Are we ready for the Thanksgiving Vent thread?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

I know. I KNOW. I just did NOT want to feel like mommy teaching her baby boy how to shop and cook. I got a BF because I feel like mommy most of the time and wanted to feel like a sexy, desirable woman some of the time.

I’m also PMSing and overall just mad at the world.

Lesson learned. From now on, I’m just sticking to whatever my original plan is.

Well, he never had proper parents and a stable household, so how would he know how? Teaching and helping a partner to learn a skill they actively want to learn is not “babying.”

But you don’t want a partner, you want a toy boy, so there’s that.

If he’s over 25 he’s had many thanksgivings to attempt this before telling OP that he would handle it. He may still have some trauma from his childhood, which is very sad but he would not be a fit for my life, sounds like not for OP either.

This. Honestly, what the PP describes her sounds like a classic man move where he claims he's going to do something, performatively flounders at it ("this is so hard! I can't figure it out! gosh, can you help me?" and then slinks away while the woman in his life does it for him.

I can agree with this but OP doesn’t get a pass. Order pizza, make turkey, whatever. But own your choices like an adult. Sounds like she has issues too.

[Anonymous]

My in-laws are from a third world country and grew up without any sense of food safety. We are at their house and every single thing I've personally observed them prepping so far has some sort of food safety problem.

At this point I think I am only comfortable eating the things I am cooking myself, and not even the pie I brought, since they took it out of the fridge after I put it in and left it in the warm garage for 24 hours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are from a third world country and grew up without any sense of food safety. We are at their house and every single thing I've personally observed them prepping so far has some sort of food safety problem.

At this point I think I am only comfortable eating the things I am cooking myself, and not even the pie I brought, since they took it out of the fridge after I put it in and left it in the warm garage for 24 hours.

I am so sorry, I hope you didn't also make the pie crust!! What kind of pie?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are from a third world country and grew up without any sense of food safety. We are at their house and every single thing I've personally observed them prepping so far has some sort of food safety problem.

At this point I think I am only comfortable eating the things I am cooking myself, and not even the pie I brought, since they took it out of the fridge after I put it in and left it in the warm garage for 24 hours.

I am so sorry, I hope you didn't also make the pie crust!! What kind of pie?

Pumpkin. Luckily just Costco, not homemade.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got here just before 10 am. Its now 11:57 am and my parents have already had two screaming matches.

Tell us more. What are they arguing about?

First was because my mom didn't check to see if my dad left pans in the oven before she preheated it for brunch. The man has been storing pans in the oven my entire life, this is not new. And yet......mom opens the over to put in muffins and proceeds to start screaming, complete with all sorts of fun words my 8 year old had not heard before. Dad yells back about how she's an idiot and this is the third time this week she hasn't checked the oven. Great way to start things.

Then my dad goes to start the smoker and apparently something is broken. Tells us change of plans, he'll be doing the turkey on the grill. Mom starts yelling "I told you to check it earlier this week, but noooooooooo! You never [ducking] listen to me!" He screams back that if she was so worried about it she should have checked it and she's not as smart as she thinks she is.

They've long barely tolerated each other, but I hadn't realized how bad things had gotten. They're just downright nasty. We're not staying with them, thank god. And we go back home tomorrow. But, jeez, this has been unpleasant.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My in-laws are from a third world country and grew up without any sense of food safety. We are at their house and every single thing I've personally observed them prepping so far has some sort of food safety problem.

At this point I think I am only comfortable eating the things I am cooking myself, and not even the pie I brought, since they took it out of the fridge after I put it in and left it in the warm garage for 24 hours.

I am so sorry, I hope you didn't also make the pie crust!! What kind of pie?

Pumpkin. Luckily just Costco, not homemade.

Ugh- yeah- that one probably has to go.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This year I have my kids for thanksgiving. I’m not a holiday person, and overall hate cooking and cleaning, so usually for holidays we’ll just go out or get a pizza.

My new BF (who doesn’t have kids) grew up in a very broken family and later on foster care, so my holiday plan troubled him greatly. He likes the idea of the wholesome family during the holidays. So he said I can’t do pizza, don’t worry, he’ll handle thanksgiving dinner.

