judgy. I have both black and white southern family members. It’s the same on both sides- food and hospitality.

I'm so over the mythology of Southern hospitality. "Y'all" can think you are so superior all you want, but all the sweet tea in the world can't wash away the disgusting, atrocious things that still happen in your backyards on a daily basis.

Who do you think you are? I can guarantee your history has its own acts of atrocity. Nothing is smugger and more laughable than a mean unfriendly person dissing the south as if it’s the only place where racism, sexism, and bigotry exist. Those of you among us without sin, let him cast the first stone. Merry Christmas!

NP. Fair point, but the whole overly expansive, welcoming, "so shocked that people won't feed each other and make everyone feel right at home" is a bit much, both in general and in the context the PP was talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I simply cannot fathom this. My (Jewish) family is ALWAYS eating. There is an excess of food at all times. In fact, you feel guilty if you’re not eating-you’ll hear about it!

Same with my Indian family. Many are overweight/obese close to it, but food is the love language particularly from aunts etc. who only see you once/twice a yr. And if you're not eating -- you get to hear about how you never eat enough, you are toooo skinny, you need to put on weight etc. . . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I simply cannot fathom this. My (Jewish) family is ALWAYS eating. There is an excess of food at all times. In fact, you feel guilty if you’re not eating-you’ll hear about it!

+1

In many cultures, food is an expression of love. Some families are uptight about food because they have control issues about other things - food is just one of many. It really sucks to be around the control freaks, they tend to put a damper on what should be a happy time (vacations, celebrations, holidays, etc.). Life is too short. Sorry you are going through this during the holidays, OP. Now you know to BYOF - Bring your own food! Nothing worse than fast food on a holiday, or a regular basis while trying to "vacation" with such awful curmudgeons. That sucks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I simply cannot fathom this. My (Jewish) family is ALWAYS eating. There is an excess of food at all times. In fact, you feel guilty if you’re not eating-you’ll hear about it!

Same with my Indian family. Many are overweight/obese close to it, but food is the love language particularly from aunts etc. who only see you once/twice a yr. And if you're not eating -- you get to hear about how you never eat enough, you are toooo skinny, you need to put on weight etc. . . .

+1

The anti-food people have bigger issues than too much weight!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Indian so it’s rare to have this problem as people keep feeding you or at least leave all kinds of food out so people can help themselves. Where I have run into this problem with Indian family is those who are ridiculously frugal. I’m sure they don’t want to host bc it costs money but it’s a culture where it’s hugely insulting to ask people to stay in a hotel esp when you have a mansion that could house guests for a weekend. Yet you can see their entire weekend is spent adding up - how much is this costing me. These are the types that have a closed kitchen so you can’t help yourself, they won’t offer breakfast until 11, for that breakfast they will offer you 1 piece of toast and give you the stink eye if you want a second slice, and then saw - wow breakfast was so late, no need for lunch. And they take offense at everything - if you bring home snacks for all to share or order up a few pizzas for everyone at 2 pm - you (and every relative of yours) are told - oh you don’t like me food, you don’t like how we’re hosting?! What gets me is that these are the types who are always worth several million dollars, requisite McMansion in Jersey, 2 Mercedes in the driveway and yet they can’t say - ok we have 5 visitors for 2 days, let’s add $500 to this week’s grocery/eating out budget.

I'm the starving in Suffolk Indian and have a super cheap uncle and cousin too. Incidentally they're worth at least 5-7 million but do things like buy one pizza for 15 people. I call my cousin out on it and it's very satisfying. It usually works too, but sometimes he will dig his heels in. He's much better now tho as his kids won't let him get away with it anymore.

Yep. OMG what is it with the rich Indian families. I've honestly been in Indian relatives homes (in America) where 7 people are living in a modest 2 bedroom apartment and they're still feeding their guests homemade this or that and constantly offering you food. The only ones with whom I've ever had this problem were worth $2mil + in their 40s (bc they're crass enough to tell you), yet god forbid they feed guests.

IME it gets better with those types of hosts as their own kids get older -- teens and 20s -- bc a teen/20 yr old guy born/raised in America isn't deferentially going to eat one chapatti with yogurt and achar and 2 pieces of potato curry and call it dinner, so as not to embarrass his parents' hosting. He's going to be the one constantly saying -- let's get pizza (and just ordering it on credit card), how come there's no snacks with the tea, I'm running out to pick up cupcakes for everyone etc. And bc many (not all) Indian families are SOOOO afraid of being made to look bad in front of the relatives -- esp by their own kids -- in order to not have an argument with the teen in front of all which will them be discussed for the next 5 yrs, the parents shut up and let the teen order whatever he wants and typically those teens have manners to order for EVERYONE.

[Anonymous]

My ILs are also like this. It's horrible. I hate the food stuff when we visit. I always sneak out of the house for food. My mil also has a mild eating disorder and seems to be obsessed with controlling everyone's food intake. And their house is gross too so that makes it extra horrible.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I simply cannot fathom this. My (Jewish) family is ALWAYS eating. There is an excess of food at all times. In fact, you feel guilty if you’re not eating-you’ll hear about it!

Same with my Indian family. Many are overweight/obese close to it, but food is the love language particularly from aunts etc. who only see you once/twice a yr. And if you're not eating -- you get to hear about how you never eat enough, you are toooo skinny, you need to put on weight etc. . . .

+1

The anti-food people have bigger issues than too much weight!

