Annoyed with spending every Christmas Eve with my inlaws.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wish we could leave at 8PM as a previous poster said, but DH won't. Everyone is drinking heavily (except me), teenagers are sneaking off to the backyard with some adults to smoke week, the party will go on until midnight or later and all the adults are heavily inebriated. My SIL will keep her two kids (6 and 8) there until 1AM.

My inlaws also have this tradition of opening their family gifts in front of all their friends and neighbors on Christmas Even; my husband says his Dad (who passed away), always liked the neighbors to see what they're getting for Christmas. It's just such an odd tradition. If it was a nice, calm gathering of family I would have no trouble going until 8 or 9PM. I'm just not into the late partying.

OK, I posted that you should go before I saw this. Go, but leave at 8 and put your six year old to bed at a normal hour. You should not have to keep your kid awake till midnight so she can be around drunk and high people.

[Anonymous]

1) Find your own creative solution.
2) This is not changing
3) If he is a good provider and you are doing well financially - make this work.
4) I got divorced over similar simmering issues. He took the first step. It was NOT a good solution
5) Design TWO days or more during this in-law period that is COMPLETELY yours. Blame it on work if you have to. I doesn’t matter. A white lie, with no harm, is much better than divorce
6) Make yourself happy first

[Anonymous]

Same poster as above, I also do /did not drink. I also had no shared interests as in laws. I spent 10 plus christmases and new years with them. And Spring Breaks. Over and over. Don’t split over it!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have a discussion with him expressing your wish and right to spend holidays at home or with your family every other year. This way its fair to everyone.

Same pp as above. This does not work. My husband made it seem like I had two heads when I would ask to stay home—and chill. And decorate my own tree (Two heads, bewildered and hurt) for some men, this set up is very important to them.

totally not the hill to die on!

[Anonymous]

I still think OP could at least get every other year to stay home with her DH and kids. Start there OP. Then you can work on having a nice time with inlaws and LEAVING at a decent hour. Noone can hold that against you. You are being the responsible one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wish we could leave at 8PM as a previous poster said, but DH won't. Everyone is drinking heavily (except me), teenagers are sneaking off to the backyard with some adults to smoke week, the party will go on until midnight or later and all the adults are heavily inebriated. My SIL will keep her two kids (6 and 8) there until 1AM.

My inlaws also have this tradition of opening their family gifts in front of all their friends and neighbors on Christmas Even; my husband says his Dad (who passed away), always liked the neighbors to see what they're getting for Christmas. It's just such an odd tradition. If it was a nice, calm gathering of family I would have no trouble going until 8 or 9PM. I'm just not into the late partying.

That is not the right environment for my kids, OP. I would make an executive decision not to subject myself or my son to this. Don't forget that when he gets older, he'll be sucked up into the weed and alcohol thing. You don't want him to see that past a certain age, which is coming in about a year or two (right now he probably won't remember what he sees). So you can tell your husband that his family is modeling all the wrong things for your son, and that you are going this year, but it's the last year. If he's the kind to try to leverage his family, tell him this AFTER this year's party.

I fondly remember the large parties in my family for Christmas Eve, but no one got drunk and no one smoked weed. My father didn't like to go, because he was the "sit at home" sort, but he tolerated it for one night. He would never have tolerated it if there had been heavy drinking or weed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I am pretty good at boundaries and doing what I want to do with no guilt, but I think you should go to your in-laws. This is now your family’s tradition whether you like it or not. And your husband should be able to see his family for Xmas.

This.

[Anonymous]

OP is full of shit. She didn't say anything about the in laws being a bunch of druggies and alcoholics until she didn't get the support she was after on this thread.

Her nuclear family gets Christmas Day to themselves every year. Her poor husband is off fishing for "months at a time." Let the man see his family on Christmas Eve. Jesus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is full of shit. She didn't say anything about the in laws being a bunch of druggies and alcoholics until she didn't get the support she was after on this thread.

Her nuclear family gets Christmas Day to themselves every year. Her poor husband is off fishing for "months at a time." Let the man see his family on Christmas Eve. Jesus.

I didn’t have this extreme of a reaction to OP’s follow up, but I’ll admit my gut questioned it as well. If it’s really as egregious as the post sounded, that was key info for the initial post on the topic.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wish we could leave at 8PM as a previous poster said, but DH won't. Everyone is drinking heavily (except me), teenagers are sneaking off to the backyard with some adults to smoke week, the party will go on until midnight or later and all the adults are heavily inebriated. My SIL will keep her two kids (6 and 8) there until 1AM.

My inlaws also have this tradition of opening their family gifts in front of all their friends and neighbors on Christmas Even; my husband says his Dad (who passed away), always liked the neighbors to see what they're getting for Christmas. It's just such an odd tradition. If it was a nice, calm gathering of family I would have no trouble going until 8 or 9PM. I'm just not into the late partying.

That is not the right environment for my kids, OP. I would make an executive decision not to subject myself or my son to this. Don't forget that when he gets older, he'll be sucked up into the weed and alcohol thing. You don't want him to see that past a certain age, which is coming in about a year or two (right now he probably won't remember what he sees). So you can tell your husband that his family is modeling all the wrong things for your son, and that you are going this year, but it's the last year. If he's the kind to try to leverage his family, tell him this AFTER this year's party.

I fondly remember the large parties in my family for Christmas Eve, but no one got drunk and no one smoked weed. My father didn't like to go, because he was the "sit at home" sort, but he tolerated it for one night. He would never have tolerated it if there had been heavy drinking or weed.

I previously posted that you should go but leave early but I also think that person makes a good point. I personally do not stay at parties where there is marijuana use and I would not want my kids in this environment.

[Anonymous]

Christmas is my least favorite holiday because I have to spend it with my ILs. Over the years I've come up with ways to make it less excruciatingly dull. I take walks, I bring along a knitting project, I play board games with my kids.

Bring your book with you, find a quiet corner, and disappear for awhile. . . feign a headache if you want. From what you describe, it sounds like everyone will be too drunk to notice or care.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP is full of shit. She didn't say anything about the in laws being a bunch of druggies and alcoholics until she didn't get the support she was after on this thread.

Her nuclear family gets Christmas Day to themselves every year. Her poor husband is off fishing for "months at a time." Let the man see his family on Christmas Eve. Jesus.

I still don't get why she can't go visit her family for Christmas Eve at least every few years?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’d just take two cars and leave at a normal time. Your husband can leave when he wants, just make sure he takes Uber/Lyft or a cab if he’s been drinking.

This is what I would do. They won’t miss you leaving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP is full of shit. She didn't say anything about the in laws being a bunch of druggies and alcoholics until she didn't get the support she was after on this thread.

Her nuclear family gets Christmas Day to themselves every year. Her poor husband is off fishing for "months at a time." Let the man see his family on Christmas Eve. Jesus.

I still don't get why she can't go visit her family for Christmas Eve at least every few years?

She presumably could. It's her choice.

We are a large family in the DMV, and all of our kids (now adults) also live here. They often go with their spouses to their spouse's home towns for holidays, and we're fine with it. It's only fair. We get to see them all the time. The in laws don't.

[Anonymous]

From now on, you're spending every Christmas Holiday in Toronto. Much more fun than DC anyway.