What makes your marriage miserable?

[Anonymous]

Tongue Biting can make your marriage miserable.
It’s my firm belief that it’s better to say something badly than to not say it at all. Your spouse can’t read your mind, and the tension and icy coldness that envelopes your home whenever you bite your tongue is no fun for either one of you. Have the courage to speak your mind. Yes, you might encounter some conflict as a result, but that conflict will usually result in a closer relationship.

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[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I posted earlier. If that makes any of you, wives of sleepy husbands, feel better, mine sleeps until 1 pm on weekends...this just creeps me out! He is not on any medication and sleeps from around 1 am till 9 am during the week.

Ok...and...some people function better that way. Circadian rhythm- ever heard of it?

http://www.livescience.com/16334-night-owls-early-birds-sleep-cycles.html

[Anonymous]

Intrusive, negative MIL: My DH is her only child, she was a single parent her whole life, they are very close. She makes drama out of every little thing and if we do things our way, she panics, criticizes, manipulates until DH follows her views. She can make my husband extremely anxious in a matter of a couple of conversations and then he takes his anxiety on me. E.g., she saw the dress I was going to wear to a formal event and did not like it, could not make me change my opinion, made my husband freak out, he then refused to go if I wear the dress (the dress was fine, really). This kind of control on her part is allowed by DH and goes on in pretty every part of our life, cause "mom wishes us well". Often, I want to run far far away from the two of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Intrusive, negative MIL: My DH is her only child, she was a single parent her whole life, they are very close. She makes drama out of every little thing and if we do things our way, she panics, criticizes, manipulates until DH follows her views. She can make my husband extremely anxious in a matter of a couple of conversations and then he takes his anxiety on me. E.g., she saw the dress I was going to wear to a formal event and did not like it, could not make me change my opinion, made my husband freak out, he then refused to go if I wear the dress (the dress was fine, really). This kind of control on her part is allowed by DH and goes on in pretty every part of our life, cause "mom wishes us well". Often, I want to run far far away from the two of them.

Your DH is an enabler. He could stop this crap if he wanted to be chooses not to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Intrusive, negative MIL: My DH is her only child, she was a single parent her whole life, they are very close. She makes drama out of every little thing and if we do things our way, she panics, criticizes, manipulates until DH follows her views. She can make my husband extremely anxious in a matter of a couple of conversations and then he takes his anxiety on me. E.g., she saw the dress I was going to wear to a formal event and did not like it, could not make me change my opinion, made my husband freak out, he then refused to go if I wear the dress (the dress was fine, really). This kind of control on her part is allowed by DH and goes on in pretty every part of our life, cause "mom wishes us well". Often, I want to run far far away from the two of them.

Your DH is an enabler. He could stop this crap if he wanted to be chooses not to.

Yes, I realize this and it makes me miserable in the otherwise happy marriage. DH loves her very much and is afraid to upset her - her tantrums are frequent hard to bear.

[Anonymous]

What makes my marriage miserable is a wife who takes everything for granted. I bring home the occassional rose, surprise her with a gift, and take an interest and support her hobbies. But what I need is the closeness and connection that come with sex when you have it with someone you truly love. I want to take a long shower with her, towel her off, and spend an entire evening in bed. I want to drive her wild and then wrap her in my arms. It kills me that these times do not happen anymore. Personally, I am tired of reading these "what do women want" articles that talk about making her feel desired, sex, appreciated. I am tired of feeling rejected.

[Anonymous]

I feel horrible for saying this. DH has erectile dysfunction tied to another incurable chronic disease. It does not stop him from requesting sex three times a week. Because he cannot get it up, I have to give him a handjob, a blowjob, each time. If I do not, I do feel guilty. I have suggested just giving each other massages or cuddling. He is not interested in anything other than sex. He has never been affectionate. No kisses, no hugs outside of bed. He does not mind going down on me, but even that I find boring sometimes, I bought a vibrator, but it is just not enough. I want the whole deal. I am scared that I may turn to a lover in the future. He is not interested in taking any medication for his ED, he says he is already taking too many pills for his disease.