+2 except my aunts are not overweight. They hardly eat but insist on shoving tons of food into my belly. (and it’s so yummy, I can’t resist). I always come back home a couple of pounds heavier. I wish I could cook like them!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m Indian so it’s rare to have this problem as people keep feeding you or at least leave all kinds of food out so people can help themselves. Where I have run into this problem with Indian family is those who are ridiculously frugal. I’m sure they don’t want to host bc it costs money but it’s a culture where it’s hugely insulting to ask people to stay in a hotel esp when you have a mansion that could house guests for a weekend. Yet you can see their entire weekend is spent adding up - how much is this costing me. These are the types that have a closed kitchen so you can’t help yourself, they won’t offer breakfast until 11, for that breakfast they will offer you 1 piece of toast and give you the stink eye if you want a second slice, and then saw - wow breakfast was so late, no need for lunch. And they take offense at everything - if you bring home snacks for all to share or order up a few pizzas for everyone at 2 pm - you (and every relative of yours) are told - oh you don’t like me food, you don’t like how we’re hosting?! What gets me is that these are the types who are always worth several million dollars, requisite McMansion in Jersey, 2 Mercedes in the driveway and yet they can’t say - ok we have 5 visitors for 2 days, let’s add $500 to this week’s grocery/eating out budget.

This was interesting insight that made me consider a few things about where I'm visiting (we're not Indian). I had been thinking this was simply control/disordered eating, but now I'm thinking about it through a financial lens!

I think with a lot of older parents/inlaws, it's that they don't need to each much themselves PLUS it could be financial. i.e. they're ok eating a container of yogurt for lunch or a grilled cheese, so they think it's a waste of food/money to make all this food for lunch that will go uneaten. Only -- it won't go uneaten. Just bc you're ok eating a small yogurt for lunch, followed by a cup of tea and a cookie at 4 pm -- doesn't mean that others can eat like that while waiting for the big dinner at 8 pm.

[Anonymous]

Definitely thought this problem got easier to deal with once I had my first kid and she started eating. I could conveniently say -- I'm just going to make DD something for breakfast/lunch -- oh no no MIL, I know what she likes and she's pretty fussy so no need for you to come into the kitchen, I know what she’ll eat, so I’ll make it and feed her really fast. They couldn’t deny their granddaughter a grilled cheese or whatever bc they saw her as a growing child who needed to eat many times a day – whereas were adults like them who shouldn’t need much food until dinner. But when I’d go into the kitchen to make DD a grilled cheese or egg or whatever, I’d make one for myself too. It did leave DH out in the cold, but honestly not my problem – these are his parents that he refuses to stand up to and insist on 3 meals day and he’ll never side with me to go out and get fast food etc. bc he thinks it’ll hurt their feelings, so he can sit there starving with them until dinner is served.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's the opposite at my IL's house. Holy shit, three GIANT meals a day. Eggs, bacon, biscuits, etc for breakfast, some unnecessary lunch mere hours later, then something heavy like cubed steak and mashed potatoes for dinner. I feel like all we do there is eat and then wash dishes and get ready to eat again.

Heck, as it should be! Happy holidays!

[Anonymous]

It can be financial but it's not JUST financial with these families bc if you want to be a good host, there are ways to provide large servings of non-fancy food that won't break the bank. You can make a huge pot of rice and beans or pasta with jarred sauce for pennies on the dollar and have people consume that for a few meals until its done. You can typically buy a huge box of frozen pizzas or a huge stack of tortillas with bags of shredded cheese fairly inexpensively so people can make quesadillas. And there's always the standby of a huge box of cereal from Costco with gallons of milk. Sure it's boring food that'll get old, but I think most people would take boredom over starvation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the Filet O Fish poster from the other thread, and I am sitting at MIL’s starving right now. Christmas breakfast was coffee and cinnamon rolls from a can. Thankfully we are going to FIL’s wife’s family’s Christmas lunch at noon - they put out a beautiful holiday spread.

What is your complaint about this? It's not from scratch (or low carb) but they're yummy and filling/high calorie. Was it not enough, or just not what you wanted?

NP. High calorie? Yes. Filling? No. Cinammon rolls or similar items need some protein to actually make it a meal with some staying power. Doesn't have to be much--a hard-boiled egg, some cheese, some yogurt. Cinammon rolls and coffee, while tasting good, will do nothing other than spike your blood sugar, crash it, and leave you hungry an hour later.

Yes, this was me an hour after eating my two cinnamon rolls. I am now at FIL’s wife’s family Christmas lunch, resting under a quilt on the sofa (since the thermostat is set much lower than we have it at home).The lunch was great and now I need a nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am the Filet O Fish poster from the other thread, and I am sitting at MIL’s starving right now. Christmas breakfast was coffee and cinnamon rolls from a can. Thankfully we are going to FIL’s wife’s family’s Christmas lunch at noon - they put out a beautiful holiday spread.

What is your complaint about this? It's not from scratch (or low carb) but they're yummy and filling/high calorie. Was it not enough, or just not what you wanted?

NP. High calorie? Yes. Filling? No. Cinammon rolls or similar items need some protein to actually make it a meal with some staying power. Doesn't have to be much--a hard-boiled egg, some cheese, some yogurt. Cinammon rolls and coffee, while tasting good, will do nothing other than spike your blood sugar, crash it, and leave you hungry an hour later.

Yes, this was me an hour after eating my two cinnamon rolls. I am now at FIL’s wife’s family Christmas lunch, resting under a quilt on the sofa (since the thermostat is set much lower than we have it at home).The lunch was great and now I need a nap.

The same person complaining about how others behave and how nothing is ever good enough including cinnamon rolls and coffee on Christmas day feels it is good guest behavior to lie down on your FIL's wife's family's couch with a blanket to take a nap? The audacity of DCUM posters never ceases to amaze me . . . everyone else is flawed, yet you can do what you want and you're perfect, right?! Hopefully they'll talk about you and say -- my sister/niece's/whoever's husband's DIL felt it was ok to come to our house and plop her disgusting feet on my sofa and snooze . . . .