Postnuptial Agreement - Would you sign?

[Anonymous]

Now that he can see his ship coming in, he wants to bail.

I'd sign nothing, OP. Make him divorce you and pay you out.

[Anonymous]

Haven't read all posts. This would hurt me and make me so mad too. How about suggesting a 50/50 split in the post nup to let him l ow your expectations?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wonder if he used post-nup but really means something else. Upon hearing that you two are the only married ones, I would give him the benefit of the doubt here. I'm thinking his family suggested a way to make sure that "outsiders" (spouses, future spouses, etc.) stay out of the business dealings. I'm thinking there is a way that this can be done on a business level, and not on a personal/post-nup level.

+1- I work in wealth management and it's very likely that the family was given this advice by an attorney or advisor. The drama involved if someone gets a divorce is brutal. I would hear him out and see if he has a proposed agreement drafted. If so, get it reviewed by your own lawyer, & make sure you have a clear understanding of the current ownership structure (is it a corporation or partnership? What is the current valuation of the business, etc). I'd do a lot of homework before seeing an attorney so you understand what the division of assets would be now V after post nup. Make sure you consider retirement accounts, insurance policies etc .... Consider debt incurred as well as the potential profit, it might be beneficial for you if business goes south to have something in place.

Listen to this poster, and the posters who advocate treating this purely as a business, not a personal matter. Take the most hard-headed business like approach possible to this, do your homework, and get a good lawyer to advise you and review all documents for the protection of you and your children in ways your DH may not understand at all.

Ignore all the posters advocating divorce now or making this out to be a case of marital infidelity and just presume this was a family recommendation that your DH's family convinced him was necessary. Do not be an apologetic dishrag; this is the time to emulate Jessica Pearson or Diana Lockhart. If your DH has never seen this side of you it's time he did; if he has never showed this side to his family, it's time he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wonder if he used post-nup but really means something else. Upon hearing that you two are the only married ones, I would give him the benefit of the doubt here. I'm thinking his family suggested a way to make sure that "outsiders" (spouses, future spouses, etc.) stay out of the business dealings. I'm thinking there is a way that this can be done on a business level, and not on a personal/post-nup level.

+1- I work in wealth management and it's very likely that the family was given this advice by an attorney or advisor. The drama involved if someone gets a divorce is brutal. I would hear him out and see if he has a proposed agreement drafted. If so, get it reviewed by your own lawyer, & make sure you have a clear understanding of the current ownership structure (is it a corporation or partnership? What is the current valuation of the business, etc). I'd do a lot of homework before seeing an attorney so you understand what the division of assets would be now V after post nup. Make sure you consider retirement accounts, insurance policies etc .... Consider debt incurred as well as the potential profit, it might be beneficial for you if business goes south to have something in place.

Listen to this poster, and the posters who advocate treating this purely as a business, not a personal matter. Take the most hard-headed business like approach possible to this, do your homework, and get a good lawyer to advise you and review all documents for the protection of you and your children in ways your DH may not understand at all.

Ignore all the posters advocating divorce now or making this out to be a case of marital infidelity and just presume this was a family recommendation that your DH's family convinced him was necessary. Do not be an apologetic dishrag; this is the time to emulate Jessica Pearson or Diana Lockhart. If your DH has never seen this side of you it's time he did; if he has never showed this side to his family, it's time he did.

Best advice- I agree 100%. Separate the emotions from the business side of the request. There are pluses as well as minuses to a post nup- a good lawyer can help you protect yourself and your kids and provide for you as well, if the money does come through.

[Anonymous]

What a prick.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I opened this thread expecting you to be young childless and practically newlywed. 15 years of marriage and four children and you are contribute equally to the household? I would be extremely hurt

This. I thought you were going to be lazy/spendy. Sounds like you are a great spouse. I'm sorry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wonder if he used post-nup but really means something else. Upon hearing that you two are the only married ones, I would give him the benefit of the doubt here. I'm thinking his family suggested a way to make sure that "outsiders" (spouses, future spouses, etc.) stay out of the business dealings. I'm thinking there is a way that this can be done on a business level, and not on a personal/post-nup level.

+1- I work in wealth management and it's very likely that the family was given this advice by an attorney or advisor. The drama involved if someone gets a divorce is brutal. I would hear him out and see if he has a proposed agreement drafted. If so, get it reviewed by your own lawyer, & make sure you have a clear understanding of the current ownership structure (is it a corporation or partnership? What is the current valuation of the business, etc). I'd do a lot of homework before seeing an attorney so you understand what the division of assets would be now V after post nup. Make sure you consider retirement accounts, insurance policies etc .... Consider debt incurred as well as the potential profit, it might be beneficial for you if business goes south to have something in place.

Listen to this poster, and the posters who advocate treating this purely as a business, not a personal matter. Take the most hard-headed business like approach possible to this, do your homework, and get a good lawyer to advise you and review all documents for the protection of you and your children in ways your DH may not understand at all.

Ignore all the posters advocating divorce now or making this out to be a case of marital infidelity and just presume this was a family recommendation that your DH's family convinced him was necessary. Do not be an apologetic dishrag; this is the time to emulate Jessica Pearson or Diana Lockhart. If your DH has never seen this side of you it's time he did; if he has never showed this side to his family, it's time he did.

