I hate my husbands trashbag family.

[Anonymous]

They sound bad. But why do you care if they understand Canada’s system of government or not? That was a weird complaint to lump in with their racism, stealing and drunk driving.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Woof I have in laws similar to what you described. We are divorcing now and let me say I’m so excited so not have to deal with them for the rest of my life AND their true colors are coming out during this divorce…even more so than they had. We married relatively young and I had no idea how much of an influence they would have on our marriage

Congrats on moving on! 🎉🎉

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe just accept the fact that the world has all different types of people and you can’t control what others think or do. Not everyone has to agree with you. People can have views you find abhorrent… you’re allowed to disagree. Even about *gasp* race.

So you're cool with thinking that blacks are an inferior race?

I’m not “cool” with it. I am just realistic enough to know it exists. You have to accept things you cannot control - accept doesn’t mean agree with or promote. But you do need to accept that people have a range of beliefs and opinions that do not align with your own and there’s nothing you can do about it.

The things you can control:

1. Whether you go to the family events or not
2. Whether you remain married

You also had the choice to not get married when you found out about said “trash bags”. But you decided to for one reason or another.

If you choose to do those things a certain way that are within your control, you have to accept the things you can’t control.

The idea that you must speak up in some performative way any time someone violates a modern code of ethics is so silly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe just accept the fact that the world has all different types of people and you can’t control what others think or do. Not everyone has to agree with you. People can have views you find abhorrent… you’re allowed to disagree. Even about *gasp* race.

So you're cool with thinking that blacks are an inferior race?

I’m not “cool” with it. I am just realistic enough to know it exists. You have to accept things you cannot control - accept doesn’t mean agree with or promote. But you do need to accept that people have a range of beliefs and opinions that do not align with your own and there’s nothing you can do about it.

The things you can control:

1. Whether you go to the family events or not
2. Whether you remain married

You also had the choice to not get married when you found out about said “trash bags”. But you decided to for one reason or another.

If you choose to do those things a certain way that are within your control, you have to accept the things you can’t control.

The idea that you must speak up in some performative way any time someone violates a modern code of ethics is so silly.

What I get from this is, if one of the redenecks says something about how the blacks are so stupid and criminal and the problem with America, you just put a pleasant smile on your face and nod.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe just accept the fact that the world has all different types of people and you can’t control what others think or do. Not everyone has to agree with you. People can have views you find abhorrent… you’re allowed to disagree. Even about *gasp* race.

So you're cool with thinking that blacks are an inferior race?

I’m not “cool” with it. I am just realistic enough to know it exists. You have to accept things you cannot control - accept doesn’t mean agree with or promote. But you do need to accept that people have a range of beliefs and opinions that do not align with your own and there’s nothing you can do about it.

The things you can control:

1. Whether you go to the family events or not
2. Whether you remain married

You also had the choice to not get married when you found out about said “trash bags”. But you decided to for one reason or another.

If you choose to do those things a certain way that are within your control, you have to accept the things you can’t control.

The idea that you must speak up in some performative way any time someone violates a modern code of ethics is so silly.

What I get from this is, if one of the redenecks says something about how the blacks are so stupid and criminal and the problem with America, you just put a pleasant smile on your face and nod.

You don’t have to nod. You just don’t have to go or if you do go, just don’t do anything. Words aren’t actually violence. You can ignore people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad how many people give up on their own family and choose divorce. There really is truth in the saying “Men sacrifice their happiness for their family, women sacrifice their family for their happiness.”

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that is the biggest load of bulls**t I have ever read.

You must be an incel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I need to get this off my chest. They all suck. DH's Dad died last year, and they were born of the "pick yourself up by the bootstrap" kind of conservatives and would say offensive, racially charged epithets that I will not repeat here. He was at my house once and made a racist joke with his Trump-loving brother-in-law, and I told them I do not tolerate any racist or offensive behavior in my home, and it made them feel uncomfortable around me ever since.

I married DH at 26, after meeting him at 24 and not spending much time with his family. I am now stuck with them for the rest of my life.