[Anonymous]

The fact that my husband is so used to calling all the shots (yup, gave away my power/autonomy, guilty). We used to be equals and I had a voice in this relationship. Now, I don't and I resent everything. Not quite sure how I let this happen (my fault), but he seems to love having all the power (his fault).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What makes my marriage miserable is a wife who takes everything for granted. I bring home the occassional rose, surprise her with a gift, and take an interest and support her hobbies. But what I need is the closeness and connection that come with sex when you have it with someone you truly love. I want to take a long shower with her, towel her off, and spend an entire evening in bed. I want to drive her wild and then wrap her in my arms. It kills me that these times do not happen anymore. Personally, I am tired of reading these "what do women want" articles that talk about making her feel desired, sex, appreciated. I am tired of feeling rejected.

I am a women whose DH has little sex drive and I am tired of feeling rejected too.

[Anonymous]

Disappointment after disappointment over the years. I hate him and we are divorcing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does 'know your place' mean?

It means that everyone has a role to play in life, and people would be much happier if they "played their role" instead of trying to force themselves into a role that doesn't fit.
A wife's role is not to compete with her husband, boss him around, complain about everything, run over him, etc. Instead she should learn the art of femininity. It's not a bad thing to be supportive, encouraging, and kind. In fact, you'll get more of what you want if you learn how to properly treat your husband. (Aside from the exceptions I mentioned before). Life will be easier for you if you learn where your power lies and how to use it...or you can keep doing what you are doing and you will be forever complaining about your husband.

Men too, have a place or a role to play. It's not to ignore their wives, belittle them, sit on the couch and play games all day, etc. Instead they need to learn how to love their wives, truly love them and make it known. She should feel like a Queen. She should feel safe with you, confident that you can make the right choices, loved, and protected.

I feel plenty safe by myself and don't need to feel protected. A husband with good judgement is important to me, but mostly I want to feel supported, valued, appreciated and an equal in my marriage. If a woman needs a man to feel safe she either lives in a dangerous neighborhood or is paranoid. Why would a woman need to feel protected? Protected from what? The big dangerous outside world? The wilderness? This is very out dated.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What makes my marriage miserable is a wife who takes everything for granted. I bring home the occassional rose, surprise her with a gift, and take an interest and support her hobbies. But what I need is the closeness and connection that come with sex when you have it with someone you truly love. I want to take a long shower with her, towel her off, and spend an entire evening in bed. I want to drive her wild and then wrap her in my arms. It kills me that these times do not happen anymore. Personally, I am tired of reading these "what do women want" articles that talk about making her feel desired, sex, appreciated. I am tired of feeling rejected.

Oh my can I trade spouses? I'm a DW and I wish my DH had a hot sexy shower with me... My DH hasn't initiated sex in over a year! I'll tak e a day in bed any day over the gifts/etc......

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What makes my marriage miserable is a wife who takes everything for granted. I bring home the occassional rose, surprise her with a gift, and take an interest and support her hobbies. But what I need is the closeness and connection that come with sex when you have it with someone you truly love. I want to take a long shower with her, towel her off, and spend an entire evening in bed. I want to drive her wild and then wrap her in my arms. It kills me that these times do not happen anymore. Personally, I am tired of reading these "what do women want" articles that talk about making her feel desired, sex, appreciated. I am tired of feeling rejected.

Maybe she is too tired taking care of the kids? Maybe some help with them instead of a rose?

[Anonymous]

Years of bad financial/business decisions have taken a toll. I am getting out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What makes my marriage miserable is a wife who takes everything for granted. I bring home the occassional rose, surprise her with a gift, and take an interest and support her hobbies. But what I need is the closeness and connection that come with sex when you have it with someone you truly love. I want to take a long shower with her, towel her off, and spend an entire evening in bed. I want to drive her wild and then wrap her in my arms. It kills me that these times do not happen anymore. Personally, I am tired of reading these "what do women want" articles that talk about making her feel desired, sex, appreciated. I am tired of feeling rejected.

Maybe she is too tired taking care of the kids? Maybe some help with them instead of a rose?

I have always been there since the beginning - waking up in the middle of the night, changing diapers, school activities, you name it. Also help with much of the housework. Sometimes I feel like I am being played and trust me, it is no picnic. Men and women both have roles and responsibilities in a marriage. She might be special but so am I.