Best schools to escape the drug and alcohol culture

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

FWIW none of the elite schools seem to be drug and alcohol free, but I'd say that STA has less of problem than GDS (drugs) or Landon (alcohol).

This is a joke, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: There is no way STA boys would have a party like that shown in the Gansler photos. .

Again, this is a joke, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Irish Catholic here who brought up the drinking at the Catholic schools. Yes, it is part of the culture, and at some of the parish schools the parents are knowng for frontloading before events. Its starts early on. Just like beach week is incredibly popular among the Catholic families. And these families are more lenient with drinking before prom.

Regarding other cultures, I've never seen any of my many Jewish friends over-imbibe or lose control from drinking too much and I greatly admire that.

OMG, so many of my Jewish friends growing up were total pot heads. It was a real subcluture in that crowd and I bet it still is as I saw it in High School, college and Law School! Alcohol, not so much, but drugs, hell yes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP: this parenting stuff is hard. I understand you are looking for a safe haven or at least a safer one. But I agree with everyone's assessment, and I base this also on many conversations with teachers who happen to friends of mine: there is no safe haven. YOU are the safe haven. Plan to spend a lot of time really learning about why people drink and do drugs. Other people's kids (classmates) are NOT the answer.

Even though the PP gats her own sentence, I actually believe what syhe said (highlighted) is as close as anyone will get. Having a frank, open, loving, realtionship with touches of humor withy your kid is the only way to get through the experimentation years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why my kids are going to go to a high school where many of the students are economically disadvantaged. There's no money for drugs and alcohol. Most of the students have jobs after school and on the weekends so they can help support their families. I'm not saying there's no drugs or alcohol, there's just a lot less.

Our kids will also have jobs in high school.

My husband and I both attended elite private schools (in the northeast) so we are no strangers to the culture. I was handed everything by my parents and so was my brother.my brother still lives near my dad. He has drug and alcohol problems and works part-time delivering pizzas because my dad still gives him money, etc. I made much better choices than my brother but I was still a spoiled brat. I'm not repeating history.

Drug and alcohol abuse is far more prevalent among the "economically disadvantaged." It may well be a reason many families are "economically disadvantaged."

This is not true. Abuse is far more prevalent in "economically disadvantaged" adults, but abuse is far more prevalent in "rich" kids.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201310/the-problem-rich-kids (Exerpts are in quotes.... of course I chose my quotes so you may garner a different take reading the whole article)

It's a long article but it states:

"These are young people from communities dominated by white-collar, well-educated parents. They attend schools distinguished by rich academic curricula, high standardized test scores, and diverse extracurricular opportunities. The parents' annual income, at $150,000 and more, is well over twice the national average. And yet they show serious levels of maladjustment as teens, displaying problems that tend to get worse as they approach college."

It comes down to the parents and the culture at some schools. I have even seen the "work hard, play hard" quote from posters on this board trying to explain away why many Ivy league schools have a drinking and drug problem.

"The children of affluent parents expect to excel at school and in multiple extracurriculars and also in their social lives. They feel a relentless sense of pressure that plays out in excessive substance use; as the kids stoutly proclaim, "We work hard—and we play hard!" It plays out in crippling anxiety and depression, about anticipated or perceived achievement "failures." It plays out in random acts of delinquency—stealing from a friend, shoplifting, defacing property."

I see this in one of my own child. It bothers me a lot.

"By middle school, these youths come to believe there is one path to ultimate happiness—having money—which in turn requires attending a prestigious college. They grow preoccupied with becoming highly marketable commodities, pursuing activities chiefly if they will look good on resumes."

But as the PP said the parent is the safe haven. I agree, but we can also be the problem. I think it is why many of us are looking or a "less competitive" school. My children were volunteering and the coordinator was obsessed with signing our forms so we can "get credit". I explained we did not need to "get credit" but she started to go on about national honor society or something needing this documented. We just wanted to volunteer, not join the national honor society. But I have to tell you, sadly, in the back of my head, I thought - okay I might want to document this.

"It's important to note that adult criticism is not annulled by attention or even affection. Parents might think it's okay to keep the pressure on because they eat dinner together and attend all their children's athletic events and performances. But such positive gestures do not cancel out criticism. Psychologists have firmly established that disparaging words or attitudes have a much stronger impact than words of praise—by at least a factor of three."

I learned this when I was a manger of a high stress customer service department. For each customer that went off on one of my employees it took 10 fold to undo that criticism.

I don't know if I have the answer, or you have the answer. But we all know it is a problem.

[Anonymous]

Friends with children at a cross section of public and private schools. It is everywhere. Have not been able to find a school that bucks the trend.