Annoyed with spending every Christmas Eve with my inlaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, you sound selfish. There are 364 other days for "me" time. Christmas Eve is a night for families to be together.

A mother can make her own decision about where her and her children will spend Christmas Eve.

Only when it’s her turn for the holiday.

Since OP has spent 11 consecutive Christmas Eves with her ILs, and they spend zero holidays with her family and her DH doesn't even join her when she visits them, it is now "her turn."

In 11 years, she can start going to IL's every other year.

DP

I would suggest the in-laws come to her, but them driving would be endangering lives.

I suppose they could take a taxi which would allow them to be drunk. The weed might be an issue. OP would need the outdoor space for them to smoke.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you spend Christmas Day at home alone?

It is pretty normal to see family over Christmas and sincemany people want Christmas morning at home they often visit on Christmas Eve or the afternoon on Christmas day.

Yes! We spend Christmas at home as a family. My family lives in Canada so I only see them about twice per year, but I am expected to spend every major holiday with my inlaws and am tired of it.

Does your husband come with you and use his vacation time to visit your family? Or do you go alone? Taking two trips a year and all that PTO to go to another country seems like more of a commitment to your family than holidays with his.

OP here - no they live in Toronto. I usually leave on a Friday and come back on Monday, so I use about 4 PTO days/year of my 24 days. DS usually comes with me.

I can't remember the last time DH came with me, sometimes my parents will come down here versus me going there and will stay with us Friday - Monday. DH works in the commercial fishing industry and is gone for months at a time.

Your husband is a commercial fisherman and you live in DC? Why?

[Anonymous]

Team OP.
We quit all the shuffling to everyone’s home but our own during the holidays.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you spend Christmas Day at home alone?

It is pretty normal to see family over Christmas and sincemany people want Christmas morning at home they often visit on Christmas Eve or the afternoon on Christmas day.

Yes! We spend Christmas at home as a family. My family lives in Canada so I only see them about twice per year, but I am expected to spend every major holiday with my inlaws and am tired of it.

Does your husband come with you and use his vacation time to visit your family? Or do you go alone? Taking two trips a year and all that PTO to go to another country seems like more of a commitment to your family than holidays with his.

OP here - no they live in Toronto. I usually leave on a Friday and come back on Monday, so I use about 4 PTO days/year of my 24 days. DS usually comes with me.

I can't remember the last time DH came with me, sometimes my parents will come down here versus me going there and will stay with us Friday - Monday. DH works in the commercial fishing industry and is gone for months at a time.

Your husband is a commercial fisherman and you live in DC? Why?

Probably because his whole family is 20 minutes away. Also OP's job might be here. They likely met here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you spend Christmas Day at home alone?

It is pretty normal to see family over Christmas and sincemany people want Christmas morning at home they often visit on Christmas Eve or the afternoon on Christmas day.

Yes! We spend Christmas at home as a family. My family lives in Canada so I only see them about twice per year, but I am expected to spend every major holiday with my inlaws and am tired of it.

Does your husband come with you and use his vacation time to visit your family? Or do you go alone? Taking two trips a year and all that PTO to go to another country seems like more of a commitment to your family than holidays with his.

OP here - no they live in Toronto. I usually leave on a Friday and come back on Monday, so I use about 4 PTO days/year of my 24 days. DS usually comes with me.

I can't remember the last time DH came with me, sometimes my parents will come down here versus me going there and will stay with us Friday - Monday. DH works in the commercial fishing industry and is gone for months at a time.

Your husband is a commercial fisherman and you live in DC? Why?

Probably so husband can be near his drunk family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Team OP.
We quit all the shuffling to everyone’s home but our own during the holidays.

+1

[Anonymous]

Personally, if I am at a party where people are smoking pot, I leave. So, I certainly would not want my kids in that environment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you spend Christmas Day at home alone?

It is pretty normal to see family over Christmas and sincemany people want Christmas morning at home they often visit on Christmas Eve or the afternoon on Christmas day.

