Changing Classrooms at Beauvoir?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As this thread clearly illustrates, bullying never stops. Kids do it and adults do to. You will find it in every socio economic level, in every religion and in every race. Human beings are social primates who construct elaborate and complex social hierarchies based on an ever changing matrix. Kids take turns trying out "power" and can be cruel. Then they will be nice. Then they may become Goth. I don't know, they are kids, they try stuff.

to think any school can 100% rule out any type of bullying or unfairness or unkindness is unrealistic. Even at (GOOD GOD why is the tuition so high) private schools.

There are a number of explicit schoolwide anti bullying initiatives used in public schools including high ses schools. The academic journals make it pretty clear these programs are effective. I fear no private in this area can be the first mover into these programs as it would take only a second for social media to broadcast the bullying crisis at school X.

Some schools, like Beauvoir, take a more proactive approach, and so are in less need of a specific "bullying initiative." The Beauvoir Life Rules serve as the foundation of an education that focuses not just on grades and academics, but also social skills, social responsibility, emotional intelligence, and what it means to be a member of a community. This is why Beauvoir has been able to limit bullying.

But not "relational aggression..."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As this thread clearly illustrates, bullying never stops. Kids do it and adults do to. You will find it in every socio economic level, in every religion and in every race. Human beings are social primates who construct elaborate and complex social hierarchies based on an ever changing matrix. Kids take turns trying out "power" and can be cruel. Then they will be nice. Then they may become Goth. I don't know, they are kids, they try stuff.

to think any school can 100% rule out any type of bullying or unfairness or unkindness is unrealistic. Even at (GOOD GOD why is the tuition so high) private schools.

There are a number of explicit schoolwide anti bullying initiatives used in public schools including high ses schools. The academic journals make it pretty clear these programs are effective. I fear no private in this area can be the first mover into these programs as it would take only a second for social media to broadcast the bullying crisis at school X.

Some schools, like Beauvoir, take a more proactive approach, and so are in less need of a specific "bullying initiative." The Beauvoir Life Rules serve as the foundation of an education that focuses not just on grades and academics, but also social skills, social responsibility, emotional intelligence, and what it means to be a member of a community. This is why Beauvoir has been able to limit bullying.

But not "relational aggression..."

Well, unless parents are on board, what the school teaches has more limited impact on kids' character development. Not even the best school can substitute for parenting, unfortunately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As this thread clearly illustrates, bullying never stops. Kids do it and adults do to. You will find it in every socio economic level, in every religion and in every race. Human beings are social primates who construct elaborate and complex social hierarchies based on an ever changing matrix. Kids take turns trying out "power" and can be cruel. Then they will be nice. Then they may become Goth. I don't know, they are kids, they try stuff.

to think any school can 100% rule out any type of bullying or unfairness or unkindness is unrealistic. Even at (GOOD GOD why is the tuition so high) private schools.

There are a number of explicit schoolwide anti bullying initiatives used in public schools including high ses schools. The academic journals make it pretty clear these programs are effective. I fear no private in this area can be the first mover into these programs as it would take only a second for social media to broadcast the bullying crisis at school X.

Some schools, like Beauvoir, take a more proactive approach, and so are in less need of a specific "bullying initiative." The Beauvoir Life Rules serve as the foundation of an education that focuses not just on grades and academics, but also social skills, social responsibility, emotional intelligence, and what it means to be a member of a community. This is why Beauvoir has been able to limit bullying.

FWIW, the life rules are not unique to Beauvior. Many (perhaps all) schools, including public schools, have social programs like this built into the curriculum and culture of the school. Nonetheless, bullying or social aggression happens everywhere in spite of these programs. So, when that program isn't enough (as some Beauvior families posting here suggest), then what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
FWIW, the life rules are not unique to Beauvior. Many (perhaps all) schools, including public schools, have social programs like this built into the curriculum and culture of the school. Nonetheless, bullying or social aggression happens everywhere in spite of these programs. So, when that program isn't enough (as some Beauvior families posting here suggest), then what?

That's an excellent point.

Sometimes, it's helpful to have the bully and their family to receive counseling. Bullying rarely occurs without some kind of trigger in the family environment, whether it's poor parenting, underlying tension in the home, or outright abuse. Sometimes dynamics occur between specific kids and breaking them up helps.

Ultimately, however, the school has to be willing to apply escalating discipline -- including to a group of children. Where Beauvoir sometimes goes wrong is being too gentle, and failing to punish bullying behavior. If there's no real discipline, there's no real incentive for kids to change their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As this thread clearly illustrates, bullying never stops. Kids do it and adults do to. You will find it in every socio economic level, in every religion and in every race. Human beings are social primates who construct elaborate and complex social hierarchies based on an ever changing matrix. Kids take turns trying out "power" and can be cruel. Then they will be nice. Then they may become Goth. I don't know, they are kids, they try stuff.

to think any school can 100% rule out any type of bullying or unfairness or unkindness is unrealistic. Even at (GOOD GOD why is the tuition so high) private schools.

But some helicopter moms here seem to equate "bullying" with "not inviting someone to a bday party."

