Arriving 10 minutes early to a dinner party

[Anonymous]

Arrive on time or, even better, 5 minutes late. If you have to sit in the car or drive around the block then do so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.

+1

Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50

so funny!

[Anonymous]

Who says 6-11? That's a really early start for dinner, and a long time for an open house. When we do an open house it's normally a 3 hour duration. I've never been invited to a longer one. It would be hard to have the food available and fresh for 5 hours. When we do dinner parties of course there is just a start time. You never put an end time on dinner parties. It's not necessary since the party .

Just because that's the way you do it, doesn't mean everyone does a 3 hour window. I've known many people who do an entire evening and in fact, most of the people I socialize do. People can arrive at 6:00, there will be hors d'oeuvres and drinks. Dinner served at 6:30 until about 7:30-7:45. People can then sit and chat, or mingle while we clear the table. Around 8:30 we have coffee, tea, after dinner drinks, and dessert for those who want. We sit around until about 9:00-9:30. People then have an hour or so to chat, some go back to the living room to sit on the sofa. People catch up. Early folks leave around here. But around 10:40, I will start to do some basic cleaning like making final rounds to pick up dishes that have been left around the house, starting to pick up paper napkins and more the snacks that haven't been touched for a while back into the kitchen. This is generally the clue that the party is winding down. I have never explicitly asked anyone to leave and will sometimes have people hanging around in the dining room for a while while I'm cleaning, but I'm not mingling and socializing, but working in the kitchen. I've had friends who come and sit on the barstools in the kitchen and chat and keep me company while I work. I will stop and take a break if/when people start gathering their things to leave. After 11:00, I'll say things like "can you help put the chips back in the bag?" or "do you mind putting all the napkins on the kitchen table?" (I use paper napkins for snacks and hors d'oeuvres and cloth for dinner). Since many people do not reciprocate hosting, I've rarely had a shortage of people who accept and seem to enjoy themselves at our dinner parties. We have good food, open access to the liquor cabinet (and I have a pretty nicely stocked liquor cabinet) for those who choose, and a pretty nice space for entertaining.

Emily Post is having a fit reading this.

Yes. I'm dying. "Can you help put the chips back in the bag?"

On so many levels. First, who still has chips out at 10:40 pm when it's allegedly a sit down dinner with cloth napkins. Second, saving chips that people have been pawing through for 5 hours seems gross. 3rd, if you are going to save a few chips don't get your guests in on the fun. It would really make me wonder about the rest of the food.

How can you have a dinner party, with cloth napkins no less, with people coming and going at random times.

[Anonymous]

Rude.

- Ms. Manners

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.

+1

Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50

so funny!

Indians show up usually an hour late. It is called IST (Indian Standard Time). Being 1/2 hour late means that you are actually early. So, in a party where both Indians and Americans are expected - Americans are given the correct time and Indians are given an earlier time.

- Indian.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Everybody knows that the proper time is a good 15min late and up to 30. 10 min early? No way!

If I am ever even 1 minute late to anything my mother will beat my ass. I was taught long ago 5 minutes early is on time and being on time is late. I'm not being rude when I show up early I'm living as I was raised and I don't want to get hit.

This is a good rule to follow for meetings, doctor appointments, and so forth. It is extremely rude for a dinner party.

Agree. I make it clear in my invitations: People may arrive anytime after X:00 and dinner will be served at X:30.

While I will be polite about people arriving before X:00, I would consider it rude. And we do start dinner at X;30. We don't hold dinner for those who arrive after that time. If necessary, we'll reheat food when someone arrives, but no guarantee that it will be as good as when served fresh and hot.

I also include whether it is open-ended, or whether there is an advertised end-time. I start cleaning after the end-time or just before. People who stay after the end time will be put to work cleaning. We definitely don't mind company while cleaning after the party, but I don't entertain people (other than with conversation) after the end time.

Now that's rude. Unless you have another party starting 30 mins later, you really shouldn't be ushering guests out the door of a dinner party. To me the mark of a good party is that people are enjoying the company and conversation and want to stay.

Even when we do larger open house type events I am happy for people to linger. When we've got 50-75 people over I probably haven't had a chance to talk to all of them and I enjoy getting to spend a little more time with people at the end.

When the invitation is 6:00-11:00, I'm sorry, but that's plenty of time to enjoy the company and conversation. If I start cleaning at 10:40 or so, then that is the sign that either you can help or be ready to say your farewells. I've made it clear at the start that I'm willing to entertain for the evening, but I'll be darned if that means I'll be cleaning until 1:00 or 2:00 in the morning.

Who says 6-11? That's a really early start for dinner, and a long time for an open house. When we do an open house it's normally a 3 hour duration. I've never been invited to a longer one. It would be hard to have the food available and fresh for 5 hours. When we do dinner parties of course there is just a start time. You never put an end time on dinner parties. It's not necessary since the party ends an appropriate time after dessert and coffee.

Starting to clean 20 mins before your fixed end is also odd. If you adhere closely to your end time start cleaning at 11. If 11 is too late then pace the party to end earlier.

