Things rich people dont know

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much a loaf of bread costs (from another DCUM thread)

That poor people don't see dentists or doctors regularly. They end up just getting teeth pulled vs getting dental work.

That violence at home happens all the time. There are exceptions of course, not all affluent homes are peaceful/non-violent. But I grew up MC/UMC with a poor nanny and remember being shocked at her stories of violence perpetrated mostly by her father but also by her mother, uncles, brothers, etc. For her it was normal.

I grew up in a smallish town but there was a hospital system and a directional state U so there was some level of affluence. But it was your typical midwestern town with a lot of lower class people too...just one high school for the town so I went to school with the children of MDs and PhDs and mill workers and manual laborers and gas station workers and one thing I noticed when I went to my “poorer” friends houses is how they interacted with each other. Parents screaming at kids. Lots of hitting and swearing. Parents ALWAYS fighting. Whereas at my house and more affluent households it was more “Susie, could you please put the dishes away?” Poor homes: “SUSIE PUT THE GOD DAMN DISHES AWAY BEFORE I SMACK YOU INTO NEXT WEEK”

There is an enormous difference in the way rich people and poor people talk to their children.

+1. I'm the PP with the poor nanny. My parents never hit me. I was routinely told I could do/be whatever I wanted and always was told how much I was loved. DH grew up in the third world and was regularly beaten; I don't think his parents were particularly encouraging to him and they never said I love you.

You seem clueless. 3rd world does not mean poor. For example, most H1B visa workers who come here are actually well-off in their countries. If you were routinely told how loved you were, (for just existing) I am guessing you are White. At this point it is not SES differences but cultural differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a highschool teacher and this week we had some career volunteers/ life couches come and talk to the kids. One guy made his speech about being a first generation college grad and did a list of "things poor kids dont know but need to." My kids liked it and there has been a lot of chit chat about it this week. I decided to reverse the topic and ask them what they think might be some things rich people dont know and these are some kid bits of that convo...

1.) flatbread is really just pizza. "I was so confused about that word but every time its literally just been pizza."
2.) its awkward/embarrassing when you associate having a license to having a car. "Me turning 16 means nothing, Im poor"
3.) We dont grieve not having a father. We dont know another family structure. "Thats like crying because I dont have a brother, when Ive never had a brother. No one does that."
4.) One kid thought it was odd that the people who have the most clothes usually have washer and dryers at their house so in reality they need the least clothes. "If i didnt need quarters to wash I would only need like 3 shirts"

I am going to assume that these kids are urban, right? In poorer rural areas, my experience has been:

1) WTF is flatbread anyway? we've never even had the chance to TRY it or even SEE it on a menu because it's not sold at any restaurant or store around here.
2) You learn to drive early (without a license on dirt roads) because you literally need it to go anywhere and if there's an emergency, families need a backup driver. You might not have a car, or a license, but you sure as hell can handle the basics of driving (though not city driving).
3) Grieving is pretty common because a lot of families know what it's like to have one, but lost their father due to poor health, drugs, etc.
4) Most people have washer-dryers but need clothing because the water and electricity are expensive and you can't afford to run the washer-dryer that frequently!

This.

I started driving a tractor at age 6. I drove a 34' trailer on my 16th birthday. I drove a loaded trailer to florida and back by myself when I was 17.

things my rich DH didn't know: that you cut the rotten parts out of food and eat it anyway. How do to...everything. How to change a tire and plant a garden. How to can and preserve food you grew yourself. Which wild plants you can eat and which are poisonous. How to hot wire a vehicle. That you should keep jumper cables in the car and know how to use them. A thousand other things.

Will your kids know?

New poster, probably not. You can try to tell your kids how hard your life was when you were poor, but they can't really get it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The feeling of really having to pee, but someone else is locked in the one bathroom in the house.

