How does your child treat special needs students at school?

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of that starts with the teacher. It makes,a huge difference if the teacher explicitly tells general education students that they need to be respectful and kind and how they interact with students with special needs and backs that up by modeling respect.

[Anonymous]

So many replies in this post reiterates my belief that the country is going to bell in a hand basket. So many callous people raising children to be just like them.

Open, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I fear for my child and his future in a world populated by those with such little compassion and ability to look inward. They would rather blame the most vulnerable instead.

[Anonymous]

So many replies in this post reiterates my belief that the country is going to bell in a hand basket. So many callous people raising children to be just like them.

Open, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I fear for my child and his future in a world populated by those with such little compassion and ability to look inward. They would rather blame the most vulnerable instead.

Disagree. OP is only giving her side of the story-or what her child has told her. There are gaps there that we do not know about. Give the teacher a little benefit--none of us were there, and the situation might be quite different.

Also, OP needs to consider that her child might have been out of line. Her DS also needs to learn to be considerate of others. If his special needs are so great that he is not capable of that, then perhaps the story is different. However, the teacher is trying to teach each child in the class. You have no idea how many times she and the kids in the class may have accommodated the needs of this child. The lip balm smeared all over his work may have just been the final straw.

If you read OP's responses, she never seems to concede that her DS needs to adjust his behavior in any way.

[Anonymous]

So many replies in this post reiterates my belief that the country is going to bell in a hand basket. So many callous people raising children to be just like them.

Open, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I fear for my child and his future in a world populated by those with such little compassion and ability to look inward. They would rather blame the most vulnerable instead.

Disagree. OP is only giving her side of the story-or what her child has told her. There are gaps there that we do not know about. Give the teacher a little benefit--none of us were there, and the situation might be quite different.

Also, OP needs to consider that her child might have been out of line. Her DS also needs to learn to be considerate of others. If his special needs are so great that he is not capable of that, then perhaps the story is different. However, the teacher is trying to teach each child in the class. You have no idea how many times she and the kids in the class may have accommodated the needs of this child. The lip balm smeared all over his work may have just been the final straw.

If you read OP's responses, she never seems to concede that her DS needs to adjust his behavior in any way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So many replies in this post reiterates my belief that the country is going to bell in a hand basket. So many callous people raising children to be just like them.

Open, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I fear for my child and his future in a world populated by those with such little compassion and ability to look inward. They would rather blame the most vulnerable instead.

Disagree. OP is only giving her side of the story-or what her child has told her. There are gaps there that we do not know about. Give the teacher a little benefit--none of us were there, and the situation might be quite different.

Also, OP needs to consider that her child might have been out of line. Her DS also needs to learn to be considerate of others. If his special needs are so great that he is not capable of that, then perhaps the story is different. However, the teacher is trying to teach each child in the class. You have no idea how many times she and the kids in the class may have accommodated the needs of this child. The lip balm smeared all over his work may have just been the final straw.

If you read OP's responses, she never seems to concede that her DS needs to adjust his behavior in any way.

Also OP interprets classmates as being intentionally cruel for what boils down to age-appropriate behavior (selecting friends based on commonalities rather than being concerned about including a child who might be viewed as different)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So many replies in this post reiterates my belief that the country is going to bell in a hand basket. So many callous people raising children to be just like them.

Open, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I fear for my child and his future in a world populated by those with such little compassion and ability to look inward. They would rather blame the most vulnerable instead.

Disagree. OP is only giving her side of the story-or what her child has told her. There are gaps there that we do not know about. Give the teacher a little benefit--none of us were there, and the situation might be quite different.

Also, OP needs to consider that her child might have been out of line. Her DS also needs to learn to be considerate of others. If his special needs are so great that he is not capable of that, then perhaps the story is different. However, the teacher is trying to teach each child in the class. You have no idea how many times she and the kids in the class may have accommodated the needs of this child. The lip balm smeared all over his work may have just been the final straw.

If you read OP's responses, she never seems to concede that her DS needs to adjust his behavior in any way.

Also OP interprets classmates as being intentionally cruel for what boils down to age-appropriate behavior (selecting friends based on commonalities rather than being concerned about including a child who might be viewed as different)

Wow. This is akin to victim blaming.
You tell me me when neurotypical kids pushing, ignoring and talking over another classmate is acceptable in any circumstance. I will wait.

[Anonymous]

You tell me me when neurotypical kids pushing, ignoring and talking over another classmate is acceptable in any circumstance. I will wait.

We have not heard the other side of the story. Believe me, it could be quite different. This is what the child tells his mom. Have you never had your child tell you something from his point of view--"You never let me play video games" for example, when he frequently plays video games.

It is quite possible, from the way OP describes her child, that he is the one talking over others. I just have a hard time believing that a teacher and all the kids are deliberately rude to her son. It is likely that the teacher lost patience with the child. She should not have done that, but it happens.

