If you are a SAHM or SAHD, how much money does your spouse make?

[Anonymous]

Those who say "I will return to work..." when the kids are older, how do you know? Not a snarky question, but genuinely curious. That doesn't seem to be a given, especially when one has been out of the job market.

[Anonymous]

as the PP whose husband makes $55,000, I found your remark really rude. I enjoy life with my children, we eat good food, we take trips, and they get a great education. We save as much as we can for college and retirement, and sleep well at night. Are you implying that staying at home isn't "worth it", or that having a husband who doesn't make a ton of money isn't "worth it"? It's a bit confusing. We're very happy, my husband has a flexible job that gets him home by 5pm each night, which leaves us lots of time to spend as a family, and we have our kids near their grandparents (the reason we moved here). Your response sounded really snotty, self-righteous, and judgmental. Maybe you didn't mean it that way, but that's how it came across.

Anonymous wrote:We don't live lavishly, and I watch the pennies, but no freakin' way could I live like some of you. You all must be really young. I went to college and grad school, worked hard, but would like to enjoy the fruits of my education and life with my children while they are still young. That includes good food, trips, a nice home, and education. I couldn't sleep at night if I weren't saving for college and retirement. I hope you all find that it is worth it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:i stay at home, and my husband makes $55,000.

i think it's interesting that people are wondering where all the "loaded" DCUMers are. when i read about salaries of even $100,000 i think you are loaded. it's kind of hard for me to hear about people complaining about how they don't have any money when they have so much more than us. likewise i'm sure people who make $20,000 a year or live in impoverished nations would feel the same way about me.

it's all relative i guess.

yes, totally! thank you

[Anonymous]

for those of you who moved to PG county, and found areas with decent elementary schools, where are you living?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:for those of you who moved to PG county, and found areas with decent elementary schools, where are you living?

I am one of the PP's who's in PG. We live in Mt. Rainier and will be sending our kids to Mt. Rainier Elementary School. Many friends in the neighborhood with older kids report good things about the experience there.

[Anonymous]

We just bought a tiny SFH in downtown Bethesda, previously rented.
DH will make 105K this year, last year he made in the 80K and a few years ago he was making 40K!
I do not have authorization to work, and enjoy staying at home anyway with our 2 children.

We have investments that have done well, and our parents contributed to our down payment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:i stay at home, and my husband makes $55,000.

i think it's interesting that people are wondering where all the "loaded" DCUMers are. when i read about salaries of even $100,000 i think you are loaded. it's kind of hard for me to hear about people complaining about how they don't have any money when they have so much more than us. likewise i'm sure people who make $20,000 a year or live in impoverished nations would feel the same way about me.

it's all relative i guess.

yes, totally! thank you

I haven't seen a salary listed here yet that matches what my husband brings home, but that has never changed who I am. My heart is still the same whether or not I'm an at-home childcare provider to make ends meet, or live in a mcmansion in the burbs, which are both true. I could care less what people make because it doesn't define who you are, unless you make it who you are. I don't dress lavishly, I don't drive a fancy car, and my kids don't attend private school. These are not things that I value. I clean my own house, cook the family meals, and have never had a nanny, night-nurse or doula. It wasn't that long ago that I was crying to my husband each month because our credit card bill was more than we could pay-off.

Having "so much more" than someone else can encompass so much. Do you have family and friendships that you treasure? Are you happy with the choices you are making in your life? Do you value your health (which, btw, cannot be bought no matter how much $$ you have)? My husband brings home a boat-load of money each year, much more than I ever dreamed, but that didn't stop DS#1 from coming down with cancer at the age of 7. Nor did it stop autism from overtaking DS#2. Nor did it make me grow any taller than my elfish 5'2'' stature. Do you give to those less fortunate than yourselves? You are right about one thing...it is all relative.

And, FWIW, I share none of the snotty attitudes of DCUMers inside the beltway. My sister married rich and lives in DC...she is a model person for this board, although she would never join because it is beneath her...she's got perfect shoes and handbags, she is a SAHM with a nanny who cooks, she had a night-nurse, a house cleaner, and a personal weight trainer. She drives an SUV in the city and travels internationally, bringing her nanny everywhere she goes. She goes to social parties every weekend with the intent of always being invited back. Personally, I don't quite understand the meaning behind how she lives her life, nor would I want to live that way. It seems devoid of substance if you ask me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We just bought a tiny SFH in downtown Bethesda, previously rented.
DH will make 105K this year, last year he made in the 80K and a few years ago he was making 40K!
I do not have authorization to work, and enjoy staying at home anyway with our 2 children.

We have investments that have done well, and our parents contributed to our down payment.

Why cant you work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those who say "I will return to work..." when the kids are older, how do you know? Not a snarky question, but genuinely curious. That doesn't seem to be a given, especially when one has been out of the job market.

I'm not one of the PPs who wrote that, but I also intend to return to work once all are in full-day school. I'm a teacher (though due to many moves I'm not certified in VA where we currently live). I've kept my resume current by part-time teaching and frequent volunteering in my kids' preschools and elementary schools. At some point I'll jump through a few hoops to get state certification and go back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We just bought a tiny SFH in downtown Bethesda, previously rented.
DH will make 105K this year, last year he made in the 80K and a few years ago he was making 40K!
I do not have authorization to work, and enjoy staying at home anyway with our 2 children.

We have investments that have done well, and our parents contributed to our down payment.

Why cant you work?

DH has a work visa for his highly specialized job, but I only have a "spouse" visa, which allows me to reside in the US but not steal work from US citizens
By going through a whole lot of hassle, I can in theory change my status, but it is quite difficult in recession times - basically a company would have to underwrite me and ask the State Department if they can hire me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We live in PG county, moved here from N Arlington when I knew that I would SAH. There are nice pockets here, you have to know where to look, and money goes so much further! DH makes 65K and we are comfortable and happy. I will go back to work enough hours to cover private school tuition when our child is older.

That's funny because we are currently living in PG county (and like it fine) but are considering move to N Arlington because DH works there and his current commute is horrendous. We don't currently own a place so would be renting anyway.

To the PP that asked about where in PG county to live. We live in University Park. The houses are bigger/more expensive than other areas of PG county but not nearly as much as, say, Montgomery county. University Park elementary is supposed to be very good. DC is not old enough, but I know many parents who are happy with it.

[Anonymous]

DC. DH makes ~120K and I make about 10K doing part-time consulting work.

[Anonymous]

We have two school age kids, live in Fairfax outside the Beltway, DH makes 125K. We live in a nice home, have no credit, max out on our 401K contributions, and have a healthy size savings account. We cut back on the non-essentials: drive old cars, no designer labels, no cable (we don't miss it one bit), no smartphone (I pay per minute and restrict my conversations) no manicures/expensive hair salons, rarely eat out, etc. Where we do splurge is on vacations (nothing fancy, but nice and memorable) and private music lessons for our children.

Not having the luxuries that so many people around here view as important does not bother me a bit and I take pride in driving the car we purchased 13 years ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Those who say "I will return to work..." when the kids are older, how do you know? Not a snarky question, but genuinely curious. That doesn't seem to be a given, especially when one has been out of the job market.

I'm one of those... stayed home for 9 years but went back to work this year. Short answer is, you don't know anything for sure.

[Anonymous]

We lived in PG County (in Cheverly) and DH made about $80K when I started out as a SAHM, now it is closer to 100K.