Yes! We spend Christmas at home as a family. My family lives in Canada so I only see them about twice per year, but I am expected to spend every major holiday with my inlaws and am tired of it.

My husband's family lived an hour from us and my family lived on the West Coast. When we started dating I made it clear that half the holidays were still for me/my family even if we didn't end up seeing them due to the distance. Your husband is being ridiculous but you've also allowed this for such a long time that now you're going to have trouble extricating yourself. So you are perfectly within your rights to insist that at least you don't go (your husband is free to and you can discuss if your child goes with him).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why not pick another evening to have as your Winter holiday eve where you read a book, drink hot chocolate, and watch It's A Wonderful Life. You could do that on the 23rd or 25th or 26th etc.

They could also go see the in-laws on the 23rd or 26th.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not pick another evening to have as your Winter holiday eve where you read a book, drink hot chocolate, and watch It's A Wonderful Life. You could do that on the 23rd or 25th or 26th etc.

This.
Youre going to be an in-laws one day. Show some grace.
Christmas Eve isn’t about alone time.

For YOU maybe. Christmas Eve is about whatever someone wants it to be about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you spend Christmas Day with just your family, I would give the in-laws Christmas Eve. Now that my sons are getting to be older teenagers, I remind myself that I need to model how I hope they and their future spouses will treat me. I certainly hope I can see them Christmas Eve or Christmas.

This is so interesting to me. I hope I can see my kids when it's a good time for them. If they're running themselves ragged at the holidays due to all the commitments and craziness then I would rather not add to that and make it worse. Of course, I'm not overbearing and insisting that things be done a particular way and would happily sit at home and wrap presents or make food or do laundry to be helpful rather than expecting to be hosted like the Queen. I just find people that place so much emphasis on a particular day to be obnoxious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not pick another evening to have as your Winter holiday eve where you read a book, drink hot chocolate, and watch It's A Wonderful Life. You could do that on the 23rd or 25th or 26th etc.

They could also go see the in-laws on the 23rd or 26th.

But husband wants to go on the 24th. He travels a lot for work “fisherman” so has limited time at home to just visit them whenever. Meanwhile reading a book can happen whenever. OP has 1 kid, this isn’t that hard. Take 2 cars and leave early as a compromise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not pick another evening to have as your Winter holiday eve where you read a book, drink hot chocolate, and watch It's A Wonderful Life. You could do that on the 23rd or 25th or 26th etc.

They could also go see the in-laws on the 23rd or 26th.

But husband wants to go on the 24th. He travels a lot for work “fisherman” so has limited time at home to just visit them whenever. Meanwhile reading a book can happen whenever. OP has 1 kid, this isn’t that hard. Take 2 cars and leave early as a compromise.

It's easier than that.

Husband can take 1 car. Husband can bring the child home if the child needs to return home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not pick another evening to have as your Winter holiday eve where you read a book, drink hot chocolate, and watch It's A Wonderful Life. You could do that on the 23rd or 25th or 26th etc.

They could also go see the in-laws on the 23rd or 26th.

But husband wants to go on the 24th. He travels a lot for work “fisherman” so has limited time at home to just visit them whenever. Meanwhile reading a book can happen whenever. OP has 1 kid, this isn’t that hard. Take 2 cars and leave early as a compromise.

It's easier than that.

Husband can take 1 car. Husband can bring the child home if the child needs to return home.

Why would the kid need to come home?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why not pick another evening to have as your Winter holiday eve where you read a book, drink hot chocolate, and watch It's A Wonderful Life. You could do that on the 23rd or 25th or 26th etc.

They could also go see the in-laws on the 23rd or 26th.

But husband wants to go on the 24th. He travels a lot for work “fisherman” so has limited time at home to just visit them whenever. Meanwhile reading a book can happen whenever. OP has 1 kid, this isn’t that hard. Take 2 cars and leave early as a compromise.

It's easier than that.

Husband can take 1 car. Husband can bring the child home if the child needs to return home.

Why would the kid need to come home?

Tired. Bored. The drunks are too drunk. I don't know how likely this is but there are possibilities.