My BIL called my husband yesterday. He's a raging alcoholic and was drinking two beers on the road. He drank a six-pack before noon. My other BIL is also a drunk, heavy marijuana smoker, and gambled away 20K of my SIL's money that was meant to go to a home improvement project. My SIL is POA for my MIL, and she won't disclose to my husband about the state of my MIL's finances. I once saw MIL's bank statements after seeing charges for pizza joints, gas stations, and cash withdrawals (MIL does not like pizza or driving and lives in a nursing home), and I questioned their spending of finances. MIL's sister is getting involved to become POA, but everyone is hush-hush about it and afraid to confront SIL because she dissolves into a mess every time anyone questions her.

My SIL does not drive on the highway. My MIL/FIL never left the country, didn't have passports, and didn't read or watch the news. No one went to college. They believe Canada has a presidential system. I rarely see them, except on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and even then, it's brief and tight-lipped.

I'm just looking for commiseration if anyone else has terrible in-laws.

I would simply remove myself from them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad how many people give up on their own family and choose divorce. There really is truth in the saying “Men sacrifice their happiness for their family, women sacrifice their family for their happiness.”

I can't even make sense of this. Anyway, no one says this.

We moved on from my husband's trash bag family. Too much drama, cruelty and misbehavior. You can do it too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad how many people give up on their own family and choose divorce. There really is truth in the saying “Men sacrifice their happiness for their family, women sacrifice their family for their happiness.”

You're one of those guys who thinks there's no such thing as the mental load, aintcha?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad how many people give up on their own family and choose divorce. There really is truth in the saying “Men sacrifice their happiness for their family, women sacrifice their family for their happiness.”

You're one of those guys who thinks there's no such thing as the mental load, aintcha?

Happiness over family, amirite?

[Anonymous]

OP, I think you need to separate the classist issues from the criminal/moral ones.

Stealing from your elderly mother and driving drunk are just not ok.

Racist comments or sexual harassment also unacceptable.

Addiction issues are terrible and make relationships a problem. Though whether they are a moral failing is less clear.

Their ignorance and taste for fast food might be unlikable but it's hard to be convinced it is in the same boat. Conflating them will make you look like a snob.

I'd draw a firm line at condoning criminal or amoral behavior and try to minimize contact and others at things that aren't your thing.

Either way, you can't change people.

Most of my in laws aren't bad, so I will say that is really horrible and unpleasant to deal with. I hope you can stay away from as much as possible. DH has a part of the family that is truly awful to me, but happily also to him so we minimize contact. I would be miserable hanging out with them all the time.

How does your DH feel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe just accept the fact that the world has all different types of people and you can’t control what others think or do. Not everyone has to agree with you. People can have views you find abhorrent… you’re allowed to disagree. Even about *gasp* race.

So you're cool with thinking that blacks are an inferior race?

I’m not “cool” with it. I am just realistic enough to know it exists. You have to accept things you cannot control - accept doesn’t mean agree with or promote. But you do need to accept that people have a range of beliefs and opinions that do not align with your own and there’s nothing you can do about it.

The things you can control:

1. Whether you go to the family events or not
2. Whether you remain married

You also had the choice to not get married when you found out about said “trash bags”. But you decided to for one reason or another.

If you choose to do those things a certain way that are within your control, you have to accept the things you can’t control.

The idea that you must speak up in some performative way any time someone violates a modern code of ethics is so silly.

How does it feel to live your life being a p*ssy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad how many people give up on their own family and choose divorce. There really is truth in the saying “Men sacrifice their happiness for their family, women sacrifice their family for their happiness.”

Not an old saying. No one says this.

lol. I’ve literally never ever ever heard this saying. NEVER.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s sad how many people give up on their own family and choose divorce. There really is truth in the saying “Men sacrifice their happiness for their family, women sacrifice their family for their happiness.”

Not an old saying. No one says this.

lol. I’ve literally never ever ever heard this saying. NEVER.

Self-pitying guys at the club, getting drunk after golf and saying their wives don't know how long it takes to play a round so why hurry home.

[Anonymous]

Did you not know this prior to marriage?