"In my country"..... Oh please, shut up!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:14:31 again. I should add that I've consciously refrained from commenting on this or that about other peoples' countries, when I've lived abroad.

Maybe that's why so many of us who HAVE lived abroad have lower tolerance for certain offensive DCUM posters.

Because we've been there, done that, and we've managed to conduct ourselves better than the offending DCUM posters.

So, because I haven't lived abroad, you assume that I am OK with the "offending" posters who think this behavior is tolerable? I think the way that one behaves when visiting or living in another country (or someone's home for that matter) comes from proper upbringing and not from the number of foreign countries in which you have lived or traveled. I have never lived outside of the US but that doesn't mean that I have a "lower tolerance" for ignorance.

Just because you have lived abroad, it doesn't make you the expert on what many of us see as common sense, proper behavior.

[Anonymous]

I think the big difference is that this is the internet and an anonymous board. I doubt (at least hope not) the "in my country" poster would say the things she says here in real life. She probably posts it here because she can't say it to someone else face-to-face. Also, I think a different perspective can be informative, especially with a follow up discussion about those differences.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:14:31 again. I should add that I've consciously refrained from commenting on this or that about other peoples' countries, when I've lived abroad.

Maybe that's why so many of us who HAVE lived abroad have lower tolerance for certain offensive DCUM posters.

Because we've been there, done that, and we've managed to conduct ourselves better than the offending DCUM posters.

So, because I haven't lived abroad, you assume that I am OK with the "offending" posters who think this behavior is tolerable? I think the way that one behaves when visiting or living in another country (or someone's home for that matter) comes from proper upbringing and not from the number of foreign countries in which you have lived or traveled. I have never lived outside of the US but that doesn't mean that I have a "lower tolerance" for ignorance.

Just because you have lived abroad, it doesn't make you the expert on what many of us see as common sense, proper behavior.

I wasn't criticizing people who have never lived abroad. I was responding to the posts saying that those of us who have lived abroad seem strangely intolerant of badly-behaved foreigners.

[Anonymous]

From my MIL: "In my country, infidelity (such as that which her son repeatedly committed against me) would not be a reason to destroy a family". It's you American women with your degrees and jobs and income and independence that is the problem.

In other words, I should not proceed with my divorce, just suck up his cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From my MIL: "In my country, infidelity (such as that which her son repeatedly committed against me) would not be a reason to destroy a family". It's you American women with your degrees and jobs and income and independence that is the problem.

In other words, I should not proceed with my divorce, just suck up his cheating.

The POV of your MIL is amazing because it permeates the culture and country in which she originates. With this is mind, the sons will continue in their infidelity and the daughters will just suck it up. But I bet the daughters do NOT have the ability to leave the SOB and support themselves and their children. Hence, the cycle will continue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From my MIL: "In my country, infidelity (such as that which her son repeatedly committed against me) would not be a reason to destroy a family". It's you American women with your degrees and jobs and income and independence that is the problem.

In other words, I should not proceed with my divorce, just suck up his cheating.

I've heard plenty of American MILs say this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From my MIL: "In my country, infidelity (such as that which her son repeatedly committed against me) would not be a reason to destroy a family". It's you American women with your degrees and jobs and income and independence that is the problem.

In other words, I should not proceed with my divorce, just suck up his cheating.

The POV of your MIL is amazing because it permeates the culture and country in which she originates. With this is mind, the sons will continue in their infidelity and the daughters will just suck it up. But I bet the daughters do NOT have the ability to leave the SOB and support themselves and their children. Hence, the cycle will continue.

Exactly. Which is why I didn't want my daughters growing up with a cheating dad as their archetype.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From my MIL: "In my country, infidelity (such as that which her son repeatedly committed against me) would not be a reason to destroy a family". It's you American women with your degrees and jobs and income and independence that is the problem.

In other words, I should not proceed with my divorce, just suck up his cheating.

I've heard plenty of American MILs say this.

How many times have you been married, exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:From my MIL: "In my country, infidelity (such as that which her son repeatedly committed against me) would not be a reason to destroy a family". It's you American women with your degrees and jobs and income and independence that is the problem.

In other words, I should not proceed with my divorce, just suck up his cheating.

