I don't want to be a SAHM but feel like I have no other option

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op- people do not leave work to run errands. Run the errands after work- once you get better childcare or a mothers helper or someone to take DC for a little while to give you time to do them solo. Believe me, the rest of us teleworkers aren't getting a better deal than you. We can't just up and leave our work in the middle of the day either.

Is the stuff preventing dh from helping a temporary thing or are you always going to be stuck being the 100% parent?

It's temporary, but will happen again.

It might also help to redefine your expectations for what you do while he is gone. When my husband is gone, these are my expectations:

-I keep my job
-the kids are fed and go to school
-we all wear clothes when we need to wear clothes
-there are no outright health hazards in the house

That's it. Anything more than that is gravy.

Yup.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you telework some, or reduce your hours slightly? I work 35 hours a week and telework one day a week, and it really helps.

I telework about 90% but it doesn't help with the errands I just can't get done. For example, I've been sick on and off for two weeks but DC was too and got the doctor visit. I haven't been able to squeeze one in for me.

I can't reduce my hours.

Wahhhh??? Do you have childcare??

I telework as well and when my kid was 2 I had a nanny in the house 8:30-6pm 4 days per week (and a 3-year old).

When my firstborn was 2, he was is a preschool 9-3pm.

If you are trying to babysit and telework that is why you are losing your shit. If kid is in daycare or with a nanny, I am also baffled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Can you telework some, or reduce your hours slightly? I work 35 hours a week and telework one day a week, and it really helps.

I telework about 90% but it doesn't help with the errands I just can't get done. For example, I've been sick on and off for two weeks but DC was too and got the doctor visit. I haven't been able to squeeze one in for me.

I can't reduce my hours.

Wahhhh??? Do you have childcare??

I telework as well and when my kid was 2 I had a nanny in the house 8:30-6pm 4 days per week (and a 3-year old).

When my firstborn was 2, he was is a preschool 9-3pm.

If you are trying to babysit and telework that is why you are losing your shit. If kid is in daycare or with a nanny, I am also baffled.

Oh and peapod/grocery delivery was my best friend when I was at your stage.

[Anonymous]

Just curious, do you think you'd work more efficiently if you were in the office? If so, is there any way to improve your home office?

Otherwise, sounds like your boss may be the issue. Not sure what industry you are in but if there is no good reason s/he is so intense I'd take a week off and look around for another job 6 hours a day.

[Anonymous]

It's hard to know what advice to give you, since you don't really say what specific tasks you struggle with. I'm wondering if you are just lonely/depressed since your DH is not around, which is leading to the feelings of being overwhlemed. However, if it's really just that it's hard to get everything done, I would suggest:

Since you telework, you should really be taking advantage of getting things delivered straight to the house. Groceries, household supplies, everything. No reason not to, delivery is free if you do peapod and amazon prime. That should significantly cut down on errands.

Cook big meals that last multiple days. Make a big casserole on Sunday that can last until Tuesday, cook a bunch of chicken pasta on Wednesday to take you through Friday, etc. If it's just you and a two year old and shouldn't be too hard to stretch the food. Then you don't have to worry about dinner every night. Or just do sandwiches and cut up veggies or other quick things during the week.

Don't nap during your lunch break, use it to throw in laundry, do other chores, or get errands done. Getting up, moving around and grabbing a cup of coffee will probably energize you almost as well as a nap would.

Most of all: ENJOY your time with DD! When you are with her, focus on her as much as you can. That will help you feel more connected and make the daily grind seem worthwhile.

Good luck OP!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op- people do not leave work to run errands. Run the errands after work- once you get better childcare or a mothers helper or someone to take DC for a little while to give you time to do them solo. Believe me, the rest of us teleworkers aren't getting a better deal than you. We can't just up and leave our work in the middle of the day either.

Is the stuff preventing dh from helping a temporary thing or are you always going to be stuck being the 100% parent?

It's temporary, but will happen again.

It might also help to redefine your expectations for what you do while he is gone. When my husband is gone, these are my expectations:

-I keep my job
-the kids are fed and go to school
-we all wear clothes when we need to wear clothes
-there are no outright health hazards in the house

That's it. Anything more than that is gravy.

Thanks. I really need to start thinking more like this.

[Anonymous]

I have read this entire thread. OP, I really think you should consider a low dose antidepressant. It could give you the pick me up you need. You do not have a support system from family, and you are clearly overwhelmed. Even if you are not crying all the time, does not mean you might have some mild depression. I realized I had ppd when my second was one. I felt overwhelmed, and a low dose medication gave me the kick I needed to change my outlook.

