I want out of this marriage. I want to scream

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?

+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.

She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?

Prozac? I mean, seriously, she has everything and more, she can work, she can have nannies, she can go back to school, I don't see a complaint where DH is abusive or cheating, is he?

Funny how all the sympathy went away since I stated he earned 2m. So he can be an arrogant intolerable ass if he earned 200k but now I need Prozac bc he earns 2m. Guess I can’t be in a bad marriage if the guy earns a lot.

If the man earns 2mkuon he’s BUSY. He most likely had little time to do housework and kid carpooling and bath time. In this case you should have a full time babysitter and household helper. Basically until the kids leave for college. This doesn’t make him an arrogant ass it makes him busy.

Did you see what the Obama’s did when one of them became very busy with a certain job? Her mother came to live with the family - despite them obviously having a lot of other household help. You are being ridiculous OP.

The attitude changed because her family has more resources than 20 typical families put together but she’s still bitching up a storm . Privileged, entitled and whining is immature and annoying.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH won me over with effort. Now married for 10 years with 3 kids. Don’t think I can be in this loveless passionless dead marriage any longer. I am childcare. We talk about child logistics and that’s it. I’m so resentful. I gave up my lucrative career to stay home. DH takes me for granted. I seriously cannot stand my husband and feel totally stuck. Yesterday I told him I want out and he just brushed me off and said he was the best I could do.

I want to run away and restart. Then I look at my children’s sweet faces and can’t leave.

He actually said that he was the best you could do? Wow. I'd see that as a challenge.

Work on yourself, OP. Shape up. Plan your exit. Get some childcare for the kids and either go back to your career (full time or part time) or start a business or side job. Get yourself in control of your finances. Look after yourself. Get your power back.

+1. Many men don't respect their wives once they become SAHMs and stop putting in effort because SAHMs often ARE stuck. My own marriage improved once I got back in shape, got a job, and became a self-supporting adult because DH knew I had options and other men were taking an interest in me.

I like how you slipped the "I got fat" in there like it's a trivial detail.

Though I do agree with the general sentiment that a spouse (male or female) will have more respect for you if they know that you have options.

PP here. I went through pregnancy, which then triggered a thyroid disorder, so I was about 15 pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight. Not really "fat" considering I was in fantastic shape before pregnancy and had a 4 pack, so it was more like normal weight. And I was trying to lose the weight- I was up walking my usual 5 miles a day the day after I gave birth- but it wasn't until I hadn't been on thyroid meds for several months that it came off. I wasn't just sitting around eating junk all day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:Step One - get your career going again and get a nanny that helps with the kids. See if it helps the marriage - if it doesn't, then at least you will be ready to stand on your own two feet

This is the most sane advice, rather than trying to sparkle yourself up into a gem he can't afford to lose, get your career back.

He's an ass to say he's the best you can do. It's also kind of gaslighty since he had to woo you in the first place.

OP here. DH earns around 2m per year. We were both graduate students when we started dating. He was humble and kind, hardworking and had lots of potential. Now he is a self important prick.

I feel for you, OP. What is preventing you from hiring help and doing some things - whether work or something else - that brings you personal happiness? Your overall dynamic might shift if you have your own sense of self and happiness. And to all of the "power" posters - he must realize that you can leave and take half of his wealth, no?

I have part time help. DH told me to hire full time help so he isn’t burdened with helping.

I have mentioned going back to work and he has previously shot it down saying I won’t make enough to make it worth our while. I don’t care how much I earn. I am going to work part time at least.

He has been nice to me today. He can sense when I’m super pissed vs normal mad.

It sounds like your husband made a reasonable suggestion here and you shot it down. If you're making $2 million, this should be a no-brainer given that you clearly resent being a SAHM. I get the feeling that much of your anger is about you being upset that your husband continued having a lucrative career and you didn't.

Get full-time help and get back into the workforce, and try to recognize that your situation is better than the overwhelming majority of humanity.

Not OP but getting the full-time help so he doesn’t have to help out sounded a wee bit jerkish to me. Sure he shouldn’t be expected to wash dishes or come home and clean but I read it as him not wanting to be bothered with the kids. He seems to look down on her a bit for not having an identity outside of being a SAHM. It’s almost as if she’s just the nanny while he lives the life of a busy, single guy who can throw himself into work because he has no family to be concerned about. Then the ‘you can’t do better’ comment is just UGH!

Maybe, though some SAHM's view their husbands as the "relief shift" who take over primary parenting duties as soon as they get home.