The POV of your MIL is amazing because it permeates the culture and country in which she originates. With this is mind, the sons will continue in their infidelity and the daughters will just suck it up. But I bet the daughters do NOT have the ability to leave the SOB and support themselves and their children. Hence, the cycle will continue.

Exactly. Which is why I didn't want my daughters growing up with a cheating dad as their archetype.

so you knew about this culture's POV and married the guy anyway or you didn't do your research before engaging in a mixed marriage?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
so you knew about this culture's POV and married the guy anyway or you didn't do your research before engaging in a mixed marriage?

His mom is latin but he was born here. His dad is white european american. My ex is basically, white. I am Irish and I am more "latin" than he is! He doesn't speak spanish, is not catholic, doesn't look or act latin in any way.

He knew that cheating was unacceptable to me. I made my expectations clear while we were dating. I think he actually cheated because he was so unhappy in the marriage and he wanted out. He didn't have the courage to end it so he cheated to make me end it. I fought him hard though, for several years and and numerous therapists.

But hey, thanks for your sympathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
so you knew about this culture's POV and married the guy anyway or you didn't do your research before engaging in a mixed marriage?

His mom is latin but he was born here. His dad is white european american. My ex is basically, white. I am Irish and I am more "latin" than he is! He doesn't speak spanish, is not catholic, doesn't look or act latin in any way.

He knew that cheating was unacceptable to me. I made my expectations clear while we were dating. I think he actually cheated because he was so unhappy in the marriage and he wanted out. He didn't have the courage to end it so he cheated to make me end it. I fought him hard though, for several years and and numerous therapists.

But hey, thanks for your sympathy.

so in the end there's nothing to do with MIL, right? you just want to be a little xenophobic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
so you knew about this culture's POV and married the guy anyway or you didn't do your research before engaging in a mixed marriage?

His mom is latin but he was born here. His dad is white european american. My ex is basically, white. I am Irish and I am more "latin" than he is! He doesn't speak spanish, is not catholic, doesn't look or act latin in any way.

He knew that cheating was unacceptable to me. I made my expectations clear while we were dating. I think he actually cheated because he was so unhappy in the marriage and he wanted out. He didn't have the courage to end it so he cheated to make me end it. I fought him hard though, for several years and and numerous therapists.

But hey, thanks for your sympathy.

so in the end there's nothing to do with MIL, right? you just want to be a little xenophobic.

Tee hee.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
so you knew about this culture's POV and married the guy anyway or you didn't do your research before engaging in a mixed marriage?

His mom is latin but he was born here. His dad is white european american. My ex is basically, white. I am Irish and I am more "latin" than he is! He doesn't speak spanish, is not catholic, doesn't look or act latin in any way.

He knew that cheating was unacceptable to me. I made my expectations clear while we were dating. I think he actually cheated because he was so unhappy in the marriage and he wanted out. He didn't have the courage to end it so he cheated to make me end it. I fought him hard though, for several years and and numerous therapists.

But hey, thanks for your sympathy.

so in the end there's nothing to do with MIL, right? you just want to be a little xenophobic.

No... why would a MIL tell you that you should accept cheating? Why would she hold up a culture that condones cheating as one that should be emulated?

The man's cheating cannot be blamed on a culture he is not a part of. But the MIL's reaction is, according to the MIL, cultural.

So how is the poster you are quoting being xenophobic? Aren't YOU actually the one who said "how could you marry a man when you knew about his culture's condonation of cheating"? So YOU sound like the xenophobe to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:From my MIL: "In my country, infidelity (such as that which her son repeatedly committed against me) would not be a reason to destroy a family". It's you American women with your degrees and jobs and income and independence that is the problem.

In other words, I should not proceed with my divorce, just suck up his cheating.

Wow. You should have said, well in my country, we believe in equal rights and financial and educational opportunities for women so they don't have put up with that BS and be stuck in a marriage with a cheater. And by the way, you need to tell your son the same thing about infidelity.

[Anonymous]

If you have not experienced a culture shock, you have no idea what it is or how it feels. It is only natural to talk about it when you are going through it, and part of the talk is about what is different.
Americans are known in Europe as being loud mouthed and rood.
Many who come here have the initial impression that this society is crazy.