If you are one who does NOT want to create a sense of superiority in your AAP accepted child

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:What is stupid is to tell your child he is smart. Would you tell a borderline child he is dumb? Of course not. We'd say to ANY child that he/she is smart to provide encouragement. Therefore when you say your kid got in because he thinks different, learns faster, is smarter, etc. it sets this boundary up of the haves and the have nots. So no, I'm not telling my child she is "in" because she is smart. I'm not using words 'smart,' 'learns faster,' 'needs more challenging work,' etc. I'm using words like, "the school is trying to consolidate things for third grade to streamline classes. Pulling kids in and out won't work as well so I think they are just doing some classes with no pull outs. Period. That's it. If she comes home and says this is for the 'smart kids' per your kid, I'm going to tell my kid your kid is mistaken because obviously we know kids not in her class who are smart.

I don't tell my children they're in AAP because they're smart because research shows that telling children they're smart tends to backfire and lead to children who do less than they could because they're afraid they might reveal themselves as not smart.

However. I do tell them it looks

One of my children loves lacrosse but he's mediocre at it. He has friends who're great. He has observed they're great. When he was little (<9) and he asked me how good a player he was, I'd ask him what he thought. As he got older, I was honest with him, and I told him areas he was competent at and areas that he struggled with. Why would I lie to him? Especially at ages where he's beginning to see how effort can result in improvements that can results in him being a better player? There are some areas where he might always be at a disadvantage, such as his height. We're honest about that too. Just because "the good lacrosse" kids play on a particular team does not mean that there aren't other good lacrosse kids playing elsewhere.

So those not in AAP don't enjoy school, don't employ creative problem solving strategies, and don't continue working at problems even when they're frustrated? Wow, poor things.

What is your problem? She's not building an airtight case in a courtroom, she's offering an explanation that works for her son.

The problem is that this is what divides the schools and kids. My kid is the same kid that she was before the AAP letter arrived. The letter didn't create or confirm anything else about her. I resent you telling your kids something else which my kid and other kids hear. My kid comes home and says your kid said AAP is for the smart kids I'm telling her your kid is mistaken and there are plenty of smart kids not in AAP.

There are plenty of smart kids not in AAP. That doesn't change the fact that AAP is for smart kids / kids who are naturally talented at academics / kids who test well / kids who are interested in the program / etc.

Just like there are plenty of good lacrosse players not on the "good lacrosse players" team. The kids on the "good lacrosse players" team are still good, however.

The post asks what to tell a child. How would my child feel if she asked why there were kids who always meet in classroom b on Wednesday mornings and I said that the pretty girls are selected to go to those meetings, you think my 8 year old will think anything other than the non meters are not as pretty? You're delusional if that's what you're thinking.

"Non attenders"

+1000
I'd love to see the outcry from current AAP parents if all of a sudden there was a system in place similar to what you're describing. Where all of the kids who are, for instance, extremely attractive or exceptionally artistic, were grouped together. Of course, I know you were being facetious with the "pretty girl" example, as am I, but you just know that if there was any kind of segregation in which AAP kids were all of a sudden not the "selected" group, their parents would be outraged.

Except that we send our kids to school for an academic education. Not to be groomed for beauty pageants. But no,if I put my child in a beauty pageant, and she were not chosen, I would not be outraged. I'd tell my kid that she is loved unconditionally and she doesn't need to be in the most selective group of "pretties" and tell her the ugly duckling story (if she were ugly, which she is not, but this conversation has gone into la la land, so what the heck.)

Obviously the examples were facetious. The point is very clear: that AAP parents, who so favor this stark division of kids because it works in their favor, would be filing lawsuits left and right if the situation were reversed and it was their kids who, all of a sudden, were not in the "chosen" group. It would be quite interesting to see, actually.

I disagree. There are so many examples of families that have one or more child in AAP and one or more child in Gen Ed and they don't give a hoot. You place way too much emphasize on this - its not that big of a deal.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:There are different types of "smart" and some of those don't qualify for AAP. My older child is very "smart" in creative writing (got a 99% on CogAt), but was low 90's/upper 80's on the other parts. She wasn't even in the pool. Younger child is "smart" in reasoning. It is a notable difference b/t the two. He's accepted for AAP. I don't think younger child is "smarter" than older child. He is faster when it comes to math.

