eating forbidden ice cream after camp?

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately some camps have hidden expenses - snacks and games kids can buy, and when every one else is buying it, it can be hard. I was attacked by a mob of kids my son's first day of camp one year, screaming - you have to give Larlo money, you have to give Larlo money. I guess they all felt sorry for my son and wanted to make sure I knew that they all had snack money.

I get you are in a bind, but maybe instead of making the ice cream forbidden, give your kids enough money to buy one a week. Then they get to pick which day. They get the budget lesson, but also get to share in part of the camp experience. If you truly cannot afford it, you need to find a different camp next year. I've seen the camps that do this. Literally, the only thing the kids do during that time is stand in line, buy the food and eat it. It has to be difficult for kids that do not have snack money.

I do think you need to consider if it is the money or the ice cream, because odds are, some kid is going to offer to pay for your child out of the goodness of their heart (and because it is their parents money). Will you let your children accept this?

BTW. I hope you did not write that letter. Its got passive aggressive - I'm better than you written all over it.

[Anonymous]

You don't have much control outside of home. Pick a cheaper camp next time so you can afford for them to have ice cream?

[Anonymous]

Another single mom here. I couldn't afford ice cream from the ice cream truck everyday. We get a treat like ice cream once a week on the weekend. I'd give the kids money and let them choose which day to buy. Then I'd show my Ron how much they mark up the ice cream as compared to buying it at the store. A little lesson in economics is always an eye opening. I would've skipped the letter but I would've let the director know what was going on with kids lending money.

[Anonymous]

I have been angry since last night and am still fit to be tied.

Op,

This is where people were having problems with your post. I did see your later posts where you are saying you couldn't afford it however, you sound really angry. Why not sympathize with your children instead of being "fit to be tied" What you could have said to them is "I wish I could spend $30 a week giving you ice cream every day but, we can only afford the camp" Do you have any ideas that we can get some money for ice cream? Perhaps they would then think of ways to make money to earn the ice cream treat? Some ideas:

Helping a neighbor clean the steps or pull weeds?
sell any toys/books that they no longer need?
sell lemonade?

Or maybe they would be happy to have ice cream once or twice a week? Or they could get one treat and share? I also feel sorry for the poor kid who tried to be nice and got that letter telling him off. Ii hope things get better for you but, remember life is short and it is nice to have treats in the summer. There is always a way!

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm a single mom too and I get feeling strapped and stressed out about money. I've overreacted in the past about things that really weren't that big of a deal in the larger scheme of things, but they sure did feel important at the moment because I was so short on funds and didn't feel I had any wiggle room. I'd like to gently suggest that you overreacted here too. It's okay! You're not a horrible person, and financial stress is one of the worst stressors there is. But I'd urge you to think about how you want to move forward from this situation. I think that if I were in your shoes, I'd sit down with my kids and tell them I was sorry for overreacting. What they did certainly wasn't right, but it's not the end of the world either. Offer a compromise. Send an apology note to the other kid's parents too while you're at it.

I think that $3 ice cream every day is excessive from both a money and a nutritional standpoint, and I'd probably talk to the camp director about both angles and ask if they might consider providing healthier snacks with ice cream once a week, or asking parents to send a snack that they see fit.

I hope things ease up for you! It really is tough to be a single mom supporting kids all on your own. Hang in there!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:NP. For me it's not about the money but my DD is overweight and I want her to learn to make good nutritional choices for herself. It's hard on her when everyone else at camp seems to get ice cream at the end of every day, but I don't want her to have ice cream from the ice cream truck every day.

OP, I grew up without having a lot of extra, and I certainly wasn't getting ice cream every day or even every week from the ice cream truck. My parents explained point-blank to us that we could not afford it, and along with that direct message maybe you need to talk to your children about pride, not borrowing or mooching, and making good choices. It's really hard on little kids, and these are hard things for anyone to really absorb, so it's going to be a process. I'm also sure it makes you angry and upset that you are in a position where you have to make these rules for them; no doubt you would love to be able to provide them with ice cream every day. I know it's hard, and you have my sympathy.

Why Don't you choose camps with no ice cream truck visits?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry, OP but you sound really mean. I understand wanting your kids to know the difference between need and want, but denying them ice cream at summer camp just to prove this point seems cruel.

I agree. OP I saw your movie back in the 80s. Mommy Dearest, was it?

[Anonymous]

It's hard to choose camp strictly based on whether an ice cream truck comes every day or not. We can afford the ice creams and I'm not too restrictive with my kids treats but it does bother me that these trucks are there EVERY SINGKE DAY. My boys go to home run baseball camp for example. Truck is there every day. I think an ice cream after every camp session is excessive. I tell my kids ahead of time we will not do this every afternoon. We just won't. But we probably get ice cream 3 out of the 5 days.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Before everyone else piles on, let me add that I am a single parent who scrapes together the money for summer camp. I drive an old car, wear old clothes and bring a lunch I pack every day to a job where I am underpaid. My budget simply does not allow for $30 a week for ice cream at camp.

