If you are a SAHM or SAHD, how much money does your spouse make?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:


Amen. We make only about 55K as well and have the same things as you. We make it work on a daily basis without a problem. And I WILL go back to work, albeit, it won't be the same thing as what I did before. DH has an awesome retirement plan with his work, so we don't add extra to that now, but we will when I work. We saved a bunch before we had kids so we could buy our modest townhouse and have some savings now. We don't have education funds for our children and don't plan on it either. We are a young couple, only mid twenties so I would say we are doing just fine. Once I finish grad school and work again we'll be in the over 6 figures salary, but I wouldn't say that we will be any happier in life.

Oh. I could "afford" to SAH if we weren't working on saving $250,000 for our kids' college educations.

Ironic that the poster who has no debt is also not saving for education. So it's fine to saddle your kids with tremendous debt in their 20s. If it is at all possible to save for an education, I think it is absolutely the parents' responsiblity. And don't use the excuse "they will work harder if they pay for it." BULLSHIT. I know plenty of people that gradutated with little or no debt and made the most out of their education, and in fact did so well they were able to go to grad school - which would not have been an option if you are taking on undergrad and grad debt. I also know plenty of kids who failed out or were put on probation who were helping to pay for college. If you have a lazy , unmotivated kid, they will be lazy and unmotivated whether or not they are paying for college.

She didn't say they had no debt. Since she's SAH and going to grad school, I'm assuming they have student loans.

I put my DH through law school on my 65K income, but that was before kids. I don't think it's feasible to put someone through school and support kids on 55K. Could be wrong!

Not saving for kids' college, though -- wow. Terrible idea. And assuming you'll be over 6 figs after grad school is also not a great idea...when I finished grad school, it took a while to network and get that first good job (and that was before kids, too).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i stay at home, and my husband makes $55,000.

i think it's interesting that people are wondering where all the "loaded" DCUMers are. when i read about salaries of even $100,000 i think you are loaded. it's kind of hard for me to hear about people complaining about how they don't have any money when they have so much more than us. likewise i'm sure people who make $20,000 a year or live in impoverished nations would feel the same way about me.

it's all relative i guess.

yes, totally! thank you

I haven't seen a salary listed here yet that matches what my husband brings home, but that has never changed who I am. My heart is still the same whether or not I'm an at-home childcare provider to make ends meet, or live in a mcmansion in the burbs, which are both true. I could care less what people make because it doesn't define who you are, unless you make it who you are. I don't dress lavishly, I don't drive a fancy car, and my kids don't attend private school. These are not things that I value. I clean my own house, cook the family meals, and have never had a nanny, night-nurse or doula. It wasn't that long ago that I was crying to my husband each month because our credit card bill was more than we could pay-off.

Having "so much more" than someone else can encompass so much. Do you have family and friendships that you treasure? Are you happy with the choices you are making in your life? Do you value your health (which, btw, cannot be bought no matter how much $$ you have)? My husband brings home a boat-load of money each year, much more than I ever dreamed, but that didn't stop DS#1 from coming down with cancer at the age of 7. Nor did it stop autism from overtaking DS#2. Nor did it make me grow any taller than my elfish 5'2'' stature. Do you give to those less fortunate than yourselves? You are right about one thing...it is all relative.

And, FWIW, I share none of the snotty attitudes of DCUMers inside the beltway. My sister married rich and lives in DC...she is a model person for this board, although she would never join because it is beneath her...she's got perfect shoes and handbags, she is a SAHM with a nanny who cooks, she had a night-nurse, a house cleaner, and a personal weight trainer. She drives an SUV in the city and travels internationally, bringing her nanny everywhere she goes. She goes to social parties every weekend with the intent of always being invited back. Personally, I don't quite understand the meaning behind how she lives her life, nor would I want to live that way. It seems devoid of substance if you ask me.

This. Can we be friends? lol. I feel the same way...DH is making more than I ever dreamed possible, but we have not changed who we are at all...and give (money and time) to several charities/non profits. We do travel international several times a year, but I shop at consignment shops and furnish my home using home goods, marshalls, etc.

Life is a blessing...and many of the stories people have posted of making less money and still being a SAH mom are inspiring. It is possible to make it work, it just involves planning and having an 'attitude of gratitude' and not being bitter or envious of what others have, imo.