Just because that's the way you do it, doesn't mean everyone does a 3 hour window. I've known many people who do an entire evening and in fact, most of the people I socialize do. People can arrive at 6:00, there will be hors d'oeuvres and drinks. Dinner served at 6:30 until about 7:30-7:45. People can then sit and chat, or mingle while we clear the table. Around 8:30 we have coffee, tea, after dinner drinks, and dessert for those who want. We sit around until about 9:00-9:30. People then have an hour or so to chat, some go back to the living room to sit on the sofa. People catch up. Early folks leave around here. But around 10:40, I will start to do some basic cleaning like making final rounds to pick up dishes that have been left around the house, starting to pick up paper napkins and more the snacks that haven't been touched for a while back into the kitchen. This is generally the clue that the party is winding down. I have never explicitly asked anyone to leave and will sometimes have people hanging around in the dining room for a while while I'm cleaning, but I'm not mingling and socializing, but working in the kitchen. I've had friends who come and sit on the barstools in the kitchen and chat and keep me company while I work. I will stop and take a break if/when people start gathering their things to leave. After 11:00, I'll say things like "can you help put the chips back in the bag?" or "do you mind putting all the napkins on the kitchen table?" (I use paper napkins for snacks and hors d'oeuvres and cloth for dinner). Since many people do not reciprocate hosting, I've rarely had a shortage of people who accept and seem to enjoy themselves at our dinner parties. We have good food, open access to the liquor cabinet (and I have a pretty nicely stocked liquor cabinet) for those who choose, and a pretty nice space for entertaining.

Emily Post is having a fit reading this.

Yes. I'm dying. "Can you help put the chips back in the bag?"

Me too!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No one wants to be the first one to arrive. Awkward. But I tend to think past 15 minutes after announced time, happens to be rude.

While we are on the subject, don't make anyone wait until the wee hours to eat. I am so over the late nights, as are most people I know.

MIL throws some carrots on the coffee table, which disappear quickly while we wait 2 hours to eat. Kills me every time.

Ugh. When we go to ILs for meals we snack beforehand because they take our arrival as the cue to START preparing the meal. The long prelude to the meal with them is torture.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The only time I see this as an issue is if the host is living alone. If others live there it's not that big of deal for one of them to answer the door and begin the entertaining.

People on this board are so strange about parties. All you have to do is what is written on the invitation. You have something that tells you when to arrive! Arrive then.

So everyone should synchronize their watches/clocks to ensure all arrive together?

Nope, but that is typically ridiculous. It's easy: an invitation is a written instruction on when and where to arrive. Do what it says. P. S. With smart phones, everyone's clocks are basically already synced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.

+1

Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50

so funny!

don't know which Italians you've been around - But we're clearly an "8 o'clock" family!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the host isn't ready by 10 of, then s/he is just disorganized. At that point, host should be sitting down with a glass of wine, waiting for guests to arrive.

I assume that you are one of those people who order take out for a dinner party.

nope

I made homemade meat sauce and pasta for a party I had this Friday.

appetizers - Italian cheeses and crackers, salame, and olives

made bresaola, meatballs, lamb and sausage - with a salad made from farm-delivered greens

and tiramisu for dessert



I simply don't have a stick up my ass as many of you do.

You folks simply don't know how to plan. I prepare for those who arrive early and late. It's really not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.

+1

Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50

so funny!

don't know which Italians you've been around - But we're clearly an "8 o'clock" family!

In Spain you could be looking at after 10.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the host isn't ready by 10 of, then s/he is just disorganized. At that point, host should be sitting down with a glass of wine, waiting for guests to arrive.

I assume that you are one of those people who order take out for a dinner party.

nope

I made homemade meat sauce and pasta for a party I had this Friday.

appetizers - Italian cheeses and crackers, salame, and olives

made bresaola, meatballs, lamb and sausage - with a salad made from farm-delivered greens

and tiramisu for dessert



I simply don't have a stick up my ass as many of you do.

You folks simply don't know how to plan. I prepare for those who arrive early and late. It's really not that hard.

You're so awesome. Rock on with your amazing, modest self.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.

+1

Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50

so funny!

don't know which Italians you've been around - But we're clearly an "8 o'clock" family!

Yup. Us, too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find Americans so weird with the "unwritten rules" about things. If your invitation says 8:00pm, I will show up at 8pm. If you actually want me at 8:15, why wouldn't you just say that? What a weird thing.

+1

Actually, as an American who has lived abroad, I can say that other people are weird about this too. For an 8:00 invite, Germans show up at 7:50. French show up at 8:50. Italians show up at 9:50

so funny!

don't know which Italians you've been around - But we're clearly an "8 o'clock" family!

Yup. Us, too.

Good that you've assimilated to "our ways," then. Good. You also speak English, I see. You're fitting right in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If the host isn't ready by 10 of, then s/he is just disorganized. At that point, host should be sitting down with a glass of wine, waiting for guests to arrive.

I assume that you are one of those people who order take out for a dinner party.

nope

I made homemade meat sauce and pasta for a party I had this Friday.

appetizers - Italian cheeses and crackers, salame, and olives

made bresaola, meatballs, lamb and sausage - with a salad made from farm-delivered greens

and tiramisu for dessert



I simply don't have a stick up my ass as many of you do.

You folks simply don't know how to plan. I prepare for those who arrive early and late. It's really not that hard.

You're so awesome. Rock on with your amazing, modest self.

+1