We had a pickle jar for that

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a highschool teacher and this week we had some career volunteers/ life couches come and talk to the kids. One guy made his speech about being a first generation college grad and did a list of "things poor kids dont know but need to." My kids liked it and there has been a lot of chit chat about it this week. I decided to reverse the topic and ask them what they think might be some things rich people dont know and these are some kid bits of that convo...

1.) flatbread is really just pizza. "I was so confused about that word but every time its literally just been pizza."
2.) its awkward/embarrassing when you associate having a license to having a car. "Me turning 16 means nothing, Im poor"
3.) We dont grieve not having a father. We dont know another family structure. "Thats like crying because I dont have a brother, when Ive never had a brother. No one does that."
4.) One kid thought it was odd that the people who have the most clothes usually have washer and dryers at their house so in reality they need the least clothes. "If i didnt need quarters to wash I would only need like 3 shirts"

I am going to assume that these kids are urban, right? In poorer rural areas, my experience has been:

1) WTF is flatbread anyway? we've never even had the chance to TRY it or even SEE it on a menu because it's not sold at any restaurant or store around here.
2) You learn to drive early (without a license on dirt roads) because you literally need it to go anywhere and if there's an emergency, families need a backup driver. You might not have a car, or a license, but you sure as hell can handle the basics of driving (though not city driving).
3) Grieving is pretty common because a lot of families know what it's like to have one, but lost their father due to poor health, drugs, etc.
4) Most people have washer-dryers but need clothing because the water and electricity are expensive and you can't afford to run the washer-dryer that frequently!

This.

I started driving a tractor at age 6. I drove a 34' trailer on my 16th birthday. I drove a loaded trailer to florida and back by myself when I was 17.

things my rich DH didn't know: that you cut the rotten parts out of food and eat it anyway. How do to...everything. How to change a tire and plant a garden. How to can and preserve food you grew yourself. Which wild plants you can eat and which are poisonous. How to hot wire a vehicle. That you should keep jumper cables in the car and know how to use them. A thousand other things.

Will your kids know?

New poster, probably not. You can try to tell your kids how hard your life was when you were poor, but they can't really get it.

We tell kids that we had to walk to school both ways uphill in the snow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What it means to truly not have enough food and go hungry. There were many nights I went to bed with my stomach growling when I was a kid.

To never enjoy a present from your mom because you know how much she had to sacrifice to get you that toy or a new coat.

This. My mother never complained, but I knew.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think that one thing that many "rich" people don't know about being poor is how hard it can be to do some basic things. For most financially stable people, it is pretty easy to make a payment on the phone bill or the electric bill because the financially stable people can use a credit card over the phone if they discover that the bill is overdue and they are about to be shut off. But a poor person usually doesn't have that option -- either the poor person doesn't have a credit card or the limit is so low that the credit card basically is unusable or the credit has been maxed out because the limit is so low.

The first time I ever realized any of this was about 25 years ago when my secretary needed to take a half day off of work. It came as a huge surprise because we were very busy that day preparing for a big presentation. But she was adamant to the point of tears from embarrassment and stress when I asked her if she could take the half day on the following day after the big meeting was over. It all came out that she needed to go get a money order and then take 2 busses to get to the water company offices so that the water wasn't turned off at her home where she lived with her son. She was paid a very good competitive salary and it isn't like she was a spend-thrift or frivolous or anything like that but she did live close to the wire because of her circumstances of supporting herself and her son on only her salary. (And, yes, of course, if you're wondering, I did give her the half day off as well as let her borrow my car so she could save a couple of hours and the hassle while getting her water bill paid.) But the experience was a huge eye-opener to me.

These days I volunteer with an organization at my church that helps people with emergency financial assistance. Even though it is 25 years later after my first experience, I am still stunned by how little access that members of the "working poor" and just plain poor people have to resources like credit cards or checking accounts or things that can be such simple time savers.

Thanks for the thoughtful post. Your volunteering project is a good idea.

[Anonymous]

What a luxury it is to have hot running water.