Then every night this week has talked about how stressed he is trying to plan dinner and asking me a million questions. Should we do ham or turkey? Should we cook or get it catered? Who should we buy it from? What do we do if it isn’t shipped in time?

Finally I was like omg, shut up, I’ll just handle it. So now here I am making a damn thanksgiving dinner I didn’t want to make so my BF can try to heal his childhood trauma.

And yes, I know I did this to myself.

At least on the plus side, I found a recipe for a one sheet pan thanksgiving dinner. So just a matter of sticking things on the pan over 3 hours. Hoping it’s not too difficult.

And thus you perpetuated the Hapless Man Agenda.

Instead of taking the time to talk through and teach and coach, and help him understand the process of thinking through and making decisions and making a time table, and shopping for ingredients and pre-prep, making ahead, etc., you just “handled it.” Instead of passing on wisdom and planning and thought processes, you just did it yourself. And now you’re resentful.

I know. I KNOW. I just did NOT want to feel like mommy teaching her baby boy how to shop and cook. I got a BF because I feel like mommy most of the time and wanted to feel like a sexy, desirable woman some of the time.

I’m also PMSing and overall just mad at the world.

Lesson learned. From now on, I’m just sticking to whatever my original plan is.

Well, he never had proper parents and a stable household, so how would he know how? Teaching and helping a partner to learn a skill they actively want to learn is not “babying.”

But you don’t want a partner, you want a toy boy, so there’s that.

If he’s over 25 he’s had many thanksgivings to attempt this before telling OP that he would handle it. He may still have some trauma from his childhood, which is very sad but he would not be a fit for my life, sounds like not for OP either.

This. Honestly, what the PP describes her sounds like a classic man move where he claims he's going to do something, performatively flounders at it ("this is so hard! I can't figure it out! gosh, can you help me?" and then slinks away while the woman in his life does it for him.

I can agree with this but OP doesn’t get a pass. Order pizza, make turkey, whatever. But own your choices like an adult. Sounds like she has issues too.

You should have gone for fun and come back and if still no dinner from him, unfreeze the pizzas. You do NOT make the dinner you didn’t want in first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is what I call a pouncer. She hides in random seats downstairs and as soon as your foot hits the bottom step she scares the shit out of you with a “HELLO”. Then you get sucked into an hour long conversation about her long lost cousin before you can have a cup of coffee.

In addition, she doesn’t understand gender roles in 2025. “I need your help planning this trip”, “can you order me x”, “don’t worry about getting me anything for Xmas”…. I have repeatedly told her that her son can help her.

I would help plan the trip over the diagnose me conversation relatives keep trying to have!!! On repeat “sounds like you should see your doctor” goes in one ear and out the other. And no relative, no one in the house has ANY medical training or education! And it goes on and on and on….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Got here just before 10 am. Its now 11:57 am and my parents have already had two screaming matches.

Tell us more. What are they arguing about?

First was because my mom didn't check to see if my dad left pans in the oven before she preheated it for brunch. The man has been storing pans in the oven my entire life, this is not new. And yet......mom opens the over to put in muffins and proceeds to start screaming, complete with all sorts of fun words my 8 year old had not heard before. Dad yells back about how she's an idiot and this is the third time this week she hasn't checked the oven. Great way to start things.

Then my dad goes to start the smoker and apparently something is broken. Tells us change of plans, he'll be doing the turkey on the grill. Mom starts yelling "I told you to check it earlier this week, but noooooooooo! You never [ducking] listen to me!" He screams back that if she was so worried about it she should have checked it and she's not as smart as she thinks she is.

They've long barely tolerated each other, but I hadn't realized how bad things had gotten. They're just downright nasty. We're not staying with them, thank god. And we go back home tomorrow. But, jeez, this has been unpleasant.

Can you just tell them with all seriousness in a calm moment that their fighting and communication style are stressful and unpleasant to be around? That no matter who may or may not be “right” in any particular instance, for those witnessing the relationship, it’s really uncomfortable.

Pans in oven. If your mom can’t remember, your dad should store them elsewhere. For the smoker, your mom doesn’t need to say “I told you so.” That’s not helpful, and if she saw he wasn’t checking it she could have checked it, which would be annoying for her but for the greater good.