I was in a workshop once with a mom who kept talking about how mean the other kids were to her son--especially the girls. It was a very emotional issue with her. She just thought everyone--including the teacher, was so mean. It finally came out that her son had had a crush on one of the girls and made it quite obvious--to the point that the girl reacted by being mean to him. Was that nice of the girl? No. However, she was the one who was the brunt of the attention that this child gave to her. Her friends teased her about it and this was her reaction. Was any of this right? Should the kids have teased her? NO. However, the mom didn't mention this at the beginning of her complaint--only as an aside at the end. She didn't realize that her son had created a situation where other children bullied the girl. So, the girl reacted in a mean way.
OP needs to remember that all of these kids are learning and growing. I guarantee that none of them are totally self-assured and as confident as she seems to think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

So many replies in this post reiterates my belief that the country is going to bell in a hand basket. So many callous people raising children to be just like them.

Open, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I fear for my child and his future in a world populated by those with such little compassion and ability to look inward. They would rather blame the most vulnerable instead.

Disagree. OP is only giving her side of the story-or what her child has told her. There are gaps there that we do not know about. Give the teacher a little benefit--none of us were there, and the situation might be quite different.

Also, OP needs to consider that her child might have been out of line. Her DS also needs to learn to be considerate of others. If his special needs are so great that he is not capable of that, then perhaps the story is different. However, the teacher is trying to teach each child in the class. You have no idea how many times she and the kids in the class may have accommodated the needs of this child. The lip balm smeared all over his work may have just been the final straw.

If you read OP's responses, she never seems to concede that her DS needs to adjust his behavior in any way.

Also OP interprets classmates as being intentionally cruel for what boils down to age-appropriate behavior (selecting friends based on commonalities rather than being concerned about including a child who might be viewed as different)

Wow. This is akin to victim blaming.
You tell me me when neurotypical kids pushing, ignoring and talking over another classmate is acceptable in any circumstance. I will wait.

Pushing, not acceptable. Ignoring and talking over - easy to misinterpret. All kids get ignored and talked over at some point, but maybe the other kids are more outspoken and OP's kid is more reserved. OP seems to be assuming a level of maliciousness that I'm not sure is really going on beyond those who physically intimidate her child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

So many replies in this post reiterates my belief that the country is going to bell in a hand basket. So many callous people raising children to be just like them.

Open, I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I fear for my child and his future in a world populated by those with such little compassion and ability to look inward. They would rather blame the most vulnerable instead.

Disagree. OP is only giving her side of the story-or what her child has told her. There are gaps there that we do not know about. Give the teacher a little benefit--none of us were there, and the situation might be quite different.

Also, OP needs to consider that her child might have been out of line. Her DS also needs to learn to be considerate of others. If his special needs are so great that he is not capable of that, then perhaps the story is different. However, the teacher is trying to teach each child in the class. You have no idea how many times she and the kids in the class may have accommodated the needs of this child. The lip balm smeared all over his work may have just been the final straw.

If you read OP's responses, she never seems to concede that her DS needs to adjust his behavior in any way.

OP here. Rather than writing about what I concede or don't concede, why not ask me? I concede that my son should not hit, steal, or harm anyone or their property. I concede that my son needs to try his best when working with groups. I concede that my son should refrain from insulting, ostracizing, or alienating any child.

He does all of the above.

Now here's what I do not concede. My son should not have to conform himself to behave as a neurotypical child. He can not. He isn't capable of it. That is why he has special needs. As he gets older and learns to control his sensory needs better, he may be able to. We see improvements each year but they are gradual. He is on a different developmental trajectory than your child or other students. You seem to have a very hard time accepting that. If you can not accept that, you will forever be of the position that children with special needs should be banished to specialized schools and away from public schools.

It looks to me like this is your issue, not the majority opinion of parents. Thank God for that.

[Anonymous]

Now here's what I do not concede. My son should not have to conform himself to behave as a neurotypical child. He can not. He isn't capable of it. That is why he has special needs.

OP, do you want your son to be pitied or accepted?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Now here's what I do not concede. My son should not have to conform himself to behave as a neurotypical child. He can not. He isn't capable of it. That is why he has special needs.

OP, do you want your son to be pitied or accepted?

For crying out loud. You are just trying to find fault with the mother here. It doesn't matter if she even does want her child to be pitied, really. It only matters that her child isn't treated like some lesser being just because he is not neuroptypical.

I know that you will now come back with more reasons to blame the mother, but this is a new level of shamefully blaming the victim, by proxy.

[Anonymous]

I know that you will now come back with more reasons to blame the mother, but this is a new level of shamefully blaming the victim, by proxy.

No. Not shaming the victim. The mom is attacking a teacher and many kids. We only know her side. She defends the lip balm incident when it was something that was disruptive to the whole class.

I imagine that the class does defer to the child in most instances. The mom needs to understand and appreciate that. Instead, she paints them as bullies because they "talk over" her son--who likely is talking over the others.

The teacher is trying to educate the whole class. She has pressure placed on her to do this.