[Anonymous]

How miserable it is to try to do home work in a unheated house. Or frostbites are common on little hands and feet in the winter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What a luxury it is to have hot running water.

I learned this when I worked in social services. As a teenager, it never once occurred to me that the kids who had greasy hair and stinky clothes maybe didn't even have hot water to bathe, especially in winter.

[Anonymous]

This.

I started driving a tractor at age 6. I drove a 34' trailer on my 16th birthday. I drove a loaded trailer to florida and back by myself when I was 17.

things my rich DH didn't know: that you cut the rotten parts out of food and eat it anyway. How do to...everything. How to change a tire and plant a garden. How to can and preserve food you grew yourself. Which wild plants you can eat and which are poisonous. How to hot wire a vehicle. That you should keep jumper cables in the car and know how to use them. A thousand other things.

I would like to see a comprehensive list actually.

I know some of the things you know, but not all. And I know some different things:

How to kill and dress a chicken.
How to build a fire for warmth when you're half asleep, every morning.
Chopping wood, gardening
Yes, changing a tire, hearing when a car isn't right
Fixing stuff instead of calling tech support or replacing
Not giving up immediately.
Getting shit done in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am a highschool teacher and this week we had some career volunteers/ life couches come and talk to the kids. One guy made his speech about being a first generation college grad and did a list of "things poor kids dont know but need to." My kids liked it and there has been a lot of chit chat about it this week. I decided to reverse the topic and ask them what they think might be some things rich people dont know and these are some kid bits of that convo...

1.) flatbread is really just pizza. "I was so confused about that word but every time its literally just been pizza."
2.) its awkward/embarrassing when you associate having a license to having a car. "Me turning 16 means nothing, Im poor"
3.) We dont grieve not having a father. We dont know another family structure. "Thats like crying because I dont have a brother, when Ive never had a brother. No one does that."
4.) One kid thought it was odd that the people who have the most clothes usually have washer and dryers at their house so in reality they need the least clothes. "If i didnt need quarters to wash I would only need like 3 shirts"

I am going to assume that these kids are urban, right? In poorer rural areas, my experience has been:

1) WTF is flatbread anyway? we've never even had the chance to TRY it or even SEE it on a menu because it's not sold at any restaurant or store around here.
2) You learn to drive early (without a license on dirt roads) because you literally need it to go anywhere and if there's an emergency, families need a backup driver. You might not have a car, or a license, but you sure as hell can handle the basics of driving (though not city driving).
3) Grieving is pretty common because a lot of families know what it's like to have one, but lost their father due to poor health, drugs, etc.
4) Most people have washer-dryers but need clothing because the water and electricity are expensive and you can't afford to run the washer-dryer that frequently!

This.

I started driving a tractor at age 6. I drove a 34' trailer on my 16th birthday. I drove a loaded trailer to florida and back by myself when I was 17.

things my rich DH didn't know: that you cut the rotten parts out of food and eat it anyway. How do to...everything. How to change a tire and plant a garden. How to can and preserve food you grew yourself. Which wild plants you can eat and which are poisonous. How to hot wire a vehicle. That you should keep jumper cables in the car and know how to use them. A thousand other things.

Will your kids know?

Yes. Even though we have money now I teach them these things because nothing is forever. Instability is the life of the rural or urban poor. My 8yo can drive the tractor, stack firewood and use a knife.

[Anonymous]

This.

I started driving a tractor at age 6. I drove a 34' trailer on my 16th birthday. I drove a loaded trailer to florida and back by myself when I was 17.

things my rich DH didn't know: that you cut the rotten parts out of food and eat it anyway. How do to...everything. How to change a tire and plant a garden. How to can and preserve food you grew yourself. Which wild plants you can eat and which are poisonous. How to hot wire a vehicle. That you should keep jumper cables in the car and know how to use them. A thousand other things.

