If you are a SAHM or SAHD, how much money does your spouse make?

[Anonymous]

Husband makes $140k, we own in SW DC. I too was a BigLaw attorney for 5 years, and I was very frugal, so we have a great cushion now. I do, however, really really miss being able to splurge guilt-free. Then again, I don't need the expensive suits/haircuts that I felt was part of the job description.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Those who say "I will return to work..." when the kids are older, how do you know? Not a snarky question, but genuinely curious. That doesn't seem to be a given, especially when one has been out of the job market.

I'm one of those... stayed home for 9 years but went back to work this year. Short answer is, you don't know anything for sure.

When I say going back to work it doesn't necessarily mean to the exact same job for the exact same salary... Why are people so pessimist?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i stay at home, and my husband makes $55,000.

i think it's interesting that people are wondering where all the "loaded" DCUMers are. when i read about salaries of even $100,000 i think you are loaded. it's kind of hard for me to hear about people complaining about how they don't have any money when they have so much more than us. likewise i'm sure people who make $20,000 a year or live in impoverished nations would feel the same way about me.

it's all relative i guess.

Where do you live? $55,000 in PG county (where I live) goes a lot further than if you lived in Arlington or Bethesda.

Another poster who makes a "low" salary...DH makes 85K, I resigned 4 years ago to SAH, we have a newborn, 2 year old, and 4 year old.

We live in a townhouse in Fairfax, no debt, and two (older) cars.

Just live within your means...it's really not rocket science and with all these "highly educated" people in this area I don't understand why people have a tough time managing a family budget - that NOT 6 digits!

[Anonymous]

Its the live within your means and give things up side people have a problem with.

I SAH. HHI of 90k. About to pay off mortgage. 2 kids. No auto debt either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i stay at home, and my husband makes $55,000.

i think it's interesting that people are wondering where all the "loaded" DCUMers are. when i read about salaries of even $100,000 i think you are loaded. it's kind of hard for me to hear about people complaining about how they don't have any money when they have so much more than us. likewise i'm sure people who make $20,000 a year or live in impoverished nations would feel the same way about me.

it's all relative i guess.

Where do you live? $55,000 in PG county (where I live) goes a lot further than if you lived in Arlington or Bethesda.

Another poster who makes a "low" salary...DH makes 85K, I resigned 4 years ago to SAH, we have a newborn, 2 year old, and 4 year old.

We live in a townhouse in Fairfax, no debt, and two (older) cars.

Just live within your means...it's really not rocket science and with all these "highly educated" people in this area I don't understand why people have a tough time managing a family budget - that NOT 6 digits!

Amen. We make only about 55K as well and have the same things as you. We make it work on a daily basis without a problem. And I WILL go back to work, albeit, it won't be the same thing as what I did before. DH has an awesome retirement plan with his work, so we don't add extra to that now, but we will when I work. We saved a bunch before we had kids so we could buy our modest townhouse and have some savings now. We don't have education funds for our children and don't plan on it either. We are a young couple, only mid twenties so I would say we are doing just fine. Once I finish grad school and work again we'll be in the over 6 figures salary, but I wouldn't say that we will be any happier in life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i stay at home, and my husband makes $55,000.

i think it's interesting that people are wondering where all the "loaded" DCUMers are. when i read about salaries of even $100,000 i think you are loaded. it's kind of hard for me to hear about people complaining about how they don't have any money when they have so much more than us. likewise i'm sure people who make $20,000 a year or live in impoverished nations would feel the same way about me.

it's all relative i guess.

Where do you live? $55,000 in PG county (where I live) goes a lot further than if you lived in Arlington or Bethesda.

Another poster who makes a "low" salary...DH makes 85K, I resigned 4 years ago to SAH, we have a newborn, 2 year old, and 4 year old.

We live in a townhouse in Fairfax, no debt, and two (older) cars.

Just live within your means...it's really not rocket science and with all these "highly educated" people in this area I don't understand why people have a tough time managing a family budget - that NOT 6 digits!

