Best schools to escape the drug and alcohol culture

[Anonymous]

One idea is to stick to K-8 schools where there isn't the high school influence.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a new high school parent I’m just now becoming aware that there is still a problem with kids drinking alcohol in high school. I’m not naïve enough to think that raising the drinking age to 21 would eliminate all drinking in high school, but I’m beginning to think that alcohol consumption is far more pervasive than I imagined. I’ve learned from my DC that even “good kids” that we’ve known for years are drinking as early as 9th grade and not just beer, but hard alcohol. After picking myself up off the floor, I’m trying to sort this out and understand how kids who are not even old enough to drive are getting alcohol? BTW DC’s private school is NOT one of the schools with a reputation for drinking or drugs. What advice do parents have to address this issue?

First, accept the fact that there will be experimentation. It is developmentally appropriate, actually. Not that all kids do it, but most will try something at some point. The most important thing to teach is safety. Your children need to know never to drive under the influence or get in the car with someone who is under the influence. Girls should not take drinks (all drinks) from guys, even guys they know. That sort of thing.

9th grade is too young for any kind of experimentation and I would come down hard if my kid was caught at that age. Older teens are different. I told my DD that we have an absolute amnesty policy -- if she is in a unsafe situation and calls us for help, she will never be punished even if she has been drinking. However, if she puts herself in an unsafe situation and doesn't reach out for help, there will be hell to pay.

Senior year we allowed a glass of wine at special occasions. Sometimes DD took us up on it, many times she declined. My feeling is that she learned to have a healthy relationship with alcohol.

I consulted several child psychs about this issue because it was concerning to me and I was told consistently that it is actually a good thing for kids to experiment when they are under your roof and you are there for them. That doesn't mean you encourage it or even say you allow it, it just means that you understand it will happen and don't freak out. Kids who go to college without ever having learned their limits for alcohol can get into serious trouble with alcohol poisoning.

Read Lessons of a B- by Wendy Mogel. Best book on this and other subjects concerning teens.

The child psychs you consulted must not be familiar with the research on teen drinking and drug abuse. Talking to somebody at NIDA, or doing your own research, would have provided you with better information.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a new high school parent I’m just now becoming aware that there is still a problem with kids drinking alcohol in high school. I’m not naïve enough to think that raising the drinking age to 21 would eliminate all drinking in high school, but I’m beginning to think that alcohol consumption is far more pervasive than I imagined. I’ve learned from my DC that even “good kids” that we’ve known for years are drinking as early as 9th grade and not just beer, but hard alcohol. After picking myself up off the floor, I’m trying to sort this out and understand how kids who are not even old enough to drive are getting alcohol? BTW DC’s private school is NOT one of the schools with a reputation for drinking or drugs. What advice do parents have to address this issue?

First, accept the fact that there will be experimentation. It is developmentally appropriate, actually. Not that all kids do it, but most will try something at some point. The most important thing to teach is safety. Your children need to know never to drive under the influence or get in the car with someone who is under the influence. Girls should not take drinks (all drinks) from guys, even guys they know. That sort of thing.

9th grade is too young for any kind of experimentation and I would come down hard if my kid was caught at that age. Older teens are different. I told my DD that we have an absolute amnesty policy -- if she is in a unsafe situation and calls us for help, she will never be punished even if she has been drinking. However, if she puts herself in an unsafe situation and doesn't reach out for help, there will be hell to pay.

Senior year we allowed a glass of wine at special occasions. Sometimes DD took us up on it, many times she declined. My feeling is that she learned to have a healthy relationship with alcohol.

I consulted several child psychs about this issue because it was concerning to me and I was told consistently that it is actually a good thing for kids to experiment when they are under your roof and you are there for them. That doesn't mean you encourage it or even say you allow it, it just means that you understand it will happen and don't freak out. Kids who go to college without ever having learned their limits for alcohol can get into serious trouble with alcohol poisoning.