I don't compare them. I think that's the rub. There's no need to say "child, you are smarter than the other kids." Why not just say that they are offering additional challenges at the AAP school and leave it at that. Why does anyone need to personalize it. It doesn't help kids to tell them they are smart -- it just causes them stress when they get to something hard and they don't know what to do -- b/c they think they must not be "smart" if they can't do it easily right off the bat. Why not say "you seem to like puzzles or challenges or thinking of new ideas... this is a school that encourages that and some parents think that it'll be good for their kids."

I am offended that you describe your older child as "'smart' in creative writing". Are you saying my child is not? And why add that they got a 99% CogAt? We all know tests mean nothing if they say children are different. Your child may grow up to be a complete failure in life, unable to even write a shopping list much less a novel or annual report. What goes around comes around, PP.

??? you are nuts.

My point exactly. Thank you.

Pretty sure that was supposed to be a sarcastic post.

[Anonymous]

They "don't give a hoot"

No. It matters to the kids. It matters to the parents. It affects peep groups and family/sibling relations to the core.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:They "don't give a hoot"

No. It matters to the kids. It matters to the parents. It affects peep groups and family/sibling relations to the core.

Because you are letting it.

[Anonymous]

We said: the school thinks this class is the best fit for you. We think you will like it. But remember, you are not better than people in other classes. Everyone has something that makes them special. In elementary, I think that's all they need to know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We said: the school thinks this class is the best fit for you. We think you will like it. [b]But remember, you are not better than people in other classes. Everyone has something that makes them special. In elementary, I think that's all they need to know.

Bolded part unecessary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We said: the school thinks this class is the best fit for you. We think you will like it. [b]But remember, you are not better than people in other classes. Everyone has something that makes them special. In elementary, I think that's all they need to know.

Bolded part unecessary.

Meant the sentence starting with"but"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
Puhlease! You know full well by saying to someone, especially a child, that you got this because it is for smart, quick moving academically, etc. kids, anyone would have to interpret it to mean that those NOT having those characteristics are in. Gen. Ed. If you really meant what you wrote, you'd then say that kids in Gen Ed. are equally smart, work fast, etc. I've personally heard AAP kids say things about how other kids aren't in AAP and they aren't smart enough 3 times, this year alone.

There are obviously going to be some gen ed kids who have some or all of the qualities that are looked at for AAP kids. There are also going to be some gen ed kids who don't have all, or perhaps even some, of the qualities that are looked at for AAP kids. There are also going to be AAP kids who don't have all the qualities looked at for AAP kids; there might even be some AAP kids who have none of the qualities but I can't speak to that personally.

I guess I don't get the problem. If I say to my kid that kids on the A soccer team are the kids who are the best soccer players, the fastest kids, the kids with the most training, the kids who know how to play their positions, the kids who can intuit how the play is going to go ... No, my child does not then believe that kids on the B and C teams suck. My child's well aware that there are a limited number of spaces, and there can easily be kids on the B team who are excellent players and didn't make the A team for whatever reason. On average, the kids on the B team probably aren't quite as good at soccer as those on the A team. And my kid (a C team player) is also well aware that being on the right team for you is more important than being on the "best" team - whatever that is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Puhlease! You know full well by saying to someone, especially a child, that you got this because it is for smart, quick moving academically, etc. kids, anyone would have to interpret it to mean that those NOT having those characteristics are in. Gen. Ed. If you really meant what you wrote, you'd then say that kids in Gen Ed. are equally smart, work fast, etc. I've personally heard AAP kids say things about how other kids aren't in AAP and they aren't smart enough 3 times, this year alone.

There are obviously going to be some gen ed kids who have some or all of the qualities that are looked at for AAP kids. There are also going to be some gen ed kids who don't have all, or perhaps even some, of the qualities that are looked at for AAP kids. There are also going to be AAP kids who don't have all the qualities looked at for AAP kids; there might even be some AAP kids who have none of the qualities but I can't speak to that personally.

I guess I don't get the problem. If I say to my kid that kids on the A soccer team are the kids who are the best soccer players, the fastest kids, the kids with the most training, the kids who know how to play their positions, the kids who can intuit how the play is going to go ... No, my child does not then believe that kids on the B and C teams suck. My child's well aware that there are a limited number of spaces, and there can easily be kids on the B team who are excellent players and didn't make the A team for whatever reason. On average, the kids on the B team probably aren't quite as good at soccer as those on the A team. And my kid (a C team player) is also well aware that being on the right team for you is more important than being on the "best" team - whatever that is.