It does take a six figure income to save adequately for retirement and college, and live a little now. The budget should contain long term expenses, not just this month's utility bills.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i stay at home, and my husband makes $55,000.

i think it's interesting that people are wondering where all the "loaded" DCUMers are. when i read about salaries of even $100,000 i think you are loaded. it's kind of hard for me to hear about people complaining about how they don't have any money when they have so much more than us. likewise i'm sure people who make $20,000 a year or live in impoverished nations would feel the same way about me.

it's all relative i guess.

Where do you live? $55,000 in PG county (where I live) goes a lot further than if you lived in Arlington or Bethesda.

Another poster who makes a "low" salary...DH makes 85K, I resigned 4 years ago to SAH, we have a newborn, 2 year old, and 4 year old.

We live in a townhouse in Fairfax, no debt, and two (older) cars.

Just live within your means...it's really not rocket science and with all these "highly educated" people in this area I don't understand why people have a tough time managing a family budget - that NOT 6 digits!

Amen. We make only about 55K as well and have the same things as you. We make it work on a daily basis without a problem. And I WILL go back to work, albeit, it won't be the same thing as what I did before. DH has an awesome retirement plan with his work, so we don't add extra to that now, but we will when I work. We saved a bunch before we had kids so we could buy our modest townhouse and have some savings now. We don't have education funds for our children and don't plan on it either. We are a young couple, only mid twenties so I would say we are doing just fine. Once I finish grad school and work again we'll be in the over 6 figures salary, but I wouldn't say that we will be any happier in life.

Oh. I could "afford" to SAH if we weren't working on saving $250,000 for our kids' college educations.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Amen. We make only about 55K as well and have the same things as you. We make it work on a daily basis without a problem. And I WILL go back to work, albeit, it won't be the same thing as what I did before. DH has an awesome retirement plan with his work, so we don't add extra to that now, but we will when I work. We saved a bunch before we had kids so we could buy our modest townhouse and have some savings now. We don't have education funds for our children and don't plan on it either. We are a young couple, only mid twenties so I would say we are doing just fine. Once I finish grad school and work again we'll be in the over 6 figures salary, but I wouldn't say that we will be any happier in life.

Oh. I could "afford" to SAH if we weren't working on saving $250,000 for our kids' college educations.

Ironic that the poster who has no debt is also not saving for education. So it's fine to saddle your kids with tremendous debt in their 20s. If it is at all possible to save for an education, I think it is absolutely the parents' responsiblity. And don't use the excuse "they will work harder if they pay for it." BULLSHIT. I know plenty of people that gradutated with little or no debt and made the most out of their education, and in fact did so well they were able to go to grad school - which would not have been an option if you are taking on undergrad and grad debt. I also know plenty of kids who failed out or were put on probation who were helping to pay for college. If you have a lazy , unmotivated kid, they will be lazy and unmotivated whether or not they are paying for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i stay at home, and my husband makes $55,000.

i think it's interesting that people are wondering where all the "loaded" DCUMers are. when i read about salaries of even $100,000 i think you are loaded. it's kind of hard for me to hear about people complaining about how they don't have any money when they have so much more than us. likewise i'm sure people who make $20,000 a year or live in impoverished nations would feel the same way about me.

it's all relative i guess.

yes, totally! thank you

I haven't seen a salary listed here yet that matches what my husband brings home, but that has never changed who I am. My heart is still the same whether or not I'm an at-home childcare provider to make ends meet, or live in a mcmansion in the burbs, which are both true. I could care less what people make because it doesn't define who you are, unless you make it who you are. I don't dress lavishly, I don't drive a fancy car, and my kids don't attend private school. These are not things that I value. I clean my own house, cook the family meals, and have never had a nanny, night-nurse or doula. It wasn't that long ago that I was crying to my husband each month because our credit card bill was more than we could pay-off.

Having "so much more" than someone else can encompass so much. Do you have family and friendships that you treasure? Are you happy with the choices you are making in your life? Do you value your health (which, btw, cannot be bought no matter how much $$ you have)? My husband brings home a boat-load of money each year, much more than I ever dreamed, but that didn't stop DS#1 from coming down with cancer at the age of 7. Nor did it stop autism from overtaking DS#2. Nor did it make me grow any taller than my elfish 5'2'' stature. Do you give to those less fortunate than yourselves? You are right about one thing...it is all relative.