Read Lessons of a B- by Wendy Mogel. Best book on this and other subjects concerning teens.

The child psychs you consulted must not be familiar with the research on teen drinking and drug abuse. Talking to somebody at NIDA, or doing your own research, would have provided you with better information.

Not that PP, but would you care to enlighten us about the research you follow? I, too, have heard that a certain amount of experimentation is normal and it's a blessing in disguise if it happens while they're still at home. This is because you can use the opportunity to talk about responsible alcohol use, set limits and boundaries, and punish if necessary. Better they learn that you are very concerned and will enforce limits, than they hit college without having internalized any boundaries.

[Anonymous]

This is why my kids are going to go to a high school where many of the students are economically disadvantaged. There's no money for drugs and alcohol. Most of the students have jobs after school and on the weekends so they can help support their families. I'm not saying there's no drugs or alcohol, there's just a lot less.

Our kids will also have jobs in high school.

My husband and I both attended elite private schools (in the northeast) so we are no strangers to the culture. I was handed everything by my parents and so was my brother.my brother still lives near my dad. He has drug and alcohol problems and works part-time delivering pizzas because my dad still gives him money, etc. I made much better choices than my brother but I was still a spoiled brat. I'm not repeating history.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why my kids are going to go to a high school where many of the students are economically disadvantaged. There's no money for drugs and alcohol. Most of the students have jobs after school and on the weekends so they can help support their families. I'm not saying there's no drugs or alcohol, there's just a lot less.

Our kids will also have jobs in high school.

My husband and I both attended elite private schools (in the northeast) so we are no strangers to the culture. I was handed everything by my parents and so was my brother.my brother still lives near my dad. He has drug and alcohol problems and works part-time delivering pizzas because my dad still gives him money, etc. I made much better choices than my brother but I was still a spoiled brat. I'm not repeating history.

That's a pipe dream. I grew up in that working class disadvantaged culture. Pregnant teens, pot, no one thinks of going to college, kids in shop class were allowed to smoke cigarettes - or at least no one complained - because they were destined to hopeless life anyway.

Today the kids at that school get tattoos and the drug mix includes meth.

I don't hate that background. But I have not one friend from high school. Sure, some went to good schools including a couple of wrestlers went to good schools and a military academy.

My kids are going elite private all the way, but my wife and I keep them family focused and grounded in reality.

But poverty sucks and is self reinforcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why my kids are going to go to a high school where many of the students are economically disadvantaged. There's no money for drugs and alcohol. Most of the students have jobs after school and on the weekends so they can help support their families. I'm not saying there's no drugs or alcohol, there's just a lot less.

Our kids will also have jobs in high school.

My husband and I both attended elite private schools (in the northeast) so we are no strangers to the culture. I was handed everything by my parents and so was my brother.my brother still lives near my dad. He has drug and alcohol problems and works part-time delivering pizzas because my dad still gives him money, etc. I made much better choices than my brother but I was still a spoiled brat. I'm not repeating history.

That's a pipe dream. I grew up in that working class disadvantaged culture. Pregnant teens, pot, no one thinks of going to college, kids in shop class were allowed to smoke cigarettes - or at least no one complained - because they were destined to hopeless life anyway.

Today the kids at that school get tattoos and the drug mix includes meth.

I don't hate that background. But I have not one friend from high school. Sure, some went to good schools including a couple of wrestlers went to good schools and a military academy.

My kids are going elite private all the way, but my wife and I keep them family focused and grounded in reality.

But poverty sucks and is self reinforcing.

Good luck with that. Care to share any tips?

[Anonymous]

Just read through this thread and it amazes me how few parents told the OP to talk to her kid (a few did in the beginning, but then it devolved into an NCS and Irish Catholic bashing thread...go figure, DCUM...).