I thought this poster sounded kind of awful, actually. I live inside the beltway and my family has plenty of money. I even have a nanny who cooks for me and someone who cleans my house (and I work FT). We're also very nice people, involved in our church, and have lots of meaningful friendships. And just to mix things up, I shop at consignment sales and drive a crappy car! Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing or what your sister is doing and just live your own life. If you're truly happy with your own choices, you don't have to crap on other people. It is possible to have a night nurse and send your kid to a private school and still be a good person. I don't do these things, but I know people who do and I promise they don't have horns. You sound very judgemental.

[Anonymous]

I'm not one to eat the inside of bananna peels or egg shells in my rice.

That is an obnoxious thing to say, given that the previous poster said it was a cultural difference.

[Anonymous]

expensive, top private school so you can imagine what my student loan debts are (still not payed off

i see your big fancy education didn't teach you how to spell PAID.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:All of you people that are saving for your children's college tuition, did your parents do the same for you? Mine sure as hell didn't and I went to an expensive, top private school so you can imagine what my student loan debts are (still not payed off, plus added some more from grad school).

It seems that when I was in school EVERYONE took out student loans. Except DH, whose parents paid for his (at same expensive school) so I guess I'm glad we don't have his loans to pay too. . .

My parents paid 75% of my college education. I gave them money towards tuition each semester and was responsible for all of my own spending money. Law school was 100% on my own. I went to an expensive top ten university.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I haven't seen a salary listed here yet that matches what my husband brings home, but that has never changed who I am. My heart is still the same whether or not I'm an at-home childcare provider to make ends meet, or live in a mcmansion in the burbs, which are both true. I could care less what people make because it doesn't define who you are, unless you make it who you are. I don't dress lavishly, I don't drive a fancy car, and my kids don't attend private school. These are not things that I value. I clean my own house, cook the family meals, and have never had a nanny, night-nurse or doula. It wasn't that long ago that I was crying to my husband each month because our credit card bill was more than we could pay-off.

Having "so much more" than someone else can encompass so much. Do you have family and friendships that you treasure? Are you happy with the choices you are making in your life? Do you value your health (which, btw, cannot be bought no matter how much $$ you have)? My husband brings home a boat-load of money each year, much more than I ever dreamed, but that didn't stop DS#1 from coming down with cancer at the age of 7. Nor did it stop autism from overtaking DS#2. Nor did it make me grow any taller than my elfish 5'2'' stature. Do you give to those less fortunate than yourselves? You are right about one thing...it is all relative.

And, FWIW, I share none of the snotty attitudes of DCUMers inside the beltway. My sister married rich and lives in DC...she is a model person for this board, although she would never join because it is beneath her...she's got perfect shoes and handbags, she is a SAHM with a nanny who cooks, she had a night-nurse, a house cleaner, and a personal weight trainer. She drives an SUV in the city and travels internationally, bringing her nanny everywhere she goes. She goes to social parties every weekend with the intent of always being invited back. Personally, I don't quite understand the meaning behind how she lives her life, nor would I want to live that way. It seems devoid of substance if you ask me.

I thought this poster sounded kind of awful, actually. I live inside the beltway and my family has plenty of money. I even have a nanny who cooks for me and someone who cleans my house (and I work FT). We're also very nice people, involved in our church, and have lots of meaningful friendships. And just to mix things up, I shop at consignment sales and drive a crappy car! Stop worrying about what everyone else is doing or what your sister is doing and just live your own life. If you're truly happy with your own choices, you don't have to crap on other people. It is possible to have a night nurse and send your kid to a private school and still be a good person. I don't do these things, but I know people who do and I promise they don't have horns. You sound very judgemental.

I did too. What was up with the backdoor bragging? "I haven't seen a salary listed here yet that matches what my husband brings home" whew!

Sisters often have competition/jealousy issues. I know because my sister and I do, too! But acting like your husband's $500K (?) salary doesn't put you in the "ballers club" and that you can commiserate with the SAHMs making do on 90K and less is super snotty sounding to me. Sorry your sister has more, but you sound like you're financially secure enough to absorb the health care costs you've had to face. Many of us who have both parents working wouldn't be nearly so lucky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

expensive, top private school so you can imagine what my student loan debts are (still not payed off

i see your big fancy education didn't teach you how to spell PAID.

Why do you feel the need to troll the PP? It diminishes you. We're trying to have a grown-up discussion here, ok?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:When I SAH, DH was making 110K a year. I returned to work because it S.U.C.K.E.D. not having extra spending cash. I'm going to buck popular belief, but money does make me happier, no doubt.

I'm not one to eat the inside of bananna peels or egg shells in my rice.

I never SAH because I didn't want to and I had no desire to live frugally.

