Does "Mr and Mrs Smith"on save the date mean no kids?

[Anonymous]

DH needs to confirm with his brother that it’s a child-free wedding. Then maybe your DH goes to his brother’s wedding and you stay home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Just got the save the date for a wedding for my BIL's wedding in the midwest. Would you assume "Mr and Mrs Smith" on the envelope means just the couple and no kids? I expect the actual invitation will have more clarity with the RSVP options, but we have a baby who will be a little over a year old at the time of the wedding and I need to feel out child care options with my side of the family as early as possible if he isn't invited.

And yes, DH and I could just ask but that feels annoying. Maybe I'm over thinking it. I'm a little surprised this wedding would be no kids as the couple are both youngest children and all of their siblings have young kids and most live out of state like we do. Feels like a lot of important people will not be able to make and/or have to leave the reception early if no kids are allowed.

Lots of evening weddings do not include kids. Why would that mean people can't go or would need to leave early? If the wedding couple are actually important to you, babysitters are a thing.

Big narcissism here. If they invited guests, two of probably hundreds, are actually important to you, extend an invitation that they can accept without paying thousands for childcare (flying out another family member, funding an additional hotel room).

In my large family where people like each other but also enjoy adult only weddings, the most common solution has been for the bridal couple (or their parents) to rent an additional hotel room/suite, hire one or two local nannies, and the cousins below wedding age have a big pizza party and sleepover with movies.

No thanks. If something goes wrong I wouldn't want to be liable for a bad babysitter in that situation. Get your own better sitter or just skip. Has nothing to do with liking each other. In my family where we do like each other we have no problems finding our own sitters and making the wedding.

As long as you’re good with people skipping and can the self-aggrandizing “if the wedding couple is actually important to you” nonsense. Lots of things are important and an expectation to be the MOST important is narcissism.

Though if you have the kind of family that would hold you “liable for a bad babysitter” I can see where it comes from.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Just got the save the date for a wedding for my BIL's wedding in the midwest. Would you assume "Mr and Mrs Smith" on the envelope means just the couple and no kids? I expect the actual invitation will have more clarity with the RSVP options, but we have a baby who will be a little over a year old at the time of the wedding and I need to feel out child care options with my side of the family as early as possible if he isn't invited.

And yes, DH and I could just ask but that feels annoying. Maybe I'm over thinking it. I'm a little surprised this wedding would be no kids as the couple are both youngest children and all of their siblings have young kids and most live out of state like we do. Feels like a lot of important people will not be able to make and/or have to leave the reception early if no kids are allowed.

Lots of evening weddings do not include kids. Why would that mean people can't go or would need to leave early? If the wedding couple are actually important to you, babysitters are a thing.

Big narcissism here. If they invited guests, two of probably hundreds, are actually important to you, extend an invitation that they can accept without paying thousands for childcare (flying out another family member, funding an additional hotel room).

In my large family where people like each other but also enjoy adult only weddings, the most common solution has been for the bridal couple (or their parents) to rent an additional hotel room/suite, hire one or two local nannies, and the cousins below wedding age have a big pizza party and sleepover with movies.

No thanks. If something goes wrong I wouldn't want to be liable for a bad babysitter in that situation. Get your own better sitter or just skip. Has nothing to do with liking each other. In my family where we do like each other we have no problems finding our own sitters and making the wedding.

As long as you’re good with people skipping and can the self-aggrandizing “if the wedding couple is actually important to you” nonsense. Lots of things are important and an expectation to be the MOST important is narcissism.

Though if you have the kind of family that would hold you “liable for a bad babysitter” I can see where it comes from.

Well I've been married for 20 years so I really don't give a fart. But, no I wouldn't find a sitter for someone nor would I trust someone to find my own sitter. Most people I know don't want a stranger hired by someone else to watch their kids in a hotel room. Kind of a strange idea but I guess if you care more about partying then it makes sense.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

It’s extremely rude in my opinion only to invite someone (a sibling no less) without their 1 yr old to an out of state wedding.

Fixed that for you. FWIW, I completely disagree with your opinion - and suspect yours will change if you ever host a formal wedding, especially in the evening, that is meant be to an environment for adults.

Who cares what you think or how you think I should have expressed myself!!


Airlines allow infants with a full ticket, but they don’t count it you want to keep the 2 and under on your lap.

Those infants are considered an extension of the parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s extremely rude in my opinion only to invite someone (a sibling no less) without their 1 yr old to an out of state wedding.

Fixed that for you. FWIW, I completely disagree with your opinion - and suspect yours will change if you ever host a formal wedding, especially in the evening, that is meant be to an environment for adults.

Who cares what you think or how you think I should have expressed myself!!


Airlines allow infants with a full ticket, but they don’t count it you want to keep the 2 and under on your lap.

Those infants are considered an extension of the parent.

And if your event is hosted by Delta Airlines, that comparison matters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s extremely rude in my opinion only to invite someone (a sibling no less) without their 1 yr old to an out of state wedding.