The mom wants two things: she wants her child to be accepted and she wants all the kids to give over to him. I understand that. I don't want to switch places with her. However, if she wants the class to revolve around her child, then he cannot be mainstreamed. He should be included--but that does not mean he can dominate what goes on. It sounds to me like that is what she wants. It also sounds like she thinks that the only acceptable situation is for her son to be allowed to smear lip balm on his papers. Yuck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does he/she try to get to know them? When he/she sees them eating alone at lunch, having no one to talk to at recess, do they shrug their shoulders and ignore or do they try to include them in a game or play? Do they speak kindly to them in group activities?

My child is special needs and after years of watching how he has been treated in schools by peers and teachers, I have come to realize that parents and teachers are not doing enough to show the value of special needs children. My child has been shoved in the hallways, is the only person at recess to not have anyone to play with, and is bullied by exclusion even in the classroom. Children will talk over his voice to discourage him from speaking in class. Children will ask other children to not speak to him. When my child tries to speak to other children, they pretend as if they don't hear.

He has sensory issues and likes to smell nice things. He once took his scented lip balm and rubbed it across his own sheet of paper so he would have something to smell throughout class. His AAP teacher came over to his desk, confiscated the lip balm as well as the paper and then kept him after class for 30 minutes to interrogate him about his unusual behavior. He was not permitted to go to kiss and ride and I was left wondering where my child is. My child suffers from ADHD and sensory issues.

Teachers have, unbeknownst to us, reduced his work load and changed his curriculum in certain subjects to help him get through material quickly so they can simply pass him rather than suggesting additional supports be placed within his existing IEP. His education this year would have been compromised had we not learned about this and quickly jumped in to ask for additional supports in his IEP.

At the age of 9, after enduring these assaults and insults every day in school, my child told me he wished he had never been born.

I am writing this in the general parenting forum to ask parents to speak to their children about how to treat special needs children. No matter what the special needs are, whether they are unmotivated or seemingly lazy in class, no matter if they have a tic, no matter if they make weird noises in class, no matter if they appear unintelligent, please ask your children to go out of their way to be kind and patient with them.

Making special needs children feel included is a reflection of our humanity.

Ah, we attended an IEP meeting just today to address the same issues, only DC is older and it's only gotten worse because DC is very self aware and empathetic, wants to have a normal life.

What your DC has experienced is very similar to ours, so I suspect this is very common. What you wrote was beautiful. You sound like a truly good Mom. Too wiped out to read the whole thread right now.

I will say that the teachers leave much to be desired and the SPED admin. team may as well be workers at the sausage factory.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know that you will now come back with more reasons to blame the mother, but this is a new level of shamefully blaming the victim, by proxy.

No. Not shaming the victim. The mom is attacking a teacher and many kids. We only know her side. She defends the lip balm incident when it was something that was disruptive to the whole class.

I imagine that the class does defer to the child in most instances. The mom needs to understand and appreciate that. Instead, she paints them as bullies because they "talk over" her son--who likely is talking over the others.

The teacher is trying to educate the whole class. She has pressure placed on her to do this.

The mom wants two things: she wants her child to be accepted and she wants all the kids to give over to him. I understand that. I don't want to switch places with her. However, if she wants the class to revolve around her child, then he cannot be mainstreamed. He should be included--but that does not mean he can dominate what goes on. It sounds to me like that is what she wants. It also sounds like she thinks that the only acceptable situation is for her son to be allowed to smear lip balm on his papers. Yuck.

Your last sentence in your reply especially proves my point. Please, just stop. I know you hate scented lip balm Everyone knows! That is the main point for your contention here. Please, stop digging yourself a deeper hole.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I know that you will now come back with more reasons to blame the mother, but this is a new level of shamefully blaming the victim, by proxy.

No. Not shaming the victim. The mom is attacking a teacher and many kids. We only know her side. She defends the lip balm incident when it was something that was disruptive to the whole class.

I imagine that the class does defer to the child in most instances. The mom needs to understand and appreciate that. Instead, she paints them as bullies because they "talk over" her son--who likely is talking over the others.

The teacher is trying to educate the whole class. She has pressure placed on her to do this.

The mom wants two things: she wants her child to be accepted and she wants all the kids to give over to him. I understand that. I don't want to switch places with her. However, if she wants the class to revolve around her child, then he cannot be mainstreamed. He should be included--but that does not mean he can dominate what goes on. It sounds to me like that is what she wants. It also sounds like she thinks that the only acceptable situation is for her son to be allowed to smear lip balm on his papers. Yuck.

Lip balm lady, you are badly in need of some cognitive behavioral therapy to get over your OCD issues (at the very least, stop reading this thread since the lip balm is causing you such distress). And the fact that you keep ascribing to the OP motives and intentions that she hasn't expressed suggests additional you have other emotional problems besides. Your sock puppeting is also getting a little tiring. We get it: you hate lip balm and you resent the fact that this presumptuous mother of a special needs child requests tolerance for her offspring.