Best advice- I agree 100%. Separate the emotions from the business side of the request. There are pluses as well as minuses to a post nup- a good lawyer can help you protect yourself and your kids and provide for you as well, if the money does come through.

I posted earlier saying divorce him. Purely an emotional response.

This is a realistic response. Keep it 100% business like. Make sure you and your kids are protected and provided for.

Hire a good lawyer and look after you and your kids.

Don't sign anything that

Hasn't been analyzed by your own lawyer. Not just a perfunctory once over.

Anything you aren'the comfortable with.

Anything you don'the understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, I wonder if he used post-nup but really means something else. Upon hearing that you two are the only married ones, I would give him the benefit of the doubt here. I'm thinking his family suggested a way to make sure that "outsiders" (spouses, future spouses, etc.) stay out of the business dealings. I'm thinking there is a way that this can be done on a business level, and not on a personal/post-nup level.

+1- I work in wealth management and it's very likely that the family was given this advice by an attorney or advisor. The drama involved if someone gets a divorce is brutal. I would hear him out and see if he has a proposed agreement drafted. If so, get it reviewed by your own lawyer, & make sure you have a clear understanding of the current ownership structure (is it a corporation or partnership? What is the current valuation of the business, etc). I'd do a lot of homework before seeing an attorney so you understand what the division of assets would be now V after post nup. Make sure you consider retirement accounts, insurance policies etc .... Consider debt incurred as well as the potential profit, it might be beneficial for you if business goes south to have something in place.

Listen to this poster, and the posters who advocate treating this purely as a business, not a personal matter. Take the most hard-headed business like approach possible to this, do your homework, and get a good lawyer to advise you and review all documents for the protection of you and your children in ways your DH may not understand at all.

Ignore all the posters advocating divorce now or making this out to be a case of marital infidelity and just presume this was a family recommendation that your DH's family convinced him was necessary. Do not be an apologetic dishrag; this is the time to emulate Jessica Pearson or Diana Lockhart. If your DH has never seen this side of you it's time he did; if he has never showed this side to his family, it's time he did.

A 15 year marriage with 4 kids and equal earnings (or even not equal earnings, really) is NOT a business relationship though. That's the point.

What if the wife was here 14 years ago posting that she's worried about how to protect herself if she goes ahead and gets pregnant to this guy. Since her earnings (which she's already said currently exceed his, so certainly not insignificant, although she may not have been the higher earner at the time) would take a huge hit if she does ahead and gets pregnant and then has to take time off, and be the primary one responsible for small children so unable to travel or take high work load etc even if she gets full time care for her baby.

Would you be telling her to get a lawyer to draw up a contract where she's paid x amount to be billed against his future earnings over y period, or would you be telling her to stop being ridiculous, to simply not get married if she wasn't in this for the long haul, to accept that marriage is a personal matter and not a business decision, and that all she should do is do her best to make good decisions in terms of who she marries and then just see where the chips fall and hope the courts look after her fairly if/when it comes time to divorce?

I would be so furious if my husband of 15 years suggested such a thing. And if I were the higher earner like the OP (despite also having 4 children!) then I most definitely wouldn't be pushing for any promotions at work. The last thing you need to to have to pay this piece of work alimony on top of his expected windfall. Save your hard work for after the divorce.

[Anonymous]

He is not the sole owner of this business.

This is the key point.

Everybody needs to slow their roll on the marital advice. Wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP again- just trying to see if this is something that is common when a spouse comes into money? As I mentioned, this is not inheritance. It's a family business deal, which involves corporate assets and payouts.

I am no slouch and have been gainfully employed earning as much (if not more) than him since we have been together. The only time I wasn't working is when I was on maternity leave for our children together.

Sound like he's not just protecting himself then but multiple family members. If they all get post-nups I can see it being fair, it sounds unrealistic though.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He is not the sole owner of this business.

This is the key point.

Everybody needs to slow their roll on the marital advice. Wow.

So agree. This involves a DH family business that heretofore has not involved OP in any way. This outside business is now raising questions that cross over into the contractual side of her marriage. It appears to have nothing to do with their marital relationship over the years, including the financial aspects. OP should treat it as such.

It is just business, not personal. I am pretty certain the idea of a post nup was not DH's. It was a sibling's or some lawyer's over on the family side. OP's best option is to treat it this way and respond to it in a very business like way that doesn't bring up how much financial support she has brought into the family over the years or how faithful she has been or what a great mother she has been to the kids and how could he do this to her. All of this is irrelevant to the business question and she need to take control of it on that basis.

[Anonymous]

my first thought...is that its more to it...pre divorce paperwork so it wouldn't be "cheaper to keep her" because she signed away her benefits under the post nup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, I am so sorry. What an a$$hole. I think you need to talk to a financial advisor ASAP, so you can get the full picture about what is going on here. How much. Timing, etc.

not a financial advisor- they are not lawyers. Please realize this might be an opportunity for you to legally have a say in. Where the money goes. Example: your DH should fund four 529 plans at $300,000 each with you as the owner for the benefit of each individual child. You aren't asking for the money for yourself and it removes a worry of how to pay for college.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all pages, but yes, I would sign it with conditions like the above (college funds for kids). I would not be entitled to/ want money made from my husband's family business if I had nothing to do with it. It's not my money.

[Anonymous]

I'm PP. I would have had a pre-nup though, so this wouldn't be an issue.