Fixed that for you. FWIW, I completely disagree with your opinion - and suspect yours will change if you ever host a formal wedding, especially in the evening, that is meant be to an environment for adults.

Who cares what you think or how you think I should have expressed myself!!


Airlines allow infants with a full ticket, but they don’t count it you want to keep the 2 and under on your lap.

Those infants are considered an extension of the parent.

Airlines have nothing to do with wedding receptions. When people want a child free wedding it often isn’t about the physical chair, or even the meal. It’s about not wanting the normal noises levels, activity and general dynamic that family events vs adults only events have.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s extremely rude in my opinion only to invite someone (a sibling no less) without their 1 yr old to an out of state wedding.

Fixed that for you. FWIW, I completely disagree with your opinion - and suspect yours will change if you ever host a formal wedding, especially in the evening, that is meant be to an environment for adults.

Who cares what you think or how you think I should have expressed myself!!


Airlines allow infants with a full ticket, but they don’t count it you want to keep the 2 and under on your lap.

Those infants are considered an extension of the parent.

Airlines have nothing to do with wedding receptions. When people want a child free wedding it often isn’t about the physical chair, or even the meal. It’s about not wanting the normal noises levels, activity and general dynamic that family events vs adults only events have.

That is a reflection of social and medical norms.

The same people not wanting babies at their wedding will find it preposterous when they have infants of their own.

Additionally, in this particular case we’re talking about siblings. You force a very close person to choose between you and their child.

If it were a friend or further relative it’d be different.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s extremely rude in my opinion only to invite someone (a sibling no less) without their 1 yr old to an out of state wedding.

Fixed that for you. FWIW, I completely disagree with your opinion - and suspect yours will change if you ever host a formal wedding, especially in the evening, that is meant be to an environment for adults.

Who cares what you think or how you think I should have expressed myself!!


Airlines allow infants with a full ticket, but they don’t count it you want to keep the 2 and under on your lap.

Those infants are considered an extension of the parent.

Airlines have nothing to do with wedding receptions. When people want a child free wedding it often isn’t about the physical chair, or even the meal. It’s about not wanting the normal noises levels, activity and general dynamic that family events vs adults only events have.

That is a reflection of social and medical norms.

The same people not wanting babies at their wedding will find it preposterous when they have infants of their own.

Additionally, in this particular case we’re talking about siblings. You force a very close person to choose between you and their child.

If it were a friend or further relative it’d be different.

It's not a difficult choice. You choose your kid. Then if your sibling squawks you put the ball back into their court to make an exception. If they won't then it's likely because you aren't very close or your kid is especially disruptive, which is why it was "no kids" in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s extremely rude in my opinion only to invite someone (a sibling no less) without their 1 yr old to an out of state wedding.

Fixed that for you. FWIW, I completely disagree with your opinion - and suspect yours will change if you ever host a formal wedding, especially in the evening, that is meant be to an environment for adults.

Who cares what you think or how you think I should have expressed myself!!


Airlines allow infants with a full ticket, but they don’t count it you want to keep the 2 and under on your lap.

Those infants are considered an extension of the parent.

Airlines have nothing to do with wedding receptions. When people want a child free wedding it often isn’t about the physical chair, or even the meal. It’s about not wanting the normal noises levels, activity and general dynamic that family events vs adults only events have.

That is a reflection of social and medical norms.

The same people not wanting babies at their wedding will find it preposterous when they have infants of their own.

Additionally, in this particular case we’re talking about siblings. You force a very close person to choose between you and their child.

If it were a friend or further relative it’d be different.

I didn't want babies at my wedding. Didnt bother me at all when people didn't invite my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Just got the save the date for a wedding for my BIL's wedding in the midwest. Would you assume "Mr and Mrs Smith" on the envelope means just the couple and no kids? I expect the actual invitation will have more clarity with the RSVP options, but we have a baby who will be a little over a year old at the time of the wedding and I need to feel out child care options with my side of the family as early as possible if he isn't invited.

And yes, DH and I could just ask but that feels annoying. Maybe I'm over thinking it. I'm a little surprised this wedding would be no kids as the couple are both youngest children and all of their siblings have young kids and most live out of state like we do. Feels like a lot of important people will not be able to make and/or have to leave the reception early if no kids are allowed.

Lots of evening weddings do not include kids. Why would that mean people can't go or would need to leave early? If the wedding couple are actually important to you, babysitters are a thing.

Big narcissism here. If they invited guests, two of probably hundreds, are actually important to you, extend an invitation that they can accept without paying thousands for childcare (flying out another family member, funding an additional hotel room).

In my large family where people like each other but also enjoy adult only weddings, the most common solution has been for the bridal couple (or their parents) to rent an additional hotel room/suite, hire one or two local nannies, and the cousins below wedding age have a big pizza party and sleepover with movies.

No thanks. If something goes wrong I wouldn't want to be liable for a bad babysitter in that situation. Get your own better sitter or just skip. Has nothing to do with liking each other. In my family where we do like each other we have no problems finding our own sitters and making the wedding.