[Anonymous]

I’m totally invested in this steak tip debacle. Please keep us posted.

I have no issue confronting stupidity. I’d be asking him to do a quick Google search on appropriate storage temperatures for beef and share it. “So are you saying that your suitcase was kept at 40 degrees or below the entire time the tips were stored there?” Then I’d offer the kitchen for him to cook the tips FOR HIMSELF. Finally, I’d ask to make sure his health insurance card is easy to access in case you need to take him to the ER to have his stomach pumped.

[Anonymous]

My ILs sit in total silence. They speak to no one including their son and grandkids, unkess its answerin a question. Any and all socializing is torture for these people. I am indeed afraid that my kids have inherited this defect and as my husband ages he seems to be getting more like them.
My dad sits in blissful solitude because he "forgot" his hearing aids again.
My mom is telling my ILs various sob stories trying desperately to get a reaction or sympathy out of them. She will get nothing and end up tipsy on my deck, in tears, asking why I married into such a weird family.

[Anonymous]

Sitting on the couch, half-watching the dog show before football starts at one. My mother, completely out of the blue, asks "Did I tell you how your cousin died?" And then proceeds to recount, with alarming smugness, how my cousin was on kidney dialysis after two decades of brutal drug use, had a port and injected drugs right into the port. "Didn't even manage to kill herself right away! Aunt Larlo had to go to the hospital and pull the plug!"

Jesus, Mom, WTF? And she wonders why Aunt Larlo, among others, wants nothing to do with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have one family member who is always late. I understand the drive can be long and don't demand anyone show up on Tuesday by a certain time, but I would appreciate a heads-up when they start the 4 hour drive so I know when to be home and how to time dinner. This person can't even be bothered to send a text when they leave. Every year this happens.

Anyway, after showing up late and chaotic and demanding something with protein, it always turns out that they also haven't packed enough for a 3 day visit so I end up doing a load of their laundry in the middle of all my hosting duties bc they don't know how to use my washing machine. And they always ask to borrow a million things that they forget (everything from tweezers to a winter coat this year). I know it's petty but since we don't ask this person to contribute to anything during the visit, it irks me that they can't even handle their personal items or even let me know when they are on the way.

I sympathize. My severely ADHD, and autistic, son, can never tell us when he's leaving, when he's arriving, etc. Of course he's always late. It's a socio-communication issue Thankfully, despite his severe ADHD, he doesn't forget too many things and remembers how to use the washing machine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My MIL is what I call a pouncer. She hides in random seats downstairs and as soon as your foot hits the bottom step she scares the shit out of you with a “HELLO”. Then you get sucked into an hour long conversation about her long lost cousin before you can have a cup of coffee.

In addition, she doesn’t understand gender roles in 2025. “I need your help planning this trip”, “can you order me x”, “don’t worry about getting me anything for Xmas”…. I have repeatedly told her that her son can help her.

I would help plan the trip over the diagnose me conversation relatives keep trying to have!!! On repeat “sounds like you should see your doctor” goes in one ear and out the other. And no relative, no one in the house has ANY medical training or education! And it goes on and on and on….

I have lots of doctors in my family. So many ailments, past a certain age, cannot be effectively addressed: they are side effects of medication, or aches and pains from age and poorly-used bodies. Also, and more importantly, many elderly people just want to verbalize their issues, instead of having someone trouble-shoot them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My ILs sit in total silence. They speak to no one including their son and grandkids, unkess its answerin a question. Any and all socializing is torture for these people. I am indeed afraid that my kids have inherited this defect and as my husband ages he seems to be getting more like them.
My dad sits in blissful solitude because he "forgot" his hearing aids again.
My mom is telling my ILs various sob stories trying desperately to get a reaction or sympathy out of them. She will get nothing and end up tipsy on my deck, in tears, asking why I married into such a weird family.

They just want to be left alone! Why is your mother torturing them?! She can chit chat with someone else.

Introverted people like being at the fringes of the event, without engaging too much socially.

I would much rather have introverted people as guests than have people who cannot let a silence go unchallenged.