Some of you assume that I am denying my children something I was given (we ate ice cream at home, not from the ice cream truck). My parents, who were not wealthy, saved to pay for four years of college and most of my professional education as well. That is my priority for my children as well.

And no, I am not the same mom whose kid spent $18 on a lunch at the museum.

But flame away. I wish you could walk a mile in my worn down shoes.

Wow. The self pity. How bout this... Next year when you're planning for camps mentally tack on an additional 30 bucks to the cost. Set it aside over the span of a month. Please stop teaching your children to feel left out and embarrassed of something so ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

OMG. The ignorance and privilege in these responses is so embarrassing. I'm so embarrassed for all of you. "OP, you say you don't have an extra $30? You can solve that problem by magically saving an extra $30 that you don't have!" Ick.

I'm sorry OP. That situation sounds really frustrating. You've worked really hard to save for your kids and they seem to lack awareness of that. But they are just kids.

FWIW, I think this is a pretty common occurrence at camp, kids giving other kids money for whatever reason. Sometimes it gets paid back, sometimes it doesn't. I know you probably felt a burden to pay the other family back, but you really didn't/don't have to. My son has given kids money and sometimes they pay him back (and then they lend him money if he forgets) and sometimes they don't pay him back (then he learns to think carefully about lending and saying no). It's a small way for kids to experience consequences for their actions, good and bad.

[Anonymous]

OP I've been in your shoes financially. To me personally the issues come from how you've worded things.

You're "fit to be tied." Really. I understand the need to control the finances, but I'm not sure what you are actually teaching your kids.

I have no solution for you, besides explaining to them honestly that they don't have ice cream because you don't have the money to buy it. Having a fit because they aren't getting your "lesson" is pretty harsh. To the vast majority of people, an ice cream isn't a big deal.

If you can't afford the ice cream then you can't. Writing a letter to the mom though? Over the top. You lost me with that, regardless of your financial situation or what you say you are trying to teach your kids.

[Anonymous]

Not OK, O.P. I'm sorry, but I have been both a camper and a camp counselor. I came from family without a lot of extra money and having a treat is part of the culture of being at camp. The other child was super sweet to give your kids money. I don't think you should be angry with them. If the $12 brought your children relief from the heat and pleasure then it was worth it. I totally understand your point, but think about being a child. Those small moments matter. Next year give your kids a certain about of $ and teach them how to budget it. Your emotional energy is being wasted with this issue.

Anonymous wrote:I have been angry since last night and am still fit to be tied.

I have repeatedly explained to my DCs (9 and 7) that our family has different priorities with money and I would not be providing funds for an afternoon treat at camp. Last night at bedtime I found out that another child, on TWO consecutive days, has paid for ice cream for both of my children and said, "You can pay me back tomorrow."

This morning (as I had no cash on my person) I had to go to the store to buy something to get cash back to repay the $12 they wasted on ice cream. I wrote a long note to the parent of this other child, commending her son for being kind and thoughtful, but explaining that I am trying to teach my children the difference between a need and a want, and the difference between a quick treat now versus saving up for something big and special. I also spoke with the camp director, who was unaware this had happened but said he would remind the children that if someone's parent wanted them to have ice cream, that parent would have provided the funds.

My children know they should not have done this, and they did not have their own money to sneak out of the house (which they have done before for pizza at a different camp and paid the consequences). I guess I am frustrated at my money lessons being undermined and my DCs' inability to say, "No thanks" when offered the ice cream money.

What would you do here? How to impress upon them this was a poor choice and must not be repeated?

[Anonymous]

First question, what camp do your kids go to that charges $3 per afternoon ice cream? The camp should either have it or have not. I think that is really weird to charge for ice-cream and really makes some kids feel left out - like YOURS.

I need to show this post to my kids. They will appreciate me a little more. OP, you are wound up way too tight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Deal with this issue with your own kids or camp staff. The letter to the other kid's parents was unnecessary.

I agree.

If I received a letter like that I wouod be torn between telling my kids to stay away from these kids because of mom's letter, or trying to be extra kind to them because of mom's letter.

The letter to the other parent was WAY out of line.

[Anonymous]

If you want them to learn about money, price similar ice creams at the grocery store, buy them and let them know they can have one when they get home, just not at camp,where one is the same price as the whole box. Or occasionally swing through mc Donald's for dollar ice cream on the way home. Maybe not every day, but occasionally so,they know it's not about them not being allowed to,have ice cream, it's just about the price.

Same thing with pizza occasionally have one in the freezer.

Your post strikes me as anti food, not expense- please don't restrict your kids, if they feel deprived they will sneak. Provide it at the price point you can stomach.