As long as you’re good with people skipping and can the self-aggrandizing “if the wedding couple is actually important to you” nonsense. Lots of things are important and an expectation to be the MOST important is narcissism.

Though if you have the kind of family that would hold you “liable for a bad babysitter” I can see where it comes from.

Well I've been married for 20 years so I really don't give a fart. But, no I wouldn't find a sitter for someone nor would I trust someone to find my own sitter. Most people I know don't want a stranger hired by someone else to watch their kids in a hotel room. Kind of a strange idea but I guess if you care more about partying then it makes sense.

In the modern day, Nanny agencies with vetted employees are available for events. I certainly trust my retired-teacher aunt to engage a suitable Nanny for an event in which I will be in the same building, and my cousins trusted my mother to do the same at my wedding. Do you have especially cheap or irresponsible family members who would hire someone shady?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Just got the save the date for a wedding for my BIL's wedding in the midwest. Would you assume "Mr and Mrs Smith" on the envelope means just the couple and no kids? I expect the actual invitation will have more clarity with the RSVP options, but we have a baby who will be a little over a year old at the time of the wedding and I need to feel out child care options with my side of the family as early as possible if he isn't invited.

And yes, DH and I could just ask but that feels annoying. Maybe I'm over thinking it. I'm a little surprised this wedding would be no kids as the couple are both youngest children and all of their siblings have young kids and most live out of state like we do. Feels like a lot of important people will not be able to make and/or have to leave the reception early if no kids are allowed.

Lots of evening weddings do not include kids. Why would that mean people can't go or would need to leave early? If the wedding couple are actually important to you, babysitters are a thing.

Big narcissism here. If they invited guests, two of probably hundreds, are actually important to you, extend an invitation that they can accept without paying thousands for childcare (flying out another family member, funding an additional hotel room).

In my large family where people like each other but also enjoy adult only weddings, the most common solution has been for the bridal couple (or their parents) to rent an additional hotel room/suite, hire one or two local nannies, and the cousins below wedding age have a big pizza party and sleepover with movies.

No thanks. If something goes wrong I wouldn't want to be liable for a bad babysitter in that situation. Get your own better sitter or just skip. Has nothing to do with liking each other. In my family where we do like each other we have no problems finding our own sitters and making the wedding.

As long as you’re good with people skipping and can the self-aggrandizing “if the wedding couple is actually important to you” nonsense. Lots of things are important and an expectation to be the MOST important is narcissism.

Though if you have the kind of family that would hold you “liable for a bad babysitter” I can see where it comes from.

Well I've been married for 20 years so I really don't give a fart. But, no I wouldn't find a sitter for someone nor would I trust someone to find my own sitter. Most people I know don't want a stranger hired by someone else to watch their kids in a hotel room. Kind of a strange idea but I guess if you care more about partying then it makes sense.

In the modern day, Nanny agencies with vetted employees are available for events. I certainly trust my retired-teacher aunt to engage a suitable Nanny for an event in which I will be in the same building, and my cousins trusted my mother to do the same at my wedding. Do you have especially cheap or irresponsible family members who would hire someone shady?

You never know until it’s too late. We all make choices we are comfortable with.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

It’s extremely rude in my opinion only to invite someone (a sibling no less) without their 1 yr old to an out of state wedding.

Fixed that for you. FWIW, I completely disagree with your opinion - and suspect yours will change if you ever host a formal wedding, especially in the evening, that is meant be to an environment for adults.

Who cares what you think or how you think I should have expressed myself!!


Airlines allow infants with a full ticket, but they don’t count it you want to keep the 2 and under on your lap.

Those infants are considered an extension of the parent.

And if your event is hosted by Delta Airlines, that comparison matters.

+1. NP. Absurd post. Of course it means no children. Don’t any of you know any etiquette? And if you don’t just google your question- no need to post here

[Anonymous]

We got an invite that was addressed to my husband and me with the RSVP number already filled in with a "2"

Guess the bride and groom didn't want to take any chances that we would bring our kids 😂

[Anonymous]

I think there are communities/cultures where kids always are welcome at weddings and others where they are not.

When my daughter was 2-3 months old, she went to two afternoon weddings because she was breastfeeding. Checked with both couples before bringing. And I would have stayed home. Both were local weddings.

When Igot married in NE city, none of my friends with toddlers asked if they could bring or did bring their kids.

Some people get overwrought when guests can’t attend..some roll with it and invite others.

The groom is the kid’s uncle, so ask.

I was not comfortable with unknown hotel sitters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Feeling like a lot of important people won't be able to make it is just your opinion. Perhaps other people are more important that day than distant siblings who have kids they may not have even met. Have your BIL and his fiance met your baby at least once?

This. I have three kids (6, 4, and 2) and even if they were invited I wouldn’t bring them to a wedding, I want to enjoy myself!! I’ve left them with family and gotten babysitters at an AirBnB through the couple/couples parents to attend weddings. I’d assume most parents want to enjoy a wedding without their kids.

You shouldn’t assume that. Many, many parents won’t even attend a wedding if their kids are not invited.

Yes, many, many people are weirdly codependent.