Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ten minutes early used to be the expected norm. Far, far better than being at all late. Any prepared hostess would have everything ready, and have herself ready to greet guests.

If a host/hostess isn't dressed ten minutes before IMO they aren't organized.

I try now to be only a couple of minutes early.

You obviously don't host much. And, if you do, I bet you serve take out.

You would be wrong. Everything is cooked from scratch, including desert and/or anything like dinner rolls. DH and I generally enjoying a drink when people start arriving. I just despise last minute stuff. If it's a big meal I start preparing the day before.

[Anonymous]

15:13 here. If I'm not that prepared I feel panicky. I have to have checklists.

[Anonymous]

Arriving 10 minutes early is fine in places with a waiting room. The doctor, the dentist, the hair salon. My house, unfortunately, does not have such a place. I'm not prepared for people to wait, so don't be early! Why is this hard?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

This is a good rule to follow for meetings, doctor appointments, and so forth. It is extremely rude for a dinner party.

Agree. I make it clear in my invitations: People may arrive anytime after X:00 and dinner will be served at X:30.

While I will be polite about people arriving before X:00, I would consider it rude. And we do start dinner at X;30. We don't hold dinner for those who arrive after that time. If necessary, we'll reheat food when someone arrives, but no guarantee that it will be as good as when served fresh and hot.

I also include whether it is open-ended, or whether there is an advertised end-time. I start cleaning after the end-time or just before. People who stay after the end time will be put to work cleaning. We definitely don't mind company while cleaning after the party, but I don't entertain people (other than with conversation) after the end time.

Now that's rude. Unless you have another party starting 30 mins later, you really shouldn't be ushering guests out the door of a dinner party. To me the mark of a good party is that people are enjoying the company and conversation and want to stay.

Even when we do larger open house type events I am happy for people to linger. When we've got 50-75 people over I probably haven't had a chance to talk to all of them and I enjoy getting to spend a little more time with people at the end.

When the invitation is 6:00-11:00, I'm sorry, but that's plenty of time to enjoy the company and conversation. If I start cleaning at 10:40 or so, then that is the sign that either you can help or be ready to say your farewells. I've made it clear at the start that I'm willing to entertain for the evening, but I'll be darned if that means I'll be cleaning until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning.

Who says 6-11? That's a really early start for dinner, and a long time for an open house. When we do an open house it's normally a 3 hour duration. I've never been invited to a longer one. It would be hard to have the food available and fresh for 5 hours. When we do dinner parties of course there is just a start time. You never put an end time on dinner parties. It's not necessary since the party ends an appropriate time after dessert and coffee.

Starting to clean 20 mins before your fixed end is also odd. If you adhere closely to your end time start cleaning at 11. If 11 is too late then pace the party to end earlier.

Just because that's the way you do it, doesn't mean everyone does a 3 hour window. I've known many people who do an entire evening and in fact, most of the people I socialize do. People can arrive at 6:00, there will be hors d'oeuvres and drinks. Dinner served at 6:30 until about 7:30-7:45. People can then sit and chat, or mingle while we clear the table. Around 8:30 we have coffee, tea, after dinner drinks, and dessert for those who want. We sit around until about 9:00-9:30. People then have an hour or so to chat, some go back to the living room to sit on the sofa. People catch up. Early folks leave around here. But around 10:40, I will start to do some basic cleaning like making final rounds to pick up dishes that have been left around the house, starting to pick up paper napkins and more the snacks that haven't been touched for a while back into the kitchen. This is generally the clue that the party is winding down. I have never explicitly asked anyone to leave and will sometimes have people hanging around in the dining room for a while while I'm cleaning, but I'm not mingling and socializing, but working in the kitchen. I've had friends who come and sit on the barstools in the kitchen and chat and keep me company while I work. I will stop and take a break if/when people start gathering their things to leave. After 11:00, I'll say things like "can you help put the chips back in the bag?" or "do you mind putting all the napkins on the kitchen table?" (I use paper napkins for snacks and hors d'oeuvres and cloth for dinner). Since many people do not reciprocate hosting, I've rarely had a shortage of people who accept and seem to enjoy themselves at our dinner parties. We have good food, open access to the liquor cabinet (and I have a pretty nicely stocked liquor cabinet) for those who choose, and a pretty nice space for entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

This is a good rule to follow for meetings, doctor appointments, and so forth. It is extremely rude for a dinner party.