I'm the PP. hats off to you you hit it. My DH knows literally none of this either. He won't eat pasta and he won't eat leftovers. If something's past it's "use by" date he throws it out. If something won't fit in the fridge he throws it out. If food is not finished after dinner he throws it out. I often think- who ARE you? He literally would not survive poor.

Yes!! This is my DH too. He is rule-bound, just like his parents. Not practical. Does not know how to build community to share tasks, just calls a service for everything. Believes corporate America.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

This.

I started driving a tractor at age 6. I drove a 34' trailer on my 16th birthday. I drove a loaded trailer to florida and back by myself when I was 17.

things my rich DH didn't know: that you cut the rotten parts out of food and eat it anyway. How do to...everything. How to change a tire and plant a garden. How to can and preserve food you grew yourself. Which wild plants you can eat and which are poisonous. How to hot wire a vehicle. That you should keep jumper cables in the car and know how to use them. A thousand other things.

I would like to see a comprehensive list actually.

I know some of the things you know, but not all. And I know some different things:

How to kill and dress a chicken.
How to build a fire for warmth when you're half asleep, every morning.
Chopping wood, gardening
Yes, changing a tire, hearing when a car isn't right
Fixing stuff instead of calling tech support or replacing
Not giving up immediately.
Getting shit done in general.

A comprehensive list isn’t really possible but I know all those things. Are you rich?

However, it is 12:42 a.m, and I just finished painting some trim on my home. I started painting for my dad, who was a construction worker, at the age of 7. Before that I would be the cleanup person at his job sites when he picked me up from K and first grade.

We grew up with a coal stove and no other heat. I didn’t have electric or gas heat until I went to college. A glass of water used to freeze in my bedroom 8n winter. We slept in army surplus sleeping bags, the ones with a hole for your face only.

When I was 5 some wild dogs came, dug under the fence and slaughtered our chickens. I helped process them. And later, dozens of deer, beef and pigs. I have castrated at least 100 pigs personally, and dehorned hundreds of cattle because, while female, I am good with blood and calm in stressful times. Dehorning is a heck of a day if you haven’t done it.

I can kill an injured animal with a shovel to the neck, and have many times. I also know how to shoot larger livestock so they don’t suffer.

I need not go on and on I am sure. I went from hillbilly to Ivy League and was the rare student who went with an entire large box of canned venison so I would have some meat while there....there aren’t many of us.

[Anonymous]

Rich people don't realize that poor people can't afford to buy in bulk in order to save money. Even a 16 pack of toilet paper costs too much, so you buy the 4pack instead. Even though the 16 pack costs less per roll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much a loaf of bread costs (from another DCUM thread)

That poor people don't see dentists or doctors regularly. They end up just getting teeth pulled vs getting dental work.

That violence at home happens all the time. There are exceptions of course, not all affluent homes are peaceful/non-violent. But I grew up MC/UMC with a poor nanny and remember being shocked at her stories of violence perpetrated mostly by her father but also by her mother, uncles, brothers, etc. For her it was normal.

I grew up in a smallish town but there was a hospital system and a directional state U so there was some level of affluence. But it was your typical midwestern town with a lot of lower class people too...just one high school for the town so I went to school with the children of MDs and PhDs and mill workers and manual laborers and gas station workers and one thing I noticed when I went to my “poorer” friends houses is how they interacted with each other. Parents screaming at kids. Lots of hitting and swearing. Parents ALWAYS fighting. Whereas at my house and more affluent households it was more “Susie, could you please put the dishes away?” Poor homes: “SUSIE PUT THE GOD DAMN DISHES AWAY BEFORE I SMACK YOU INTO NEXT WEEK”

There is an enormous difference in the way rich people and poor people talk to their children.

Scream more like it. And don't talk...ignore. babies of affluent kids hear more words.

This is ACES, the measurable and intergeneratonal effect of trauma on children. When parents scream at and hit their kids, they are putting them at a measurable disadvantage each time. It has future economic and health consequences. Reducing parental stress through things like paid leave has a positive effect on children.