It still sounds like hiring help would be valuable here. At least OP would be less stressed out and be more able to appreciate her situation if she has more free time.

This is my SIL for sure. She is a SAHM, no college education. She has one child. Her DH, my brother, leaves for work between 5:30 - 6:30 AM every day for the commute into DC, then works 12 hours and then does the slog back home to Manassas when the work day is over. Their DC is in third grade. So, if my memory serves me right, he is out of the house from 8: 00 am - 3:00 pm every day. They have a cleaning lady and lawn service. Yet, somehow, when the weekend comes it is "me time" for her. I'm sorry, but what the hell are you doing during that seven hours without the kid? You don't have a job, you're not trying to get an education, what possible "me time" do you need. I have no respect for a woman like this. Every single person, regardless of gender, should be able to stand on their own two feet. As the saying goes, "Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out."

Gee - you must have too much free time too what with all the ‘other people’s business minding’ and ‘hateful judging’ you do.
I’m sure your poor SIL can see your out of joint nose and notices your behind the hand critical whispering that you do.
You suck, PP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?

+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.

She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?

Prozac? I mean, seriously, she has everything and more, she can work, she can have nannies, she can go back to school, I don't see a complaint where DH is abusive or cheating, is he?

Funny how all the sympathy went away since I stated he earned 2m. So he can be an arrogant intolerable ass if he earned 200k but now I need Prozac bc he earns 2m. Guess I can’t be in a bad marriage if the guy earns a lot.

No it didn't. I am first quoted pp here and I only read your original post when I posted my comment. I only saw in another pp's post after mine about your HHI. And I am then a follow up Prozac comment pp. I never posted anything about your DH being intolerable. You sounded whiny before I knew about HHI, now you sounds deranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?

+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.

She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?

Prozac? I mean, seriously, she has everything and more, she can work, she can have nannies, she can go back to school, I don't see a complaint where DH is abusive or cheating, is he?

Funny how all the sympathy went away since I stated he earned 2m. So he can be an arrogant intolerable ass if he earned 200k but now I need Prozac bc he earns 2m. Guess I can’t be in a bad marriage if the guy earns a lot.

Despite that no one should be numbing themselves with Prozac because they can’t stand their lives.
No it didn't. I am first quoted pp here and I only read your original post when I posted my comment. I only saw in another pp's post after mine about your HHI. And I am then a follow up Prozac comment pp. I never posted anything about your DH being intolerable. You sounded whiny before I knew about HHI, now you sounds deranged.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?

+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.

She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?

Prozac? I mean, seriously, she has everything and more, she can work, she can have nannies, she can go back to school, I don't see a complaint where DH is abusive or cheating, is he?

Funny how all the sympathy went away since I stated he earned 2m. So he can be an arrogant intolerable ass if he earned 200k but now I need Prozac bc he earns 2m. Guess I can’t be in a bad marriage if the guy earns a lot.

It makes a difference when you have the resources to easily hire full-time help, with your husband's explicit blessing.

You don't need Prozac, you need to be more realistic and, honestly, more grateful for what has now been revealed to be a very comfortable life. If your marriage is "bad," I doubt that's 100% on your husband. His comment was rude, but given your subsequent posts, I now suspect that he was correct: you probably can't do better, and he could easily find someone else. His comment was calling your bluff, considering you did threaten to divorce him. I know that's a bitter pill to swallow, but you seem to need the medicine. Sorry!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What you want to escape is your own misery. You come off like you don't have an actual complaint against your husband, just against your own unhappiness. He, divorce, kids can't make you happy and fulfilled in life. That is on you. I would like to be sympathetic, but you sounds like a whiner and immature. What did you think child raising and marriage is going to be like? So you divorce him and end up with three kids on your own, and way less money?

+1000. OP should seek mental health counseling for depression.

She is a SAHM whose husband makes 2M with 3 little kids and hates her life. So what will make her happy?

Prozac? I mean, seriously, she has everything and more, she can work, she can have nannies, she can go back to school, I don't see a complaint where DH is abusive or cheating, is he?

Funny how all the sympathy went away since I stated he earned 2m. So he can be an arrogant intolerable ass if he earned 200k but now I need Prozac bc he earns 2m. Guess I can’t be in a bad marriage if the guy earns a lot.

Despite that no one should be numbing themselves with Prozac because they can’t stand their lives.
No it didn't. I am first quoted pp here and I only read your original post when I posted my comment. I only saw in another pp's post after mine about your HHI. And I am then a follow up Prozac comment pp. I never posted anything about your DH being intolerable. You sounded whiny before I knew about HHI, now you sounds deranged.