Agree. I make it clear in my invitations: People may arrive anytime after X:00 and dinner will be served at X:30.

While I will be polite about people arriving before X:00, I would consider it rude. And we do start dinner at X;30. We don't hold dinner for those who arrive after that time. If necessary, we'll reheat food when someone arrives, but no guarantee that it will be as good as when served fresh and hot.

I also include whether it is open-ended, or whether there is an advertised end-time. I start cleaning after the end-time or just before. People who stay after the end time will be put to work cleaning. We definitely don't mind company while cleaning after the party, but I don't entertain people (other than with conversation) after the end time.

Now that's rude. Unless you have another party starting 30 mins later, you really shouldn't be ushering guests out the door of a dinner party. To me the mark of a good party is that people are enjoying the company and conversation and want to stay.

Even when we do larger open house type events I am happy for people to linger. When we've got 50-75 people over I probably haven't had a chance to talk to all of them and I enjoy getting to spend a little more time with people at the end.

When the invitation is 6:00-11:00, I'm sorry, but that's plenty of time to enjoy the company and conversation. If I start cleaning at 10:40 or so, then that is the sign that either you can help or be ready to say your farewells. I've made it clear at the start that I'm willing to entertain for the evening, but I'll be darned if that means I'll be cleaning until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning.

Who says 6-11? That's a really early start for dinner, and a long time for an open house. When we do an open house it's normally a 3 hour duration. I've never been invited to a longer one. It would be hard to have the food available and fresh for 5 hours. When we do dinner parties of course there is just a start time. You never put an end time on dinner parties. It's not necessary since the party ends an appropriate time after dessert and coffee.

Starting to clean 20 mins before your fixed end is also odd. If you adhere closely to your end time start cleaning at 11. If 11 is too late then pace the party to end earlier.

Just because that's the way you do it, doesn't mean everyone does a 3 hour window. I've known many people who do an entire evening and in fact, most of the people I socialize do. People can arrive at 6:00, there will be hors d'oeuvres and drinks. Dinner served at 6:30 until about 7:30-7:45. People can then sit and chat, or mingle while we clear the table. Around 8:30 we have coffee, tea, after dinner drinks, and dessert for those who want. We sit around until about 9:00-9:30. People then have an hour or so to chat, some go back to the living room to sit on the sofa. People catch up. Early folks leave around here. But around 10:40, I will start to do some basic cleaning like making final rounds to pick up dishes that have been left around the house, starting to pick up paper napkins and more the snacks that haven't been touched for a while back into the kitchen. This is generally the clue that the party is winding down. I have never explicitly asked anyone to leave and will sometimes have people hanging around in the dining room for a while while I'm cleaning, but I'm not mingling and socializing, but working in the kitchen. I've had friends who come and sit on the barstools in the kitchen and chat and keep me company while I work. I will stop and take a break if/when people start gathering their things to leave. After 11:00, I'll say things like "can you help put the chips back in the bag?" or "do you mind putting all the napkins on the kitchen table?" (I use paper napkins for snacks and hors d'oeuvres and cloth for dinner). Since many people do not reciprocate hosting, I've rarely had a shortage of people who accept and seem to enjoy themselves at our dinner parties. We have good food, open access to the liquor cabinet (and I have a pretty nicely stocked liquor cabinet) for those who choose, and a pretty nice space for entertaining.

Emily Post is having a fit reading this.

