eating forbidden ice cream after camp?

[Anonymous]

I'm a single mom and my kid has standing instructions - at school and at camp - that if she wants to be generous with her lunch/snack money, she can be generous. If she came home and told me she'd bought ice cream for other kids, I'd be happy that I have a generous kid. It wouldn't occur to me to want repayment.

My one concern would be that perhaps she had bought ice cream for a kid whose parents didn't want them to have it. That's not ideal. Then again, I don't like the idea of a kid being the only one left out of ice cream either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I wrote a long note to the parent of this other child, commending her son for being kind and thoughtful, but explaining that I am trying to teach my children the difference between a need and a want, and the difference between a quick treat now versus saving up for something big and special.

What is wrong with you, seriously? You have every right to tell your own children they can't have ice cream or accept money from other children for ice cream. But writing someone else's parent a letter like this is out of line. I would toss it in the trash, assume you were crazy, and expect you to manage your own kids and tell them to decline if my child offered to buy.

Sorry OP, but I would try to steer clear of you in the future if you sent me a long note. Next time, please just talk to your kids about their behavior and don't expect that other kids should change theirs to meet your rules that they know nothing about.

[Anonymous]

Where are these camps that kids have to pay for their own ice cream every afternoon?? Can't the camp just purchase popsicles and call it a day. Stupid.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, I think you need to reevaluate the camp. Both of the camps we use have a no money policy... kids can't carry money and nothing they do or offer costs extra. There are plenty of treats but every kid enrolled in the camp gets them.

[Anonymous]

Agreed with the others that the OP needs to re-consider providing the kids with ice cream money.

That said, I am surprised that no one mentioned the other learning opportunity here: the kids took a loan from someone. Loans are not free money, but need to be repaid. The OP needs to teach the children this, and explain the importance of needing to re-pay the generous child who loaned them money in the first place. Perhaps there are household chores that need to be done to earn money, or perhaps there is an allowance that can be used. In any case, this is an important lesson for the children.

[Anonymous]

Kids are only allowed to bring money on trips at our camp. Even then, they still pack lunch and only about half the kids end up buying treats on the weekly trip to the water park. The rest of the time, the on-site vending machines and the snack bar are off limits to campers.

Ice cream isn't a special treat if you have it every day. Our camp does have a special treat at the end of each session so it's not like they're being deprived.

[Anonymous]

This thread totally reminds me of a situation where I was the other mom in your scenerio ( but not food related) but involving car rides. Middle school was five minute drive from our house and on a few days I would give my kid a ride. There were two neighbor kids who would walk up to our house and expect a ride to school. At first, this wasn't a problem because I was going there anyway.

But, one time I was over at a Christmas party at one of the kid's houses and the mom cornered me and said "thank you for giving Anna a ride but, we want her to walk to school" This is fine and admirable to want your kid to get exercise ( and I approve) however, the way she talked to me sounded like the "thank you" was something she was angry at me for. I did not know the kid was supposed to be walking to school and I wasn't getting anything out of doing what I thought was a favor.

My point being was this kid wanted a ride to school and knew her Mom was against it. She knew she wouldn't give a ride so she was clever to find someone who would give her one. She never said thank you and both were generally not pleasant or friendly to my daughter.

Your children are already displaying the same type of behavior. They knew you wouldn't give them money for what they wanted so they found another way. I would be slightly more worried about that and try to figure out a way that the kids feel like they can come to you with their needs and wants. And not lie about it.

Btw, the car pooling ended once I found out the Moms didn't want me to drive them and I started telling them that I wouldn't give them a ride because their Moms didn't approve.

[Anonymous]

They're 7 and 9. If someone offers to buy you an ice-cream and most of the other kids are getting them, you say yes. You're asking a lot of your kids, especially if this is a daily test of will-power.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Where are these camps that kids have to pay for their own ice cream every afternoon?? Can't the camp just purchase popsicles and call it a day. Stupid.

I am guessing that it's an ice cream truck that parks outside the camp every day. However, I don't think the camp should be allowing kids to buy ice cream. If their parents want to buy kids ice cream when they pick them up, then that's their choice.

[Anonymous]

OP, is your money right because you are a single mom (makes sense) or because you are fully funding your kids college fund which is too much given your current financial circumstances?