I stay at home. It can be equally overwhelming, and you would not have the income that it sounds like you need.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It might also help to redefine your expectations for what you do while he is gone. When my husband is gone, these are my expectations:

-I keep my job
-the kids are fed and go to school
-we all wear clothes when we need to wear clothes
-there are no outright health hazards in the house

That's it. Anything more than that is gravy.

OP, it is really tough being everything for a 2 yr old. I'm sorry.
I'm a SAHM of 2 kids and when dh is out of town, I do the above list. When the kids were little, the whole house went to hell. I used to tell dh that I wanted him to feel missed and needed when he came home to a disaster but really I just couldn't do it all.

[Anonymous]

OP I was thinking about this thread and came back to it. You need a different job with a better boss. It is unrealistic to expect that you will never ever ever have to take take off from work. What will happen when your child is in school and has a dr appt or a play or a mother's day breakfast at school? You need a more flexible job or a more flexible boss who will let you flex your time when you need to.
I would start looking for something else. It is even more important if your dh has a job that takes him away or makes him unavailable for long periods of time. It is fine for the wife to have a job like that, but then husband needs a job with flexibility. You guys need to choose who has the inflexible job and who has the flexibility to be there for your kids.
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I was thinking about this thread and came back to it. You need a different job with a better boss. It is unrealistic to expect that you will never ever ever have to take take off from work. What will happen when your child is in school and has a dr appt or a play or a mother's day breakfast at school? You need a more flexible job or a more flexible boss who will let you flex your time when you need to.
I would start looking for something else. It is even more important if your dh has a job that takes him away or makes him unavailable for long periods of time. It is fine for the wife to have a job like that, but then husband needs a job with flexibility. You guys need to choose who has the inflexible job and who has the flexibility to be there for your kids.
Good luck.

I agree with this. If you can't afford a nanny, one of you needs flexibility. At least a little flexibility! Especially if you will routinely be doing this by yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP I was thinking about this thread and came back to it. You need a different job with a better boss. It is unrealistic to expect that you will never ever ever have to take take off from work. What will happen when your child is in school and has a dr appt or a play or a mother's day breakfast at school? You need a more flexible job or a more flexible boss who will let you flex your time when you need to.
I would start looking for something else. It is even more important if your dh has a job that takes him away or makes him unavailable for long periods of time. It is fine for the wife to have a job like that, but then husband needs a job with flexibility. You guys need to choose who has the inflexible job and who has the flexibility to be there for your kids.
Good luck.

Unfortunately I live in an area where there are not many jobs. At all. I mean, I could go work at Starbucks, but the thought makes me cry. I just spent too much time in school for that. I've already put all hope of promotion aside for another 10+ years which is fine, but I need to have at least a tiny hold on an actual career that uses my skills.

[Anonymous]

Can you move to another area where you have more options? Is your dh tied to the area where you are? (I am picturing one of those German brewmeisters who have to live on site.)

This situation is not working if you can't even get yourself to the doctor when you are sick. You will not be able to take care of your child if you can't take care of yourself. This situation is not sustainable.

[Anonymous]

DCUMers now want to know what your job is, OP, that is so totally non flexible (according to you), no sick days (or do you not choose to use them?), you can tele commute, you need a degree for, and no other jobs are availble from whereverwr youre posting from except at Starbucks (your words).

if your dh is out of town all the time, why don't you move to a place with more jobs opportunities for you. He's away so what diffetence does it make to him where the house is.

[Anonymous]

DH needs to step it up at home.

[Anonymous]

I haven't read all the pages.

1. If you are teleworking and don't have child care, stop this. In most companies this is clearly against the policies and you are abusing your telework privilege doing it on a regular basis. Occasionally, when the kid is sick or you're stuck because of snow is one thing. Every day teleworking with a 2 year old doesn't work.

2. Simplify your life. It doesn't matter if the house is sparkling. Clean to get rid of dirt and be sanitary not have a perfectly decorated and today home. No one gives a shit about this expect uptight women.

3. Stop running errands all together. You've already discovered the Internet if you are posting here. You can do everything on-line and there is no reason to run to a bricks and mortar store with all the free shipping deals out there. Amazon prime, drugstore, Giant PeaPod, on-line bill paying. If you're into fresh veggies sign up for one of those co-farm delivery packages or join a fruit of the month club.