[Anonymous]

I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

This is a good rule to follow for meetings, doctor appointments, and so forth. It is extremely rude for a dinner party.

Agree. I make it clear in my invitations: People may arrive anytime after X:00 and dinner will be served at X:30.

While I will be polite about people arriving before X:00, I would consider it rude. And we do start dinner at X;30. We don't hold dinner for those who arrive after that time. If necessary, we'll reheat food when someone arrives, but no guarantee that it will be as good as when served fresh and hot.

I also include whether it is open-ended, or whether there is an advertised end-time. I start cleaning after the end-time or just before. People who stay after the end time will be put to work cleaning. We definitely don't mind company while cleaning after the party, but I don't entertain people (other than with conversation) after the end time.

Now that's rude. Unless you have another party starting 30 mins later, you really shouldn't be ushering guests out the door of a dinner party. To me the mark of a good party is that people are enjoying the company and conversation and want to stay.

Even when we do larger open house type events I am happy for people to linger. When we've got 50-75 people over I probably haven't had a chance to talk to all of them and I enjoy getting to spend a little more time with people at the end.

When the invitation is 6:00-11:00, I'm sorry, but that's plenty of time to enjoy the company and conversation. If I start cleaning at 10:40 or so, then that is the sign that either you can help or be ready to say your farewells. I've made it clear at the start that I'm willing to entertain for the evening, but I'll be darned if that means I'll be cleaning until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning.

Who says 6-11? That's a really early start for dinner, and a long time for an open house. When we do an open house it's normally a 3 hour duration. I've never been invited to a longer one. It would be hard to have the food available and fresh for 5 hours. When we do dinner parties of course there is just a start time. You never put an end time on dinner parties. It's not necessary since the party ends an appropriate time after dessert and coffee.

Starting to clean 20 mins before your fixed end is also odd. If you adhere closely to your end time start cleaning at 11. If 11 is too late then pace the party to end earlier.

Just because that's the way you do it, doesn't mean everyone does a 3 hour window. I've known many people who do an entire evening and in fact, most of the people I socialize do. People can arrive at 6:00, there will be hors d'oeuvres and drinks. Dinner served at 6:30 until about 7:30-7:45. People can then sit and chat, or mingle while we clear the table. Around 8:30 we have coffee, tea, after dinner drinks, and dessert for those who want. We sit around until about 9:00-9:30. People then have an hour or so to chat, some go back to the living room to sit on the sofa. People catch up. Early folks leave around here. But around 10:40, I will start to do some basic cleaning like making final rounds to pick up dishes that have been left around the house, starting to pick up paper napkins and more the snacks that haven't been touched for a while back into the kitchen. This is generally the clue that the party is winding down. I have never explicitly asked anyone to leave and will sometimes have people hanging around in the dining room for a while while I'm cleaning, but I'm not mingling and socializing, but working in the kitchen. I've had friends who come and sit on the barstools in the kitchen and chat and keep me company while I work. I will stop and take a break if/when people start gathering their things to leave. After 11:00, I'll say things like "can you help put the chips back in the bag?" or "do you mind putting all the napkins on the kitchen table?" (I use paper napkins for snacks and hors d'oeuvres and cloth for dinner). Since many people do not reciprocate hosting, I've rarely had a shortage of people who accept and seem to enjoy themselves at our dinner parties. We have good food, open access to the liquor cabinet (and I have a pretty nicely stocked liquor cabinet) for those who choose, and a pretty nice space for entertaining.

Emily Post is having a fit reading this.

Emily Post hasn't hosted people in 30 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

This is a good rule to follow for meetings, doctor appointments, and so forth. It is extremely rude for a dinner party.

Agree. I make it clear in my invitations: People may arrive anytime after X:00 and dinner will be served at X:30.

While I will be polite about people arriving before X:00, I would consider it rude. And we do start dinner at X;30. We don't hold dinner for those who arrive after that time. If necessary, we'll reheat food when someone arrives, but no guarantee that it will be as good as when served fresh and hot.