[Anonymous]

we here in america are some spoiled brats.

http://articles.cnn.com/2011-01-04/world/afghanistan.child.trash.scavenger_1_marjan-child-mortality-unicef?_s=PM:WORLD

[Anonymous]

My husband makes $130K and works for the feds. I work 10 hours a week and we rent out our basement, earning an additional $30K combined. We own in NW DC with one child. We have no savings, little retirement, no college fund, but plan to start contributing to all once DC enters public school. I may or may not return to work full-time in the future. Staying at home these past few years has changed me. I no longer have the patience for most desk jobs so will need to seriously reexamine my life and goals when the time comes. For now, being home with my DC these formative years has been worth feeling the pinch and insecurity of a life without savings or extras. We're happier than we've ever been and consider ourselves truly rich (though perhaps not wealthy).

[Anonymous]

On the topic of paying for your kids' college tuition, the only two options are not (1) pay nothing or (2) have a huge wad of cash saved to pay all costs of a private school education upfront. First of all, you can give your child options like either go to a public in-state school and we pay for all of it, or we'll give you the same amount toward a more expensive school and you pay/borrow the rest. Many kids also get some type of assistance, like academic or athletic scholarships. This also may require hard choices on the part of the kid (i.e., go to a lesser ranked school for a certain sport rather than the top choice in order to get a full ride). Not every kid has to go to an ivy league school to succeed. Parents can also borrow for their kids' education when the time comes, which might make sense if you know other debts/expenses will be lower by then. Perhaps some people know their mortgage will be paid off by the time their kids are in college, so they'll be able to allocate that amount to tuition. So, I guess I don't buy the insinuation that a family is making the wrong choice by having a stay at home parent if they can't aggressively save for college at the same time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:On the topic of paying for your kids' college tuition, the only two options are not (1) pay nothing or (2) have a huge wad of cash saved to pay all costs of a private school education upfront. First of all, you can give your child options like either go to a public in-state school and we pay for all of it, or we'll give you the same amount toward a more expensive school and you pay/borrow the rest. Many kids also get some type of assistance, like academic or athletic scholarships. This also may require hard choices on the part of the kid (i.e., go to a lesser ranked school for a certain sport rather than the top choice in order to get a full ride). Not every kid has to go to an ivy league school to succeed. Parents can also borrow for their kids' education when the time comes, which might make sense if you know other debts/expenses will be lower by then. Perhaps some people know their mortgage will be paid off by the time their kids are in college, so they'll be able to allocate that amount to tuition. So, I guess I don't buy the insinuation that a family is making the wrong choice by having a stay at home parent if they can't aggressively save for college at the same time.

10:36 here again. I meant to add that this is the approach my parents took. My brother went to a good public Virginia school, and my parents basically could afford the tuition. He is happy with his education/experience and has not regrets. I received an athletic scholarship at a private school (and gave up the chance to attend more "big name" schools that didn't offer me a full scholarship; I don't regret the decisions at all; I got a great education and loved my team). My parents also had to borrow a little money to cover all the costs, but it wasn't a problem because once we were out of the house and out of school they had more disposable income.

[Anonymous]

Hi, a while back someone had asked about good schools in PG county. I am certain that the poster was inquiring about public schools, but I wanted to let them know that a good plan is to use a neighborhood Catholic school, St. Jerome's. The tuition is very reasonable and the new classical curriculum, principal, and teachers are great. It is located in the Hyattsville historic district which is a little gem of a neighborhood. http://www.stjeromes.org/stjeromeschool.htm There are many well educated SAHM's in the neighborhood, mostly Catholic, who moved here to have the companionship of other families who were doing the same.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for those of you who moved to PG county, and found areas with decent elementary schools, where are you living?

University Park. Nice neighborhood, excellent elementary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband makes $130K and works for the feds. I work 10 hours a week and we rent out our basement, earning an additional $30K combined. We own in NW DC with one child. We have no savings, little retirement, no college fund, but plan to start contributing to all once DC enters public school. I may or may not return to work full-time in the future. Staying at home these past few years has changed me. I no longer have the patience for most desk jobs so will need to seriously reexamine my life and goals when the time comes. For now, being home with my DC these formative years has been worth feeling the pinch and insecurity of a life without savings or extras. We're happier than we've ever been and consider ourselves truly rich (though perhaps not wealthy).

How old are you? You're not rich because you have very little saved, regardless of income. What about SAH has made you lose patience for desk jobs? I would think an office job would be bliss after being AH and having no time to pee or eat lunch in peace.