Oh right. So if your kid wasn't invited to Johnny's party and you said, "I guess he could only invite a few friends so he invited the ones he likes best," your kid won't feel slighted?

[Anonymous]

I have told both my children that the AAP program is for kids that have a different way of learning and that's basically what it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When he first got accepted I said it was for kids who did well in and enjoyed school, just like kids who do well in baseball join a travel team, etc. and that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses and it's important to pursue your particular strength.

I don't think a DCUM post has ever bothered me more. Did you read the subject of the thread, "If you are one who does NOT want to create a sense of superiority in your AAP accepted child." Do you think non-AAP kids don't do well or enjoy school? What if you have a non-AAP kid who isn't good at sports either? What then? Are they doomed?

My daughter has already heard from the AAP neighborhood kids that they go to a "smart" school. She asked me about it once and I just told her that a test can't determine your success or happiness in life and not to too dwell on labels and people putting you in a box. She just needs to continue working hard and being the best person she can be. I don't think she has given it a second thought--at least she has never brought it up again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have told both my children that the AAP program is for kids that have a different way of learning and that's basically what it is.

Awesome answer (from a non-AAP parent)!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have told both my children that the AAP program is for kids that have a different way of learning and that's basically what it is.

Awesome answer (from a non-AAP parent)!

The problem is it is largely not true. Those same kids have been learning up to this point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have told both my children that the AAP program is for kids that have a different way of learning and that's basically what it is.

Awesome answer (from a non-AAP parent)!

The problem is it is largely not true. Those same kids have been learning up to this point.

Even if it IS untrue, it's a good way to explain it to the kids so they don't have a superiority complex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Puhlease! You know full well by saying to someone, especially a child, that you got this because it is for smart, quick moving academically, etc. kids, anyone would have to interpret it to mean that those NOT having those characteristics are in. Gen. Ed. If you really meant what you wrote, you'd then say that kids in Gen Ed. are equally smart, work fast, etc. I've personally heard AAP kids say things about how other kids aren't in AAP and they aren't smart enough 3 times, this year alone.

There are obviously going to be some gen ed kids who have some or all of the qualities that are looked at for AAP kids. There are also going to be some gen ed kids who don't have all, or perhaps even some, of the qualities that are looked at for AAP kids. There are also going to be AAP kids who don't have all the qualities looked at for AAP kids; there might even be some AAP kids who have none of the qualities but I can't speak to that personally.

I guess I don't get the problem. If I say to my kid that kids on the A soccer team are the kids who are the best soccer players, the fastest kids, the kids with the most training, the kids who know how to play their positions, the kids who can intuit how the play is going to go ... No, my child does not then believe that kids on the B and C teams suck. My child's well aware that there are a limited number of spaces, and there can easily be kids on the B team who are excellent players and didn't make the A team for whatever reason. On average, the kids on the B team probably aren't quite as good at soccer as those on the A team. And my kid (a C team player) is also well aware that being on the right team for you is more important than being on the "best" team - whatever that is.

Oh right. So if your kid wasn't invited to Johnny's party and you said, "I guess he could only invite a few friends so he invited the ones he likes best," your kid won't feel slighted?

I get that you think your kid is the center of the universe, but is it so hard to believe there are plenty of us out here who don't believe that? Who have kids who understand that not everyone is all things and that's ok, that's even part of what makes the world such a great place.

Of course a child who wanted to be on the A team, wanted to be in AAP, and wanted to be invited to Johnny's party might be disappointed (not will be - some children handle things like that easily). So? Sometimes you're not an A team player, sometimes you're not the right fit for AAP, and sometimes Johnny couldn't (or didn't want to) invite you to his party. That doesn't make you a bad person, and it doesn't make the A team, AAP, Johnny birthday party invite kid a superior person.

Parents like you who insist on casting this as a reason to be disappointed or elated are part of the problem. All children are not created equal. Let's stop pretending they are. I don't hide it from my sports-limited child that he isn't a great athlete. Why would I hide his academic abilities or deficits from him? Or his musical, artistic, or social deficits or abilities.