I also include whether it is open-ended, or whether there is an advertised end-time. I start cleaning after the end-time or just before. People who stay after the end time will be put to work cleaning. We definitely don't mind company while cleaning after the party, but I don't entertain people (other than with conversation) after the end time.

Now that's rude. Unless you have another party starting 30 mins later, you really shouldn't be ushering guests out the door of a dinner party. To me the mark of a good party is that people are enjoying the company and conversation and want to stay.

Even when we do larger open house type events I am happy for people to linger. When we've got 50-75 people over I probably haven't had a chance to talk to all of them and I enjoy getting to spend a little more time with people at the end.

When the invitation is 6:00-11:00, I'm sorry, but that's plenty of time to enjoy the company and conversation. If I start cleaning at 10:40 or so, then that is the sign that either you can help or be ready to say your farewells. I've made it clear at the start that I'm willing to entertain for the evening, but I'll be darned if that means I'll be cleaning until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning.

Who says 6-11? That's a really early start for dinner, and a long time for an open house. When we do an open house it's normally a 3 hour duration. I've never been invited to a longer one. It would be hard to have the food available and fresh for 5 hours. When we do dinner parties of course there is just a start time. You never put an end time on dinner parties. It's not necessary since the party ends an appropriate time after dessert and coffee.

Starting to clean 20 mins before your fixed end is also odd. If you adhere closely to your end time start cleaning at 11. If 11 is too late then pace the party to end earlier.

Just because that's the way you do it, doesn't mean everyone does a 3 hour window. I've known many people who do an entire evening and in fact, most of the people I socialize do. People can arrive at 6:00, there will be hors d'oeuvres and drinks. Dinner served at 6:30 until about 7:30-7:45. People can then sit and chat, or mingle while we clear the table. Around 8:30 we have coffee, tea, after dinner drinks, and dessert for those who want. We sit around until about 9:00-9:30. People then have an hour or so to chat, some go back to the living room to sit on the sofa. People catch up. Early folks leave around here. But around 10:40, I will start to do some basic cleaning like making final rounds to pick up dishes that have been left around the house, starting to pick up paper napkins and more the snacks that haven't been touched for a while back into the kitchen. This is generally the clue that the party is winding down. I have never explicitly asked anyone to leave and will sometimes have people hanging around in the dining room for a while while I'm cleaning, but I'm not mingling and socializing, but working in the kitchen. I've had friends who come and sit on the barstools in the kitchen and chat and keep me company while I work. I will stop and take a break if/when people start gathering their things to leave. After 11:00, I'll say things like "can you help put the chips back in the bag?" or "do you mind putting all the napkins on the kitchen table?" (I use paper napkins for snacks and hors d'oeuvres and cloth for dinner). Since many people do not reciprocate hosting, I've rarely had a shortage of people who accept and seem to enjoy themselves at our dinner parties. We have good food, open access to the liquor cabinet (and I have a pretty nicely stocked liquor cabinet) for those who choose, and a pretty nice space for entertaining.

I think I know why people aren't reciprocating

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

This is a good rule to follow for meetings, doctor appointments, and so forth. It is extremely rude for a dinner party.

Agree. I make it clear in my invitations: People may arrive anytime after X:00 and dinner will be served at X:30.

While I will be polite about people arriving before X:00, I would consider it rude. And we do start dinner at X;30. We don't hold dinner for those who arrive after that time. If necessary, we'll reheat food when someone arrives, but no guarantee that it will be as good as when served fresh and hot.

I also include whether it is open-ended, or whether there is an advertised end-time. I start cleaning after the end-time or just before. People who stay after the end time will be put to work cleaning. We definitely don't mind company while cleaning after the party, but I don't entertain people (other than with conversation) after the end time.