And that's completely missing the point in terms of what bullying actually is. Once every little social problem becomes "bullying," it stops making sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As this thread clearly illustrates, bullying never stops. Kids do it and adults do to. You will find it in every socio economic level, in every religion and in every race. Human beings are social primates who construct elaborate and complex social hierarchies based on an ever changing matrix. Kids take turns trying out "power" and can be cruel. Then they will be nice. Then they may become Goth. I don't know, they are kids, they try stuff.

to think any school can 100% rule out any type of bullying or unfairness or unkindness is unrealistic. Even at (GOOD GOD why is the tuition so high) private schools.

But some helicopter moms here seem to equate "bullying" with "not inviting someone to a bday party."

And that's completely missing the point in terms of what bullying actually is. Once every little social problem becomes "bullying," it stops making sense.

PP, so share what you think bullying is. You seem to have an issue with relational aggression being considered bullying. It is. It's just a more subtle form, but can be as insidious and affect a child's self-esteem just as much as more blatant forms of bullying if it's done persistently.

[Anonymous]

Not the PP but according to the American Psychological Association bullying is: Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. Bullying can take the form of physical contact, words or more subtle actions.

My guess is that the point PP was trying to make is that many parents miss the "intentionally and repeatedly" part of this definition. If a kid says one time to your kid on the playground "you can't play" that is clearly poor behavior but the child is not bullying the other child. If it happens every day or a couple of times a week, week in and week out,, then it becomes bullying. Many parents are too quick to use the bullying word whenever another child misbehaves toward their child. Hurting another kid is of course not okay but kids are human too and don't always act their best, but until it becomes a pattern, that child is not a bully.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not the PP but according to the American Psychological Association bullying is: Bullying is a form of aggressive behavior in which someone intentionally and repeatedly causes another person injury or discomfort. Bullying can take the form of physical contact, words or more subtle actions.

My guess is that the point PP was trying to make is that many parents miss the "intentionally and repeatedly" part of this definition. If a kid says one time to your kid on the playground "you can't play" that is clearly poor behavior but the child is not bullying the other child. If it happens every day or a couple of times a week, week in and week out,, then it becomes bullying. Many parents are too quick to use the bullying word whenever another child misbehaves toward their child. Hurting another kid is of course not okay but kids are human too and don't always act their best, but until it becomes a pattern, that child is not a bully.

+1.

And it matters because otherwise, there's a risk of the adults becoming the actual "bullies," criminalizing basic child behavior and social learning.

[Anonymous]

All I know is that people think it's perfectly fine for a child to decide who to invite or not invite to their party until it's THEIR child being excluded. I suppose it's OK as long as it's not your child being made to feel bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All I know is that people think it's perfectly fine for a child to decide who to invite or not invite to their party until it's THEIR child being excluded. I suppose it's OK as long as it's not your child being made to feel bad.

Not really.

That's often called "teaching moment," to explain how friendships are forged.

Or, to talk about how life is full of surprises and "unfair" realities.

We reserve the strong word "bullying" for actual bullying.

[Anonymous]

I never said it was bullying. What I said was people thinks it's OK until it's being done to their kid. Because really being excluded from a birthday party for a 4 year old, 5 year old, etc. is far from a good teaching moment. Perhaps you were never the kid excluded or snickered about not so far behind your back. But carry on with your teaching moments.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I never said it was bullying. What I said was people thinks it's OK until it's being done to their kid. Because really being excluded from a birthday party for a 4 year old, 5 year old, etc. is far from a good teaching moment. Perhaps you were never the kid excluded or snickered about not so far behind your back. But carry on with your teaching moments.

And all this back and forth right here....EXACTLY why I will not consider Beauvoir for my child. These threads on here really give some insight to the parent community there, and it does not reflect well at all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never said it was bullying. What I said was people thinks it's OK until it's being done to their kid. Because really being excluded from a birthday party for a 4 year old, 5 year old, etc. is far from a good teaching moment. Perhaps you were never the kid excluded or snickered about not so far behind your back. But carry on with your teaching moments.

And all this back and forth right here....EXACTLY why I will not consider Beauvoir for my child. These threads on here really give some insight to the parent community there, and it does not reflect well at all.

Oh please...as if most of these posters are even Beauvoir parents. You know better than that and if you don't Shane on you because you should

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never said it was bullying. What I said was people thinks it's OK until it's being done to their kid. Because really being excluded from a birthday party for a 4 year old, 5 year old, etc. is far from a good teaching moment. Perhaps you were never the kid excluded or snickered about not so far behind your back. But carry on with your teaching moments.

And all this back and forth right here....EXACTLY why I will not consider Beauvoir for my child. These threads on here really give some insight to the parent community there, and it does not reflect well at all.

Oh please...as if most of these posters are even Beauvoir parents. You know better than that and if you don't Shane on you because you should

Exactly! We are so superior to these people. We don't even read DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I never said it was bullying. What I said was people thinks it's OK until it's being done to their kid. Because really being excluded from a birthday party for a 4 year old, 5 year old, etc. is far from a good teaching moment. Perhaps you were never the kid excluded or snickered about not so far behind your back. But carry on with your teaching moments.

And all this back and forth right here....EXACTLY why I will not consider Beauvoir for my child. These threads on here really give some insight to the parent community there, and it does not reflect well at all.

Good. There are a lot of parents who want Beauvoir for their kid and you are just one less person they have to compete with. Like seriously, if you are judging an entire school by some anonymous post then that's more reflective of your ability to make informed decisions than anything said on this board.