Despite that no one should be numbing themselves with Prozac because they can’t stand their lives. That’s a really sucky recommendation you gave.

[Anonymous]

Marriage is hard. I had a business and gave it up because that’s what we agreed. Went through a period when I didn’t think we’d make it, but we did - Lord knows how - for our son. Was so hard but worth it. Wishing you luck, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard. I had a business and gave it up because that’s what we agreed. Went through a period when I didn’t think we’d make it, but we did - Lord knows how - for our son. Was so hard but worth it. Wishing you luck, OP.

Thank you. Marriage is hard and a lot of work. Our youngest child is almost one. DH puts himself before all of us. It is tiring.

I am ivy educated, have multiple advanced degrees and am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I did not marry for money. I am fully confident DH is not the best I can do. If money were my only goal, I could do better. DH is handsome but my ex and other flings were hot. I know for fact I could find someone I get along with better. I am sure DH could find a better mate for himself too.

We are sick of one another. Couples from all socioeconomic backgrounds have marital problems.

I suggested marital counseling. He doesn’t want to air our dirty laundry to a stranger. Plus he doesn’t want to take off from work. Our kids are smart and happy so he gives me credit there. Men can have it all. Women cannot.

[Anonymous]

Op omg so much f*cking whining. Either go to counseling alone and make yourself happy or leave and find someone better since you seem desperate to prove to your husband you can. Enjoy finding someone who makes more than $2m and wants to take on you and your three kids.

[Anonymous]

With every post, OP becomes less sympathetic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard. I had a business and gave it up because that’s what we agreed. Went through a period when I didn’t think we’d make it, but we did - Lord knows how - for our son. Was so hard but worth it. Wishing you luck, OP.

Thank you. Marriage is hard and a lot of work. Our youngest child is almost one. DH puts himself before all of us. It is tiring.

I am ivy educated, have multiple advanced degrees and am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I did not marry for money. I am fully confident DH is not the best I can do. If money were my only goal, I could do better. DH is handsome but my ex and other flings were hot. I know for fact I could find someone I get along with better. I am sure DH could find a better mate for himself too.

We are sick of one another. Couples from all socioeconomic backgrounds have marital problems.

I suggested marital counseling. He doesn’t want to air our dirty laundry to a stranger. Plus he doesn’t want to take off from work. Our kids are smart and happy so he gives me credit there. Men can have it all. Women cannot.

Ew. Previously sympathetic PP here. No longer sympathetic. Get over yourself. Try not to ruin your kids lives with your disgusting ego.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With every post, OP becomes less sympathetic.

She's not sympathetic. For all I know her DH is a giant ass but that doesn't mean she isn't too.

She doesn't want out of this marriage. She doesn't want to work. She doesn't want part time help but doesn't want to be the default childcare provider. She's a spoiled brat who wants to bitch and moan and not change a damn thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is hard. I had a business and gave it up because that’s what we agreed. Went through a period when I didn’t think we’d make it, but we did - Lord knows how - for our son. Was so hard but worth it. Wishing you luck, OP.

Thank you. Marriage is hard and a lot of work. Our youngest child is almost one. DH puts himself before all of us. It is tiring.

I am ivy educated, have multiple advanced degrees and am back to my pre-pregnancy weight. I did not marry for money. I am fully confident DH is not the best I can do. If money were my only goal, I could do better. DH is handsome but my ex and other flings were hot. I know for fact I could find someone I get along with better. I am sure DH could find a better mate for himself too.

We are sick of one another. Couples from all socioeconomic backgrounds have marital problems.

I suggested marital counseling. He doesn’t want to air our dirty laundry to a stranger. Plus he doesn’t want to take off from work. Our kids are smart and happy so he gives me credit there. Men can have it all. Women cannot.

Ew. Previously sympathetic PP here. No longer sympathetic. Get over yourself. Try not to ruin your kids lives with your disgusting ego.

OP you are competing with your DH which is awful. You might as well just blow all of yourselves up now - it would be easier than your slow, tedious method of destroying your own family.

You’re supposed to be a team. Marriage and family are supposed to be a joyful part of your life. You chose to have theee kids with the man, he clearly has some affection for you and you want for nothing - why do you now want to destroy everyone’s lives? That’s on you and no one else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:With every post, OP becomes less sympathetic.

+1 posters here left really good advice from all different angles. Pick one that resonates with you OP but stop the whining and start changing.
You have 3 kids, show them how to live a great life. You are living the dream and not seeing it.