And, FWIW, I share none of the snotty attitudes of DCUMers inside the beltway. My sister married rich and lives in DC...she is a model person for this board, although she would never join because it is beneath her...she's got perfect shoes and handbags, she is a SAHM with a nanny who cooks, she had a night-nurse, a house cleaner, and a personal weight trainer. She drives an SUV in the city and travels internationally, bringing her nanny everywhere she goes. She goes to social parties every weekend with the intent of always being invited back. Personally, I don't quite understand the meaning behind how she lives her life, nor would I want to live that way. It seems devoid of substance if you ask me.

This. Can we be friends? lol. I feel the same way...DH is making more than I ever dreamed possible, but we have not changed who we are at all...and give (money and time) to several charities/non profits. We do travel international several times a year, but I shop at consignment shops and furnish my home using home goods, marshalls, etc.

Life is a blessing...and many of the stories people have posted of making less money and still being a SAH mom are inspiring. It is possible to make it work, it just involves planning and having an 'attitude of gratitude' and not being bitter or envious of what others have, imo.

[Anonymous]

All of you people that are saving for your children's college tuition, did your parents do the same for you? Mine sure as hell didn't and I went to an expensive, top private school so you can imagine what my student loan debts are (still not payed off, plus added some more from grad school).

It seems that when I was in school EVERYONE took out student loans. Except DH, whose parents paid for his (at same expensive school) so I guess I'm glad we don't have his loans to pay too. . .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you people that are saving for your children's college tuition, did your parents do the same for you? Mine sure as hell didn't and I went to an expensive, top private school so you can imagine what my student loan debts are (still not payed off, plus added some more from grad school).

It seems that when I was in school EVERYONE took out student loans. Except DH, whose parents paid for his (at same expensive school) so I guess I'm glad we don't have his loans to pay too. . .

Yes, my parents paid for my college. And my husband's parents paid for his college. We have no student loan debts. It's hard to overstate what a help this is when you are starting your own adult life/family. It's an incredible gift to give your kids. And I agree with the PP that said having college paid for doesn't necessarily affect your motivation level. I was VERY aware of the gift my parents were giving me while I was in college. I worked hard academically, worked PT all through college to earn my own spending money, and graduated in 4 years. Ditto for my husband. Neither of us came from wealthy families. Middle to upper-middle class.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you people that are saving for your children's college tuition, did your parents do the same for you? Mine sure as hell didn't and I went to an expensive, top private school so you can imagine what my student loan debts are (still not payed off, plus added some more from grad school).

It seems that when I was in school EVERYONE took out student loans. Except DH, whose parents paid for his (at same expensive school) so I guess I'm glad we don't have his loans to pay too. . .

My parents were very frugal. Mom WOH and they aggressively saved -- paid off the mortgage in 10 years and then saved 100% of her income for our college funds. My two siblings and I had all our college expenses paid, on the condition we finished in four years and earned our own money for things like apartments (if we didn't want to live in the dorms), clothing, food, etc.

I can't tell you how nice it is not to have the crushing student loan debt so many of my friends do. It allowed me to get a jump-start on a lot of things, including my own retirement savings (I'm 30 and have a lot already). I will forever remember the frugality and the love that motivated my parents, and it has impacted my life deeply.

By the way, did I mention that they were both blue-collar workers who never cleared more then 40K each per year? And have comfortable retirement accounts so I'll never need to support them? Seriously, I won the parent lottery and I love them to death. <3

[Anonymous]

My parents also paid for college and knowing that they were saving for me made me realize the value of my education and made me strive harder. We have 3 young kids and based on current trends feel that we need to put away $250K each for them. Scary figures but it is part of why I work even though we could get by now on DH's salary ($200K). We don't live lavishly at all - although I don't clip coupons or always do grocery shopping base on sales - but do always feel like we are scraping by...

[Anonymous]

When I SAH, DH was making 110K a year. I returned to work because it S.U.C.K.E.D. not having extra spending cash. I'm going to buck popular belief, but money does make me happier, no doubt.

I'm not one to eat the inside of bananna peels or egg shells in my rice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Where are all of the SAH DCUMers who have spouses who bring in the big bucks?

Cat got your tongues?

I'm surprised too. Looks like a couple 250 - 350K but where are all the 500K plus SAHMs?

Geez, I thought 250-350K qualifies as "big bucks." This area is nuts.