Baby boomers so selfish, what is the point of family anyway

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:PP here who complained about Boomers. I think that in the case of my own mother (and probably many Boomers), her own mother and grandmother were very involved in her adult life, in the rearing of her kids, in her marriage, so it's entirely possible that she didn't want to do that to her own children, and decided to step back and not be a forever helicopter parent.

At least that's what I tell myself.

She might also have been warned constantly while growing up about the perils of being a housewife and caregiver by her own unhappy 50's or 60's mom and pushed to have a career yet also expected to have children who were well-adjusted and successful. For the first time in their lives, the older boomer women are trying to figure out what to do with the rest of their active years once the kids have left the nest. I see this in my 62 year old sister, while I am at the tail end of the boomers and have had a very different experience.

I definitely think this is the case for many boomers, but not the women in my family. I'm African American and women in my family have always worked. Always, even at the turn of the century, they were teachers, maids and sharecroppers. My grandmother graduated with an AA degree from community college in the 40s and had a successful 20 year career in aerospace. I think my mother was resentful of the involvement of her mother and grandmother and decided to take a different approach with her own kids and their lives. My father just goes along with whatever she does, and I think they enjoy their retired lives and not being around small children too often. Maybe some of these boomers should have been childless by choice, but didn't make that decision because of family and societal expectations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is about your mother, not her entire generation.

FFS.

I'm with OP on this one. The pattern does seem to stretch over the entire generation... To the point where I expect entitlement upon meeting a baby boomer and the real surprise happens when they turn out to be a humble, respectful and altruistic person.

This could very well stem from the circumstances of the time during which they were brought up. It's no excuse for that sort of behavior, but it's certainly a viable cause.

What I don't understand is why everyone gets their panties in a twist about people making generalizations about the older generations but have no qualms about doing the same for millennials? I see a ton of "oh those crappy millennials" post on this forum, but the one time something negative is said about baby boomers it's "the individual and not their entire generation"? The double standard probably comes with the above mentioned entitlement.

oh FFS, I spend lots of time defending millennials and I'm a baby boomer. Bigotry is bigotry - doesn't matter whether it's against boomers or millennials.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is about your mother, not her entire generation.

FFS.

Every boomer I know (including my parents) is like this. Unbelievably self centered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is about your mother, not her entire generation.

FFS.

I'm with OP on this one. The pattern does seem to stretch over the entire generation... To the point where I expect entitlement upon meeting a baby boomer and the real surprise happens when they turn out to be a humble, respectful and altruistic person.

This could very well stem from the circumstances of the time during which they were brought up. It's no excuse for that sort of behavior, but it's certainly a viable cause.

What I don't understand is why everyone gets their panties in a twist about people making generalizations about the older generations but have no qualms about doing the same for millennials? I see a ton of "oh those crappy millennials" post on this forum, but the one time something negative is said about baby boomers it's "the individual and not their entire generation"? The double standard probably comes with the above mentioned entitlement.

oh FFS, I spend lots of time defending millennials and I'm a baby boomer. Bigotry is bigotry - doesn't matter whether it's against boomers or millennials.

+1.

[Anonymous]

My MIL is incredibly selfish, and has been for decades. She was a terrible mother and an even worse grandmother. She made the same unhelpful comments - I don't do diapers, don't leave me in a car with a screaming baby, etc. She bought that sign that says 'unattended children will be given an espresso and a kitten.' What a waste, she doesn't even want to participate in our family. She's made it clear she thinks our kids are annoying. One of them was trying to show her something he learned in PE and she basically said, cut that out, it's annoying. She makes no effort at all to form a relationship with her grandchildren. Huge missed opportunity for her.

Contrast her with my own mother - and father - who are very helpful with us, with our kids, around our house, everything. They are just generous people and value family. They act interested when the kids want to do things with them. Both are boomers, at the complete opposite ends of the spectrum of selfishness!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is about your mother, not her entire generation.

FFS.

Every boomer I know (including my parents) is like this. Unbelievably self centered.

And your sample size is enough to put that into a general assessment?

As the PP said, not an entire generation.

[Anonymous]

My mother is useless, despite how amazingly helpful her mother was for her! My inlaws are ok sometimes but they get more selfish with age.

I'm sorry OP, I agree there are lots of boomers like that.

[Anonymous]

I am a late boomer (58 - youngest kid is 17). I always felt this way about my mom who was a member of the greatest generation. She was never available to help except on her own terms (e.g., she once wanted me to reschedule surgery to excise possible cancer to fit her schedule better). On the other hand, she expected to be waited on hand and foot when she had surgery.

I hve always thought she was selfish, but always attributed it to her personality not to her whole generation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am a late boomer (58 - youngest kid is 17). I always felt this way about my mom who was a member of the greatest generation. She was never available to help except on her own terms (e.g., she once wanted me to reschedule surgery to excise possible cancer to fit her schedule better). On the other hand, she expected to be waited on hand and foot when she had surgery.

I hve always thought she was selfish, but always attributed it to her personality not to her whole generation.

My greatest generation mother made it clear she would not be taking care of grandchildren. She raised her 'many' kids and expected a large number of grandkids and didn't have the energy or ability to balance to be fair.

None of us kids ever had a problem with that. She was loving toward, and loved by, her children and grandchildren until the day she died.

[Anonymous]

Another child of greatest generation mother here who told me she raised her own kids and it was up to me to raise my own. Also said I couldn't move back home if marriage didn't work out.

That's the way it was and we accepted it. These stereotypes of entire generations are ignorant. You need to broaden your horizons.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know. It's like they are too cool to be grandparents. I think they were a bit too cool to be parents too. And they wonder why our generation has to rely so heavily on parenting books.

+1 Both sides of our family has boomer grandparents like this. Now that they and the kids are older, they are a little more interested in being grandparents and can't understand why they don't have a closer bond with our children. Plus, they travel a bunch and don't understand how we won't just drop everything to visit them when they are bored between their trips. Tokyo is on their bucket list, but being beloved grandparents is not.

My grandparents pretty much raised me until the age of 10. I learned most life lessons and skills from them. My mother is like a weird older sister.

[Anonymous]

baby boomers like to eat cake all day, so at least your kids will think they are awesome. no dinner again today, have another piece of CAKE!

[Anonymous]

My MIL was a great mom to DH and MIL to me. My FIL is as selfish as can be. He insisted that my DS comes to visit him since DS went to visit my parents. We have a condo in his town, DS couldn't rent a car as he was 16. It snowed a little bit and my DS was stuck in our condo for 4 days without Grandpa coming to see him, I asked if they could please go and get him internet, I would pay for it, he said no. We paid for flights and gave DS money for food, and Grandpa gave some lame excuse how he can't drive in snow. He drove in snow the week after DS left to get a friend's granddaughter to fix her cell phone. So, maybe he is just selfish with my kid. DS is the nicest kid you could ever meet, polite and respectful and he said he is fine, didn't ask for anything.

[Anonymous]

Agree the OP is a bigot. Your mom may or may not be selfish. I'm not there and I don't know the whole situation. But you OP do not see yourself very clearly. To paint over 65 million people as selfish seems a bit extreme. You are a bigot and if I were your mom, I'd avoid you too. Sorry, she may already know you are a piece of work and tries to avoid you.