Now that's rude. Unless you have another party starting 30 mins later, you really shouldn't be ushering guests out the door of a dinner party. To me the mark of a good party is that people are enjoying the company and conversation and want to stay.

Even when we do larger open house type events I am happy for people to linger. When we've got 50-75 people over I probably haven't had a chance to talk to all of them and I enjoy getting to spend a little more time with people at the end.

When the invitation is 6:00-11:00, I'm sorry, but that's plenty of time to enjoy the company and conversation. If I start cleaning at 10:40 or so, then that is the sign that either you can help or be ready to say your farewells. I've made it clear at the start that I'm willing to entertain for the evening, but I'll be darned if that means I'll be cleaning until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning.

Who says 6-11? That's a really early start for dinner, and a long time for an open house. When we do an open house it's normally a 3 hour duration. I've never been invited to a longer one. It would be hard to have the food available and fresh for 5 hours. When we do dinner parties of course there is just a start time. You never put an end time on dinner parties. It's not necessary since the party ends an appropriate time after dessert and coffee.

Starting to clean 20 mins before your fixed end is also odd. If you adhere closely to your end time start cleaning at 11. If 11 is too late then pace the party to end earlier.

Just because that's the way you do it, doesn't mean everyone does a 3 hour window. I've known many people who do an entire evening and in fact, most of the people I socialize do. People can arrive at 6:00, there will be hors d'oeuvres and drinks. Dinner served at 6:30 until about 7:30-7:45. People can then sit and chat, or mingle while we clear the table. Around 8:30 we have coffee, tea, after dinner drinks, and dessert for those who want. We sit around until about 9:00-9:30. People then have an hour or so to chat, some go back to the living room to sit on the sofa. People catch up. Early folks leave around here. But around 10:40, I will start to do some basic cleaning like making final rounds to pick up dishes that have been left around the house, starting to pick up paper napkins and more the snacks that haven't been touched for a while back into the kitchen. This is generally the clue that the party is winding down. I have never explicitly asked anyone to leave and will sometimes have people hanging around in the dining room for a while while I'm cleaning, but I'm not mingling and socializing, but working in the kitchen. I've had friends who come and sit on the barstools in the kitchen and chat and keep me company while I work. I will stop and take a break if/when people start gathering their things to leave. After 11:00, I'll say things like "can you help put the chips back in the bag?" or "do you mind putting all the napkins on the kitchen table?" (I use paper napkins for snacks and hors d'oeuvres and cloth for dinner). Since many people do not reciprocate hosting, I've rarely had a shortage of people who accept and seem to enjoy themselves at our dinner parties. We have good food, open access to the liquor cabinet (and I have a pretty nicely stocked liquor cabinet) for those who choose, and a pretty nice space for entertaining.

Emily Post is having a fit reading this.

Yes. I'm dying. "Can you help put the chips back in the bag?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.

+1

Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50

[Anonymous]

The only time I see this as an issue is if the host is living alone. If others live there it's not that big of deal for one of them to answer the door and begin the entertaining.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The only time I see this as an issue is if the host is living alone. If others live there it's not that big of deal for one of them to answer the door and begin the entertaining.

People on this board are so strange about parties. All you have to do is what is written on the invitation. You have something that tells you when to arrive! Arrive then.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time I see this as an issue is if the host is living alone. If others live there it's not that big of deal for one of them to answer the door and begin the entertaining.

People on this board are so strange about parties. All you have to do is what is written on the invitation. You have something that tells you when to arrive! Arrive then.

So everyone should synchronize their watches/clocks to ensure all arrive together?

[Anonymous]

No one wants to be the first one to arrive. Awkward. But I tend to think past 15 minutes after announced time, happens to be rude.

While we are on the subject, don't make anyone wait until the wee hours to eat. I am so over the late nights, as are most people I know.

MIL throws some carrots on the coffee table, which disappear quickly while we wait 2 hours to eat. Kills me every time.