However, I think the MOST important part of rasising kids though the teens years is to continue talking to them and be ready to hear what they say without judgement (even if you're ready to scream from what you hear!). It sounds corny and it's a cliche, but talking with your kids (include a lot of humor in that talking) will go a long way in keeping your kids safe. It's not the only thing, of course, but kids who feel like they don't have an adult to talk with and "process stuff" may make some poor decisions...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But some schools are worse than others. Landon parents seem proud that their sons put on a wild party that would shock STA parents.

STA parents wouldn't accept the drug use that is readily accepted among GDS students.

Stereotype but not actually true. Most GDS kids look down on the few who are real stoners.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One idea is to stick to K-8 schools where there isn't the high school influence.

This same reasoning militates towards GDS.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is why my kids are going to go to a high school where many of the students are economically disadvantaged. There's no money for drugs and alcohol. Most of the students have jobs after school and on the weekends so they can help support their families. I'm not saying there's no drugs or alcohol, there's just a lot less.

Our kids will also have jobs in high school.

My husband and I both attended elite private schools (in the northeast) so we are no strangers to the culture. I was handed everything by my parents and so was my brother.my brother still lives near my dad. He has drug and alcohol problems and works part-time delivering pizzas because my dad still gives him money, etc. I made much better choices than my brother but I was still a spoiled brat. I'm not repeating history.

That's a pipe dream. I grew up in that working class disadvantaged culture. Pregnant teens, pot, no one thinks of going to college, kids in shop class were allowed to smoke cigarettes - or at least no one complained - because they were destined to hopeless life anyway.

Today the kids at that school get tattoos and the drug mix includes meth.

I don't hate that background. But I have not one friend from high school. Sure, some went to good schools including a couple of wrestlers went to good schools and a military academy.

My kids are going elite private all the way, but my wife and I keep them family focused and grounded in reality.

But poverty sucks and is self reinforcing.

Good luck with that. Care to share any tips?

"Family focsed and grounded in reality..." wow! Sounds like something from a reality tv show!

[Anonymous]

GDS grad, late '90's here. When I was in HS, average experience was ~6 parties a year with alcohol -- that doesn't seem like a lot. Smoking pot was something we did with 1-2 orher friends, also about once every month or two, but no-one had enough supply to get more than a little stoned.

You do realize, of course, that pot is now "on par" with beer in 1/25 of these united states?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One idea is to stick to K-8 schools where there isn't the high school influence.

This same reasoning militates towards GDS.

"militates TOWARD" makes no sense (which is a comment about usage -- not about GDS and drugs).


At GDS, PreK-8 is on one campus; HS is on another (a couple of miles away). DC's a lifer and mid-HS at this point. Little or no exposure to drugs/alcohol (aside from the notorious MS cinnamon huffing challenge). Doesn't mean it's not there; does suggest it's easily avoidable.

[Anonymous]

Stereotype but not actually true. Most GDS kids look down on the few who are real stoners.

I would hope that my DC not exposed to any "real stoners" if we pay private level tuition…. ugh.

[Anonymous]

Some things you can't buy your way out of.

And/or if you put your kids in an environment where the dominant culture is one where people do assume they can buy their way out of problems, don't be surprised if your kids encounter irresponsible and/or illegal behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is why my kids are going to go to a high school where many of the students are economically disadvantaged. There's no money for drugs and alcohol. Most of the students have jobs after school and on the weekends so they can help support their families. I'm not saying there's no drugs or alcohol, there's just a lot less.

Our kids will also have jobs in high school.

My husband and I both attended elite private schools (in the northeast) so we are no strangers to the culture. I was handed everything by my parents and so was my brother.my brother still lives near my dad. He has drug and alcohol problems and works part-time delivering pizzas because my dad still gives him money, etc. I made much better choices than my brother but I was still a spoiled brat. I'm not repeating history.

Drug and alcohol abuse is far more prevalent among the "economically disadvantaged." It may well be a reason many families are "economically disadvantaged."