[Anonymous]

OP, your mention of paying for your kids college confuses me. When you say you are trying to teach your kids to save for special things, do you mean like a special treat every now and then, or do you deny them things like ice cream and then tell them it's because you are saving for college? The former makes sense. The latter will make no sense to a 7 year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have been angry since last night and am still fit to be tied.

I have repeatedly explained to my DCs (9 and 7) that our family has different priorities with money and I would not be providing funds for an afternoon treat at camp. Last night at bedtime I found out that another child, on TWO consecutive days, has paid for ice cream for both of my children and said, "You can pay me back tomorrow."

This morning (as I had no cash on my person) I had to go to the store to buy something to get cash back to repay the $12 they wasted on ice cream. I wrote a long note to the parent of this other child, commending her son for being kind and thoughtful, but explaining that I am trying to teach my children the difference between a need and a want, and the difference between a quick treat now versus saving up for something big and special. I also spoke with the camp director, who was unaware this had happened but said he would remind the children that if someone's parent wanted them to have ice cream, that parent would have provided the funds.

My children know they should not have done this, and they did not have their own money to sneak out of the house (which they have done before for pizza at a different camp and paid the consequences). I guess I am frustrated at my money lessons being undermined and my DCs' inability to say, "No thanks" when offered the ice cream money.

What would you do here? How to impress upon them this was a poor choice and must not be repeated?

I think you need to re-evaluate. Your kids have done this at least twice that you know of. Once with the pizza and once with the ice cream. If you are telling them they can't have pizza and ice cream at camp because you are saving for college you need to stop. Right now. Perhaps you should think about camps that do not allow kids to buy anything - the camps don't follow your values. You are setting your kids up to fail, and it is unfair.

You are clearly miserly with money, to the point that your kids are sneaking their own money (or accepting "loans" from other kids) to have a small treat. If it is a case of you truly not having the $30, your kids are old enough that you can tell them that (and then you need to reconsider and do more research on their camps). If you don't have the $30/week because you are putting X amount in their college funds, you should consider putting in $240 less per summer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:First of all, how much is the ice cream?! $12?! Must be those frozen yogurt places. Such a rip off.

I totally understand to save money. Really I do. And I totally understand how I do not want my kids to be eating so much sugar.

It's not the other kids fault or their parents that YOUR children decide to take the money others offer. It's teaching your kid to feel like they don't have to follow what other kids do. If they wear fancy sneakers and you can't afford it, teach your kids, it's not the price of the sneakers that are important, it's the responsible spending of money, especially if you don't have the money or do not want to spend money the way others do. Teach them to choose 'cheaper' options so they don't fee entirely left out and be comfortable with their choices, but don't deny them entirely.

Np: it wasn't one ice cream for $12, it was 4 ice creams at $3/each (2 children x 2 days)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are these camps that kids have to pay for their own ice cream every afternoon?? Can't the camp just purchase popsicles and call it a day. Stupid.

I am guessing that it's an ice cream truck that parks outside the camp every day. However, I don't think the camp should be allowing kids to buy ice cream. If their parents want to buy kids ice cream when they pick them up, then that's their choice.

At knights of Columbus camp, the kids get to buy stuff at the snack bar and pretty much the only thing they can get is ice cream or candy. I was surprised, but I will say it is often the highlight of the camp for some kids - to have money, get to choose what they spend it on, and get a treat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Before everyone else piles on, let me add that I am a single parent who scrapes together the money for summer camp. I drive an old car, wear old clothes and bring a lunch I pack every day to a job where I am underpaid. My budget simply does not allow for $30 a week for ice cream at camp.

Some of you assume that I am denying my children something I was given (we ate ice cream at home, not from the ice cream truck). My parents, who were not wealthy, saved to pay for four years of college and most of my professional education as well. That is my priority for my children as well.

And no, I am not the same mom whose kid spent $18 on a lunch at the museum.

But flame away. I wish you could walk a mile in my worn down shoes.

I get your frustration. I wouldn't be too upset with your kids because of how young they are but they need to understand the value of money better. I think one PP's suggestion that they "earn" it back is a good one. They should be given extra chores or be asked to do something for neighbors to understand how hard you work to earn money. On the other hand, I think you sound upset at the child who lent the money. He was trying to be kind and he could not have known your situation. I think this child did nothing wrong and your anger is misplaced. The situation is unfortunate but it's not anyone's fault. You, your kids and the other kid sound like great people who are trying their best.